Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed

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xdiesp:
Kane and Lynch next!

Tear down Gamespot, Yahtzee!

i agree... give those bastards a good bash or two

See, his reviews don't have to be entirely negative for them to be funny. These things are not mutually exclusive.

And it also seems that the incessant whining has done some good. Maybe the Escapist will continue to send Yahtzee games that are actually worth reviewing. Mass Effect or The Witcher would be excellent choices - both decent and worthwhile games, with plenty of flaws to make fun.

Good stuff as usual and bonus points for the Benny Hill chase music.
*looks around*
Awful lot of newbs around here...

Reasons for the Ass Creed anger? Maybe because Jade Raymond touted this title as a real next-gen killer app. And then, you get to see the lacking A.I., disappointing combat, repetitive chores err I mean, subquests, etc. PS3 owners also enjoyed game freezes, which - fortunately - has been corrected with a patch. What the patch didn't correct, though, is the screen tearing, weird overachieving anti-aliasing routine and sucky framerate compared to the Xbox 360 version. Which is very, shall we say, bizarre for a title which started out as a PS3 exclusive.

That aside, I agree with the review - decent, but not the next gen love fest it was made up to be. Still, some lovely vistas to enjoy. I love the way Yahtzee depicted Altair. And I also see he addressed the "I shall suggest thee a title to review" crowd, of which I am/have been a part of. Finally we know it's futile. Fine then, no more pitching The Witcher from me. Yahtzee, you have my word that from now on, The Witcher, nor any other game such as The Witcher or The Witcher-like games with the same kind of surprise hitty-ness such as The Witcher will no longer be suggested by me.

VMerken:
Reasons for the Ass Creed anger? Maybe because Jade Raymond touted this title as a real next-gen killer app. And then, you get to see the lacking A.I., disappointing combat, repetitive chores err I mean, subquests, etc. PS3 owners also enjoyed game freezes, which - fortunately - has been corrected with a patch. What the patch didn't correct, though, is the screen tearing, weird overachieving anti-aliasing routine and sucky framerate compared to the Xbox 360 version. Which is very, shall we say, bizarre for a title which started out as a PS3 exclusive.

That aside, I agree with the review - decent, but not the next gen love fest it was made up to be. Still, some lovely vistas to enjoy. I love the way Yahtzee depicted Altair. And I also see he addressed the "I shall suggest thee a title to review" crowd, of which I am/have been a part of. Finally we know it's futile. Fine then, no more pitching The Witcher from me. Yahtzee, you have my word that from now on, The Witcher, nor any other game such as The Witcher or The Witcher-like games with the same kind of surprise hitty-ness such as The Witcher will no longer be suggested by me.

Oh, I see what you did there. *Wink*

Wow, great review! The images were fantastic his time around (He, J'adore la chatte, aussi!) and the ending music was great. Sadly, this game looks a little too poisonous to me. Any game that implements the classicly annoying GTA3 method of letting the civilian dregs do whatever they want to you, but punishing you for doing anything you want to them in defense is not worth playing through again.

Fleeee

HAHAHA.....*easily amused*

and you people should have gotten his hint that he dosent want to hear about what you think he should review next. Let the man pick his own games. It is his job and us asking him to play horrible games each and every week for our amusement is sad. Espically when the majority of us KNOW the game already sucks. We all are supposed to appreciate the mans work, not try to drive him closer to the edge every week. Give the man a break is all im saying. :P

Geez, I thought the story to MGS2 was stupid(maybe all of those years of Coast to Coast with Art Bell softened my mind to MGS2).

But anyway, story != gameplay, and while the game play seems fine, I'm less inclinded to pick this up after Ubisoft shot fire from their mouths and lasers from their eyes when jaded male gamers poked fun at Jade what's her name when she was being trotted out all the time when this game was plugged(Seriously, suing SomethingAwful? What the hell is wrong with you Ubi?).

Also, is it me or does Ubisoft have this horrible habit of thinking that male gamers think entirely with their cocks? First they try to convince us that Fragdolls, a gamer clan based entirely around women is something us male gamers should care about when the reality is, any attractive gamer girl worth her salt will know that the average GRAW or Gears of War player, male OR female, is about attractive as sawdust and none of us have a chance of chatting them up much less mating with one of them. Fast forward to now they try to convince us to buy Assassin's Creed because a girl developed it, rather than trying to let the game stand on it's own two feet. It's really weird. Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't whip it out when someone at the arcade picks Chun Li, so who the fuck knows.

great review, and for all the haters (not that I love the game - I haven't played it) it seems it's a target for ridicule (probably over shadowed by kane and lynch now, but eh) so it's cool to see it given props in the right places. Honestly the grind is why I didn't get this game (grind to me is any repetition of non-desireable gameplay) and is signature in these sandbox games (yes, I'll compare AC to GTA now) so it's to be expected. If anyone bought this game not knowing that, they're just n00bs and deserve what they get.

p.s. This is my first time posting, I don't know if Yahtzee posts or reads comments but I really hope he DOES NOT review kane and lynch next, honestly I don't need another review of "how much the cover mechanic sucks" because that's what all the retards want. I'll make my suggestion now, get to Crysis already. That said it doesn't really matter as long as the review is NOT Kane and Lynch.

that one KICKED ASS! LOL GET IT!?!?! KICKED, ASSassins creed, no ? not funny, well fuck u mf!

perfect review...

but i must say, I am an atheist, and I will, have, plan, etc, to burn your house to the ground with you hog tied inside it.

that, or send you through a wood chipper feet first =)

hahahah =) just kidding !

Assassin's Creed reviews so far have either fallen into two categories.

A) Its repetetiveness is a critical flaw
B) Its repetetiveness is a critical flaw, but that doesn't matter

Nice to see some other points about the game pointed out that no other review I've read has mentioned. First ZP to actually influence my buying decision, I'm still not buying it right away but I'll at least pick it up eventually.

Zera:
*looks around*
Awful lot of newbs around here...

I've noticed that too, Yahtzee really brings them in doesn't he.

I loved the Yakkity Sax credit's song too.

I hope to get this game soon. I do enjoy running around carelessly on roof tops. Of course I'll need to move some stuff about on my computer to stop it from exploding.

Great review.

Frankly I liked the swordfighting in ADDITION to the faffing about. Playing AC is it's clearly meant to be played is more like playing Spider-Man 2 than playing Hitman, really.

I would have to agree that I would not call AC bad, but I wouldn't call it great either, it's just OK, fine, good. Nothing special but it's a game that you can play and not rip your eyes out while doing so.

Awesome review as always, though I think I enjoyed the game more than you did. I love how unique it is. It's great fun, even if there are some quirks.

Nice one Yahtzee. I love the game, and I saw the flaws, and then you exploded them in my face, and I still love the game :D

xdiesp:
Kane and Lynch next!

Tear down Gamespot, Yahtzee!

Heh, that would be interesting ^^

I mean they have fired their reviewer for "not appropriate tone" in his video review:
http://www.gamespot.com/video/934403/6182850/kane--lynch-dead-men-video-review
So it would be interesting to see the Yahtzee's version.

Eh, I'm sure Assassin's Creed has it's audience, but they are the people just above the l33t-speaking Halo nuts and just below the pseudo-sophisticated Half-Life nuts. There just isn't a very big margin there.

Good review. I'd say "One of your best", but everyone says that for every review you make. Actually, do you even read these?

Another great review.

Thing with assassins, as long as you arn't driven so insane that you shove pencils into your ear and play with your brain by the irratating stuff it's a really great game. But honestly nothing drove me more insane than the end of the game. It's the most quiet possibly the shittest cliff hanger in all of shitty land and didn't leave me begging for more, it's just left me feeling shit.

Maybe it's just my love of Prince of Persia that makes me give it thumbs up. Again, nice review.

The best review yet, well done Yahtzee.

It's really annoying when you kill a civilian, you lose "Health" AND you get the guards on your tail...

Except if you use the "Blend" button and start praying and walking away...SLOOOOWWWLLYYYYYY......

You forgot to mention that falling into carts filled with hay doesn't hurt you, even if you do fall a few thousand feet.

The road does, however.

I agree with all fo the main points about the game even though I didn't find them nealy as annoying a Yahtzee did. My mum didn't appreciate that ejaculate-wood bit I might add. Anyway I really think the game could've been vastly improved with more big-badass assasinations, more variety in the sidequests, and fewer GOD DAMN beggars! Jesus Christ!
Do I look like I have money?! I'm dressed like a monk you babbling nits!

I was somehow waiting for you to use Yakkity Sax as credits music. Great review as always!

I agreed with the homeless people and retards, as a matter of fact on the last three missions I just took to fucking stabbing them. Fuck them, so hard.

Other than that, and the horse going slow thing (I preferred just to gun it and run around like an idiot), I find no flaws in this game. Except the main character, sadly he was the worst voice acting in the entire game. And he was the main character, seriously, why do so many games do that? (i.e. Mass Effect).

I felt the story was fantastic, and I loved the combat because it was so incredibly fluid if you didn't suck balls. I did everything other than collect all of the flags, so the tedium everyone mentions only nagged quietly in the back corner of my mind where all the bitches go, the rest of me had fun with it.

Um, so, from the sound of it . . . Assassin's Creed is basically Thief: Deadly Shadows 2 ( or I suppose it would be easier to just call it 'Thief 4' ).

Is that the case?

Kell777:
Um, so, from the sound of it . . . Assassin's Creed is basically Thief: Deadly Shadows 2 ( or I suppose it would be easier to just call it 'Thief 4' ).

Is that the case?

Not really, some of the ideas are similar but the style and gameplay are a little different (closer to PoP than Thief).

And I think the comment about PoP and Linkin Park was more about the Prince's hair-style and attitude in game 2 rather than the band that did the soundtrack...I may be wrong.

Kell777:
Um, so, from the sound of it . . . Assassin's Creed is basically Thief: Deadly Shadows 2 ( or I suppose it would be easier to just call it 'Thief 4' ).

Tell me it has even a shred of Thief's atmosphere and storytelling excellence, and I MIGHT give Assassin's Creed a go.

... Nah, thought not.

Lisamagi:
Lol i love this guy so too the point but he made an error at one point in PopWw u dont run around to Linkin Park the songs are done by a band called Godsmack XD

he didnt make an error. he said the prince listened to linken park not that the music was done by them. this is a satirical refferance to the steriotypic fan of LP. he is simply pointing out the prince became all dark and emo like... its a joke about the royal makeover

I agree with this review completely, then again, I haven't disagreed with any thus far.

Loophole to killing Beggars and Lepers = Acre. Water + Tackle = Death without penalty.

Also, I just realized that at about 2:58, Altair actually says "Shoryuken". It's little shit like that which take these reviews from good to great.

i actually like wordy games... though i guess throat stabbing should kinda impare talking

heintzer:
image

Needs to go on the box

All those irritations and yet he likes it anyway because "at least it's trying something new"?

Give me a break, Stretch Panic tried something new. Sure as hell didn't make it a good game.

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