Zero Punctuation: The Orange Box

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT
 

UnSub:

newage_lightbulb:
Give me a break! He runs down all the reasons HL:E2 sucks (short, took too long to deliver, doesn't tell any real story, linear, repetitive, boring) and then says it's amazing? Talk about biased. After I killed my 1000th green bug I was done. And the story is so clunky - you can't open this door, but you can get in through the roof! You can't get out through the door, but you can get out through this convenient floor hole! Now the door is open!!!!

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Dear Ken Levine,

Yahtzee liked BioShock too.

Regards,

- UnSub

great? no..passable barely maybe kinda yes....

its late and I can't drown otu the vocies, I guess he liked it but he cosntanly mentions the watering down of it, I gues I like it as well but its hell weak compared to the true potential it could have had...Dark messiah is still the last most innovative FPS RPG....

One thing I don't agree with - otherwise - dead on as usual...

TF2 - the roles... Well the spy is kinda the guy that usually dies first. :) I mean - dressing up as the oposing team is cool but since there is no friendly fire in this game - a control shot to the head of every teammate seems to handle this guy pretty well.

Flamethrower - also messed up a bit - the range is pretty bad on him...

Otherwise - Portal forever! I think the collection of maps for this is going to get really damn impressive over time!

Great review as usual, I really look forward to these on Wednesday afternoons now.

@kanetsb

The spy is very powerful in the right hands, I've played games where the spy has been right up the top of the scoreboard. The pyro is very powerful as well: if you can get up close you can easily take on 2-3 enemy and win.

I think that's the point of TF2, each class has strengths and weaknesses and you have to learn to play to them.

Yahtzee you charasmatic bastard! You're the last person I expected to convince me to buy this package!!! (I was boycotting on account of paying for 2 games I already own)

overrated, predictable, repetitious/10

kanetsb:
TF2 - the roles... Well the spy is kinda the guy that usually dies first. :) I mean - dressing up as the oposing team is cool but since there is no friendly fire in this game - a control shot to the head of every teammate seems to handle this guy pretty well.

Use the cloak effect to get behind the opposition, then uncloak discretely to mingle. Also note you can plant saps whilst cloaked, so a typical tactic is to cloak, plant saps on a turret then whilst the turret is disabled and the engineer occupied removing, them uncloak and backstab him, then recloak, redisguise, uncloak and go about your day. Easier to type than to achieve, but a tried and tested tactic.

Also for all the detractors of either HL2/EP2, Portal or TF2 any chance you can actually outline what games are better out there and why. It's all very well going 'this sucks!!!' but it's not particularly informative.

Do you ever feel like you are on the top of the world when you read these posts Yahtzee? Great review, yet again.

Portal is indeed made of epic win.

omfg best review ever :D

I don't get some of the classes. I kind of think the pyro is weak and will usually die soon after his first kill. Other people say he's completely overpowered. Some people think the demoman is defenseless. I get major killing sprees with him. Snipers are supposed to be wicked good against heavys...I get so much recoil from getting hit, I can't line up my shot.

I have to second NinjaPengui, man this is always full of laughts. I have to remember to come back here each week.

-Great songs
-Great animations
-Great plugs

And a big cheer to wmcduff for doing the painstakingly accurate transcript.

good stuff as usual. Now I wish he would review something i have actually played...

newage_lightbulb:
Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid.

image

In case there's any doubt, this is unacceptable.

I'm not so sure newage_lightbulb has a leg to stand on considering he tries to defend terrible movies like Transformers and plays the part of the "oppressed straight white male" on internet forums.

It's true, portal really is the greatest thing that has ever happened to my PC. I have never cracked up so damn much while playing a videogame. Seriously. (John Coulton FTW)

Zera:
good stuff as usual. Now I wish he would review something i have actually played...

That'll teach you to avoid the good stuff!

I take it no one else knows the significance of Tribute being the closing song, either.

tiw:
I'm not so sure newage_lightbulb has a leg to stand on considering he tries to defend terrible movies like Transformers and plays the part of the "oppressed straight white male" on internet forums.

Ya a poor teen adventure where the robot stars play 2nd fiddle to the dumb fleshy cast is never a good thing....

I tried hard to give it a chance.....I watched it twice at home that frist week...and like many films its been gutted and remade for the 12-2X sect of sheeple to sell twice too and not...anyone with a brain.....

Its rather disrtubing when a fun and simple comic flick like Hellboy is dissed and posh trash like Xmen or blade or what not is drooled over.....*sigh*

Hellboy was indeed fun, I just thought it felt a little meatless overall. But then, without an entire arc, all comic books, and many times their movies, feel a little lacking.

Crash was indeed awesome and certainly a step up from current Hollywood. Transformers was good as a popcorn movie, if you sit there and let it entertain you without worrying why the SecDef doesn't actually seem to know what a shortwave radio is or how it works, then it's all right.

I get the distinct feeling that lightbulb didn't play all the way, or any of the way for that matter, through puzzle nineteen. Before that, yes the puzzles were pretty easy and the humor, while funny, didn't really have any gravitas to it. Post that, well it really is awesome. Of course there are probably much harder puzzle games out there, in fact I know there are being an Interactive Fiction player, and better story lines, none of this changes the fact that Portal is fun, has a good storyline that is exactly what it's meant to be, a short side story, and the puzzles are engaging while still allowing some of us who aren't rubix cube experts to get through the whole story. I've also heard the advanced mode is all that and a bag of chips in terms of puzzle complexity, but haven't really tried them.

Hellboy was indeed fun, I just thought it felt a little meatless overall. But then, without an entire arc, all comic books, and many times their movies, feel a little lacking.

That movie actually made me feel horrible for not having read the comics first. I'm slowly collecting the graphic novels (and by slowly I mean I've only had one for months now...). I don't know if it's the style of the story or what, but for some reason Hellboy is one of my favorite movies. Maybe it's not so much in the plot as much as it is the character.

I'm actually looking forward to the game being made based on Hellboy. Ron Perlman I believe even plans on doing the voice acting.

...yeah, that was a bit pointless, but...yeah...

I have watched this since your first review (and the one on youtube), and this is the straw that made me create an account. I just needed to express my thanks for being the best reviewer... ever. thanks.

Hellboy is how they should do a comic flick swagger and fun drop the seedy posh and trendiness get to the core of the world the fiction and the charatcers, hell Punisher(04) is better than most of the most recent marvel flicks Ghost rider and emo spidy 3 are a joke I am afraid to see sliver suffer...at least the next batman and super man wont be as bad....

newage_lightbulb:
Give me a break! He runs down all the reasons HL:E2 sucks (short, took too long to deliver, doesn't tell any real story, linear, repetitive, boring) and then says it's amazing? Talk about biased. After I killed my 1000th green bug I was done. And the story is so clunky - you can't open this door, but you can get in through the roof! You can't get out through the door, but you can get out through this convenient floor hole! Now the door is open!!!!

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Gtfo. Get off my internets! No seriously though we're rubber and you're glue. Boing fwip!

About Portal, if you didn't find it challenging play the advanced/challenge maps. I thought the single player was easy myself. Also, I don't see how you didn't like the humor, maybe you have a defective humorchip? You ROBOT!!! You much have no emotion, I cried when I had to kill my only friend, companion cube. :(

As for Ep 2, there were only 333 green bugs, and you didn't have to kill them all, only if you want an achievement. How can you criticize a game like Half Life 2 without playing the whole thing?? You didn't even see the G-Man scene! And the word for what you're describing is linear. HL2 games in general make you go in a line, with some exceptions. Deal with it.

Sorry if that was a rambling response, but yeah: get of my INTERNETS!!

Great work. Thanks for the transcript.

When I meet gamers, people like the Half-Life series, but they don't *really* understand how great it really is. Now I know I am not alone. Those folks at Valve put EA to shame.

What an excellent review. Every review that puts us farther away from Peggle is a good review.

You the man, Yahtzee.

Vitalix:
Great work. Thanks for the transcript.

When I meet gamers, people like the Half-Life series, but they don't *really* understand how great it really is. Now I know I am not alone. Those folks at Valve put EA to shame.

What an excellent review. Every review that puts us farther away from Peggle is a good review.

You the man, Yahtzee.

Ironic that EA publishes for Valve.

Definitely a funny "review" although as a Half-Life fan, I was disappointed that it was too positive. The whole reason I watch zero punctuation is to listen to my favourite games get humourously slated whether I agree with the criticism or not.

Yes you can say the game is good (and I agree it is very good) but the lack of criticism after HL2:E2 did leave me "short changed" in a way.

Katana314:

Ironic that EA publishes for Valve.

Nice to know that I'm not the only one aware of this.

Valve have set up a deal that ensures they (and the developer) get more of the cut from the sale than someone else normally would with EA, but yeah, it's still gallons of irony.

Yeah, portal was awfully short but a lot of Fun.

Ok,I'm up to freeing Eli from the Combine's prison thing. It's getting more interesting,but nothing too challenging. Most challenging thing was if you got out of the buggy on bug beach. I enjoyed it cause it was like fighting in a Zergling infested beach. :p

Also,I hate Alyx. She just pisses me off. I also hate you have no control over the NPC humans. How hard is to code a "stay here and quit knocking over my turrets!" command? And was it really a good idea to leave her dad off the "don't kill" list when she reprogrammed the turrets? His bullet riddled corpse says no. That's right,kids,if you have your turrets with you when you bring dear old dad to the teleporter and there's a turret set up? It'll shoot him. To death. And then the whole plot stops and you're stuck. Really should fix that.

On the whole,I'm still not challenged so I ended up working on being "untouchable". Basically running each section without taking damage at all. On hard. It's at least added enough challenge to it I don't get bored with the combat. And to answer the question of why the Combine hasn't caught Freemen yet,well,I'd have to say it might help if removing their brains wasn't part of the soldiering up process. :p

SaraPh:

Crash was indeed awesome and certainly a step up from current Hollywood. Transformers was good as a popcorn movie, if you sit there and let it entertain you without worrying why the SecDef doesn't actually seem to know what a shortwave radio is or how it works, then it's all right.

Crash was a pathetic excuse for a movie, if that's the best hollywood can come up with these days ( meaning let's curse and point at superficial racial issues constantly and pretend they're shocking ) then it only inforces the fact mainstream movies suck these days.

Bad movies aside, thanks for the review again escapist. I've googled hl2 review, the headlines on ign and several other sites containing the words "awesome, epic and 9/10" I quickly turned to you guys as usual for a more realistic review. I'm sad to hear TF2 only has 3 maps, all with a mining theme. Stuff like that you often don't see in reviews. I will problably buy ep2 anyway because I'd like to see what happens to the story. Yet I know I'll regret it the moment I finish it, when expecting the same puzzles, liniear gameplay and shitty combine infantry AI.

My question, should I wait a bit knowing this or do portal and tf2 justify my purchase? Ep1 was a ripoff pricewise for the content it provided, I'm done giving valve money over and over for overly hyped games now.

There's actually 6 maps with TF2, not 3 but they all stick one of the themes Yahtzee mentions.

i love yahtzee's reviews... but i simply think that in his desire to praise a 'thinking man's shooter' -and thus prove he is himself a thinking man- he overlooked many of the massive flaws in the orange box.

the first 3 games in the compilation are old... really old, and while i admit to being stunned by half life 2 3 years ago, it was a bore for me this time around... the hyper linear gameplay which was once forgiven in half life 2 years later is so incredibly annoying and obvious that it makes bioshock look like a free roaming game.

where bioshock stuffs the player in an leaking underwater tomb where the player has a good explanation for the boundaries of the world in which they exist, half life ep 2 takes place in the middle of a massive forest, which immediately makes the player wonder why they hell they can't walk off into the hills and do whatever the fuck they want.

If you pick an open setting like the wilderness, you'd better let the player navigate it like a free roaming wilderness, if not, just keep the player stuck in a mine shaft for hours on end, which hl ep 2 does quite frequently.

the second the player is exposed to a massive environment which they are artificially banned from exploring, it immediately destroys the immersion the developers were trying to foster, and it only makes the poor graphics and redundant puzzles more tedious.

the only notable editions that episode 1 and 2 bring to the half-life cannon are teamwork with alex and the mini striders, which weren't memorable enough to remember their names, unlike say, the brumak in gears of war which you didn't even get to fight...

or better yet, unlike the striders, which astounded me in half life 2.

Alex can't die. she's invulnerable, and the plot continues the trend of 'alex will not die, ever'. it's obvious that she's valve's baby, and immersion is again destroyed when alex refuses to die even after being attacked by 20 enemies at once.

it's nearly impossible to become attached to alex despite her stupid jokes and well choreographed animations because she can't ever be killed.

episode 1 and 2 are boring disappointments, i'd much rather be playing half life 3 than a couple of stale expansions to half life 2, which was once a mind blowing game - 3 years ago.

Team fortress 2 is very pretty, sporting a pixar-esque art style that really makes it feel unique, but didn't hold me very long... again, i found myself being dragged back to counterstrike source...

you may notice a reoccurring theme here... it's that the source engine is old and stale, and half life 2, packaged with hl2 deathmatch and cs:source are better than the orange box's compilation in every single imaginable way. what was once invigorating has become stale, with one exception.

Portal. portal is about 3 hours long if you want to complete the bonus maps, but the amazing feeling of being able to manipulate space and solid objects is incredibly invigorating...

like half life 2's gravity gun, the portal gun is the biggest innovation of the orange box...

The disembodied, homicidal Voice that condescendingly guides the player is fantastic...

I'd give the orange box 8/10... playing through episodes 1 and 2 was a bore, and tf2 was more fun to look at than play... so really i'm paying 50$ (on pc) for a 3 hour long game of portals...

Katana314:

Vitalix:
Great work. Thanks for the transcript.

When I meet gamers, people like the Half-Life series, but they don't *really* understand how great it really is. Now I know I am not alone. Those folks at Valve put EA to shame.

What an excellent review. Every review that puts us farther away from Peggle is a good review.

You the man, Yahtzee.

Ironic that EA publishes for Valve.

I think EA, only publishes the PS3 edition.

again, i found myself being dragged back to counterstrike source...

you may notice a reoccurring theme here... it's that the source engine is old and stale

Wait, so you say the source engine is stale yet you go back to a game which runs on said stale engine?

Scypemonk:
I think EA, only publishes the PS3 edition.

No, they publish all versions, but Valve retains IP ownership. EA is brokering a third party to do the PS3 port. Valve handled the PC and 360 versions themselves.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Your account does not have posting rights. If you feel this is in error, please contact an administrator. (ID# 64770)