Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5

This is a game so over hyped it belongs on the Wii. Assassins Creed is more repetative than a 90's JRPG. You spend about 40 hrs running around only 3 cities, which are pretty big. However you spend the 40 hours doing only about 3 tasks. Hunting down flags for information or saving the countless innocents that are being accused of shoplifting. Each time you arrive at a city you have about 6 objectives,maybe about 3 of which are required. The game makes the player think that if you only do the 3 required quests it will be near impossible to take down your target. Wrong. After doing all the objectives in the first couple of cities i gained no perks other than the game telling me common sense things like" the Merchant king will be in a market. Strike when he lets his guard down". Really? SO after repeating the same dumb quests I decided to just complete the minimum quests and go right after the target. Guess what the outcome was exactly the same. I kill all his guards then shank him then run across roof tops to get away. THis is the only fun in the game you will have. The rest is just filler. The plot is pretty good though except the EA-style rip off of an ending. This confirmed to me that this game is full of filler just to get you to buy one or two more of these, however many they decide to make. I think I'll sit the next assassins creed out. I'll just watch the ending cinematics on Youtube.

Frightening howmany people can't grasp the concept of two opposing opinions to coexist in one persons mind at the same time.

Though I only played about an hour and a half of the game, I found it a blast. Being female however I appreicated the long draw out talks, given I do it daily and listening can be rather enjoyable, however I always wanted to slap that stupid assassin upside the head for being an absoulte moron. He broke the only three rules all at once and at the very begining and it frustrated me because I had no say in the matter. As I watched my guy friends play this game, however, they ran suspiciously everywhere and killed every person in their path, not just those who pushed them but everyone and when they complained the game sucks I felt I need knew guy friends. They totally missed the mark on what you the game was about and I actually threw their wireless controller at them and screamed not to kill the woman with the jar on her head because they thought it'd be fun and go listen to the man-in-the-turban's conversation. So sad. I'm a PC RPG girl anyway. But that was fun. Now back to Elder Scrolls

Very repetitive, but for the most part I enjoyed it. Climbing up people's houses and killing the Templar Knights was fun. However like all next gen games for me, the experience is nearly ruined by my 15 inch T.V. *sigh*

I've got it. Guess what, you were right, I've been getting bored. Stuff like throwing a knife into the stomach of a guy when he says "You're not supposed to be here" is great but its the repetitive side quests and scaling of towers thats boring me.

OK, I finaly finished it and the feeling I got was "So now when I finished the tutorial, when can I get into the whole game?"

Don't get me wrong, the free climbing and stylised fighting was realy fun for me, at least until hordes of enemy started to come at me one at a time. Besides that, everything else seemed like fluff.

The future part was good, desincronising was far better than dying, I hate dying in games, it killes the immersion for me, at least this way there is a string of logic in all of it.

And the quests, the quests realy sucked, I'm sorry, but if there were 3 people to kill instead of 9, it would be ok, but doing the same thing EVERY time was bad, realy bad.

Regardless... I still like to fire it up now and then just to go fooling around, jumping and climbing, walking the streets and picking pockets, but I realy wish the game had a complete release, not just a demo, way to long demo.

Woo i love pushing the begger woman to the floor but i cant do it when someone else is watching me play the game because the dam beggers fall with their legs OPEN! and then the person with me just points and call me a lesbien...

haha this is 1 of the best review!

I agree that at least it's trying to do something different. The climing animation is one of the best parts of it, especially when you can here people on the street saying "He's going to hurt himself." Well maybe, but I'm having more fun than you!

You are absolutely right about travelling on a horse through the Kingdom, like wtf? Why is it suspicious to be riding a horse across the open roads? And I also get the indefinite urge to kill the guys with clear mental issues, because they're just so annoying, I've even killed beggers numerous times before. There are things that Ubisoft could have done better with on Assassins Creed, but overall it is a good game.

This game SCREAMS overhype. The first time I saw the gameplay trailer I was insolently ecstatic over the fact that I would soon be able to pretend I'm an assassin going around killing religious fanatics. But no, like you said, it's all about a guy in the future forced to replay memories about something he so seriously should not even know anything of (which is committing the grand sin of Inconsistency plot-wise). Oh and those godawful "glitches" that appeared during every single cutscene broke the flow for me entirely. I felt like a futuristic twat in a pretentious time-travel stuffed with deliberate programming flaws.

The controls can be forgiven but I didn't even get past the part where you have to jump up that one wall at the starting chapter stuffed with ledges you gotta latch onto (primarily because the game's collision detection was malevolently unforgiving).

if you would take the time to talk to the girl after you come out of the animus (the thing you go in to go back to the past)(witch i think is kinda gay) she explans a lot of things to you and also why the talk like marden time when its a million years in the past

The DS prequal to this game has less conversation and also gives you the option to skip. The sword fighting is also a main point of combat. Assasination is done only with Quick Time Events, and makes it more fun due to the fact it's a core element of gameplay. I played the PS3 version of Assasin's Creed, and I thing the DS version is much better.

Yes the retards that shove you with all their stength and the begger women were very very VERY fucking annoying, if it wasn't for them i would've loved assassin's creed better, not to mention the totally true fact about walking down from your mountain top fortress or the unskippable dialoge cutscenes



just kidding, great vid, I don't understand what started the hype with this game anyway..

HYPE = BAD. VERY BAD!! (worse than non logical fanboys? <.< >.>)

so, just never go to any game websites again, no preview videos, no magazines and you'll have the best gaming ever because everything will be a sleeper hit to you :D

Also, avoid word of mouth hype (real life fanboys) and television ads.

In short, stay indoors, live by yourself, and read books.... yeah, right.

That doesn't sound too bad, as long as I can play some games when I'm not reading. Which is something I also love to do by the way :)

The review isn't supposed to make you hate or love the game, it's just an opinion. For example, Yahtzee hates Fable, and I like it. That doesn't mean I'm going to hate Yahtzee or start hating Fable. He is just being funny. I watch the reviews more with the intention of laughing than knowing if I should buy a game, because for me, it's my opinion that matters. I won't say that a game is good or bad until I've finished playing it, and still this isn't going to make a difference, because other people may like what I hate and vice versa.

That game killed my affection for other gamers.


It's the Benny Hill show!

Used The Clash in the beginning, nice. Also, how you described dealing with the beggars was really funny.

Altair is without a doubt the worst fucking assassin in gaming history! Assassins (to quote from The Bourne Identity) are sent because they don't exist and for all victims nearest and dearest know, they died of a heart attack or because of a criminally negligent cook. Yet here he is, blithely stabbing the target in a non-vital area right in the middle of a fucking crowd of people, cradling the targets head whilst letting him piss in his ears for about 5 minutes before he finaly dies and Altair comes back to the reality of his embarrasing ineptitude putting the entire town on red alert and has to run hell-for-leather back to the local assassins office so that everyone will just forget what happened! I never heard of Solid Snake stopping to listen to the life stories of the throats he didn't slit properly and generally chucking stealth out the window (except perhaps in MGS 4)! That would sure as hell have alienated me from the MGS series!

Yahtzee is sure as hell more patient than me if he played it through to the end because I gave up after 1/9 repeated assassination missions 1) because Altair is so shite he might as well be just another generic power-armoured marine drawing every possible attention to himself and 2) because by this point I was convinced I'd seen it all.

The review isn't supposed to make you hate or love the game, it's just an opinion. For example, Yahtzee hates Fable, and I like it. That doesn't mean I'm going to hate Yahtzee or start hating Fable. He is just being funny. I watch the reviews more with the intention of laughing than knowing if I should buy a game, because for me, it's my opinion that matters. I won't say that a game is good or bad until I've finished playing it, and still this isn't going to make a difference, because other people may like what I hate and vice versa.

Well said. I for example like Dead Space and MGS 4 but I also like watching their respective Zero Punctuation reviews, despite the roasting they get, or rather, because of it lol. Besides, I think Yahtzee's reviews are the best there is because if you already know all the flaws beforehand, you're better able to decide if you can look past them. It's certainly better than those reviewers who give perfect scores like they're some sort of 10/10 trophy dispensers, which gives me the impression that they either played the game just long enough for a cup of tea to brew or didn't play it at all, having made up their minds by just looking at a few screenshots and/or trailers.

To me, Far Cry 2 is nothing but a shallow, repetitive, annoying, over-hyped, half-baked Crysis rip off that reeks of trying to hide from it's shitty gameplay, non-existant story and fast-talking, trigger-happy NPC drones behind it's pretty graphics and realistic fire-spreading physics. But to be on the safe side, i'll just assume i'm the only one who believes that until proven otherwise.

To each his/her own. I'll just remember to take any future Ubisoft games (post PoP: Two Thrones) with more than a pinch of salt and avoid Ubisoft Montreal games like a plague!

I've played the game many of times.
I'm not going to lie to you its not a perfect game it has a few repeating missions and glitches. Combat is much deeper once you unlock new moves like combo kill,dodge and few different counters with short,long blade and hidden blade

I thought the story was very good and interesting.

it was one of my favoriate games, but ur so right, on so many of ur reviews, lol. i might like the game, but i cant argue your points. Keep up the good work man =)


Cocksicle = hilarious!!

Some of Yahtzee's best work it must be said. Great honest entartaining review. it was just a rantfest like in most reviews, I'm not saying that that isnt entertaining though.

Cocksicle = hilarious!!

I was coming here, to say that exact statement sir ^_^

I wish I was able to verbally rip apart games the way Yahtzee does, this guy is hilarious!

I want this Game!

I love Assassin's Creed apart from those damn beggers and mentally challenged. Oh, that sounds awful. At least the new one only has one money-despirate pig. If only I had money to give them I would.

Great review! That french cock was one of the funniest pictueres i´ve ever seen.

hehehe...faffing about creed

That sun at the end made me laugh.

I didn't play the game beyond the first memory though, the cutscenes were annoying and the moment I tried to leave the castle and fight the dickface army I fell throught the floor on a pile of dead assassins and had to repeat the entire mission. Righty then, On to Assassins Creed 2. Or a good game like tetris.

For some reason, the next video for guitar hero three isn't working. It's a shame, cause it's one of my faves.

I feel stupid saying this but I have never played any of theses games. Are the good? and is there a "New game plus" type of thing where I can replay a game but with all my unlocks from the start?

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
Register for a free account here