Zero Punctuation: Mass Effect

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I have yet to play Mass Effect, but based on this, I guess I should be renting it.

And since we're on the subject, CAD isn't the best webcomic ever, but is far from shitty. If it were shitty, nobody would ever read it, so it does have an audience. It's not as good as PA or VGCats, but I still find it tolerable once in a while.

I would just like to encourage everyone who likes Ctrl+Alt+Del to post about how unfair Yahtzee was to it so that I may make Greasemonkey scripts to automatically block all of your posts.

Yerocha: Popularity and quality rarely correlate. See: reality shows

Oh, and the middle character is Kuja from FFIX. I should credit Yahtzee from even knowing who Kuja is, but I wouldn't put it past him if he didn't know either.

M_Gargantua:
You fit more words in a single weekly installment then most games, stop complaining.

He explained that, you may not have picked up on it, though. I mean it was only really obvious... You know, the 'hairdresser's car being filled up with shampoo' thing?

I reccomend watching it again, and listening to that bit this time round.

And to all you pervs out there, if you want in game sexy-time, then go and buy Fahrenheit. It has far more sex, and it's also a better game. (And if you're Yanks, it was given the stupid name Indigo Prophecy over there for some reason.)

doorknobsalesman:
I would just like to encourage everyone who likes Ctrl+Alt+Del to post about how unfair Yahtzee was to it so that I may make Greasemonkey scripts to automatically block all of your posts.

The heck? First post ever and it makes no coherent sense? And it was unfair, as CAD is awesome. Go and play with your precious Greasy Monkey.

Thank you for participating.

Keep coming, people! It may only be a small amount, but everything that makes these comments less asinine helps!

Spread her like marmalade and fill her with the toothpaste of love.

I like the summary of japanese RPGs. Lots of good mini-art.
The canadian mobs never get old. I liked the fat one full of blah juice.

Besides... North American Dalek?

Hahahah he hates Ctrl Alt Del. Yahtzee I love you.

nazi Yazi has actually disappointed me this week..... its that in a society like ours where people pay good money for and enjoy the random bitching of obnoxious questionable characters with an obscure fetish for fancy hats (oh crap!! see what watching him all the time does to you) anywhoo... but we want our free moneys worth of good bitching and this week Yazi fell short....

Its nice to hear him rant about a games most intimate shortcoming like a back stabbing gay lover telling the streets that you got a short crooked penis ( i told you this Yazi shit is getting to me)but when he so much as runs the game thru like a clueless bimbo doing a math quiz and stretches the whole so called 'review' of one or two aspects that he didnt like into a whole 3 minutes... or what ever the time it takes to spew his fast paced ,concentrated nazi rants.

But hey its Yazi... h doesnt have to try anymore, he can take a crap on all of us and we will still find funny.... hell he might even get away with murder at this stage

Wistfane:
nazi Yazi has actually disappointed me this week..... its that in a society like ours where people pay good money for and enjoy the random bitching of obnoxious questionable characters with an obscure fetish for fancy hats (oh crap!! see what watching him all the time does to you) anywhoo... but we want our free moneys worth of good bitching and this week Yazi fell short....

Its nice to hear him rant about a games most intimate shortcoming like a back stabbing gay lover telling the streets that you got a short crooked penis ( i told you this Yazi shit is getting to me)but when he so much as runs the game thru like a clueless bimbo doing a math quiz and stretches the whole so called 'review' of one or two aspects that he didnt like into a whole 3 minutes... or what ever the time it takes to spew his fast paced ,concentrated nazi rants.

But hey its Yazi... h doesnt have to try anymore, he can take a crap on all of us and we will still find funny.... hell he might even get away with murder at this stage

did anyone else lol at captain emo?

Two things...... just coz i complain does not make make me an emo makes an asshole a whino a troll but not an emo.... second i lolled myself..... i did exactly the smae thing Yazi does only on amateur level.... think before you spew your crap... if you thought and crap still comes out well im sorry its something i have to live then there will be no shortage if idiots. EVER

great review, and an even better jab at CAD comics. WALL OF FRIGGING TEXT

ShmenonPie:

doorknobsalesman:
I would just like to encourage everyone who likes Ctrl+Alt+Del to post about how unfair Yahtzee was to it so that I may make Greasemonkey scripts to automatically block all of your posts.

The heck? First post ever and it makes no coherent sense? And it was unfair, as CAD is awesome. Go and play with your precious Greasy Monkey.

It made perfect sense.

Maybe you should go learn what Greasemonkey is.

"It will hardly make your Mass Erect"

I lol'd.

The review is full of truth, then again, I love the game. Honestly though, if your pressing B through the entire game, and as such skipping dialogue, this game will do NOTHING for you. You mine as well not have written a review considering dialogue and story is really more than half the game.

Not as good as your Guitar Hero III review, but nonetheless a good review. It's nice to know that there are video game reviewers out there that don't constantly slobber a game's knob because it has branching dialog and some mediocre RPG elements.

I'm guessing that you'd enjoy Mass Effect quite a bit once you really get into the storyline, though. It's pretty engrossing when you pay attention and think about what your choices will massively effect.*

*Word use not as good as Mass Erect.

To be honest i would like this review if i dident have a personal relationship with Mass Effect :(

Scammy:
I'm guessing that you'd enjoy Mass Effect quite a bit once you really get into the storyline, though. It's pretty engrossing when you pay attention and think about what your choices will massively effect.*

Not necessarily. If the gameplay reeks of fetid arse then a great storyline doesn't make a game great.

I love Goodfellas dearly, but if a 5 year old was jabbing me in the eye repeatedly whilst I was watching it, my attention would not be on the carefully-crafted narrative, but on the sharp pain in my eye every couple of seconds.

This much like playing Mass Effect. I don't give a flying shit how good the storyline may be - the game overwhelmed me constantly with such shitty design and gameplay issues that I gave up way before reaching the end.

I have followed Yahtzee for a while and this review has finally pushed me over the edge and into joining this forum. I like all of his reviews but not this one so much. Mainly because it doesn't really focus on what was actually wrong with the game or acknowledge what was actually good.

The fighting was certainly much better than in KOTOR where anyone without a lightsaber just stood around like they were a gunslinger in a western. The combat system had a few problems. It was pretty much ripped from Gears of war. Now Gears had a very good combat system but it's a little clunky in Mass Effect. As for characters getting in the way...well that's not unique to this game and I think it's unfair to critisise this when it happens so often to other games.

The sidequests were generally repetative and so where the planets. The main problem is that the main quest is reletively short. It could have done with another planet being explored which would help with the characters and such. However this is about as far as I can critisise the game.

I certainly don't think there was too much dialogue. And too much is always better than too little. The mako had some handling problems but when I learned you could drive it real fast over ridges and ontop of enemies it became real fun real fast. I liked the codex but I like roleplaying and I can see why some wouldn't be impressed. The graphics are very good and so was the customisation. It didn't do to much but it did determine an interesting side quest and characters referenced it. Didn't make much difference to actual gameplay but it was nice to have it acknowledged.

Hopefully Xbox live will alow the developers to build on the world a little and flesh it out some more and try some new things.

PS: Blue alien women are hot. Anyone who doesn't think so is a fruit.

Why reply here? Everyone's already said what I feel. So I quickly state that it was great. I laughed alot. Mission complete Yahtzee, I enjoyed watching the video.

CRTL+ALT+DEL - I love this comic, bloody funny stuff. I think those who think it sucks will have to have a look thru the archive of comics to appreciate the stories.

As for Mass Effect, havnt got it yet and i have heard plenty about the elevators and that bitch of a car. Whatever though - should be fun over christmas.

Nice work Yahtzee as usual, I agree with one of the other blokes up there about some PC gaming goodness.

I found the great space-opera story, engaging characters, well-acted dialogue and pretty visuals far too pleasing to be distracted by purely average 3PS gameplay, barely-present texture pop-in, and very seldom framerate issues. The tedium of the repetitive sidequests that take place over and over again on the same planets that have just been coloured differently was felt towards the end, but I'll happily do it again.

The fact is, this game is not the greatest game ever made, but it's also nowhere near as bad as the critics would have you believe. I haven't seen an unbiased review yet because every reviewer either loves it with sickening squelch noises or hates it with the fire of a herpes blister (or hasn't played it and thinks the sole point of the game is to fuck blue aliens - indeed a noble goal, but not worth the 25 hours of gameplay it takes to get to that point).
I personally think it was great, and with a few tweaks Mass Effect 2 will be distilled awesome.
Nevertheless, I can't deny the criticisms raised and Yahtzee is as amusing as ever, even if he seemed a little tired this week.

Have you got smart drugs and whiskey hidden under that hat, Yahtzee?

Seriously though, I really enjoyed this review (I've enjoyed all of your reviews). Though I do feel that I must make it known that this game, whilst not the best game ever made, does leave room for a ball-tighteningly good sequel.

And I'm glad to finally hear someone well known refer to CAD as an over worded pile of copy and paste (paraphrase).

Keep up the good work, Yahtzee.

I expected him to give the game a little extra flaming, but then I realized (cuz of the end.) that this was made just to make everyone stfu about Mass Effect, and now I know why this kind of feels half-assed, it was great, but man, so much more he could have ranted about.

Either way, alright Yahtzee, I don't care what you review, just do a better job, this was good, but not "amazing" like all your others, and I know it's cuz you didn't give a shit about mass effect, and everyone wanted you to play all however many hours it takes to beat the game completely, and then do a full review about it.

I figured he'd mention the technical issues also, this isn't like a PC game or something were technical issues can either be completely absent or the game just won't work, but it's a 360 game so I'd imagine that he'd say "there's so many technical issues that you can hardly play the thing when it's time to do something exciting."

Anyway, great review as always.

I actually agree with Wistfane

Yahtzee's reviews are usually teeming with information I'm not much of a gamer anymore but I watch these reviews to see what I'm missing (or not as the case may be). His reviews are always a pleasure to watch because they're so full of wit and intelligence.

Though what happened this week yahtzee? Your slipping! I didn't get a feel for this game at all this review feels like you played a game you knew you would hate, skipped out most of it and then made a review whinging about how much you hate it. This is blog worthy stuff not review!

I'm disappointed in you. I hope for a better one next week. I appreciate it can't be easy turning these out every week but you'd done so well up till now.

TSED:

ShmenonPie:

doorknobsalesman:
I would just like to encourage everyone who likes Ctrl+Alt+Del to post about how unfair Yahtzee was to it so that I may make Greasemonkey scripts to automatically block all of your posts.

The heck? First post ever and it makes no coherent sense? And it was unfair, as CAD is awesome. Go and play with your precious Greasy Monkey.

It made perfect sense.

Maybe you should go learn what Greasemonkey is.

He couldn't understand simple English and thinks CAD is 'awesome'. Suddenly things have become clear.

Cato:

SanitysRequiem:

thestor:
When Yahtzee said "And less skinny underdressed girls claiming to be men", he showed three JRPG characters, to the very right Tidus from FF10, anyne know who the other two girl-guys were?
In regards of dialogue, a lot of dialouge is bad. If the dialogue is good, it can make up for it to a certain degree, but the ebst dialogues squeeze a lot of meaning and fun into very little words, my fav (though not a rpg) in this regard is "Sacrifice".

The other one is the b!tch boy from FFXII, Vaan...or some crap...the other is...eesh...I recognize him...I wanna say he's from a Castlevania game, but I dunno.

I think the third girl/bloke is the villain from Final Fantasy 9 who's name just left me. His name began with 'K', I think. I could be wrong though, I wasn't paying too much attention to that particular FF

Kuja. Zidane, also from FFIX is pretty effeminate too... although I'm a JRPG fag, also literally, and femme-boys are yummy. I still don't like Tidus though.

Excellent review. Initial song summed up your main point and then you proceeded to beat said point into the shattered remains of the game's integrity. I think other reviewers have more than covered the weak points, but yes: This is a game for fans of KotOR and Western RPGs only. If you know you dislike that genre, stay away. If you're kinda ambivalent, try it, it's the best of its genre. If you love the genre, you already have it, or you should buy a 360.

Yahtzee is my favourite charismatic-callipygian superman-stallion.

Because there's no such thing as action j-rpgs. Oh... wait...

And when the hell was Harry Mason from Silent Hill considered "grizzled and handsome"?

great review, for me it's the best one so far

Well, first things first, I felt like this review was a little phoned in. I half-expect its because Yahtzee did like the game, and when there's not much for him to sink his teeth into, he does stumble a little. Then again, my favorite review is Psychonauts, so that buggers that theory. In any case, I feel like Yahtzee felt that he *had* to review this, which does tend to turn out the weaker reviews. Oh well, I will still look forward to the next week's review no matter what it is:)

But what I tire of is that I see a really obnoxious trend here - namely, bitching about games in a certain genre merely for being in that genre. I mean seriously, if I pick up an RPG, I want the cutscenes, I want the dialogue, I want the story. If I pick up an RPG and complain that it is giving me cutscenes, dialogue, and story, then I am an idiot. If I complain that the cutscenes were dull, the dialogue was tedius, and the story a waste of time, I'm at least saying something substantial. I don't feel Yahtzee has done that - after all, Mass Effect was marketed entirely on its unique approach to (dun dun dun) dialogue! So complaining about it having a lot of dialogue is pointless because that was what the game was marketed for. If you absolutely hate games with a lot of dialogue (and it is still beyond me why Yahtzee hates them so when he's such an obvious text adventure fan), then you will hate RPGs because that is the whole damn point.

As for the feminine men, I secretely think the reason guys go ballistic over them so much is they are secretely afraid of being attracted to them. Oh, and then there's the fact that using all characters from one series, including two that aren't even close to feminine (and Kuja has a plot reason for the poofy skirt), doesn't do much for showing off a spectrum of JRPGS, now does it?

It seems that lately the "in" thing is to blast anything remotely Japanese in the gaming community, which is ironic when you consider the platforms of choice for the last few years continue to come from, shock, Japan. When I started playing JRPGs in the early 90s, they were a cult thing and liking them was cool. Now that they're more mainstream, it's far more common to bash them sight unseen. I don't expect a JRPG review to pop up here, but if Yahtzee continues to comment so curmudgeonly about them, then dammit, I'm going to leave comments about them!

Oh, and Yahtzee? If you thought you got a lot of e-mail about the Flak Towers, all hell will break loose for invoking a webcomic that is routinely lambasted in that pit of net hell known as 4chan. Prepare your sharpest barbs for defense!

Definitely Awesome. Despite his apparent hatred for JRPG's, I'd like to see Yahtzee review one. Particularly, anything from the Shin Megami Tensei series that's not Digital Devil Saga.

Tumbler360:

Open galaxy to explore my ass.

Dude, I don't think anyone wants to explore your ass. Well, maybe your proctologist, but even then, he or she is getting paid to do it.

What I'm wondering right now is why it was decided to use The Clash version of "I Fought the Law" instead of the Bobby Fuller original in the Assassin's Creed Review, but to use the original version of "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis instead of the JXL remix.

Hypersapien:
Callipygian superman!

No one on the tubes can hold a candle to Yahtzee when it comes to pure unadulterated wit.

It makes almost a better bandname than Charismatic Stallion.

Oh how delightfully goosh!

Haven't played it yet. As a little fella (11-18 years old) I was enthralled by JRPGs. Why I have no clue, because after joining the Army and jamming my mouth full of FPS's I can't stand any RPG whatsoever. KotOR (hahaha, kotor, sounds like a barbarian name) was a complete bore, and if Mass Effect is roughly the same, I think I'm going to join your brand of Nazi-ism and hate it without playing it.

On an unrelated note, haven't played Call of Duty 4 yet either.

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