Zero Punctuation: Burnout: Paradise

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The only good thing about ANY of the burnout games was...the wrecks.And i also hate, how shall i say it..."Street racers. Bunch of smirking, sideways-baseball-cap-wearing fuckscoffs, bobbing their heads in time with their hydraulics, and extending random fingers like they're about to intrude upon somebody's pubic region."

I count 3 songs that have been in both a Burnout and Guitar Hero game:

Stop - Jane's Addiction
I Wanna Rock - Twisted Sister
Helicopter - Bloc Party

What do I win?

Nothing. You missed, at the very least, Beast and the Harlot, by Avenged Sevenfold. (GH2 and Burnout Revenge)

I like the justification for the lack of any human, but the sad truth is they were trying to avoid an M rating. I hate when ratings get in the way of games, I want to hit people in the serial murder kind of way. Anyway great review.

Heh. Wild card. All bases covered.
Great review.

Now I won't buy the game, though. I don't get any^H^H^Henough sex.

Yeah having to look at the map at first is annoying and you can't trust the sat-nav system thing becuase IT'S FULL OF LIES (it gives the shortest route, never the quickest), but after awhile you learn the city and you won't need it (much). Play online a bit and follow the leaders and you quickly find the right roads and their shortcuts. However the other gripes are spot on. It's awesome at first to see your car disintegrate after a crash, but after the fifty thousandth time it gets old.

great job Yahtzee! for the last few reviews I thought you were losing your touch but this one proved me wrong. The way you made the D.J. look was hilarious.

Note #1: Great review this week, thoroughly enjoyed it.
Note #2: Wait... No lemmings first-posting to their very demise this week? Double-ewe tee ehf?

your dismissal of halo along with your love of silent hill lead me to beleive you do not enjoy intelligent gameplay, halo being one of the few games with solid and balanced gameplay, allowing for almost infinate replayability.

...You are kidding me right? Its an fps dude, beyond that, what brings it "solid and balanaced Gameplay" and "infinite" replay value"?

I have a friend who thinks the Burnout series is the best, purely dfor the crashes. It will be interesting to how him this review.

First racing game review, and a good 'un at that.

I also have to agree - Paradise does always seem two nanoseconds away from mocking you relentlessly at any moment, but therin lies the challenge/frustration.

I laughed much more than I should have.

There was also Epic by Faith No More, although that falls under Rock Band instead of GH.

I will say the soundtrack for Paradise was overall more tolerable then the previous Burnout games, mainly due to including a much higher percentage of non-indie punk crap.

I've found the best way to play is to have someone else watch the minimap for you to tell you where the turns are. And to get the DEATH VAN OF DEATH, which lets you demolish all same-direction traffic without crashing.

There is a Formula 1 racer in the game you can get that has a person in a helmet. Or a robot in a helmet. That's the closest I've seen to an actual person.

i've used that "Like G.T.A but" comparison so many times.

[quote=myopiczeal]And a sideways-baseball-cap-wearing transcript:

Do you have the transcript for Manhunt? I cannot erk out some of the things he is saying in there, but they sound hillarious.

"Courtesy of Rock Star North, best know for Whirl of igky irresponsibility: Grand Theft Auto" is a line I am unsure what he actually says.

Is there somewhere he posts the transcripts?

Oh, and keep up the good work Yahtzee.


I loved the joke about the driving instructor.

"My driving instructor gave me enough stick for taking my eyes off the road at 30 mph, and here's you hurlding through the streets at Mach 10 with any number of crash hazards closing in on your distracted ass."

Priceless. Keep the cynisism coming and that headset mic on.

On a sidenote, "Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff" got pushed to page 3 which is currently inaccessible.

Booo!!! That review is my all-time favorite. Please fix.

very nice, and i also agree!
Ah... the only bad thing is we have to wait another week for more :(

Laugh out Loud or LOL! Mongoloid Hippos! Slapping around bears! Another solid review. Well done sir, as always.

Meh, good review I guess, just not a very interesting game to me in general.

Very interested in what you'd have to say on Army of Two, Bully, and Frontlines. See you next week.


On a sidenote, "Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff" got pushed to page 3 which is currently inaccessible.

Booo!!! That review is my all-time favorite. Please fix.

When is he going to redo this, saying that Twing Twang makes perfect sense as insane little girl with the sniping skill of The End from Snake Eater talk for shooting an arrow into the enemies skulls

Yahtzee, you Herculean exemplar, that's 3 for 3 top reviews in a row! You make my Thursdays!

I doubt he's gonna bother looking at Bully, he made his views on remakes clear in Tomb Raider - Anniversary

This one made me laugh as hard as when I first discovered Zero Punctuation. I rate this one about a 4 because thats how many times I had to rewind the video because I was laughing so much.

Nice review, and fully agreed to it being a 'play-for-an-hour-then-put-it-away!!' shallow type of game.

I must say I really like the easy means of engaging into an event and the freedom involved in choosing your route. True, map reading is very distractive, especially at those insane speeds (actually, I think the driver's seat is taken up with nitro as well, explaining the lack of humanoids); however, if I'm not mistaken I heard Atomic talk about getting to know the environment, and evolve on choosing routes. This can actually serve as a great challenge and a significant goal of the game.. but then again, familiarizing with the environment at those speeds is going to take ages!! In any case, those TINY flashing street signs at the top are far from ideal, so this is something for the dev team to evolve on themselves.

Talking about the dev team brings me to my final remark. My guess at the constant bloat of slowmo's is that it is - in combination with a big seemless environment - simply too computationally involved to simulate the crash in real-time. While this is fairly speculative, it could account for the lack of a simple "turn off slowmo" option similar to the action cam in the Need For Speed series.


People are actually trying to think of all the songs?

Yahtzee release your thralls!

Good review. I was planning on getting this game but might rent it instead.
Generally, mini maps piss me off.

Wow no SSBB this week? what a surprise....

btw Gaming Macht Frei was unbelievably hilarious!

Hey, as a street racer I take offense!

My hat always faces forwards, and I have never owned a car with hydraulics, are you sure you aren't confusing street racers with the ghetto sled driving morons?

Also, I like the burnout games, they're a welcome relief to the over the top seriousness of the better racing games(Gran Turismo comes to mind)

Nice review ;) Lately your reviews have become better and better! I loved the Devil May Cry review, it's been a long time since I've laughed that much :D (Ocean of shittyness... Love it :D )

Keep it uP!

I liked this game, but the open worldness was too open from the start to me.

I need to be confined in my room with the lights dimmed down, thankyou.

great as always.

nice review... but car games are like sports games... and i dislike both

only because you fail at both , dickwad

word to yahtzee! i have played and thoroughly enjoyed burnout takedown and revenge. despite it's cool points, i will never own or as thoroughly enjoy paradise because you have to check your map mid race. sure sure, my friends all called me wussy cause once you learn the routes it's easier, yet i watch them trying to complete the final 10% of the game and they're still obsessively checking the map.

i'm willing to check my map in a gta game or the like, but NEVER EVER EVER in a burnout game. until they get rid of that "feature" i will not bother with another burnout game ever again. ruined formula!

Dammit man, some of these latest reviews have been right pant wetters yet still holding the proverbial reviewers torch. Keep up the spiffing work ol' chap.


This review was really funny, especially the illustrations. Never tried the Burnout series, and given this review it'll probably stay that way in the future.

Keep 'em coming Yahtzee, much appreciated.

Wow no SSBB this week? what a surprise....

btw Gaming Macht Frei was unbelievably hilarious!

How so? He live's here in Australia. You Americans may have brawl, but we don't even have a release date. At all. I hear rumours for a Q1 09 release here. So you'll just have to wait like us for his review. SUFFER. SUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEERRRR.

Spot on as usual. Paradise felt like a step backwards from Revenge. In Revenge the point was to crash into others rather than finish a race first, or at least that's how I played it.

Burnout has always been mildly entertaining for me, he touched on all the points that turned me off Paradise, which is why I am playing Guild Wars: Eye of the North out the arse to get enough stuff so my person in Guild Wars 2 doesn't feel left out.

Other than that, good review. oh and GO META KNIGHT!!!!!!!

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