Shoot Club: Zoo Story
Me, I'm terrible around children. They're little and weird and I don't know what to say to them. I have to be careful not to cuss. I think I make kids nervous. They certainly make me nervous. But Trevor talks their language. He's a child whisperer.
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You reeeeeally have nothing to write about.
You also have just lost any merit on the video game violence argument; whereas you would normally say it's the parent's responsibility, you just assisted them in playing a game way out of their age group.
Yeah, I'm a cynic when it comes to reading articles.
She let her kids explore the arcade without her supervision. In this day and age, any parent doing that is risking her childs sanity as it is - just think of what would have happened if they'd arrived a few minutes later.
...at any rate, I liked this article.
Really nice downbeat piece. I'd maybe lose the more self-aware parts, like, "of course that's where we spend the rest of the afternoon," I think your tone is strong enough here to convey that kind of ennui without having to comment on it.
I just wanted to comment to say that I look forward to your Shoot Club articles. They're usually just what I'm in the mood to read.
The only real criticism I can offer is about your use of unattributed dialogue. I imagine you're using it intentionally to blur the lines between your various characters, as the characters don't seem to be as important as the opinions they're discussing. Still, I think this sort of dialogue can be really hard to follow sometimes. Most of the time, I do want to follow who is saying what without having to go back to the beginning of the conversation to play eeny-meeny-miney-mo.