Zero Punctuation: The Witcher

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Wow, what a shitty, stupid, egotistical, shallow, bitter and ignorant review. Wow, what a lame ass, he gets hard ripping on smart original RPG games. Must be because he is so insecure with his own uber nerdom. Too bad, really, his lose. The Witcher EE is an awesome game and so are a lot of other cRPGs. What a loser, and the British arrogance thing is so tired, get over it. Lame upon lame upon more nerd lameness. Enjoy loser. Look I can be an ass too, oh, now I'm so cool... what a waste.

Wow, what a shitty, stupid, egotistical, shallow, bitter and ignorant review.

*sighs*

Wow, what a lame ass, he gets hard ripping on smart original RPG games.

Just because it's smart and original doesn't make it good. And how about you refute his actual comments or refer to parts of the game that make it fun.

Too bad, really, his lose.

Why?

The Witcher EE is an awesome game and so are a lot of other cRPGs

Prove that it's an awesome game. And to prove that you must prove the game does not have one click combat.

What a loser

because he doesn't enjoy sucky games.

I'm in the middle of Act II right now. My thoughts:

1. It's a okay RPG. Kudos to not having the standard, "The fate of the universe lies in your hands" plot - I'm utterly sick of this. Although, who knows? Maybe the game will turn into that.

2. I didn't read the manual at all - I had no trouble figuring out the game, and I mostly play console games nowadays. I don't know what Yahtzee's issue is.

3. Act I is a really obnoxious introduction into the game - there's way too much running around the fields of that damn village for all the "go get it" quests. A more tightly-paced first act was needed.

4. The sex - meh. I agree with the others - make it more explicit or remove it entirely. As it currently stands, it's much too reminiscent of lame paper & pen RPG sex sessions, like those illustrated in the immortal "Summoner Geeks" video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zng5kRle4FA) - "Where are the cheetos? If there are any chicks here, I wanna do 'em!"

5. I also don't get what Yahtzee and other mean about "one click combat", when he first complains that the combat is too complicated. I'm playing on hard, and the combat is not trivial, but aren't all games pretty much "one click combat"? Half Life, loved by Yahtzee, certainly doesn't feature difficult combat, and he clearly hates the ultra-complex combat of fighting games, so what exactly is fun combat for him? The Witcher is an RPG; that means it's combat is going to be mostly stat-based, and not twitch based. By that standard, it succeeds. It's certainly far better than the sleep-inducing combat of beloved RPGs like Planescape Torment or Oblivion (both of which literally put me to sleep on several occasions while fighting).

So, can anyone explain to me the "pufferfish" comment? I don't get it...

Apart from that, I loved the Witcher. Probably one of my fave RPGs ever after the BG series, Fallout series and Torment. I still liked the review though. I find it a bit dishonest and don't agree with it much but I enjoy a good laugh.

yourkie1921:
because he doesn't enjoy sucky games.

No because he has a lot of pussy American console playing fanboys that think everything he said is gold and hold him as a god or something like that. And just because the game is hard and it's learning curve isn't so easy as in many console games doesn't mean the game is shitty. Let me ask you have you ever played the Witcher yourself?

Secondly The Witcher is based on the novels about the witcher Geralt by A. Sapkowski. So the one's that think the setting is shitty go screw yourself.

Prove it's not an awesome game. One Click? Sorry but I'll ask you again have you actually played the game?

funny movie at the end. the reveiw wasn't half bad either

I love the witcher. It had a great story good combat. It had make looking for stuff cause it not a simple look here it is game. The game is challanging. Letting me make my character as I go along is nice. The best part. It is impossible to beat in a blood day. Game now a day you buy them only to feel you waste 2 hours of you life and 50 dollars. Yes game are getting so damn easy and so short. Most are going for the whole Multi player aspect of a gaming world. If I wanted to play with other people I go out and get some friends. This was a rare gem and people that hate it just sucked at it.

I just got the enhanced edition of this game, and I can't believe how much I love it. So far, it appears it has everything I loved in Oblivion and expanded a great deal upon it. I can't complain about the "one-click combat" because that's what medieval melee boils down to on the PC. The interface is pretty easy to use and it's far more useful than the interface in Oblivion. Alchemy is simple if you properly distribute your stats and pay attention to the tutorial. Also, changing fighting styles is easily achieved through pressing one of three buttons. You can even hit the space bar to pause the game to plan out a better attack strategy if you wish.

Really, unless you totally napped through the tutorial and didn't bother to even crack open the manual, this game is fun to play and would probably produce a fair challenge on higher difficulty.

****MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD****

EDIT: The sex is just a tat too easy to come by, but maybe Geralt is just perceived as really sexy. I don't know, maybe it's the scars. I actually find some of the cut scenes somewhat humorous, like the one you see when you help out a barmaid.

I can't say much for the conversations. They're so-so, but definitely not bad. Conversations are important if you want to be able to follow the storyline. As for the quests, it's pretty hard to get lost seeing as they're tabbed and divided into each phase.

First, The Witcher is not set in Arturain times, it is set in Medieval Poland or Germany or somewhere in Middle Germany during the 12th or 15th century. Second, while it is true that many women might want to have sex with you in this game, I haven't come across many witches that do want to have sex with Geralt. Thirdly, the game is based on books written by a (famous) Polish author, Sapkowski. And the game just bring Geralt to the video game - on the pc yes.

I like the fact that have you to do a little research reading books on say how to use plants for alchemy or how to best beat monsters. It is an rpg so you need to check yout every seller, merchant and alchemy maker you get to know - in the game. It is also an rpg that prides itself of being somewhat difficult i.e. you do not get hand-holded in this game. Even if there are some hints in your journal, you must still figure out what your character, your Geralt, would do.

edit:

And what Geralt would do more time than often is to fight. I didn't find the combat in The Wicther to be 'one-click combat'. However, I've found the combat to be somewhat annoying at times as I could never guess when to click the mouse. And for the use of Group Style, Fast Style and the Strong - I suggest reading the manual - it is not that big...for modern day games.

As you can tell, I like The Witcher...

This is the only fantasy RPG I can't bring myself to play. Maybe if someone makes a mod that turns all the hookers into strapping youg men men: the girls would love that.

Game is excellent.. 22+ years of gaming behind that statement I feel I can say it.
Not much excited me in a very long time in regards to the RPG world. Seen it all
This was refreshing and so well made, the story line was captivating and the game play and graphics were very well done.
I don't need to spend a week on a learning curve, as a good game should be.
My hats off to to the team.
Core i7 Quad
3 Gigs DDR3 tri
MSI X58 Platinum Mobo SLI / X-fire supported
SATA 2
And I am only running a single Gefrce 9500 GT 1Gig 16X PCI card right now.
seems to run flawlessly.

whoa Yhatzee you uh..got a little carried away there at 3:08 huh

Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.

HoverWhale:
Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.

Alfred Hitchcock's Theme Song

HoverWhale:
Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.

The offspring - Pretty fly for a white guy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6-LD2ZDH60 (Its an AMV, but its the song)

PayNSprayBandit:

HoverWhale:
Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.

Alfred Hitchcock's Theme Song

Wow that was quick! Ultimate thanks!

bloody frikkin hilarious!!! I actually own the game and was wondering why I haven't been playing it more.. Till a friend showed me this. absolutely the truth! (and it brightend my very very gloomy day a lot)

PayNSprayBandit:

HoverWhale:
Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.

Alfred Hitchcock's Theme Song

Or more accurately, Charles Gounod's "Funeral March of a Marionette". But yeah, most people know it as the Hitchcock theme.

my +69 staff of penetration...ROFL!

yourkie1921:

Wow, what a shitty, stupid, egotistical, shallow, bitter and ignorant review.

*sighs*

*sighs*

The Witcher EE is an awesome game and so are a lot of other cRPGs

Prove that it's an awesome game. And to prove that you must prove the game does not have one click combat.

Prove that it's not an awsome game. And to prove that you have to prove that you're not just Yahtzee's cocksucker for everything he ever said.

For your information: there are tactics for different enemies, different styles of fighting for different situations and enemies, magic, alchemy and you have to click in a certain rhythm to deal maximum damage.

There are also such things as characters, plots, creativity that count, apart from combat.

Holy christ, that Painkiller short had me crying.

At the risk of having half a dozen fanboys shove my comments up my arse, I'm going to venture out and say that The Witcher is a really really ridiculously hateful game, but it does suck you in (oh, it pains me to say that).
I finished the Witcher, but somehow felt that all the hours I spent doing so were a waste of life. The story and RPG-element is quite alright, but it takes soooo long to do ANYTHING, the combat is unmentionably horrible and I hate the fact that you can't walk over an inch-high stone, or walk up the side of the bottom step of a staircase, or even over a broken toothpick. Lack of any kind of pacing make this game an endlessly grinding, completely unrewarding, run-around-picking-your-nose-and-waiting RPG which anyone with a grain of common sense would do best to avoid.
Oh, and Yahtzee forgot to mention that the "moral choice" element was developed by a team of rabid bush-babies.

OnionMaster:
Lack of any kind of pacing make this game an endlessly grinding, completely unrewarding, run-around-picking-your-nose-and-waiting RPG which anyone with a grain of common sense would do best to avoid.

That probably applies to the endless swamp areas. They were horribly dull, yes. But I think there are very few games that don't feature some sort of monotonous labyrinth, swamp, zombie-infestion area. It's ok, when there are good characters and nice little stories to go along with it.

OnionMaster:

Oh, and Yahtzee forgot to mention that the "moral choice" element was developed by a team of rabid bush-babies.

Sorry, that seems beside the point to me. In the game there are mostly "lesser evils" than real good and bad. Perhaps you don't like it, because you like the cheerier sort, or whatever, but that's not real criticism.

The game may not be a masterpiece and it's often rather awkward, but in some ways it's a convincing effort of a "mature" RPG.

"do you know what this is....!"

lol i cant imagine that sketch being any better xD

This is still the best review, and the Painkiller bit has still not got old.

I love the painkiller bit at the end

the entire thing was hilarious.

The Painkiller bit... HOW do you come up with it? Seriously, HOW? How do you watch the Painkiller intro and think of THAT??? Yahtzee is FUCKING BRILLIANT!!! Not just "brilliant" or "VERY brilliant", but FUCKING BRILLIANT.

Funny review of the game as always, but really.. This game was as hard to play as Fable. I'd actually call it a built-for-console game, simplistic, easy, quick. I didn't read the manual, but found it not only easy to pick up, but quite fun. Strong, fast and group were extremely easy to figure out. Strong for highly armored targets, fast for weaker targets (which is actually my fav, works on all) and group for when you're surrounded and want to damage them all at the same time. Signs were nice and simple like Fable's magic system. Although again, I only used Aard and Igni (not sure of spelling) combined with the Fast system and I haven't had problems yet.

The game includes some nice tutorials on potion making. Hell, the entire first section is practically a tutorial. There wasn't much travelling to speak of, combat was simple and fun, the graphics were reasonable.

*shrugs* It generally takes me all of half a second to get bored, but I like this game.

20 minutes...outside...pufferfish...

That made my hair stand up and almost got me to vomit.

Congratz, it's pretty hard to do that :P

AstroCat:
Wow, what a shitty, stupid, egotistical, shallow, bitter and ignorant review. Wow, what a lame ass, he gets hard ripping on smart original RPG games. Must be because he is so insecure with his own uber nerdom. Too bad, really, his lose. The Witcher EE is an awesome game and so are a lot of other cRPGs. What a loser, and the British arrogance thing is so tired, get over it. Lame upon lame upon more nerd lameness. Enjoy loser. Look I can be an ass too, oh, now I'm so cool... what a waste.

You are kidding me right?

I found this game so incredibly boring that I actually put on a DVD, to kill the boredom of the game.

When game haves me enjoy myself in a different way while still playing, that is a far from a good sign.

Needless to say I microwaved the disk.

Holy crap, I was LMAOing at that ending.
This convinces me Yahtzee shouldn't only do the ZP's he should take over Un-skippable!
Brilliant Yahtzee, Brilliant!

I liked the review.

on a side note, who dug this dinosaur up?

ma55ter_fett:
I liked the review.

on a side note, who dug this dinosaur up?

The only thing I can count as outright necro is this post, over a year ago:

sky14kemea:
sorry son (joke)
what kinda detergent do you use for your gimp, mine keeps complaining that he's chaffing >_<
very funny video ^-^

It seems like it's been in some weird form of undeath for the last year.

banthesun:

The only thing I can count as outright necro is this post, over a year ago:

sky14kemea:
sorry son (joke)
what kinda detergent do you use for your gimp, mine keeps complaining that he's chaffing >_<
very funny video ^-^

It seems like it's been in some weird form of undeath for the last year.

...

I apologise? :0

My bad, I think around that time I was commenting on quite a few ZP vids, to catch up, 'cause I'm slow.
=[

sky14kemea:

...

I apologise? :0

My bad, I think around that time I was commenting on quite a few ZP vids, to catch up, 'cause I'm slow.
=[

I was more commenting on the weird nature of this thread than accusing you. And to be fair you only posted 'bout 8 months after the video, while there's people here posting almost two years after.

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