Zero Punctuation: The Orange Box

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Oh I'm so going for the gnome achievement.

And yes, Portal is probably the most satisfying gaming experience I've had all year, despite it's length. I might just declare that game alone as game of the year.

However, Tribute just seems to be a bit of an odd choice for the ending theme...unless there's some joke I missed.

To the guy who written out the transcript.

Do you have a life?

If so please tell me what you do in your average day cause it'll will make a nice page turner.

I've watched everything that you have to offer yatzee and i can honestly say that i'm not....not impressed. See how i did the double negative there? very crafty huh?

your video's are the entire reason that i wake up on Wednesday morning giddy as a schoolgirl. keep them coming and the escapist has to pay you more, right?

Dry Ice:
Man u FTW.

Quoted for truth. UNI-TED!

Brilliant. And if any deaf person claims they can't understand him THIS TIME, I'll LOL to your face this time!

Nicely done once again :)

Absolutely sublime from start to finish.
Waiting till I get my new computer to get the orange box, but I cant imagine not liking it after that review.

Merlynn:
I'm currently marching through Half-Life 2 and being the glutton for punishment I am, I put it on the highest difficulty setting availible. I've double checked several times. In fact,I'd say I've dozen checked it by now. It's on the highest and it's a walk in the park. I've gotten up to the airboat part and I haven't been challenged in the slightest yet. In fact,the hardest part of the game was going back to retrieve more ammo from the guys I just killed. They all just stand there like jackasses and shoot at me while I get them a lead lobotomy. I honestly don't see the super smarty AI Half-Life is famous for and never have.
These chumps are no where near the challenge I've encountered in Serious Sam 2 and frankly,I don't think SS2 is all that hard. It's getting embaressing,really. Hard should be for people who like to murder everything in their way and there should not only be more enemies,but the enemies should aim better and move a little faster. It's to the point where if it doesn't have a gun,I just beat it to death with the crowbar. If it has a gun,I head shot it with a pistol or whatever gun is most plentiful there. It's just incredibly easy. I think the original was tougher than this if only because the soldiers in that game knew their machine guns had full auto which actually made them somewhat dangerous.

Well,I've gone on about it enough. I have stuff to do,then I'm gonna trudge through Half-Life 2 some more and hope something pops up to challenge me. I've already talked some about how I'd change TF2 and may get around to doing more of that later.

Seriously I don't ever recall anyone ever saying or claiming that HL2 had fantastically challenging AI at all, you might be getting confused with the original half-life game, which certainly was innovative at the time (prior to then pretty much all AI just rushed at you in a suicidal frenzy Doom style), and made the industry reappraise the idea of AI across the board. What makes HL2 a great game is more to do with it's exceptionally well crafted level design, mix of game play styles and overall storyline. Yes it is an FPS game, but it's distinctly different beast from UT style FPS games. Your desire for FPS challenge is misplaced if you think you'll find it in HL2. However the Air boat section is only about 2 - 3 chapters in so I wouldn't give up quite yet.

As for changing TF2..there is nothing to change, once you've put enough time into it you'll soon realise it's by far and away the most evenly balanced Team based MP FPS experience you will find currently out there. 10 years of constant iteration and polish, there is literally nothing to match it.

Brilliant! As always, thoroughly entertaining and funny.

Oh yeah, Man Utd > Liverpool.

Yahtzee's rules of comedy
#118: If you can't insult the game, insult the morons who don't like the game.

Marvelous. Keep 'em coming!

Dude, please stop doing these reviews, I am fast running out of ribs!

Between this and Heroes on the Beeb, Wednesdays have become a brighter place! :p

enter teh zippy 1cent zone

HL2:cant help but feel its short and blander than it should be look at the level design for HL1 and tell me HL2 has as well built zones, the gimmick gun is so so they seemed to have masturbated them selfs on it a too much(I can pick up objects yet cant knock gards/zombies back or make them fall or even toss them around for no damage), the weapons felt nerfed and the vechile levels were kinda laughable, kind reminds me of prey in a way altho prey didn't have a god awful ending level, still HL2 has one of the best story's for a FPS and on normal it dosent fell so nerfed, now adays it seems you play a game on hard the weapons become pee shooters and the balances go to pot,you put it on hard it should remain fun, keeping head shots nearly lethal buy adding more def to the body,also all damage to you is up 50ish % you know make the game hard but fun not on a slider that shows the games balance issues more clearly.

HL2 eps:30 bucks for 12-18 hours worth of game, not bad of coarse this is how normal games should be already (think about it 20 hours of SP content on 40-50$ games)....over all it still feels like HL2 no real improvement on much of anything.

TF2:it reminds me of when Doom 3 came out limited MP choices and all, however unlike doom 3 it dose not suck all they have to do now is make a whole game out of it and offer a old TF game type so pleple can kill things out side a group.

Portal:best mini FPS game made yet,even trumps some 50$ monstrosities!

Steam:this is where everythign falls apart for me steam dose not like you selling games, they like to sit beside you and monitor what you are doing in the name of statistical gathering, and some of their retail boxed games can not be played offline because they have not polished steam to be net free, I hate online activation and refuse to spend more than 20$ on something hat has it I broke that rule for bioshock and so far I wish I did not, however unlike the 5 token install Secruom BS Steam will let you install it any time as long as you log in, I had steam on dailup when HL2 was launched I had steam on DSL a couple years ago, when they effect a better offline mode I will buy in until then I do not trust them and I am better off not letting big brother grope me while I play a game.

For me to trust steam I want to be able to install a game logion to it have it verify it then go away, total shut down of teh steam BS,when you run a game maybe a update ticker will alert you of needed updates but nothign more, and yes I know steam has a offline mode however it is still buggy.

BTW the orange box is a must for any FPS, when it gets fully cracked by the community I will pick up a a box, now adays I make sure any game I buy is fully playable without the draconian crap they place on it.

The video loaded 1/4 of the way then stopped. I refreshed and now it won't load at all. Sadness is becoming me.

dv8withn8:
The video loaded 1/4 of the way then stopped. I refreshed and now it won't load at all. Sadness is becoming me.

clear your cache and try again.

Stomp224:
Between this and Heroes on the Beeb, Wednesdays have become a brighter place! :p

That's the second time someone said this... In what sad, sad part of the world do you have to wait until WEDNESDAY to see Heroes??

Dry Ice:
To the guy who written out the transcript.

Do you have a life?

If so please tell me what you do in your average day cause it'll will make a nice page turner.

Every once in a while, a man gets bored. Really bored. And he does something mad. It was the challenge, I tell you!

Actually, it was probably procrastination in high gear...

I love how Yahtzee is possibly the only person who can love something and still sound hacked off.

I've been thinking about picking up the Orange Box for a few days now, I think this just sealed it.

ZippyDSMlee:

dv8withn8:
The video loaded 1/4 of the way then stopped. I refreshed and now it won't load at all. Sadness is becoming me.

clear your cache and try again.

No luck, only loads the first 1:01 and then ceases loading. Curse you internets!

I wasn't surprised at all that Yahtzee loved the hell out of Portal. I'd basically been thinking about it all the way through playing it, that 1) there's no way Escapist could live down not having a ZP review of Orange Box with a quickness, and 2) there's no way Mr. Limey Old-Schooler Adventure-Loving Pissbag is going to find anything to be pissed off about, at least not with the puzzle game with writing by Erik and Chet from Old Man Murray.

And if that doesn't show how pervasive this series has been to my thinking about games and the consumer culture around them (or lack thereof but for a few dark corners of insight,) I don't know what else I could say.

Zippy...it gets a bit hard to read your posts when you throw grammar, spelling, and all structure practices of the english language to hell.

I ... i ... . just love you in every way. And here i was thinking that one could do the ZeroPunctiation concept only so long without getting motonous. I cant believe ive ever doubted you. Theres just so much right in this video it shouldnt physically be possible to be just about four and a half minutes. Even the ending theme is a perfect match!

Valve should just put this on the steam frontpage. Im feeling compelled to buy the thing, and i already own it! Its surprising how many games try to tell an epic storyarc spanning endlessly, when short stories like Portal are much more compelling. Its true, Portal really gives you blowjobs and puddi-, eh, cake!

Is there anyway to download these videos and save them on my PC? I'm sure this has been asked a million times before.

I used to download the videos off YouTube, but that has stopped and the last episode I got was Tomb Raider Anniversary Review.

I love watching these videos over and over again, but having to come to the site to watch them is a bit painful.

So anywawy to download the videos for offline viewing? Maybe special download video manager? I know I'll probably be flamed for this.

nuyork:
Is there anyway to download these videos and save them on my PC?

No obvious way. This is why Escapist is using the service it has, to keep you from easily doing so and ripping off content they paid for. :)

nuyork:
I love watching these videos over and over again, but having to come to the site to watch them is a bit painful.

Painful? Let's not be dramatic.

We're glad you like the videos, and are happy to provide them for your enjoyment free of charge. All we ask is that you watch them here so that we can earn some money through ad revenue and continue paying for their production. I don't think we're being unreasonable on that score.

I don't know who keeps telling you that being nice to a game is bad, I was beginning to think you hated your job or something.

also: funny etc

by god, you are a genius. is there any way to get an e-mail notification when a new zero punctuation episode is posted? this site doesnt quite warrant a bookmark for a feature posted once a week.

Katana314:
Zippy...it gets a bit hard to read your posts when you throw grammar, spelling, and all structure practices of the english language to hell.

I am learning disabled even when I proof read something 4 times it still is going to come out like sht, suffice to say HL2 is slightly nerfy and bland,the eps are 6-10 hours a pop if only "real" games were 5 hours for every 10$ you spent on it,TF 2 is not as fun as TF 1 add in more maps and add in a TF1 balancing setup so people can have fun,Portal rules and steams naziistic online mode that still has issues "letting go" along with the big brother monitoring it dose I shall pass until they have a solid offline mode that only requires you to activate it, the steam software then rarely comes on if ever, if not thats fine I'll wait till their games are fully cracked and made to work without steam before I will buy them new at 40% off retail..

dv8withn8:

ZippyDSMlee:

dv8withn8:
The video loaded 1/4 of the way then stopped. I refreshed and now it won't load at all. Sadness is becoming me.

clear your cache and try again.

No luck, only loads the first 1:01 and then ceases loading. Curse you internets!

get download helper for firefox and rip the beeling vid from the site, I have to do that now and then all these 3rd party players just do not work right half the time.

Russ Pitts:

nuyork:
I love watching these videos over and over again, but having to come to the site to watch them is a bit painful.

Painful? Let's not be dramatic.

We're glad you like the videos, and are happy to provide them for your enjoyment free of charge. All we ask is that you watch them here so that we can earn some money through ad revenue and continue paying for their production. I don't think we're being unreasonable on that score.

Keep refining the site add in more user options get a notify system for comments make this a great place to read and gab and it wont be such a pain ^_~

Give me a break! He runs down all the reasons HL:E2 sucks (short, took too long to deliver, doesn't tell any real story, linear, repetitive, boring) and then says it's amazing? Talk about biased. After I killed my 1000th green bug I was done. And the story is so clunky - you can't open this door, but you can get in through the roof! You can't get out through the door, but you can get out through this convenient floor hole! Now the door is open!!!!

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

I just registered, and let me tell you Yahtzee: All your reviews have been great. I'm really happy you reviewed The Orange Box favorably, and yet you managed to get all of the critique absolutely right. Ep. 3 should be very different though, since it's going to be set (SPOILERWARNING??MAYBE??YEAHPROBABLY!MAYBE.) in a ship in the arctic.

Jon Coulton=da best.

Merlynn: Play this mod, it's a HL single player mod, better then Episode 1 in my opinion. Definitely more difficult on hard then HL. Great plot and such. (Needs ep 1 to run)
http://www.hylobatidae.org/minerva/phosphenes.shtml It's name is Minerva: Metastasis. Metastasis being the chapter, there'll be more.

My god, another brilliant review! And you can tell it goes against every fiber of his being to genuinely love a game; even when he's praising portal he sounds disgusted, lol.

Apologize for the double post, but...

newage_lightbulb:

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Did you just bash the motion picture of the year award winning movie, Crash?! That was an astouding film. You've just confirmed your own ignorance and incompetence. Go play Gears and continue rolling in your own filth.

newage_lightbulb

all in all the orange box is a 8 (halow 3 6,bioshrock a 7)

HL2:good for its time but not great.
Hl2 eps:lack of refinement and polish on HL2 leading to maybe a extra 8-15 hours on the same game.

TF2:limited OOTB(out of the box) and slightly nerfed but has great potential.

Portal:great for what it is a mini game.

if steam didnt rob it 5 points I might try and get myself a copy.

splitsticks
hes got a point the slightly above average stuff being passed off and or received as the next best thing is a problem.

newage_lightbulb:
Give me a break! He runs down all the reasons HL:E2 sucks (short, took too long to deliver, doesn't tell any real story, linear, repetitive, boring) and then says it's amazing? Talk about biased. After I killed my 1000th green bug I was done. And the story is so clunky - you can't open this door, but you can get in through the roof! You can't get out through the door, but you can get out through this convenient floor hole! Now the door is open!!!!

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Every game will have reasons that it's not perfect. That's why everyone says 10/10 scores are retarded.

I love how you base the story on doors. It's called game design; it's why you can take 15 bullets and stand, or hold a gravity gun that never runs out of power. Compare the performance of Merle Dandbridge (Alyx) to almost any other virtual actor, and I bet 99 times out of 100, Alyx will come on top.

Portal was a bit easy, especially since we all saw videos of solutions before it came out. But I'm betting you haven't done the Advanced or bonus versions of rooms. That's when the game gets tackled by speedrunners and total freaking pros.

I'm a bit surprised you didn't like the humor; so far everyone I know has loved the credits song, and some lines are just unforgettable.
"You think you're doing some damage? 2 + 2 is.............10.

IN BASE 4.
I'M FINE."

If the Valve fans are so stupid, how do they know what Base is, and why the joke is funny?

newage_lightbulb:
Give me a break! He runs down all the reasons HL:E2 sucks (short, took too long to deliver, doesn't tell any real story, linear, repetitive, boring) and then says it's amazing? Talk about biased. After I killed my 1000th green bug I was done. And the story is so clunky - you can't open this door, but you can get in through the roof! You can't get out through the door, but you can get out through this convenient floor hole! Now the door is open!!!!

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Dear Ken Levine,

Yahtzee liked BioShock too.

Regards,

- UnSub

newage_lightbulb ill-advisedly wrote:
And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

A wiser man said:
Portal's great, and if you don't think so you must be stupid.

newage_lightbulb is an excellent test subject.

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