Zero Punctuation: Guitar Hero III

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I can't believe people are offended by the "freak" comment. I highly doubt Yahtzee was taking a shot at hardcore gamers...in fact, he probably meant it as a compliment. Tiger Woods is a freak. Not because of some weird deformity or obsession, but because it seems like his body was created by almighty God to swing a golf club and his talent far exceeds what any normal person should be able to do, even with decades of practice.

Yahtzee wasn't saying that if you can beat the game on expert you are the type of freak that isolates himself in his basement for months doing nothing but play GH. He meant that you have a natural gift for that type of game...you should be grateful. Or maybe you should curse God for giving you a gift that is, on the whole, absolutely worthless compared to hitting golf balls and making millions of dollars. But you get the point.

Getting it for xmas on pc...finally out on the RIGHT hardware. And don't worry, I won't be experiencing any of the slowdown that all of those noobs are having, I have a supercomputer. Anyways. Having the gh2 controller from the 360 and having it wired definitely sucks BALLS. But thats how commie bastards treat the pc. Oh well. At least I don't have to pay to play online.

At least he had the brains to use Cliffs of Dover. From 1990, me thinks. You folks alive in 1990?

Corbineau:

Jeigan:
Sorry, Corbineau I don't really have the time to read through five pages of messages. And that wasn't meant to rude, it's just the truth. It's quite nice to know, though :D

It's all good. :D We should start a band.

Heh, what would we call ourselves? Shadows of a Gentleman Thief?

I'd credit my ability to play GH
(ability demonstrated here: http://www.guitarhero.com/accounts/339806)
TO the fact that I play a number of instruments (so I play bass, not lead guitar... that doesn't make me gay - right? ...Right?) and that I've always been more musically inclined than most.

That entirely useless argument aside (I'd really just like to find more players at my skill level to compete against - more on that in a sec), I have to say my main gripe (yes, I definitely had the "way too hard" one at first, despite the fact that I'm apparently better at GH3 than GH2) is the fact that when you compile the difficulty along with the large number of "singles" tracks - that is, the very large number of songs from the last 24 someodd months(they feel like ads for the bands) and the other lingering issues, I really don't feel there enough content here to justify a purchase UNLESS you have friend(s) of comparable skill level (I don't) or you play online a fair deal (I do, though enjoyment varies by game mode - modes which don't force the opponent to play on the same difficulty level are heavily handicapped against the higher difficulty player, and are often exploited by gamerscore whores.)
Also, the achievements kinda suck a fair deal. did I mention that? I'm never gonna 1000 the game (well, I can't get 750,000 pts, anyways) because I have no desire of playing the game on Easy... gah.

Review was funny as always, regardless.

Also, I really didn't care for "Guitar Queer-o", as much as I like some episodes of South Park (See: most of the "Imaginationland" trilogy).

I'd credit my ability to play GH
(ability demonstrated here: http://www.guitarhero.com/accounts/339806)
TO the fact that I play a number of instruments (so I play bass, not lead guitar... that doesn't make me gay - right? ...Right?) and that I've always been more musically inclined than most.

That entirely useless argument aside (I'd really just like to find more players at my skill level to compete against - more on that in a sec), I have to say my main gripe (yes, I definitely had the "way too hard" one at first, despite the fact that I'm apparently better at GH3 than GH2) is the fact that when you compile the difficulty along with the large number of "singles" tracks - that is, the very large number of songs from the last 24 someodd months(they feel like ads for the bands) and the other lingering issues, I really don't feel there enough content here to justify a purchase UNLESS you have friend(s) of comparable skill level (I don't) or you play online a fair deal (I do, though enjoyment varies by game mode - modes which don't force the opponent to play on the same difficulty level are heavily handicapped against the higher difficulty player, and are often exploited by gamerscore whores.)
Also, the achievements kinda suck a fair deal. Did I mention that? 'Cause they do. I'm never gonna 1000 the game (well, I can't get 750,000 pts, anyways) because I have no desire of playing the game on Easy... gah.

Review was funny as always, regardless.

Also, I really didn't care for "Guitar Queer-o", as much as I like some episodes of South Park (See: most of the "Imaginationland" trilogy).

Joe:

rhizic:
am i the only person on the planet that think GH sucks?

Yes.

No.

Brodel2:
@am i the only person on the planet that think GH sucks?

No ... u're not...it's the most idiotic game ever... and "Who's Tom Morello ?" ...are u fuckin hamsters?!?!? http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/5937559/the_100_greatest_guitarists_of_all_time (check no.26)
Yahtzee U "twat" ,do u see Slash anywhere on that list?!? but I guess the boys and girls at the Rolling Stone are a bunch of gays

JoeCooL:

Brodel2:
@am i the only person on the planet that think GH sucks?

No ... u're not...it's the most idiotic game ever... and "Who's Tom Morello ?" ...are u fuckin hamsters?!?!? http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/5937559/the_100_greatest_guitarists_of_all_time (check no.26)
Yahtzee U "twat" ,do u see Slash anywhere on that list?!? but I guess the boys and girls at the Rolling Stone are a bunch of gays

Joe you forgot one important thing... rolling stone is not the ultimate truth about myuzik..(well if you think it is then your loyalty is gravely misplaced) and in fact has very little to do with actual musicianship.It rather concerns itself with the showbiz aspect...... so if you are looking for a good call on whos the best guitarist then pick an axe learn some licks, break some fingers spill some blood and make up your own bloody mind about whos who rather than listen to a bunch of corporate swines..

Who the hell is Tom Morelles (balls?), and what's it doing next to Slash? I'm pretty sure most people would rather believe Celine Dion was a guitarist worthy of the front cover of GHIII than some poor sod from nowhere.

Amazing review - I laughed 'til my tummy hurt, repeatedly.

JoeCooL:
No ... u're not...it's the most idiotic game ever... and "Who's Tom Morello ?" ...are u fuckin hamsters?!?!? http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/5937559/the_100_greatest_guitarists_of_all_time (check no.26)
Yahtzee U "twat" ,do u see Slash anywhere on that list?!? but I guess the boys and girls at the Rolling Stone are a bunch of gays

Being good (or exceptional in this case) at guitar does not make you a "Legend of Rock." Most people don't know who Morello is, anybody who even vaguely remembers the 80's knows Gun's n Roses and the top hat wearing guitarist... that would be Legendary.

JoeCooL:

No ... u're not...it's the most idiotic game ever... and "Who's Tom Morello ?" ...are u fuckin hamsters?!?!?

No, I happen to be a Gerbil.

dv8withn8:
@lpneiman
Think I just heard Yahtzee's zipper drop.

Nice, but I don't believe I meant it in that exact manner, lol.

All gayness and difficulty issues aside, I'm just glad to find out that I'm not the only person that has played Guitar Hero until my arms and hands cramped up. Hell, I've KEPT playing it, through the cramps and agony, because I was having so goddamned much fun. It's a bit sad that the peas-taped-to-your-arms struck me not as sad, but as a BRILLIANT idea.

Well okay, maybe just a bit sad.

Jeigan:

Corbineau:

Jeigan:
Sorry, Corbineau I don't really have the time to read through five pages of messages. And that wasn't meant to rude, it's just the truth. It's quite nice to know, though :D

It's all good. :D We should start a band.

Heh, what would we call ourselves? Shadows of a Gentleman Thief?

That could work ;)

Oh, silly Yahtzee, denying that you're gay will only only incite the RPS ficcers even more.

I was fairly dissapointed with the music listing of GHIII. Where's Santana? Where's Hendrix? The lack of those two is a sin. One that can't be atoned for by anything less than ritual suicide.

twilight_dweller:
I was fairly dissapointed with the music listing of GHIII. Where's Santana? Where's Hendrix? The lack of those two is a sin. One that can't be atoned for by anything less than ritual suicide.

Well, the Santana is right here: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3158625460993936780

D:

Yahtzee pulls it off yet again! Loved the "razor wire" joke.

Fantastic Review, i love you.

Corbineau:

Jeigan:

Corbineau:

Jeigan:
Sorry, Corbineau I don't really have the time to read through five pages of messages. And that wasn't meant to rude, it's just the truth. It's quite nice to know, though :D

It's all good. :D We should start a band.

Heh, what would we call ourselves? Shadows of a Gentleman Thief?

That could work ;)

Actually, I was hoping you world say something that didn't suck, but sure, let's go with that. Afraid I don't have Rock band though :P

Evilducks:
You can stop begging for Blue Oyster Cult or other groups from that decade, unless you like covers (GH has had a BOC song or two already). Master tracks recorded in ways useful for the purpose of these games don't exist so they will all have to be re-recorded. The reason Rock Band only has contemporary songs is because they wanted all master tracks. GH still incorporates older music, but again they're covers, and people whine incessantly about it.

Interesting theory, given that Rock Band has a master track of Don't Fear the Reaper.

Maybe Morello would have to wear a hat and be showy like Slash, and people would know him.
It does not undermine his talent, and the Rage would have been much less interesting without him.

I'd laugh my ass off if Santana made its way into GH III though. If anything, the GH controller is probably enough for him and his "music".

Wait. He's in? Yes? Oh crap.

The appeal of Guitar Hero escapes me. It is the Simon/God of War button mashing but with music this time instead of killing people or things of that nature. I recall thinking that the first time I saw guitar Hero in action when visiting family. I understood how it worked and why it would appeal to people, but was also gripped by a severe lack of desire to even bother trying it once, much less spend my time mastering the danged thing. It's strange, because when I was twelve, I would have been all over Guitar Hero. It is the sort of fiddly reflex game at which I tended to excel. now that I'm older, I would rather take an iron hook, shove it up my nose, fish out my brain and train it to do tricks like a dog, including fetching my slippers and paper.

GH3 had several problems, and this ZP addresses them well. I'm just going to agree and add on so...

1) Difficulty level. The Hammer-on Pull-offs were easier (the first time I was able to get them) but shit just felt difficult to be difficult, instead of challenging. I never-ever-play GH on a level beyond Medium, because I have a life with a whole host of other responsibilities I need to ignore; actually practicing to get better at this game is not worth it. However, I start on Medium, and just go; usually, with a little work I've been able to manage the other games. Not so, here.
1a) In addition, when there are 'boss' battles (which suck hippo balls) that come down to luck (which ALSO sucks hippo balls) then fuck that noise. If the idea is to pretend you're in a band, then you should have experiences that feel like band ones, not Highlander with guitars.

2) Songs that can only be unlocked in Co-op.
Some of us don't have friends who want/can help us do this, bastards. I was really surprised no mention of this was in the review, since Yahtzee has repeatedly stated how he doesn't care about multiplayer in games. Basically; there are 6 (or so) songs I can't touch without cheats. That's bullshit, since I paid my $ for the game.

3) Graphics. The graphics (at least for the PS2 version I had) were actually worse than previous incarnations.
How the hell do you manage that?

4) Tom Morello is considered one of the great guitarists by other people who play guitar. He really is impressive, if you listen to a lot of rock music. That said; I totally understand where the review is coming from. And, anyone who thinks Slash can't play guitar is out of their friggin minds. You may not like it, but that doesn't mean he's not brilliant at it. (Also true of Morello)

So yeah. This was the first time I would advise someone to NOT get a GH game. I was just really disappointed.

Twister. On a stick. With rock music. Thats a good way to describe guitar hero...

Good review, and I totally agree with the 'Quit the game here brick wall of difficulty jumping doom.' Still haven't beaten that.

However, I don't know if anyone has griped yet about the retarded adds on whatever video hosting service the reviews are hosted on, but holy crap. That add popover thing and the annoying videos afterwards when I forget to close the window. Whats wrong with Youtube? There must be slightly lessing annoying alternatives.

I'm not sure RATM is as international as, say, David Gilmore or GnR.

Jeigan:

Corbineau:

Jeigan:
Sorry, Corbineau I don't really have the time to read through five pages of messages. And that wasn't meant to rude, it's just the truth. It's quite nice to know, though :D

It's all good. :D We should start a band.

Heh, what would we call ourselves? Shadows of a Gentleman Thief?

Actually, I think that would be an excellent name for a rock band. Then again, it's hard to do worse than "The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus". :P

I suppose it has a certain ring to it, but it's missing something... It just doesn't roll off the tongue. Hey Yahtzee, what do you think? Or do you not read these?

the gamespot=jerks part was hilarious.

why is everyone so bloody touchy about Tom Morello?

So ... when are you and the escapist gonna stop dicking around, buy a huge pc and review Crysis? I fear you'll have to jam forks in your eyes though ;)

mGoLos:
So ... when are you and the escapist gonna stop dicking around, buy a huge pc and review Crysis? I fear you'll have to jam forks in your eyes though ;)

What, because Yahtzee will find it so monotonous that the only way to escape the bland is to shove forks in his eyes?

By far the funniest ZP I've watched to date. The ending had me in tears!

I hope my boyfriend doesn't try playing GH3...

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