Zero Punctuation: Clive Barker's Jericho

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Hi guys,

just a quick reply, its host, "toz", here from the podcast cranky gamers uk, (www.crankygamersuk.com),

just popping in to say, the escapist reviews are one of my weekly highlights,truly great writing and seriously funny, we put it up every time now on our home page, and i look forward to it, with the phantom hour glass, reducing me to tears for quite some considerable time, with the words "f right off" ringing in my head for days afters, bringing a retarded smile to my face every where i went for the rest of the week.

love it, keep em coming.

Yahtzee
Come on man what Quake didn't have in color it made up for in designs Q1,Q2 and Q3 all have great level design, good to ok weapon design and ok enemy design.

Hell Quake pawns Q4,D3 and a ton of other short sighted newer FPSs.

Malygris:
Damn. I'd heard that Jericho was on the wrong side of good, but as something of an Undying fan - another Clive Barker game by Clive Barker that tanked - I was hoping there'd be at least enough in there to tide me over for awhile longer.

First off they went with a full gun and run theme, this thing is so hard on the rails it makes a it makes the tony hawk games look open ended adventure.

Then you have all the non FPS add in crap that is so out of place it hurts the game more.

The story is not so bad the charatcers standard FPS fair but the level design weapons enemies suck add on the crap level design lack of jumping(its automated unless you want to jump down 3 feet to some stairs or a lower level) and then tact on the mini game thing...you wonder what the devs were smoking, I don't blame Clive for this as much as the devs looking for a quick buck.

I might find Halo 3 and Bioshock lacking but this is crap for a mid/high level game, 5/10

(Q4:6/10,Halo 3:6/10,D3:4/10,BS:7/10,HL2+ep1-2:7/10)

That review is the reason I get out of bed on Wednesdays. Great job Yahtzee.

well done Yahtzee, another great tribute to the world of british-style cynicism.

Clive Barker's "Clive Barker's Jericho" by Clive Barker is truly an epic way to release the pent up cynical urges of a day to day man like you and I.

GloatingSwine, sorry for not mentioning the 30-second QTE bit in the demo :). I barely noticed it with all the whack-a-mole-ing going on. Fortunately, Yahtzee nailed that part of the game, too. It's certainly one of the more challenging QTE types out there, but the mechanic is growing increasingly stale. Let cutscenes be cutscenes again, or something.

Garfgarog:
Also, I kind of laugh at the people suggesting titles for Yahtzee. I remember reading something somewhere where Yahtzee stated that his reviews are either handed to him, or he strikes a deal with the editors to let him review something he wants to, and if he happens to review a game that someone suggested, it's pure coincidence. While I admit that I have a few games I'd like to hear Yahtzee's comments on, the only way I could ever see such a thing is if I decided to pay him for it.

While I understand where you're coming from, that's an intereting sense of humour :)

It's basically a choice, isn't it? Either you waste 10 seconds of your time to pitch something with a slim, yet non-zero chance of it catching on, showing those who read this thread(*) that it might be an interesting option (which may be discussed). Or, you don't. No harm done in either case.

Do you kind of laugh at people playing the lottery, too? I mean, the odds of them winning are so against them, and all. They even pay money for it. Yet, every week one of them gets filthy rich. Comedy gold.

(*): Like Yahtzee for example (unless he stopped reading these comment threads), who might have a brief "yeah, why not?" or "Hmm..." moment, then considers the option along with others and eventually decides to pull the "strike that deal where he gets to choose a title" thingy you mentioned. It doesn't necessarily have to be "pure coincidence". Or, he chooses or is given something else. Again, no harm done anywhere.

Actually, the button pressing sequences (people in the know call them QTE's) in Shenmue were pretty fun most of the time, unlike other games where they just felt tacked on and pointless.

The buttons you had to press corresponded to the types of moves Ryo had to perform, and often were the exact same button sequences as were used to perform some of Ryo's most difficult combat moves.

It worked in Shenmue because during boss fights it ALWAYS felt like you were fighting your opponent, unlike other games where you beat the boss, sit back, and have a big disconnect with the game while your character lands some uber pre-rendered finishing move.

I completely agree with this review. It's a disgrace to all things that made Undying so great. I don't know who it was that decided to make this game so poorly but I wish they get thrown into a pocket dimention of shit.

Jericho was a game with great concepts that plays, to paraphrase our game reviewing overlord, like a "Pile of ass and recoil". It's buggy, repetitive and confusing. It's a boring game, and yahtzee was dead on in his review.

Man Yahtzee. You are the most funniest person ever. I always look forward to Wednesdays just to watch your reviews, and have to say that this was the funniest review you made yet.
I had to pause the video numerous times so I could stop laughing to hear what you were saying. Every time I looked at the amount of time to see when the video ends, I would groan. Not because of anything bad but it was starting to become painful to laugh. lma- OUCH!!!!!!!!!.......................okay, I'm fine now...sorta.
Anywho I liked that Shenmue game. I thought it was very deep (though sometimes tedious at times), and had really good graphics (really nice gameplay too) for an x-box game. Also, that button pressing thing was also kinda cool. I really don't know why though.

xbeaker:
mmmm.. another pipe'n hot Yahtzee review. I do so love Wednesdays

Too True Thru And Thru

Pzest:
Actually, the button pressing sequences (QTE's for people in the know) in Shenmue were actually fun most of the time, unlike other games where they just felt tacked on and pointless.

The buttons you had to press corresponded to the types of moves Ryo had to perform, and often were the exact same buttons as were used to perform some of Ryo's most difficult combat moves.

It worked in Shenmue because during boss fights it ALWAYS felt like you were fighting your opponent, unlike other games where you beat the boss, sit back, and have a big disconnect with the game while your character lands some uber pre-rendered finishing move.

GOW pushes it to the max without being overly repetitive there is a slight disconnect but it dose not feel completely out of place, unlike most other games that tact it on for no other reason to follow a trend or in this case be different for the sake of being different.

Jericho is a on the rails shooter that tries to be different and fails at everything.

"excuUse me" Oh I was sooo hoping to see a picture of this guy appear. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPxY8lpYAUM

The highlight of my Wednesdays, and my Wednesdays, as a general rule, need a highlight.

Just one complaint: My Chemical Romance?! Yahtzee, you charismatic stallion, HOW COULD YOU?!

I downloaded the demo for this game after hearing its name floating around. I then loaded the title screen, watched it, and decided to uninstall the demo for the game without bothering to go any further, as it gave me enough of an idea regarding what the game was going to be like that I didn't feel like I needed to go any further.

I'm glad to hear that I was not in error.

Well I didnt play it but I take your word for it.

*How much for that Clive Barker shirt?:D

Absolutely priceless. Another game completely shredded by Master Yahtzee. Hats off to you sir! Still enjoying the reviews

best moment: CHAERG! awesome face... i love you ben, you really voice what ive been saying for YEARS about all these crap games... and even when it comes to "The good games" like Zelda and Orange Box and Halo etc, you still point out, that NO these are NOT GOOD ENOUGH. We should be much farther along right now. (Example, Oblivion is WORLDS behind Ultima 7, what the hell's up with that?)

-Keith

I played Jerico for about 5 minutes before I deleted this steaming pile of console port dookie and this is pretty much exa-fucking-ly what I would say about this godforsaken brainfuck game

that being said I'll follow your advice and install that pirated copy of psychonaut that's been rotting on my server for years and if it turns out not to be 1/10th as lame sunday morning kid's program special that the cover art made it look like then I'll buy it on steam

but come on, spock salute torture for a completely reasonable oversight (look at that cover art and tell me it doesn't just REEKS lame little-known kid's cartoon merchandising rights milking) is uncalled for

it's not like it's the first time either, remember Conker's Bad fur day ?

also come of it, you didn't play this game because of it's cheap kid's game charm
or else you might as well be playing Rayman, YOU ONLY PLAYED THIS GAME BECAUSE IGN GAVE IT THE BEST GAME NO ONE PLAYED AWARD !!!

-shodan

C-R-Y-S-I-S

Outstandingly bad game. :( Maybe if they worked on it a bit longer...

But anyway - come on - The Witcher and Hellgate: London! Must be reviewed! :)

First one is very good but technologically "WTF", the second one... well... I don't want to start a flame war with the fans of... "that". :)

3 things to say:
1. It's kind of ironic that Yahtzee is known for making those fantastic freeware horror adventure games, which had an absolutely amazing storyline, yet is still not as well-recognised as an author who wrote the "telekinetic lesbian" dialogue. Also, Yahtzee used a very non-Unreal 3 graphics engine straight from the 1980s, yet achieved far more pants-wetting fear than the Jericho demo (and more colour).
Seriously, guys! Go to www.fullyramblomatic.com and play these games in order: 5 days a stranger, 7 days a sceptic, Trilby's notes (the last one is the best).
2. Plot is too convoluted, you say? Did it take him 6 days to understand it? I kid.
3. I never thought that "My Chemical Romance" could be so cheerful. Or so much fun.

shodan:
but come on, spock salute torture for a completely reasonable oversight (look at that cover art and tell me it doesn't just REEKS lame little-known kid's cartoon merchandising rights milking) is uncalled for

http://img231.imageshack.us/my.php?image=psychonautspr7.jpg

I have helpfully pointed out the reason the cover should have clued you in.

Ohhhh that was fun :D

warfjm:

dr_pangloss:
Interesting pick.. lots of fodder out now, I was expecting an assassin's creed, a cod4 or even a crysis.

Um, all those games that you mentioned only come out this week. Maybe next week. :/

Reviewers usually get games ahead of time, so they review them the week they come out or sooner.

dr_pangloss:

warfjm:

dr_pangloss:
Interesting pick.. lots of fodder out now, I was expecting an assassin's creed, a cod4 or even a crysis.

Um, all those games that you mentioned only come out this week. Maybe next week. :/

Reviewers usually get games ahead of time, so they review them the week they come out or sooner.

Ah come on...Yahzee doesnt make "serious" reviews for magazines or websites and most of the games he "reviews" he tears to pieces-you cant compare his "rants" with reviews ;)

dr_pangloss:

warfjm:

dr_pangloss:
Interesting pick.. lots of fodder out now, I was expecting an assassin's creed, a cod4 or even a crysis.

Um, all those games that you mentioned only come out this week. Maybe next week. :/

Reviewers usually get games ahead of time, so they review them the week they come out or sooner.

While thats true, I don't think Yahtzee is getting the standard reviewer press kits.

Ignorance and bile.

Well, you did ask!

I doubt you even read the comments people leave, and if you do, then you should know that I'm British too, and it's mainly your accent that makes it so funny, it would be crap if an American tried to pull it off. I still can't place your accent around the country, but I'm going to take a stab and say you're a Southener?

I have to agree with some others here. WE HAVE YAHTZEE BACK! :D

mcderek3000:
3 things to say:
1. It's kind of ironic that Yahtzee is known for making those fantastic freeware horror adventure games, which had an absolutely amazing storyline, yet is still not as well-recognised as an author who wrote the "telekinetic lesbian" dialogue. Also, Yahtzee used a very non-Unreal 3 graphics engine straight from the 1980s, yet achieved far more pants-wetting fear than the Jericho demo (and more colour).
Seriously, guys! Go to www.fullyramblomatic.com and play these games in order: 5 days a stranger, 7 days a sceptic, Trilby's notes (the last one is the best).
2. Plot is too convoluted, you say? Did it take him 6 days to understand it? I kid.
3. I never thought that "My Chemical Romance" could be so cheerful. Or so much fun.

Have you played Undying tis pretty good,the game at least shows effort was placed into it, Jericho looks and plays like they slopped it together sewn it up and sic'd it on the unwary public.

Definitely my favorite quote of the week:

-"I could go on listing the stupid design decisions. So I will."

I really look forward to these reviews, Yahtzee.

Dexter111:
C-R-Y-S-I-S

Having as hard time spelling?

Not bad. Informative and interesting. Yet another clever review for intelligent gamers. Just like me .. er.. us.

Vitalix

HuCast:
Ah come on...Yahzee doesnt make "serious" reviews for magazines or websites and most of the games he "reviews" he tears to pieces-you cant compare his "rants" with reviews ;)

You, shuddap, now. Yahztee Croshaw does not "Rant", he Reviews, you jackass.

P.S. Thanks to the guy who linked the "Excuuuuse me, princess" video...I had hoped to have forgotten that.

HuCast:
Ah come on...Yahzee doesnt make "serious" reviews for magazines or websites and most of the games he "reviews" he tears to pieces-you cant compare his "rants" with reviews ;)

http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/ - read the news from 9/11/07. Yahtzee comments on accusations like these. =)

Terrific review, but what's with talking so slow, man? C'mon, speed it up, this one was almost a minute longer than last week's.

I must be the only one here who didn't think the MOH:A review was a horrendous slip-up that calls for Yahztee to redeem himself in the eyes of the fans.

I swear those button sequence pushing thingies were around way back in the NES days, but I'm old and my memory does not serve me well. For all I know my age-addled brain is combining the original Simon games of my youth with some late-80s erotic thriller I once watched on Cinemax into a false memory.

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