Yahtzee Visits Valve, a Travelogue

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Nice restaurants hey? Cushy hotel in Bellevue? Free pizza and zombie killing? Nice Americans!

SOLD SOLD SOLD!! I can't believe they got to you already! Invasion of the goddamn corporate soul snatchers!

Did you at any point think that your future reviews would be tainted? That showing photos of yourself is a bad idea or that your integrity would suffer ? (well lets face it, it was pretty grubby already)

Sold out.... Tell me it ain't true!

The sad thing is, we know the fast food is out of control. I don't go to Burger King, but I know Wendy's will freakin' trick you into buying too much food.

Nice to see pics of you though. Damn nice hat.

hmmm, something's not right here....

*copy* *paste* *remove spaces*

ahhh, that's better.. =)

welcome home yahtzee, go get yourself a meat pie floater, you deserve it.

I hope he found out what happened to Barney...

Pretty epic ending.

Also kid meals tend to be the "small"

Your hat IS amazing.

Post. Script.

I would cut off all my extremity's with a spoon to be in Valve Studios

Oh wow. I laughed for a good minute at that "Medium, Large, and King Size" bit. It was the perfect clincher.

I personally think Yahtzee has become a cool, relaxed guy. I'm pretty positive that he really thinks better of America, because if a missing size at a fast-food restaurant causes him to truly loathe an entire country that fast, well, something's wrong with him, and there's not a lot the US can do about it.

I'm also curious as to where Barney Calhoun went, though. He's not even MENTIONED in Episode 2. You'd think that with Alyx's nonstop yapping, she'd say something like "I hope Barney made it out in time" SOMEWHERE along the line.

"I'm wondering if Yahtzee was referring to the Top Gear ep where they discover that Alabamans had shot the crap out of their own "Welcome to Alabama" sign in that very last statement."

Doubt it, that's just a case of stereotype (yes, road-sign shooting is a stereotype) converging with truth. Besides, he's living in Australia: in order to see Top Gear he'd have to watch SBS, which would also mean he subsists on hentai and Portugese soap operas, and so seems unlikely. I doubt we'll ever see fast food chains calling a spade a bloody shovel and just labelling them all "Too Large".

I can only assume a large number of interjections have been culled given the lampooning of posts demanding videos despite the complete absence of any?

BigText: I somehow doubt Yahtzee has had an epiphany, keeping in mind that hyperbolic ranting about American foreign policy does not equate with hating American people, and that the final post was clearly intentionally contrasted with the second last for comic effect.

First: Mad props, Yahtzee. I've been forwarding ZP around to all of my mates since discovery. Good show.

Second: 13lade is right, to get the feel of truly defecating apple pies, you need to head into the 'Heartland,' where I am currently trapped. This will generally fuel your wonder and contempt; it certainly leaves me chagrined and apologizing while overseas.

Third: for a whonk that prattles on about how 1337 your Latin skills are, your English needs a bit of polish: "When a job needs done or a problem needs solving..." This sentence beggars explanation; it sounds positively American. Your verbs should agree, and you separate clauses with a comma, my good man. For clarity's sake: "When a job needs doing, or a problem needs solving..." or "When a job needs to be done, or a problem needs to be solved..." Though, the latter is in the passive, and that's passe.

Anyone think he was unable to make a review because he was not in the country? It's not like you have to wait long for a new video. Seven days

image

Just for any one who wanted to see the other hats he had in real life.

13lademaster, since you registered to share the most arrogant, condescending post I've read in a long time, I had to register to call you a twat at length.

>Ah, but Yahtzee, you were on the coast,
>where we pick up funny foreign habits like courtesy

Courtesy? I'm absolutely agog that this thought could form in your head. I'm from Kansas City, no tiny hamlet but definitely not the sort of place celebrities attend gala dinners at. I've never been to Seattle, but my trips to NY and LA were notably marked by being surrounded by the most insufferable get-the-hell-out-of-my-way pricks conceivable. Even worse, I've visited London, where the clerks are specially trained to make it impossible for you to buy anything.

Mind you, at no point during my travels did I invite rude behavior by scraping cow dung off my cowboy boots while spitting and complaining about those damn A-rabs.

>and who identify a bacon burger as the
>pinnacle of culinary achievement.

Again: agog. Do you actually know anything about the vast center of your country outside of what the Daily Show and Family Guy tell you it's like? Possibly an occasional Thanksgiving dinner with distant relatives that you already hate?

I swear, this is why political discussions are impossible. We vast, unwashed red masses living in the dusty midwest talk amongst ourselves about local issues and ideas, but we're also immensely exposed to the culture and thought of your blue cities through the endless wave of news, opinion, TV, movies, books, music and advertising produced in the blue bergs. Believe me, WE HEAR YOU. We hear your opinions straight from your mouths and still think you're wrong. Whereas the average person living in Manhattan will never be significantly exposed to a red opinion unless Jon Stewart uses it as a punchline.

Oh, and I'd bet a buck that the non-Valve strangers Yahtzee so enjoyed politely rubbing guns with were a lot more conservative that he might have expected. Firing ranges generally aren't put in the heart of downtown and things change real fast when you crawl out of the skyscraper pile and into the suburbs where middle-age moms drive their fat kids to McDonalds after soccer practice. Yes, amazingly we gun-toting yokels don't always call anyone with a foreign accent a queer and tell them to go back to Africa. We're quirky that way.

I know, tl;dr

Another weeks wait for my fix ahh. I just wished I discovered Yahtzee many many months from now so I could watch from a long backlog of episodes. So get on nasty blogging in the meantime so we have something to do while we refresh these pages.

*looks up* How is it that whenever someone mentions the US it turns into a political debate?

WHERES BARNEY?!

Sorry I like ALL reviews that Yahtzee have made, but you need to check this one on Yahtzee game Art Of Theft :o).

http://tigsource.com/articles/2007/11/23/some-punctuation-the-art-of-theft

Ah, Seattle. My place of birth, and definitely not the worst place you could of gone. New York, for example, would have left you laughing.

Anyway, awesome as always. I was worried for a second there that you'd stop calling us funny names! The last paragraph relieved me.

Excellent trip-blog. It seemed like an interesting and very fun time.
We all look forward to the next ZP.

I've always thought of Gabe being a real prick. Still think that way.

Yeah - Jayis...you said "I would cut off all my extremity's with a spoon to be in Valve Studios"
Are you mad?

Why not rather go to Naughty Dog rather or Insomniac - or even SONY (GASP!!) where real games are made! Don't get my wrong - I love half-life but come on - Crysis/COD4 are far more satisfying to play than HL2-Ep2 (if we're looking at FPS) but I reckon that meeting the guys behind Ratchet & Clank, Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, Assassin's Creed, Crysis, COD4, etc. would be far more entertaining than visiting valve (yeah they make a fuckload of money but so what)

Dance Monkey! DANCE!

Sorry i was going with the lynching mob.... I thought this was really interesting and while albeit not laugh out loud funny i think it's really cool - i always wandered why value never credited peoples titles... And most seem to be forgetting the review too he didn't excatly give them a glowing report but without it i wouldn't have bought it and would never played portal which would have been a crime... if you want funny play that!

Credit it to you yahtzee and all hail the Hat!

and btw - Sony make shite.... pretty shit but you can't polish a turd.

The Loser:

Having been to LA (I'm a brisbane boy normally I guess), i'm surprised you were so nice about the place, I honestly thought I'd stumbled into a 3rd world country when I was there a couple years ago, catching the train from the airport.

If you want to a third world country visit any Mississippi Delta or West Virgina/East Kentucky county that don't have an interstate running through it. Good people, pretty country but incredible poverty.

KingAl:
"I'm wondering if Yahtzee was referring to the Top Gear ep where they discover that Alabamans had shot the crap out of their own "Welcome to Alabama" sign in that very last statement."

Doubt it, that's just a case of stereotype (yes, road-sign shooting is a stereotype) converging with truth. Besides, he's living in Australia: in order to see Top Gear he'd have to watch SBS, which would also mean he subsists on hentai and Portugese soap operas, and so seems unlikely.

They have that episode on youtube I think. As for the sign itself, I'm pretty sure it was us Georgians who did that.

We have Small sizes, but they're only for little kids. No self-respecting American adult is going to buy one of those things anyway!

Come on Yahtzee, man up! You gotta bulk up a bit, so you can handle the recoil of some bigger guns the next time you visit!

Strange that you would think Valve is "small" though for only 150 people. For an independant company, that does one release at a time, they are actually quite large. The company I am working for is doing a XBox/PS3 game with a dev team of about 60 people, we started with little over 30. Epic Games has about the same, id software is even smaller with only about 35 by now (They did Doom 3 with little over half that). Krome, the company you mentioned, although larger in head count, is working on three full games simultaneously.

The difference between companies like valve, id, epic and the rest of us is that they are self funded and arent clinging onto the purse strings of a publisher. They can afford to take the time and make sure every part of the game is polished and as fun as possible. Could a game as polished and innovative as HL2, which took 5 years to make, be made under the same developer-publisher model that my company is under right now?... Definitly not, it would have most likely been cut for being over budget and late.

Sorry, Fatmouse, but Midwesterners (believe it or not) don't have a monopoly on friendliness and courtesy. I was born and raised in Wisconsin (and I still go to college in southwest Michigan), and I will be the first to say that Midwesterners tend to be nice, caring people. When I moved to Rhode Island, though, I was surprised to see how willing everyone was to help you out if you asked - I'd expected everybody to be rude as hell. To be sure, East Coasters generally tend to be more blunt-nosed, no-nonsense types, but if you genuinely need help, they won't leave you wanting. Of course, this is all generalisation; I've met arrogant, obnoxious people both in the Midwest and on the East Coast, having a foot in both regions.

Also, you make it sound as though we blue-burghers haven't listened enough to red-state opinions, or considered them enough. We have, and we still find them a bit divorced from geopolitical reality, which is why Jon Stewart is able to make fun of them the way he does. And just in case you haven't learned anything from Yahtzee yet, if you can't take being poked fun at a bit, then you're in the wrong place.

*jealous*
I wasn't aware Crate and Barrel was in the west, actually. I kinda figured they were a southern thing, since I don't see them at all in the northeast.

I was in Wendy's yesterday, and noticed they still have a small drink if in name only.

Tapdancing Jesus on crutches - now I know why we're all so FAT!

pity i don't actually eat @ BK, but still.....;-)

SacrificiaLamb:
Seattle is one of the nicer cities in the US, relatively modern, progressive. Outside of the west coast and northeast (and college towns), the stereotyped 'guns and flags' American is much better represented.

But don't leave the cities, unless you want to go camping or something, in Oregon for instance, once you travel outside Portland (metropolitan) or Eugene (hippy-dippy college town...except for Springfeild ick), you'll find nearly as many fundamentalist yahoo cowboy wannabees as you'd expect to find in say Mississippi.

SacrificiaLamb:
The fatness is due to all the high fructose corn syrup and MSG, which is usually disguised under some other name like natural flavor, spice, and hydrolyzed vegetable protein.

And even then, if we didn't have the attitude that eating four Big Macs a meal and drinking nothing but soda while driving to get EVERYWHERE is okay, we wouldn't have this problem (or a few others).

JimmyMD:
I've always thought of Gabe being a real prick. Still think that way.

Yeah - Jayis...you said "I would cut off all my extremity's with a spoon to be in Valve Studios"
Are you mad?

Why not rather go to Naughty Dog rather or Insomniac - or even SONY (GASP!!) where real games are made! Don't get my wrong - I love half-life but come on - Crysis/COD4 are far more satisfying to play than HL2-Ep2 (if we're looking at FPS) but I reckon that meeting the guys behind Ratchet & Clank, Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, Assassin's Creed, Crysis, COD4, etc. would be far more entertaining than visiting valve (yeah they make a fuckload of money but so what)

You seem to base the quality of a meeting on the games created by that group. Remind me if I make a game, never invite you over to my company...
Ever consider finding out what the personality and thought process is of those games? Sure Crysis was awesome, but slowly you may, say, find that Cevat makes all the real decisions and the employees quietly carry out orders while plotting their plan to overthrow the company. Besides, being owned by bigger companies, those guys would probably be really limited in what they could say to you or show you.

Yeah...<.<; That Medium-Large-XLarge thing bugs me too...^^; Some people just like to be fooled into thinking they're getting "better value" by getting the biggest size they can...we could frankly use smaller sizes...it'd reduce our calorie intake and reduce our fat content...o.o; So I guess what I'ms aying is um...right on the money there, Yahtzee? o.o

Fatmouse, you complain about heartland people being labeled as ignorant by ignorant people and then you do the exact same thing...

What other conclusion can be drawn than that you're both ignorant? : )

The red for Republicans and blue for Democrats is quite amusing. Traditionally the red is supposed to represent the left while the blue was the chosen opposite. It's as if the Republicans are so right-wing that they've come full circle, past the deepest blue and back into the red on the other side ^^

rebochan:
Am I the only one that could just mentally imagine Yahtzee's voice speeding along while reading the text?

When it comes to psycholgy, well, I wouldnt even come close to call myself an expert. But, yes I think you probably are the only one (and since Im not an expert on the subject at hand, but still would like to make my opinion heard; you should probably go see a shrink and get some prescribed medication = P).

Actually I had Yhatzee's voice in my head too. It might just be how very aural oriented people read things.

Also, people from all places tend to be humans, more at eleven.

Dectilon:

The red for Republicans and blue for Democrats is quite amusing. Traditionally the red is supposed to represent the left while the blue was the chosen opposite. It's as if the Republicans are so right-wing that they've come full circle, past the deepest blue and back into the red on the other side ^^

I've always wondered what the deal was with the reverse colouring thing in American politics. Since the Democrats are roughly where most countries' right wing parties are on the left-right spectrum, this all makes perfect sense.

miawallace:

Dectilon:

The red for Republicans and blue for Democrats is quite amusing. Traditionally the red is supposed to represent the left while the blue was the chosen opposite. It's as if the Republicans are so right-wing that they've come full circle, past the deepest blue and back into the red on the other side ^^

I've always wondered what the deal was with the reverse colouring thing in American politics. Since the Democrats are roughly where most countries' right wing parties are on the left-right spectrum, this all makes perfect sense.

A rather humourous explanation, but entirely wrong.

America's case of colour dyslexia can be laid squarely at the feet of cable television (MSNBC in particular if I'm not mistaken) during the 2000 election. Between America's rather funny electoral proceduers and a dearth of missing white women we got to see the pretty colour coded maps over and over until they were firmly drilled into our skulls. Before then it was generally Democrats=Red/Republicans=Blue, and it remains so in the only place that matters; David Liep's US Election Atlas.

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