Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed

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Great review, amusing as always. I had the same impression of the game: fun, pretty but not the Second Coming. I suppose if you allowed yourself to be whipped into some Jihadic frenzy then yes the game might have encouraged one to go on some angry Crusade of disappointment.

Like the Medal of Airborne Airborne video I had no problem with the political stuff but there was so much more to ridicule about the game. The one-at-a-time sword fighting, the overpowering of counters such that you rarely slash yourself but 99% of the time wait for them to attack first, the fact you have to HOLD the sneak/blend button down (ugh!), the tall building climbing and hay stacks, the flags, the odd lethality of water, death sentences for knocking pots off ladies' heads, and a few more I'm not thinking of.

I pretty much wanted this to be some sort of Hitman: Holy Lands to engage some part of my brain higher than the spinal column but such was not to be. The tips given by your contacts are of such little use as to be silly. Plotting assassinations, sneaking through a the palace for 3-10 minutes in order to track down your prey would've been great. Instead you just kind of run up and stab him. The best part of the game is a tiny, tiny minority of the play.

This was so great, I had to post my comment. This is what I like about ZP, Yahtzee mentioned everything...everything that I couldn't stand about this game. The run down the mountain, the cutscenes you can't skip through, the combat. Even the stuff he liked I liked as well. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop and pouncing on gaurds with my hidden blade was the only fun I had by the end. I rank this all the way up with his Darkness demo review. Great, great stuff.

How can i download these reveiws i watn to put them on my mp3 player and show them to some m8s??

darn French. Get it all right.

Absolutely brilliant, as always, appreciate the honest reviews. I find it amusing that a company would even try to make a game that required a disclaimer - haven't seen one of those since Jet Set Radio Future.

It seems to be a silly trend, but game developers seem to want to add as much wandering around through pointless quests in empty "filler" places (in this case, starting at your home base on top of a fucking mountain at the beginning of every fucking quest) with little action as an attempt to extend the game play hours. Somehow it seems like they think this'll make it worth the additional cash we've been asked to fork over to play their games.


But don't you love being told what to do? It's like the enjoyment you get from having a retarded kid telling you how to bake cookies.

Wow, I was going to post something... but there is ALOT of people with only 1 post already here licking Yahtzee's feet. Maybe I'll just step back a litlle bit for now.

What would my Wednesdays be like without Zero Punctuation? Sad, lonely, depressed and forlorn.

Great stuff.

Frankly I liked the swordfighting in ADDITION to the faffing about. Playing AC is it's clearly meant to be played is more like playing Spider-Man 2 than playing Hitman, really.

I agree with the spiderman feel to the game. I loved the spiderman games, except for 3 which was basically the same bloody thing as the previous with the idiotic simon says button pushing [painfull!!]. I'm nailing AC right now, probably thanks to experience with Spiderman. similar deal, save citizen, climb walls, fight random dudes.

As for the repetiveness its not so bad really. Swordfights are pretty cool once you have the counter attacks down and do some cool moves. The beggars and lepers do need a beat down occasionally though.

Its fun in the end, lots of play time if you do every little thing in the cities.

Bring on the assassin stick!

Great stuff. I always like reading Yahtzee's stuff because it's always a breath of fresh air in a cesspool of idiocy. Nothing but sheer, unbridled honesty with a good dose of "fuck the public, I'll say what like" mixed in for good measure. Wednesdays have quickly become the highlight of my week thanks to Yahtzee.

I normally hate assholes who just post a random quote from a video, but I just have to say "YEEEEAAARRG!"
Fucking hilarious. :D

nice review xD I hate those bloody beggar b*tches too.

I was laughing through this entire review, but when it got to Yakkety Sax, I had tears running down my face. Tears, my friends.

This is a game I considered getting for someone for giftmas, then I decided against it, and now I'm kind of regretting it, but hey that's okay -- it's not out for PC yet anyway! Delays delays...

Hahahahh Jerusalem and Birmingham, my sides hurt from laughing.

Great as always Yahtzee.

Anyway, I reckon that we shouldn't be suggesting games for him to review, so much as guessing whats next in line for a ZP review thrashing. They both equate to roughly the same thing, really.

Judging by his reviews, I say that the next game he reviews will be either Mass Effect (an in-the-spotlight game which he was pressured into reviewing by the viewers) or Ace Combat 6 (a game review totally unexpected by the majority of the ZP viewers).

Personally, I'd want him to review an Armored Core title, but seeing as how there hasn't been a release in the series since the PS3 launch, I doubt it.

*begins to wonder if Yahtzee has linked me to the email I sent him yet*

Hm, I found this one a lot less funny than previous ones. I'm gonna go watch it again, because I can't figure out why...

Im still not buying it.

I'm so relieved I only intend to make multiplayer games.

I'm so relieved I only intend to make multiplayer games.

I'm so relieved I mainly play strategy games on PC, with the occasional FPS and RPG thrown in. So far none of the games I've played have copped a pasting, although I bought the Orange Box on Yahtzee's recommendation and have thought about getting Psychonauts.

Is that a Steamer (the pink pony) I see our friendly assassin riding?

My first thought at seeing "ZP: Assassin's Creed" was 'oh great, Yahtzee's gonna lather into it like every faux reviewer on the net who thinks it's cool to point at that *gasp* the game wasn't as good as the hype (like it ever is)'. But again, Yahtzee proves that he doesn't say what's the rage at the time.
This is the first review in a while to get me laughing for minutes. The other ones I just smiled when he was being funny. It helps that I've actually played this game and every single problem I had with it he did as well. I swear that I even thought at one point (the point I became a mass-murderer of all beggars and drunks) "this lady is scientifically DESIGNED to piss me off!"
Can I have an akubra now? ;)

I'm rather glad you choose to support AC even with it's, as you called it, crapping on itself. It was mostly a blast, and the sci-fi bit did help rationalize things like why Altair talks in an American accent, or why everyone is using modern English. The Chauser comment ingame was particularly amusing. Kinda surprised you didn't rant about how stupidly planned the informant missions in particular were though.

Lord T Hawkeye:
All those irritations and yet he likes it anyway because "at least it's trying something new"?

Give me a break, Stretch Panic tried something new. Sure as hell didn't make it a good game.

Stretch Panic bordered on the insane and wasn't even fun. AC is at least fun to go flinging yourself through areas.

i think it would be fun if Y reviews BigRigs xD

The whole part about the grilled cheese sandwich made the review worth it by itself.

This is pretty spot on. There's a lot of exposition and errand-running, and very little stabbity action, which is pretty much the front-end selling point of the game. I'm not saying the story is a bad thing - a good plot is always helpful to the game - but more action wouldn't have hurt things.

I havnt played it yet and I may never will but my friends didnt have alot to say...I mean if this wasnt so hyped and so good looking with a free roaming space I bet it would have been generally ignored.

good job as ever on the review.

But don't you love being told what to do? It's like the enjoyment you get from having a retarded kid telling you how to bake cookies.

Sounds like the army

nice review and I just LOVE yahtzees response to the email he recieved from the fella that made a parody of ZP when he was in the U.S and A. I was afraid he had gotten a bit soft while being in that godforsaken country but now i'm calm as a bomb again. Thank you.

Your cute little drawings are slowly becoming more detailed.

Great Review I foud Assassins Creed fun yes "fun" but a short storyline. Also i do have a funny story to add about "Trying to blend into the crowd" it started in Acre at the main gates instead of following the monks through the checkpoint I decide to climb up and leap across them over the beems but pushed the wrong button and landed on a pesant causing the guards to chase me halfway through the City. I eventually found a small broken roof to hide but apparently a Templar lived there causing me to kill at leats 15 guards and make off again still being chased. I thought hight would be my advantage so i tried to climb a small church but they threw rocks causing me to fall and run off again. also tried to hide at the assassins hideout but they seem to close to roof when your being chased. Eventually after 9 minutes of being chased i managed to hide in a bundle of hey, lost the heat and contuined with my mission.

10 seconds down the road a random person with personal problems pushes me into a guard.....yay.

Being without Branston Pickle, I had to make do with regular old American pickle relish on my toasted breaded fish fillet and provolone cheese sandwich, doused liberally in mustard and horseradish.

I'm actually glad with this review, which is interesting as I loved this game.

I actually don't find the missions repetitive, but because I try and grab everything in the cities (well, not really the flags). I do every mission available just because I like to. I also like the combat, as I enjoy feeling like a bad ass when I hit one button and Altair performs uber-kills. I also like experimenting with the new abilities, even though you don't really need to.

Everything else is spot on, but still, I really do enjoy this title.

I'd like to see him do Blacksite: Area 51, though. Yahtzee is at his best when reviewing bad games (and while I enjoyed the first Area 51 enough as a generic shooter, this one looks....painful. I only enjoyed part of the demo, which isn't a good sign).

Yahtzee is back on top form, pretty much agrees with what I think about the game. Oh and I like the use of the word stabby.

The lepers and beggars are annoying, usually just use the hidden blade when I get sick of them. Now if you didn't get arrested for doing it in real life.

I still think the review's opening song should have been the 'Mister Stabby' theme...

I think people are way too hard on the game, and Yahtzee is right. Its trying to do something different, instead of bringing out yet another sequel.

Its a well known fact anyway, anything that has a ridiculous about of hype surrounding it before release, will never live up to its standards, i mean, LOOK AT HALO 3. its ratchet & clank in first person basicaly.

Buut theres nothing wrong with a bit of Ratchet & Clank now, is there...

So is it possible to download these reviews??

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