Zero Punctuation: Zelda Phantom Hourglass

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While not so much a review, it still had me laughing my ass off.

Good video Yahtzee... Plus I played the game... It got repetitive, so I stopped.

So all in all the video sums up the experience quite well.

Loved the review, and rather glad that he didn't play to the end, since that would've really pissed him off.

I dont know what you guys are talking about, this was, without a doubt, a review. He talked about-

A. The plot
B. The Dungeon/Timers on Dungeons
C. The new control scheme
D. The total rehash of weapons

I'm sorry, but what exactly is he missing to make this a review? Thats besides the fact that this IS the same exact Zelda we've seen a million times before, except on the DS, meaning some fancy controls. That being the case, Zelda:(Insert Name Here) has been reviewed hundreds upon thousands of times. If you looking for a serious review try www.google.com, it does wonders for the ill informed.

Anyway. Good review, funny as always. Okami was, and still is *the* best action/adventure game I've ever played, better than any Zelda. I know reviewing games you actually enjoy is outside the norm Yahtzee, but why not review Okami? You've reviewed older games than that, so I don't see any problem.

good review as always but...

"what if valve..."

had HL2 be about a scientist running a gauntlet from a to b, attacked by headcrabs and military types, with no backstory or details of what is going on.

Only substitute the lemon bazooka for the grav gun. For all the hype I was very disappointed with HL2/EP1/EP2.

At least Portal rocked, Valve can seemingly find originality if they limit themselves to 2-3 hours gameplay.

Coincidentally I just playing through 5 Days a Stranger when I randomly came across this on Digg. Small world.

I bought a Wii thinking that since it was the first Nintendo I had purchased I should be ok from the usual gripes.

So far the most fun I've had is playing Mario Kart 64. Seriously...do Nintendo just roll around in their own fecal matter and hope that people will keep paying money for what splashes out?

Oh but other companies have gotten away with it!
*cough*halo*cough*

I have to say that of the Nintendo Franchises, LoZ is in fact, the few that doesn't have much difference between it's games, but it's pretty much similar themes and gameplay.
Mario on the other hand, at least it's franchise many of its games vary dramatically in terms of game play. Donkey Kong as well had games with varying types of game play (okay well most of this was forced because of Rare no longer working for Nintendo....)

and the Ookami reference amuses me.

I'm in kind of a funny situation in that I loved both Phantom Hourglass and this review. I think one of the biggest reasons I love Yahtzee is the same reason I sometimes like playing devil's advocate in debates - it helps bring some perspective into something being god-worshipped by so many people who are incapable of admitting that anything is wrong with it. I may not agree with everything he says, but he puts forth what he thinks so well and in such a funny manner that it really doesn't matter, and certainly provides food for thought if nothing else.

I do certainly agree with those who say that other companies are just as guilty of rehashing gameplay elements, but that's pretty well irrelevant - the simple fact that others do it doesn't make it okay for another company to do it. Otherwise, every single company could just release the same game over and over and you'd have to accept it because "well, everyone else is doing it".

Oh yes, I suppose I should say that I'm yet another who registered to tell Yahtzee how much I love his stuff. Because he clearly doesn't have a big enough ego as it is from how many people have already said that. ;)

It's a shame you know, there are a couple of really excellent games in the Zelda series but the repetitive stuff that Aonuma has been plying devotees with since he took over direction of the franchise besmirches their memory, dare I say.
It seems Eiji's brief is just to make the things look nice and control well enough to get new punters on board, but not to spend any time on substantially revising the formula as everyone knows there'll be another slightly tweaked iteration on the shelves in two years time anyway. The backlash is inevitable. Here's hoping Metroid doesn't go down too far down the same road.

I fucking hate Nintendo so much.

Okay, they made one or two good games, they can fuck off now. Mario Galaxy is the exact same thing as this; a total rehash, except in space. Millions and millions of mouth-breathing wiitards will still buy it on launch day only to waste 15 hours of their time collecting all the 120 golden pieces of shit or whatever, and then the game will collect dust on their shelves for years until Nintendo finally releases another game of the exact same caliber at which point they'll return it for less than a fraction of a penny's worth of store credit towards purchasing the next one.

vorsuc:
good review as always but...

"what if valve..."

had HL2 be about a scientist running a gauntlet from a to b, attacked by headcrabs and military types, with no backstory or details of what is going on.

Only substitute the lemon bazooka for the grav gun. For all the hype I was very disappointed with HL2/EP1/EP2.

At least Portal rocked, Valve can seemingly find originality if they limit themselves to 2-3 hours gameplay.

"Find" couldn't be more appropriate.

Gab:
I'm in kind of a funny situation in that I loved both Phantom Hourglass and this review. I think one of the biggest reasons I love Yahtzee is the same reason I sometimes like playing devil's advocate in debates - it helps bring some perspective into something being god-worshipped by so many people who are incapable of admitting that anything is wrong with it.

Exactly. I love Halo 3 but I didn't hear any complaints about the AI in the two reviews I read. Sure that's only 2 but but it's something that should be said in every review. I've been in a warthog with me the driver and 2 other AI in the passenger/gunner and I was for a few seconds just not moving. During that time with no enemies around another ally thought it would be fun to ram into the warthog with a chopper at full speed thus causing the vehicle to explode and kill everyone but me. Hope someone gets a laugh out of that I did when it happened.

So in other words he wants Nintendo to make Okami? Cause they now have that coming out for the Wii (sadly it's a straight port).

"Half Life: Citrus Bazooka"? I'd buy it.

Yes, I registered just so I could say that.

Aramax:
It would be fun if those reviews had subtitles or something so we can all understand what Yahtzee is saying. I have trouble fellowing what he say from time to time and it's frustrating to replay the same video over and over again just to understand a small part of the video.

Who's with me on this one?

Here's a picture of the princess to help my point get through.

Perhaps you should learn english then, because I don't even think he's all that hard to understand. There's only ever been one point where I couldn't clearly understand what he said in all his videos so far, but I can't remember which one it was.

That Foghorn Leghorn bit was gold. I care nothing for Zelda since I played it back on the NES, so this latest version means nothing to me. Funny review though, as always.

I immediately refused to buy and or play this game as soon as I found out that it was stylus only control. I hate that. Also, I can't wait until someone mods a citrus bazooka into HL2 now.

I can agree with the zelda series in some way. All though I still enjoy them, it is still basically the same plot over and over, just changing little things about how its all revealed, but its usually the new gameplay that Nintendo tries that attracts alot of people IMO, not just the Nintendites.

As for the mario series, I think thats kind of been a defining platformer, Despite being saving the princess over and over. Mario 64 was probably the game that showed how a platformer could work in 3D, and from the looks of things, its seems Galaxy may well be the next step up.

Problem is, which someone already mentioned, is that there other good games out there by nintendo, but not enough is done to promote them.

Tell it, Yahtzee, tell it. Sometimes I think some of those hardcore Nintendo fans dillute themselves into insanity. Whenever I express the desire for Nintendo to branch out of the same ol same ol titles, I damn near get my head bitten off. Sure they do a great job updating Zelda and Metroid but come on. How many damned Mario, Kong, Zelda and Metroid games can you shell out before people get sick of it? Its time to move on to new things. I can't say I blame Nintendo since they seem to be getting away with it.As for me, I'm a little tired of playing the same titles over and over again. For now, the Wii is more of a coaster than a gaming console.

Oh dude, you nailed it with the Half-Life reference. It's true! It's all true!

And HERO QUEST ftw!

I agree completely, I admit I'll probably buy Phantom Hourglass just to have a Zelda for my DS...but I haven't finished Wind Waker OR Twilight Princess for one reason: Dungeons. BLAH. I might as well play Link's Awakening and pretend I'm a wolf sometimes.

PsychoJosh:
I fucking hate Nintendo so much.

Okay, they made one or two good games, they can fuck off now. Mario Galaxy is the exact same thing as this; a total rehash, except in space. Millions and millions of mouth-breathing wiitards will still buy it on launch day only to waste 15 hours of their time collecting all the 120 golden pieces of shit or whatever, and then the game will collect dust on their shelves for years until Nintendo finally releases another game of the exact same caliber at which point they'll return it for less than a fraction of a penny's worth of store credit towards purchasing the next one.

Tell me, whats games do you like then? Seeing as you hate nintendo, your either a sony/microsoft fanboy, or someone who gets scared of bright colours and happy music.

Im guessing your probably a shoot-em up fan?

As usual, great review. I found myself cursing the heavens going back to that temple every time and it took ever fiber in my being to finish the game.

I don't mind the remakes because they are generally remakes of a style that worked, BUT there comes a point when enough is enough. Clearly Zelda is a resource keg tapped dry with a bunch of alcoholics trying to suck whatever is left in the pipes until their gums bleed.

I loved Okami and my thoughts while playing it the entire time was that it was a reincarnated version of Zelda for the PS2, but reincarnated enough to keep it interesting.

Thanks again for the review, keep up the good work.

I also have to agree that Nintendo just re-hashes the same B.S. again and again.

How many versions of Mario spanking that monkey does the world need?

I suppose fresh young Nintendo designers who are pitching a new game idea could do worse career-wise than kissing up to the more senior Nintendo corporate types by imitating them and making them feel 'brilliant'. After all, it's what management wants to hear, and saying anything else is as good a career move as dropping your pants and crapping in the middle of a board meeting.

They have a fan base and automatic market for a recognizable 'intellectual property' that they'll want to 'leverage' until doomsday.

Sure, you could name 'Zelda' something else, but get real. Would the owners of 'Where's Waldo?' put out a book called 'Where's Larry?' and Larry is a Hippopotamus when they could just as readily make a 'Where's Waldo?' book and have all the previous... er, 'consumers' who are already familiar with the content wear paths down the bookstore carpet to the new book?

They don't have to go seeking a new treasure. They already have their gold mine and it's yielding up all the treasure they want.

Excellent review. Please keep them coming.

I understand* The Adventure of Link is still far and away the most deviant and least popular game in the series. There's nothing wrong with milking the good(/successful) formula, but those sound like some valid complaints brought up in this review. It's enough to make you wish fast-forward wasn't just a perk of emulating old games sometimes.

Going to look into Ohkami now though, I can has intrigue?

* Seen gameplay of most of the series, but haven't played through any since Awakening** so hey, correct me if I'm wrong here.

** Which was quite good; knocking the supports out of the tower near the end of the game was one of the sweeter dungeon concepts I can recall.

I doubt he'll get to next week, but I am hoping that he will do a review on Assassin's Creed. I've been looking forward to that game for a long time now, and I can't wait to see Yahtzee tear into it. Whether his raving review is good or bad about it, is irrelevant, it's still going to be funny as usual.

jaredgood1:
You mentioned Hero Quest. You are now 8+ shades of awesome and I'm recommending that Yahtzee replace Good in the 3rd revision of the Ministry of Truth's New Speak dictionary.

My yahtzee friend you are not exercising double think correctly. Yahtzee has always meant yahtzee, what does the word 'good' mean?

CK20XX:
...wow. I kinda wonder if Yahtzee was still ticked off over Medal of Honor: Airborne when he made this.

Don't get me wrong and suspend my account when I say this, but this isn't a review: this is simply hateful bashing. Sure, the Zelda series seems to now be going the way of the original Mega Man series, and I agree about the shoehorning of the stylus controls, but beyond that it seems to simply be bitter for bitterness's sake. Phantom Hourglass, despite its shortcomings, is a good game that's worth anyone's time, and this video is hardly informative about the game at all, it just rips on it for the sake of entertainment.

But you know what? That's ok. People like Yahtzee are important because they expose hypocrisy and bigotry to an otherwise oblivious world. They may seem lonely, petulant, and vile, but they don't hate mankind, just mankind's excesses. Thus they arm themselves with irony, satire, sarcasm, ridicule, and march against pretense, pomposity, conformity, and incompetence. There's a fair amount of truth in what Yahtzee says after you sift through his seemingly unjustly misguided attitude.

"It is a fine thing to face machine guns for immortality and a medal, but isn't it a fine thing, too, to face calumny, injustice, and loneliness for the truth which makes men free?" - H. L. Mencken

Nice quote but do you have it in Latin? When adding quotes to the end of my posts to be pretentious, I prefer them to be Latin if they're not by Nietzche.

"Admiration for a quality or an art can be so strong that it deters us from striving to possess it."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Funny review, and made me laugh a lot (that was your goal, I suppose). Can't agree much with its "informative" or "critical" side, why?

a)You said Okami was original, when Okami was a Zelda clone with new gimnicks (and a far more interesting story). Almost the same thing with System Shock 2 and Bioshock.

b)You couldn't finish the game, which either means you're frustrated, lazy, or you're not used to playing zelda games (which I think it's the case, since there's also points c) and d) )

c) There are 4 Zeldas (not counting the CD-i crap ones) which don't involve Zelda at all, besides brief mentioning of her name

d)You can pretty damn well skip most of the parts in the temple you loathe so much (which I dunno why you didn't)

d) Saying Nintendo only has Mario, Zelda, Metroid, and Pokemon is just silly: Donkey Kong, Star Fox, "Excite" series, Kirby, Smash Bros series, F-Zero, Pikmin... and those are the only ones I can think up right now.

Still, keep up your quirkiness and "fast" tone, and everything will be fine. Next time, though, make your wiki searchs a little bit better, :)

El Cernex

Ah, now *this* is the good old ZP we all know and love! Much better than the acidiously bitter barf-fest last week. This one is smoother with excellent pacing, funny comparisons and lovely animations.

And good to see our nerdy messages about the Flak Towers got through. *giggles*

/S

He raises some good points, but I'm left scratching my head. In a way he's right and Zelda games are sort of falling in to a rut, but the games kind of... can't really change all that much.

If it changes too much, why even call it a Zelda game at all?

Is that the point, then? Just stop making Zelda games entirely, and try something new? While on one side that might be interesting, the market wouldn't ever handle that and Nintendo would never allow it. That's kind of like Square-Enix saying they're going to stop making Final Fantasy, when the simple reality is they could slap "Final Fantasy" in before any console RPG they damn well please and they're instantly millions of dollars richer regardless of quality or content.

Nintendo will never let The Legend of Zelda die, I don't think. It's a top-tier franchise for them. It's all so messy and so weird and kind of frustrating at times.

You know a series that's got it worse than Zelda, though? Castlevania. Every game has been trying to fight it's way out of Symphony of the Night's shadow (or rest comfortably in it, where easy money is made on a proven formula) and it's just starting to feel really tired, now. They're trying to mix it up a bit, granted, but even though the wallpaper changes it's still trying to squeeze blood from the Symphony of the Night stone and it does it with a much greater frequency than Zelda does. At least there's a 2-4 year pause between Zelda titles; there was a while there when we'd get a new Castlevania annually.

MrKeroChan:
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

right you MrKeroJakieChan post somthing better than that, tit.

second great review Yhatzee, all i ever see from ninty is Meteroid, Mario and Zelda remakes and its like, why not do somthing different, granted Wii sports is different but common jeeze.

Awesome as always.

Okami for the win.

vorsuc:
good review as always but...

"what if valve..."

had HL2 be about a scientist running a gauntlet from a to b, attacked by headcrabs and military types, with no backstory or details of what is going on.

Only substitute the lemon bazooka for the grav gun. For all the hype I was very disappointed with HL2/EP1/EP2.

HLČ I did find to be a genuine good game. Ep-1 was a bit dipsey and Ep-2 was just so uninteresting it lost me. HLČ had some mystery and a good story arch. Ep-2 consists of plot twists out of nowhere that are about characters with the depth of editable paper.

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