Zero Punctuation: Mass Effect

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SomeBlackGuy:

ebannaw:

SomeBlackGuy:

ebannaw:
I'm sorry, but i'm going to have to strongly disagree with Yahtzee on this. Wait, no. I'm not sorry. The fucking jackass was dead wrong. I think he does a good job on most of his other "reviews" but here the twat is sucking his own cock.

Anyway, this game conveys such a deep, thought-provoking story and creates very likeable and lifelike characters. When most other games struggle to do this, Bioware manages to pull it off once again and this time in a unique setting. It's hard to not like Ashley and her fiery, yet kind spirit. Or to feel sorry for Wrex and how fucked up his life has been. The game is designed to convey fiction interactively, which is the main reason I love the game so much. It only helps that the game has an incredibly fun combat system and character/equipment development. The game's subplots, main plot, and background all make the game's fiction up into one fantastically realistic and plausible sci-fi situation. I am an avid PC gamer, and this game looked too interesting for me to pass up. It was the first Xbox 360 game I ever bought, and I must say I am in no way, shape or form regretting it. It's the most fun i've had with a game in while.

In the end, I guess it's a matter of opinion. While yahtzee seems to think people who play RPGs are douche-bags with no life, I guess he's the one left in the corner yanking his own cock day in and out because he's the one criticizing people for having a good time. Suck my cock on this one Yahtzee, you prick. Otherwise, G'Day mate but your daily course of shit on a shingle is starting to seep through your pores. I'd go back to cupcakes for a while.

*Swoosh* Right over your head...

He's just using Satire to provide an enjoyable review based upon his opinion.

Stop getting burt-hurt because he says some bad things about your "Godlike" game.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the COD 4 review, It's won lot's of awards, including GOTY awards from IGN and Gamespy, so I can't imagine Yahtzee to rag on the game too much.

And i'm just using satire to prove how much of a dumbass you are.

Nice try, Boyo

to ebannaw: dude, read that comment and you will realize that you didnt actually use any satire.

Soooo..... are we getting one this week or is Yahtzee taking this week off because of Christmas?

was wondering that myself

Yahtzee fully deserves a holiday break, but it would be nice for The Escapist to tell us not to expect a review this week.

i think its safe to say we wont get one. most of his reviews come around 12 or 1 EST, and seeing as its now 2:30 i have to think there wont be one.

DAMN, i want a review. :(

msbs42:
i think its safe to say we wont get one. most of his reviews come around 12 or 1 EST, and seeing as its now 2:30 i have to think there wont be one.

Agreed.

ebannaw:
I'm sorry, but i'm going to have to strongly disagree with Yahtzee on this. Wait, no. I'm not sorry. The fucking jackass was dead wrong. I think he does a good job on most of his other "reviews" but here the twat is sucking his own cock.

Anyway, this game conveys such a deep, thought-provoking story and creates very likeable and lifelike characters. When most other games struggle to do this, Bioware manages to pull it off once again and this time in a unique setting. It's hard to not like Ashley and her fiery, yet kind spirit. Or to feel sorry for Wrex and how fucked up his life has been. The game is designed to convey fiction interactively, which is the main reason I love the game so much. It only helps that the game has an incredibly fun combat system and character/equipment development. The game's subplots, main plot, and background all make the game's fiction up into one fantastically realistic and plausible sci-fi situation. I am an avid PC gamer, and this game looked too interesting for me to pass up. It was the first Xbox 360 game I ever bought, and I must say I am in no way, shape or form regretting it. It's the most fun i've had with a game in while.

In the end, I guess it's a matter of opinion. While yahtzee seems to think people who play RPGs are douche-bags with no life, I guess he's the one left in the corner yanking his own cock day in and out because he's the one criticizing people for having a good time. Suck my cock on this one Yahtzee, you prick. Otherwise, G'Day mate but your daily course of shit on a shingle is starting to seep through your pores. I'd go back to cupcakes for a while.

Post Merry Christmas everyone would like a Christmas review but oh well

Ebannaw, Where to start, i have no idea how you could love a game so much like if you want like if u want grab ur own cock and put it through the lil hole in cd, btw i hope your using lube. Mass effect Isn't the gold chariot that descends from heaven and saves you from your days toiling in the dirt and takes you to the land of the RPG grinding. Now as Yahtzee has clearly stated that he isn't a big fan of RPG grinding and he has trouble understanding why people like you do like the grind.

now figure 09 has said

"jst to put it this way, i love RPGS, i dont get how masseffect is one though. and its no bloody fun, having 2 pause 2 open ur effing combat wheel thingy every 2 seconds."

well if thats true about the combat wheel then thats pretty shit. now Ebannaw you start talking about the characters and the life story and well NOBODY CARES ABOUT A CHARACTER IN A GAME BECAUSE THERE PIXELS AND PROGRAMING now sometimes people could be moved if it was 100% accurate in history or on the present. Now figure 09 i know what your saying but mass effect is a RPG and you can tell because you choice you attack and it rolls things like if it hits and much damage it dose and if the dodge and so on and so forth, but the attacks should be on a continues loop once you choice the attack and not have to choice it over and over
so yeah ebannaw i hope that one day you will crawl out from your basement/gaming place/bedroom and go hang in the sun, all the best Duwom
P.s you have to excuse my bad grammer its early and i stayed up to about 3

I wish they'd come out with a PC version of Mass Effect, since I'm not going to buy a 360 just to play 2 or 3 games; Halo 3 (just because you have to), Mass Effect and...and...that other one that they ruined, oh, Perfect Dark: Zero.

"jst to put it this way, i love RPGS, i dont get how masseffect is one though. and its no bloody fun, having 2 pause 2 open ur effing combat wheel thingy every 2 seconds."

well if thats true about the combat wheel then thats pretty shit."

Its not true. I hardly ever bothered using the combat wheel. There is not any reason to use it more than once a battle and even then even once isn't usually nessesary.

"now Ebannaw you start talking about the characters and the life story and well NOBODY CARES ABOUT A CHARACTER IN A GAME BECAUSE THERE PIXELS AND PROGRAMING"

Frankly that is crap. The essense of RPG's (And many Television shows and movies and even books) is to make the viewer/player/reader empathise with the characters. In a well made game even though we know they are pixels we don't treat them as such and that's what makes great characters.

Now back to other things:
Going back over Yahtzee's review I still find it more perplexing and lackluster. The fists 2 minuted were pretty good until it got to the dialouge critisism. In the end it seems as though he decided to hate the game before he played it and as a result it seems fake.

I can't believe they called her Ashley Williams. I guess the developers weren't Bruce Campbell fans.

To those who think Wall Of Text redeems Mass Effect:

Why not read a novel instead? Or a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure story? Both are just as fun as Mass Effect...and without any glitches too!
***
This wasn't ZP's finest hour, to be sure. Then again, Yazthee didn't like RPGs. I do, but I won't take it as hate speech, I take it as a legit criticism of the RPG gerne, and why I never actually play RPGs even though I like them.

Why didn't he mention "A Galaxy of Fablous Wonderment?" though. I really liked that game, I really do.

Funny, but seriously, learn about Japanese culture before you slame JRPGS. There is a reason why the guys are pretty, and there's nothing wrong with it. Learn to live with it, or don't play the game. Simple as that.

Ryuuku:
Funny, but seriously, learn about Japanese culture before you slame JRPGS. There is a reason why the guys are pretty, and there's nothing wrong with it. Learn to live with it, or don't play the game. Simple as that.

Why do they look like girls/pretty?

Ryuuku:
Funny, but seriously, learn about Japanese culture before you slame JRPGS. There is a reason why the guys are pretty

What's the reason?

I think the devs were Campbell fans. At one point she will say "This is my boomstick!" if you try to talk to her in the party.

I would play ME instead of reading a book because I have more choice and I enjoy acting. Choose your own Adventure is terrible writing, so I wouldn't bother with that. ME is better.

I don't know if Duwom is joking, but you should care about some characters if it's done well, nothing in any media is anything more than words/actions presented to you, and ME has no dice rolls. So you really have no idea what you're talking about.

Ryuuku:
Funny, but seriously, learn about Japanese culture before you slame JRPGS. There is a reason why the guys are pretty, and there's nothing wrong with it. Learn to live with it, or don't play the game. Simple as that.

There is, because it looks stupid and is terribly unrealistic (I don't see many hideously androgynous people every day). Yes, there's suspension of disbelief, but if the characters don't know if they're a man or a woman, have DD breasts and a 10' waist, have eyes and mouths the size of their head, or get angsty and emotional about every little thing, it's annoying. And he is choosing not to play them.

figure09:

SomeBlackGuy:

ebannaw:

SomeBlackGuy:

ebannaw:
I'm sorry, but i'm going to have to strongly disagree with Yahtzee on this. Wait, no. I'm not sorry. The fucking jackass was dead wrong. I think he does a good job on most of his other "reviews" but here the twat is sucking his own cock.

Anyway, this game conveys such a deep, thought-provoking story and creates very likeable and lifelike characters. When most other games struggle to do this, Bioware manages to pull it off once again and this time in a unique setting. It's hard to not like Ashley and her fiery, yet kind spirit. Or to feel sorry for Wrex and how fucked up his life has been. The game is designed to convey fiction interactively, which is the main reason I love the game so much. It only helps that the game has an incredibly fun combat system and character/equipment development. The game's subplots, main plot, and background all make the game's fiction up into one fantastically realistic and plausible sci-fi situation. I am an avid PC gamer, and this game looked too interesting for me to pass up. It was the first Xbox 360 game I ever bought, and I must say I am in no way, shape or form regretting it. It's the most fun i've had with a game in while.

In the end, I guess it's a matter of opinion. While yahtzee seems to think people who play RPGs are douche-bags with no life, I guess he's the one left in the corner yanking his own cock day in and out because he's the one criticizing people for having a good time. Suck my cock on this one Yahtzee, you prick. Otherwise, G'Day mate but your daily course of shit on a shingle is starting to seep through your pores. I'd go back to cupcakes for a while.

*Swoosh* Right over your head...

He's just using Satire to provide an enjoyable review based upon his opinion.

Stop getting burt-hurt because he says some bad things about your "Godlike" game.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the COD 4 review, It's won lot's of awards, including GOTY awards from IGN and Gamespy, so I can't imagine Yahtzee to rag on the game too much.

And i'm just using satire to prove how much of a dumbass you are.

Nice try, Boyo

to ebannaw: dude, read that comment and you will realize that you didnt actually use any satire.

Quote mountain!

Hmm, the male protagonists in Japanese RPGs often look like girls because it's one of the cultural standards in Japan. You may want to read on Bishonen or something. It's not like we don't have cultural memes of our own, in movies, shows and games alike. I mean, what if some Japanese fellow asks you why are there always so many women in James Bond movies, and why most of them fall for the protagonist as soon as he enters the scene?

Huh?

I think he hit that glich in the game that makes all the enemys want to hug the SHIT outa you.

Maurog:
Hmm, the male protagonists in Japanese RPGs often look like girls because it's one of the cultural standards in Japan. You may want to read on Bishonen or something. It's not like we don't have cultural memes of our own, in movies, shows and games alike. I mean, what if some Japanese fellow asks you why are there always so many women in James Bond movies, and why most of them fall for the protagonist as soon as he enters the scene?

Huh?

I'll just tell them that Bond is a handsome seductive man.

So you're saying in Japan, girls often like the "homosexual" looking guys?

SomeBlackGuy is teh awesome.

That is all.

SomeBlackGuy:

So you're saying in Japan, girls often like the "homosexual" looking guys?

By "homosexual-looking" you meant "effeminate"?
With such phenomena as the popular all-female theater(coincidentally, most fans are female) and homosexual pornography for women (most gay men don't like it), this trend doesn't look so surprising.

R Man:
"jst to put it this way, i love RPGS, i dont get how masseffect is one though. and its no bloody fun, having 2 pause 2 open ur effing combat wheel thingy every 2 seconds."

well if thats true about the combat wheel then thats pretty shit."

Its not true. I hardly ever bothered using the combat wheel. There is not any reason to use it more than once a battle and even then even once isn't usually nessesary.

This is actually really funny.

One of the things I've noticed about this game is that everyone loves to spout opinions on it, yet few actually spend enough time on anything higher than casual (very easy) difficulty beforehand to have any idea what they're talking about. If you don't use the combat wheel often you are doing something wrong. Yes, it pauses combat. You will be doing this all the time as was obviously intended. The most particularly useful and frequent combat pausing is done when fighting geth hoppers. You will not come close to surviving hardcore or insanity without using the wheel. Maybe veteran, but you'd still be making things harder on yourself just to play the game like it's Halo.

Having said all that, aside from your squad AI, the combat feels unique, fairly deep, and is a lot of fun. If you took away the combat wheel and its pausing you would be completely changing the entire game for the worse. It would almost certainly become more twitch than strategic RPG.

Story is good. Different choices are good. Side missions are a wash, as they aren't refined enough and the mako sucks. At the same time there are still enough good moments to redeem UCW if you ignore the collection / survey missions.

This game was also released before it should have been. Too many bugs for a title of this level. While they don't make it unplayable, it definitely takes away immersion sometimes. There's a lot to dislike about Mass Effect... but what there is to love makes it really easy to look the other way.

Never having played (and never going to), I just want to know: what do you do with the girl if you choose to be female?
Surely she can't ride your purple python then?

"Why do they look like girls/pretty?"

It's just the pretty boy look that a lot of asian guys have, whether they like it or not (my friend complains about this and how he's hairless, "I got no f***ing 'stouche and chest hair!"), and the Japs seem to embrace it (they're not ashamed about it and rightfully shouldn't). You can't help it if you look like that. If anyone's wondering why a lot of them are so slim with little muscle try living in Japan for a month or just live super healthy. The look doesn't appeal to everyone, and to the macho it probably looks plain unmanly and homosexual. "Girlish swordsman Hiroshi" XD

AngryCola:

R Man:
"jst to put it this way, i love RPGS, i dont get how masseffect is one though. and its no bloody fun, having 2 pause 2 open ur effing combat wheel thingy every 2 seconds."

well if thats true about the combat wheel then thats pretty shit."

Its not true. I hardly ever bothered using the combat wheel. There is not any reason to use it more than once a battle and even then even once isn't usually nessesary.

This is actually really funny.

One of the things I've noticed about this game is that everyone loves to spout opinions on it, yet few actually spend enough time on anything higher than casual (very easy) difficulty beforehand to have any idea what they're talking about. If you don't use the combat wheel often you are doing something wrong. Yes, it pauses combat. You will be doing this all the time as was obviously intended. The most particularly useful and frequent combat pausing is done when fighting geth hoppers. You will not come close to surviving hardcore or insanity without using the wheel. Maybe veteran, but you'd still be making things harder on yourself just to play the game like it's Halo.

I don't use the combat wheel because I use tactics rather than jumping around trying to do a Master Chief impersonation. I hide behind cover and I time my shots well. When I'm outmatched I don't fret or panic, I fall back. I don't always use the wheel because I ensure that when I fight it is on my terms. Obviously it doesn't always work so I break out the combat wheel.

Also Hardcore and Insane Difficulty are called Hardcore and Insane for a reason. They are more difficult to play and when I do start playing a 'tougher' game then my use of the combat wheel goes up correspondingly. Not all gamers are hard core players though, and many (Especially with RPG's) just want to play for the story line. If you do play on harder difficulty then you have to expect to use special abilities, grenades and healing more often as that is the point of higher difficulties, to be more of a challenge.

ebannaw:
Suck my cock on this one Yahtzee, you prick.

For the last time, Yahtzee is not gay...didn't you see his Guitar Hero 3 review? Geez...he couldn't have been more convincing...

ebannaw:
In the end, I guess it's a matter of opinion.

You're damn right it is. And while you are entitled to have your own opinion, there's no need to get all affronted when someone expresses their's, vomiting puerile hate-speech all over a forum...you knob gobbler.

[Insert random sycophantic comment aimed in Yahtzee's general direction]
Do a Christmas special...please...so Tiny Tim gets better.

Ryuuku:
Funny, but seriously, learn about Japanese culture before you slame JRPGS. There is a reason why the guys are pretty, and there's nothing wrong with it.

No, there is something wrong with it. Firstly, I would like to play my game were the main character's sexuality wouldn't be questioned. Secondly, the games just suck the balls! They're the least fun thing I have ever done. I play the demo of Blue dragon that was on my Mass Effect 'extras' disk, and found that the game sucked... HARD! It was so boring. I want to play a game for fun because that's what they're all about. But no, FF and BD and al the rest of the JRPG's are all the same, click attack, then click on the enemy to attack, and maybe do a special move... were's the fun in that! I don't have to learn about Japanese culture to know what I don't like, and this is it!

Ahaha I find it RATHER amusing how people whine when their games get SMASHED by Yahtzee...

I'll tell you losers who are all defensive about your games:
Don't be so stupid!

I love JRPGS, I love Zelda, I love a lot of games that Yahtzee reviews, and you know what I do?

I LAUGH WITH IT.

You have to learn not to be so stuck onto your games! Face it, most of the stuff Yahtzee reviews is true, and that's what makes it funny. So don't go around insulting him, hes just trying to provide entertaining reviews for you guys.

Yeah, what the hell is with the huge swords in JRPGS? Nah, i probably know the reason. (enisp)

I really have to disagree with Yatzhee this time round. Most of the time I find he hits the nail on the head, but this time 'round he just seems to have missed completely and hit a different nail.
For starters, I get the sense Yatzhee hasn't played the game. If he had, he would have found plenty of other things to criticise. Instead, he seems to have barely scratched the surface. For example, he claims you can either be a brown-haired man or woman, despite the fact you can change your hair colour. That doesn't sound like much, but the fact he missed something as obvious as that is troubling, and casts doubts on how thorough the rest of the review was.
Secondly, he seems to be complaining about things that just aren't true. Mass Effect's dialogue IS punchy and succinct, much more so than the other RPGs Yatzhee is apparently comparing it to. Conversations usually only take around about a minute, slightly longer for more the more epic matters, and responses and questions are usually only one line long, maybe slightly longer. If anything, conversations and character development are the centre of Mass Effect's fun.
And lastly, the combat. Me, I'm not a massive RPG fan. I was bored by Morrowind, lost interest in Deux Ex: IW, and cast aside KotOR. But that never happened with Mass Effect, and the fact it has such an enjoyable combat system must have at least supplemented this.
In Morrowind, combat was, to quote Gilbert Grape, dancing to no music. You get through it, but you don't feel any exhiliration. KotOR's turn-based/real-time combat was slightly better, but you didn't feel very connected. And even Deus Ex, with it's FPS combat, failed to impress. Mass Effect has a combat reminiscent of Gears of War, as is the enjoyment gained from it.
I definetely never had any trouble with my squad blocking my line of sight, and thats what irks me when Yatzhee claims that this happens all the time.
At any rate, I'm definetely not an RPG fan, but I was still drawn in by Mass Effect. The fact Yatzhee spends most of the review griping about trivial matters, and barely goes into detail with the game, reveals that he has barely played it. He may have completed it, but he hasn't played it.

J-Val:
...but this time 'round he just seems to have missed completely and hit a different nail.

What does that even mean?

J-Val:
That doesn't sound like much, but the fact he missed something as obvious as that is troubling, and casts doubts on how thorough the rest of the review was.

I don't think he "missed" so much as didn't care to mention that you can change your character's hair style. And just how thorough can a roughly 5 minute review be on a game that can take upwards of 20 hours to complete (if you go all out with the side quests). Hell, there are conversations in Mass Effect that go on for longer than Yahtzee's review. I find it troubling how serious you're taking his review.

J-Val:
The fact Yatzhee spends most of the review griping about trivial matters, and barely goes into detail with the game, reveals that he has barely played it.

Or it reveals that he does not have the time, or possibly the patience, to go through every single detail of such an epic game. You can't seriously expect him to play through every last side quest, read every single word in the codex, and basically play this game until it has spun itself into a smoldering husk inside his 360's disc drive just for a short video.

J-Val:
He may have completed it, but he hasn't played it.

He's played enough of it for this review though. Or are you going to demand that he unlocks every achievement before he does another review for the Xbox?

blahmcblah:

figure09:

SomeBlackGuy:

ebannaw:

SomeBlackGuy:

ebannaw:
I'm sorry, but i'm going to have to strongly disagree with Yahtzee on this. Wait, no. I'm not sorry. The fucking jackass was dead wrong. I think he does a good job on most of his other "reviews" but here the twat is sucking his own cock.

Anyway, this game conveys such a deep, thought-provoking story and creates very likeable and lifelike characters. When most other games struggle to do this, Bioware manages to pull it off once again and this time in a unique setting. It's hard to not like Ashley and her fiery, yet kind spirit. Or to feel sorry for Wrex and how fucked up his life has been. The game is designed to convey fiction interactively, which is the main reason I love the game so much. It only helps that the game has an incredibly fun combat system and character/equipment development. The game's subplots, main plot, and background all make the game's fiction up into one fantastically realistic and plausible sci-fi situation. I am an avid PC gamer, and this game looked too interesting for me to pass up. It was the first Xbox 360 game I ever bought, and I must say I am in no way, shape or form regretting it. It's the most fun i've had with a game in while.

In the end, I guess it's a matter of opinion. While yahtzee seems to think people who play RPGs are douche-bags with no life, I guess he's the one left in the corner yanking his own cock day in and out because he's the one criticizing people for having a good time. Suck my cock on this one Yahtzee, you prick. Otherwise, G'Day mate but your daily course of shit on a shingle is starting to seep through your pores. I'd go back to cupcakes for a while.

*Swoosh* Right over your head...

He's just using Satire to provide an enjoyable review based upon his opinion.

Stop getting burt-hurt because he says some bad things about your "Godlike" game.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the COD 4 review, It's won lot's of awards, including GOTY awards from IGN and Gamespy, so I can't imagine Yahtzee to rag on the game too much.

And i'm just using satire to prove how much of a dumbass you are.

Nice try, Boyo

to ebannaw: dude, read that comment and you will realize that you didnt actually use any satire.

Quote mountain!

even bigger quote mountain!

Ebers:

J-Val:
...but this time 'round he just seems to have missed completely and hit a different nail.

What does that even mean?

J-Val:
That doesn't sound like much, but the fact he missed something as obvious as that is troubling, and casts doubts on how thorough the rest of the review was.

I don't think he "missed" so much as didn't care to mention that you can change your character's hair style. And just how thorough can a roughly 5 minute review be on a game that can take upwards of 20 hours to complete (if you go all out with the side quests). Hell, there are conversations in Mass Effect that go on for longer than Yahtzee's review. I find it troubling how serious you're taking his review.

J-Val:
The fact Yatzhee spends most of the review griping about trivial matters, and barely goes into detail with the game, reveals that he has barely played it.

Or it reveals that he does not have the time, or possibly the patience, to go through every single detail of such an epic game. You can't seriously expect him to play through every last side quest, read every single word in the codex, and basically play this game until it has spun itself into a smoldering husk inside his 360's disc drive just for a short video.

J-Val:
He may have completed it, but he hasn't played it.

He's played enough of it for this review though. Or are you going to demand that he unlocks every achievement before he does another review for the Xbox?

I agree.

SomeBlackGuy:

Maurog:
Hmm, the male protagonists in Japanese RPGs often look like girls because it's one of the cultural standards in Japan. You may want to read on Bishonen or something. It's not like we don't have cultural memes of our own, in movies, shows and games alike. I mean, what if some Japanese fellow asks you why are there always so many women in James Bond movies, and why most of them fall for the protagonist as soon as he enters the scene?

Huh?

I'll just tell them that Bond is a handsome seductive man.

So you're saying in Japan, girls often like the "homosexual" looking guys?

Also, in America.

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