Zero Punctuation: Super Paper Mario

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When I saw "Super Paper Mario" under the Zero Punctuation header, my heart nearly stopped. It was like I'd just noticed that my favorite dog was about to be run over by a cement mixer and there was nothing I could do about it.

Completely valid points as usual, and extremely funny as always, Yahtzee! And I'm glad you didn't completely hate the game.

No one caught this obvious mistake? It was Metroid Prime 2 that had the dark world thing, not 3. Also I think Zelda: ALttP had it, though I haven't played that. (For shame! :()

Good review btw.

I didn't find this review as amusing as past ones, no idea why. But its probably just me, the fact that I've played it and it matched your review almost exactly (except the hamster wheel part with the shortcut). I guess I wasn't surprised is all.

Good review nontheless!

Edit: Senator - I did catch that mistake also ^_^

SenatorPalpatine:
No one caught this obvious mistake? It was Metroid Prime 2 that had the dark world thing, not 3. Also I think Zelda: ALttP had it, though I haven't played that. (For shame! :()

Good review btw.

I think it was more that Nintendo as a production company in general really likes stroking itself off to 'dark worlds' in games rather than those in particular have done it.

Dullness and Slog would be a good name for a band, or at the very least a cheesy supervillain team.

Doesn't like turn-based games?

I... understand that such a thing is possible, but for the life of me, I can't understand how.

Yahtzee... you are a god amongst men.

Your description of modern JRPGs was pitch perfect. Since the loathsomely over-rated FF7, all mainstream JPRGs have to provide mind-blowing cinematics, thunderingly self-important storylines in the stark anime-vein, and flashy gameplay gimmicks in order to match the ante, rather than, say, make a good game.

The result is every game, as you say, feeling like typical anime tripe that gets rudely interrupted every so often for some button-pressing and shit-eating. Some require a bit more button-pressing (FFX, Legend of Dragoon), some more shit-eating (FFXII, Wild ARMS 3), but all have their priorities: provide wank material en masse to the otakus. I still can't believe it when I find myself arguing with fans of the genre on how it's perfectly natural to have gameplay place third to graphics and story in a JRPG.

The original Paper Mario was, to me, the first JRPG is a while that was just allowed to be. Once of it was enough for me though.

Actually,the smartest thing is to have a controller with turbo fire and a small C-clamp.

People talk about Jrpg's as if shooters are better (They are in fact far worse.) you have the same guns, the same movement mechanics, and no story....The story is the last thing to actually save game types where you will end up with the same overall gameplay (Which is of course ALL of them.) it makes you at least want to keep playing the game to see what happens next.

Funny review as always Yatzhee.

Yatzhee, your cold, cruel exterior is betrayed by your reference to The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show. You're probably listening to a bootleg MP3 of the theme song right now. I know I am.

Fun review as always but "sellout because he's popular" always irks me. It just sounds like "Don't make stuff that's popular with the majority, make stuff that's good in MY book and who cares if the former tends to make more money than the latter" which sounds downright narcissistic. I mean, I have uncommon tastes in a lot of areas but I actually acknowledge that it means I have to do a little extra searching to find things that appeal to them. Nobody said being in the minority was going to be easy.

Turn based combat, now that's another thing. RPG's are based of the old pen and paper RPG's which is why turn based combat is part of them. But what other choices are there? Active time has an irritating tendency to turn all fights into slugfests devoid of the need for any kind of thought or strategy and "press attack repeadedly until enemy is dead" makes the game an action-RPG at the very most so what's left for straight RPG's then? Personally I liked the way Paper Mario's turn based combat looked so simplistic and yet still found ways to make you have to sit down and think for a minute for many fights.

The Tingler:

TendoAddict:
Your not really supposed go for the whole million on that thing. I would think most people would get that you are not supposed to go the boring way. A 30 minute time sink in a Nintendo game? I know they've had pretty cheesy gimmicks but I don't think they would go that far. Though I admire your quick way to solve the problem. You really only need 10,100 total to afford the correct route which takes no time at all.

Actually there are two moments - the hamster wheel bit, even for the minimum amount needed, is incredibly boring, and of course TWO visits to the Big White World where there is absolutely nothing of interest (literally - it's just one big black line on a white background) and you have to hold 'right' for frickin' ages until you find something of interest. Like the game.

The wheel part is supposed to be boring. It promotes exploring, which is what you should do. Getting 10,00 from the wheel doesn't take a half an hour, I'd say 4 minutes. As for the destroyed world, the walk isn't that bad either, once again about four minutes tops. So there is less then 15 minutes of real time wasters. Ive played games where there's 30 minutes of pointless plot/gaming. I think this is manageable.

LOL

I love RPGs and Turn based RPGs, however Jrpgs for the last I dunno 8ish years have been utter crap, fun in tweaking skills and equipment is pretty much dead you get a ton of generic crap that only passingly works well with other other and they just work well enough for you to grind for hours on end.

Give me the skill and or equipment systems from FF2 and 6 or 9 and we have a game anything else is MMOtastic gameplay wise.

Dont knock FF7 to badly while the individual characters are generic battle wise the rest of the game works, FF8 its like the staff starting to date Jrock members who then crossed dressed with them and had lots of drugs and sex(nothing against cross dressers,drug users,jrock or sex...just the retards at square), FF9 was a godsend and the last true FF game,X was weak and 12 returns to the drug dens because as far as I can tell its fcking broken,even the class system on the international version dose not help it any..... dont get me wrong 12 has a story thats ebtter than 8,9,X and even 7 the level design is good the live action battle system is ok but the equipment is bland and the skill system broken....

If he hates Turn based so much he should be forced to play Sudeki LOL
I'll take a solid Turn based other any half assed hybred system they cooked up over night....

FF12's "live action" system is not so bad I would like more pause and command options, there is simply to much going on, if I could control the party more as a party and indevendauls (launch well timed surprised attacks and such,sneak attacks with members scattered out) it would be a revolutionary system, as it is its a RTS hybred.

I think JRPG devs much like other devs have stopped putting polish into the details of the games that or "balance" it so much its simply not fun, even DQ8 is to grindy for my tastes theres simply not enough weapons and equipment to keep me intrested....

Another great review, Yahtzee, I loved the Portal reference.

Mr. Yahtzee is gonna be so mad when he realizes there was another way..

I really like Fire Emblem games.

Oh my g--...Yahtzee, you didn't. I don't mean the review; that was fantastic as always, but... you actually /earned/ the 1 million rubees?!

Don't you know you're not supposed to do that? You're supposed to say "to hell with this", take your new pixel you find there, explore, and find a vault containing the 1 million rubees you need!

I am shocked. No one in their right mind would do that much work in a game. This is the only review I can't memorize and repeat to myself endlessly at work because I can't get over what you did. I don't mean to troll by saying that, but really man! You need to play more Monkey Island and Day of the Tentacle to get your mind in gear for these things. Mario's RPGs are essentially the "Final Fallacy" series the way they parody RPGs in various ways, so you gotta be ready for that inevitable sucker punch.

TendoAddict:

For one on the hamster wheel level, I'd hate to say it, but you really kinda flopped the level. Your not really supposed go for the whole million on that thing. I would think most people would get that you are not supposed to go the boring way. A 30 minute time sink in a Nintendo game? I know they've had pretty cheesy gimmicks but I don't think they would go that far. Though I admire your quick way to solve the problem. You really only need 10,100 total to afford the correct route which takes no time at all (not going to say how to do it but it seemed pretty easy to find if you search around). So the whole joke seems kind of empty. (and I feel bad that you waited that long XD)

Actually, getting that 10,000 did not take no time at all. It took a quarter of an hour of running in the hamster wheel, just like he says so in his review.

I love how Yahtzee makes a review about Paper Mario, and the comments are filled with "He doesn't like JRPGs? He doesn't like turn-based games? MADNESS!".

Another great review.

regged to post this
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MILLION DOLLA HOLLA @ YCS

Actually Yahtzee, your map of the US has pretty much the same viewpoint as most Americans. California and New York are full of assholes and the South is full of cowboys. Lol

TendoAddict:
The wheel part is supposed to be boring. It promotes exploring, which is what you should do. Getting 10,00 from the wheel doesn't take a half an hour, I'd say 4 minutes.

It still was 3:45 minutes longer than it should.

Yahtzee clearly has never played Disgaea [yeah, I know the spelling is wrong] or any games by level 5, Atlus or possibly Namco. Yes, we all know that SquareEnix is rapidly going downhill, but if you're going to base all your JRPG info off of those dumbfucks than you're clearly not looking past the surface of the mainstream.

Personally, Super Paper Mario I found was a really dull game in terms of game play due to the slow text, and mind-numbing either lack or surplus of discontinuity; like the gay samurai level. I'm hoping that they'll come out with another one personally but ONLY if they promise to fix the everything else in the game that isn't directly pulled from old Mario games.

Go review Metal Gear Solid or Monkey Island you fucking twit!

Nice review, though - sir.

SenatorPalpatine:
Also I think Zelda: ALttP had it, though I haven't played that. (For shame! :()

While LttP did have it, it was also a unique and original mechanic at the time - we're talking early 90's here. Also, if you haven't played that game, follow the opening instructions in the Psychonauts review, and then go find yourself a copy immediately. Original, GBA port, or ROM - whatever version you pick, it's one of the best Nintendo games ever created.

Shane.Z:
Yahtzee clearly has never played Disgaea [yeah, I know the spelling is wrong] or any games by level 5, Atlus or possibly Namco. Yes, we all know that SquareEnix is rapidly going downhill, but if you're going to base all your JRPG info off of those dumbfucks than you're clearly not looking past the surface of the mainstream.

Personally, Super Paper Mario I found was a really dull game in terms of game play due to the slow text, and mind-numbing either lack or surplus of discontinuity; like the gay samurai level. I'm hoping that they'll come out with another one personally but ONLY if they promise to fix the everything else in the game that isn't directly pulled from old Mario games.

Disgaea is a strategy game and I dun think he could survive it since he prefers soemthign more faster paced LOL

I have strayed away from Jrpgs myself the bland equipment setups lead to mindless grinding fast, i really cant play them anymore without a game enhancer, I so love my code breaker legia 2 dual saga was enjoyable if you took off the weight limits atho some games like Wild arms 3 are pretty much screwed up bad.....

BTW am I the onyl one here that likes anime? I like it a hell of alot more than the druged actors living in a "real" world on the screen yet do not live in reailty in real life...why oh why must you bastards rape fiction so much when you put on the big screen....

Being from New Jersey the Turnpike crack was funny. I don't know that it was world famous. :)

CK20XX:
Oh my g--...Yahtzee, you didn't. I don't mean the review; that was fantastic as always, but... you actually /earned/ the 1 million rubees?!

Don't you know you're not supposed to do that? You're supposed to say "to hell with this", take your new pixel you find there, explore, and find a vault containing the 1 million rubees you need!

Holy codfish. How many people are going to say this without paying attention to what he says? Of course he didn't earn the million on the wheel, that would literally take days. It still takes an annoyingly long time to earn the 10,000 you need to be able to open the vault. Sheesh.

420 BARON BONGHITS 420:
regged to post this
image
MILLION DOLLA HOLLA @ YCS

I wish he had also switched a microsecond on the second tab.

Damn it.

Interestingly enough, my girlfriend has the same opinion of Japanese RPG's... why does everyone hate everything I like? *SOB*

Russ Pitts:

Zera:
Whats with all the JRPG hating all of a sudden?

All of a sudden?

Amen, I enjoyed FF2 and 3 as a kid but these new ones almost make me want to forget I ever played them.

I personally still think that the 15 minutes it does take to earn the 10,000 Rubees that you need is ridiculous. I realize they were trying to be clever, and make tried to make it a clever send-up of other RPGs, but that is still way too long to make a player run around in a stupid hamster wheel. 2 minutes would have done the job just as well.

Of course, even though I loved the game, it pissed me off very much. I was absolutely seeing red on world five (with the Cragnons), when they had that freaking 30-part 'hit the blocks' code. Oh ha, ha! You actually have to talk to characters in the game instead of just guessing the random annoying code like in other RPGs! How fucking CLEVER and not irritating AT ALL.

kuddles:

CK20XX:
Oh my g--...Yahtzee, you didn't. I don't mean the review; that was fantastic as always, but... you actually /earned/ the 1 million rubees?!

Don't you know you're not supposed to do that? You're supposed to say "to hell with this", take your new pixel you find there, explore, and find a vault containing the 1 million rubees you need!

Holy codfish. How many people are going to say this without paying attention to what he says? Of course he didn't earn the million on the wheel, that would literally take days. It still takes an annoyingly long time to earn the 10,000 you need to be able to open the vault. Sheesh.

...well don't I feel sheepish now.

Alright you ba-a-a-a-a-a-d boy. But the next round will be mine.

Im from Canada so that last bit in the credits was hilarious.

Good job!

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