Zero Punctuation: Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles

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The main issue that I have with the zapper is that it doesn't feel like you're holding a gun, it feels more like you're holding that silly crossbow thing that Link wields in the game that came with the silly attachment. In my humble opinion, the zapper was actually an epic fail on their part because most of the games that have shooting, such games as RE:Chronicles are shooters using guns not backwards trigger crossbow-wannabe...things. The problem with Nintendo is that they just don't seem to listen to their biggest demographic: gamers like us. Nintendo, with the way they seem to make everything the way they want to and not the way their gamers want things, is just a prime example of those pompous pricks trying to control the way gaming develops throughout the world. If only someone in these mega-corporations would actually listen to the gamers that play their games, perhaps they would quit putting out these mediocre feces-stained video games and consoles.

Bless you, Yahtzee, for the "Resident Gigolo" reference.

"Barry, don't screw up again."

The Poet:
WHY!? Why can't you do COD4?! Or Burnout Paradise?! That is a popular game and I thought Yahtzee would be onto it like he is to other people's salads. O well, I'll shut up and watch...

...

I've learnt a lesson to shut up and watch before bitching...

Like when I see the message saying "Stop harrassing me I'll fucking do COD4 next week pop up"...

I'm going to shut up but leave up my origional post so you can laugh at my ignorance.

I knew he was going to review CoD4 sooner or later, I saw him playing it two weeks ago (He's on my Steam friends list, suck on that :P)

That was four minutes of epic win. I haven't laughed so hard in... a week... since your last review.

With much love from frigid northern Japan,
~Sage

PS: Oh, and I liked the Painkiller short! I would like to see more!

billy-j:
so true, loved the bit about the dialogue

P.S. did anyone notice he nearly ran out of breath at about 1.35?

certainly did :-D nice to know even yahtzee cant go on and on forever, even tho id like to beleive that he did the entire review in one breath :-D

Yahtzee you did it again. And bugger someone else caught the breath thing. I thought that could have been my breakout comment... Damn

Y'know, I actually liked the Painkiller redub; it was *mostly* funny and the timing at the end was priceless.
That's all I had to say, send in the Genetic Hygiene squad if you must.
(Better yet, Mr. Crenshaw, make another one and piss directly in the haters' collectivized face.)

Games I Want Yahtzee to Review.
1. Anything he damn well decides to, since I haven't seen a bad one yet (though not fond of Silent Hill's intro using Byork's music. TOO CREEPY. Seriously, Byork freaks me right the f**k out)
2. Anything that isn't a JRPG since I enjoy them, he doesn't, and we're both going into that one biased.
3. More obscure titles that maybe we haven't thought to consider

Lord Amazing:
"I admire the spirit of Umbrella Chronicles because, as my Silent Hill: Origins review implied, I admire a series that tries to mix things up, not just release the same game every bloody year"

Wait, what? There have been 3 rail shooters made from Resident Evil that I can think of right off the top of my head which were much like the 2 (that I know of) arcade rail shooters they made. How is this mixing things up?

The Survivor series wasn't on-rails, per se. It was closer to a first person Resident Evil than a House of the Dead-esque game set in the Resident Evil world. Even so, I think Umbrella Chronicle has mixed things up enough to warrant a distinction from the other games' formula.

SomeBlackGuy:

Carol Pentalentathon:

The Poet:
WHY!? Why can't you do COD4?!

I want the COD4 review to be awful. That will make me laugh like I have never laughed.

Or have everyone bitch about it like the Witcher review.

As far as I can tell, everyone who is asking for it has already played it and either a) wants to gloat that they own a game that Yahtzee may love, or b) want to see what he thinks.. And when he does his general nit picking, everyone who asked for it will be complaining that he didn't say enough good things about the game...

Should be a good read if he reviews it next week :D

Nice review on Chronicles though Yahtzee. Were you laughing or had you run out of breath at 1.35? Anyway, I agree RE has always been great not only because they have had fun gameplay (generally speaking) but also dumb-as dialogue... You have to admit, it does seem like a parody on the horror movie genre... Who writes these things anyway ;)

And Carlos lol

Great review as always.
But I like to point to a couple of remarkeable things that I think the rest of the people didn't mention before:
-Starring Jonnhy Bravo Lol, I loved that program.
-The Andre the Giant picture. 2 days ago I saw that wonderful movie called "The princess bride". So now you have a quite good example of a wrestler-actor.
-(the 3rd one is for free)You recovered your normal speed.

PS: Thanks myopiczeal for the transcription

Best one yet Yatzee. I laughed (or at least giggled) more for these 4 minutes than I did watching 3 episodes of Family guy. And I love Family Guy.

great view, i tend to like RE games but when i played this the rail-shooter idea got on my nerves after 5 mins. Was a good blast from the past to start with but quickly became boring, also Jills obvious quotes bit had me laughing no end

great review as usual

*purrrs with a big smile*

This one made me giggle muchly at my office desk. Top form Yahtzee! The only down is the recurring "censored wanking"-anims, they are kind of... tacky. Everything else though: thumbs up!

/S

Warning - review request Below

Yahtzee you MUST review the football manager series! The comic potential is huge! Think of all the spreadsheet jokes you could sneak in. Also you could have a valid excuse for making loads of pro-liverpool comments and anti-manU jibes, without having to go off on a tangent like you did last time... YAHTZEE FOR FOOTIE MAN REVIEW WAAAAAAAA

That was awesome... I hope he won't review every shitty first person shooter so the reviews won't become boring.

If Big Y really reviews COD4 next, I bet it'll be MOH's "Damn those yanks and their foreign policy issues" again (at least there's a Brit in the game this time).

Reviewing Burnout Paradise? There's no characters, no plot, no social\political issues... That'd be either one very dull or very short review. Plus the content of fullyramblomatic.com gave me the impression that Yahtzee doesn't care much for racing games (at least not enough to state his opinion about them).

And while I'm at it I might as well predict that if Arthur "Ben Croshaw" Yahtzee makes a "No More Heros" review it won't be a very favorable one (cue complaints about repetitive "random stick waggling"-type gameplay).

P.S. Um, on the "football manager" thingy:
"There's a bit in this review where I mix the titles of games with numbers on the end with football results for comic effect, eg "Team Fortress 2; Liverpool 3". This seems to have given many correspondents the unintended impression that I am in any way into football. Well, sorry to disappoint, but I find football utterly tedious and people who like it doubly so. Just wanted to clear that up." - Yahtzee

BonsaiK:
No, Yahtzee, no! Don't review Call Of Duty 4! Don't let the whiners win! It'll just encourage them!

A friend of mine is playing CoD 4 and is all enthousiastic about it... this makes me suspicious uhmm uhmm...

Uhm... I am curious to see where Big Y (tnx Allan Foe!) will go next. It would be nice to see a real time strategy game (since he has not reviewed one yet) or maybe "Pet Vet 3D: Animal Hospital Down Under" LOL

"Yes it's all silly, but most myths are anyway. What's sillier, Carlos and giant spiders or Heracles' final demise stemming from, literally, a bloody shirt? :)"

The difference is that Homeros (or whatever his real name was) was a good enough writer to make anything seem interesting. Resident Evil is... well... the name itself seems out of place. Sounds more like a ghost story than a zombie-splatter game.

"I knew he was going to review CoD4 sooner or later, I saw him playing it two weeks ago (He's on my Steam friends list, suck on that :P)"

For how much longer after that remark, I wonder ^^

Sayvara:
*purrrs with a big smile*

This one made me giggle muchly at my office desk. Top form Yahtzee! The only down is the recurring "censored wanking"-anims, they are kind of... tacky. Everything else though: thumbs up!

/S

You know that somewhere, on some server made from nothing but evil, there's an uncencored version... : )

Allan Foe:
If Big Y really reviews COD4 next, I bet it'll be MOH's "Damn those yanks and their foreign policy issues" again (at least there's a Brit in the game this time).

Reviewing Burnout Paradise? There's no characters, no plot, no social\political issues... That'd be either one very dull or very short review. Plus the content of fullyramblomatic.com gave me the impression that Yahtzee doesn't care much for racing games (at least not enough to state his opinion about them).

And while I'm at it I might as well predict that if Arthur "Ben Croshaw" Yahtzee makes a "No More Heros" review it won't be a very favorable one (cue complaints about repetitive "random stick waggling"-type gameplay).

P.S. Um, on the "football manager" thingy:
"There's a bit in this review where I mix the titles of games with numbers on the end with football results for comic effect, eg "Team Fortress 2; Liverpool 3". This seems to have given many correspondents the unintended impression that I am in any way into football. Well, sorry to disappoint, but I find football utterly tedious and people who like it doubly so. Just wanted to clear that up." - Yahtzee

Is that meant to dissuade me from nagging for an FM review? I'm actually more excited about the idea now that I know he said that :D REVIEW FM!

Chalee:

Is that meant to dissuade me from nagging for an FM review? I'm actually more excited about the idea now that I know he said that :D REVIEW FM!

By no means. Just a friendly word of caution there.

Oh, and before I forget:
'RUNAWAY TRAIN' by Soul Asylum is actually about a man being absorbed into the vagina of an evil shapeshifting alien , an insight into meaningful song lyrics by your favorite game reviewer. It seems appropriate.

Thanks for the tip :) I WANT yahtzee to rip into footie manager, so I guess there's no need for too many warnings though

(he'd lose any credibility as a human being if he expressed the merest dislike towards fm...OF COURSE)

Dectilon:
Resident Evil is... well... the name itself seems out of place. Sounds more like a ghost story than a zombie-splatter game.

the original name of the game was Biohazard, but for some stupid reason the US censoring organizations changed it to Resident evil for the west, the original name has more sense.

What was up the incessant mentioning of Jill's occupation?
That mini-skirt screams mega-slut like no other though.
They should've kept her in pants...

CoD4? I don't need a review on that.
I want to know what he's got to say about Burnout taking away the menu screen.

Allen Foe:
Characters/plot/development, uhm, he did Mario Galaxy right?

'IM A RITER' made me laugh Pepsi. Well, the whole thing made me laugh, but that made me laugh right after I'd had a drink.

As for the next review, I'm still pushing for Barbie Horse Adventures. :D (Or Mother 3. Ooh, or Star Control 2!)

One of of favorite reviews so far, keep it up Yahtzee!

Major props on the suave usage of "Jill sandwich!"

this was an awesome as usual review, i reckon you shouldnt do all these popular games like COD4, go back to your Psychonauts roots and choose a new inventive game like Search for Barborossas treasure or No More Heroes

Also, i would REALLY like to see another intro theatre cause i laughed so hard at that!

'Dunno about a Jill Sandwich, but an Alice Sandwich sounds about right. Always had a thing for Mila Jovovich.

Multipass

my school has blocked videoegg, and also proxies don't generally work. is there any mirror or other way of viewing the videos? I love zero punctuation and wish I could get it here! thanks

"Umbrella Chronicles is a heavily cut-down retread of three of the major Resident Evil games, starring Johnny Bravo, a prostitute, an idiot, a mullet, a nine-year-old boy, a brick shithouse, and Carlos."

"Mmmm... mutagen-y...."

It seems like Yahtzee's back in full stride and hitting every note. I especially loved the "zombie kitten's corrosive piddle" bit, and for some reason the picture of Little Yahtzee with the old NES Zapper made me crack up.

Hmm... maybe there's a future in an "Adventures of Little Yahtzee" franchise! Who's with me?

...

Hello?

Is this thing on?

These reviews are the only reviews of games in the world as far as im concerned.

as fot the game, Well wouldnt touch the game with a ten foot pole..

Review a strategy game for the master race pc gamer.

Another great review. Thank you for filling in my day with a good series of laughs. And, will there be another "Intro Sequence Theatre" clip coming up soon?

Well, good luck in the future!!

josh797:

billy-j:
so true, loved the bit about the dialogue

P.S. did anyone notice he nearly ran out of breath at about 1.35?

certainly did :-D nice to know even yahtzee cant go on and on forever, even tho id like to beleive that he did the entire review in one breath :-D

seems i proved that Yahtzee is human after all lol!

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