Zero Punctuation: Turok

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I suppose if there was ever a time to join the forum, it's to comment on this.

Let me first state that Yahtzee is about the funniest thing since they invented the idiot playing with a ping pong paddle, and about as awesome as those mini sliced bagel bites. That being said, he is by no means perfect.

I went into this review hoping to see yahtzee's take on a game highly recommended by my brother. What I got was a complete waste of time. Yahtzee, you Hallow Crusader, why do you continue to bash a game you, to my knowledge, have never played. Halo: Combat Evolved was an excellent game, and had 4 of the 6 things you mentioned. It's true it defiantly FEELS like Aliens, but it feels like its more paying homage to it then ripping it. I respect your decision to hate Halo 3 (given the view of just that game with none of the back story, I can forgive any jabs) but play the game before you crush it. Halo: CE is on the X-Box live marketplace for download, and cheap. If I can go out and buy Psychonauts before judging it, the least you can do is allow the same courtesy.

Now, this is the part where I have to specify (to avoid my point being lost) that because I like Halo my argument is no less valid. As soon as this post hits the Forum, I can almost see people lining up with comments like "Fan-boy" and "pathetic" but honestly, it just makes you seem like children. Fanatically hating a game is just as bad as fanatically liking it. If you see the words Halo next or in the same sentence as "Good" "Fun" or "Depth" and your first thought is "Fan boy", you need to follow Yahtzee's advice on what to do with Assassin's Creed when you're feed up with it (on a side note, I thought Assassin's Creed was an excellent game, and hope such styles of games continue, just, you know, fixed). If you don't like Halo for any reason other than "It's Halo", then don't respond. If you do hate it for any other reason, don't respond anyway because this is not the "Lets talk about halo" thread.

So, I guess the point I'm getting at is, Yahtzee, review games. If you want to review a certain Genre's down points, release a special ZP on Saturdays, or title it "Genre: My Thoughts" or something. I am now even more unsure then I was going into your review of Turok. Though I suppose the Orange Box can always keep me company.

You know, from your videos it seems like you don't really like anything about Australia, yet you still live there, doesn't that seem a tad odd?

Thedarkestofsouls:
I suppose if there was ever a time to join the forum, it's to comment on this...

ect.

Judging by your wall, I'm taking you believe firmly in the "It's only an opinion." theory. With that said, Halo asked for every beat down for the peeps that bought in to the "revolutionary" feeling and came back from the hype trip, ending up in COD4 and never looking back. Some, no, many wanted more from the hype-machine and it did NOT deliver. The main attraction, online, felt empty to me and far easier than other online games out there. (Probably because casuals are all over Halo 3.)It doesn't deserve the mass score, it doesn't deserve any farther praise. It's a dying franchise thanks to other FPS catching up and crushing it. Hype will not work for the game any longer. I ignored your request to not respond to the Halo thing, because you basically wanted everyone to hear your opinion and shut up about telling theirs. In my opinion, that's wrong. Yahtzee was spot on for that review Halo 3, and he's spot on about Torok.

Good vid Yahtzee.

I was not talking about Halo 3 (Halo 3 was far to overhyped. It didn't make it any less of a great game, but it definatly didn't deliver what it promised).

Yahtzee quite clearly use Halo: CE in his review, a game he is quoted to have never played, and to my knowledge he has not yet. The point of my responce was not to approve Halo, but to voice my complaint that yahtzee told me nothing about the actual gameplay of Turok except it was like have the games I like and half the games I don't. I assume you have played the new Turok, and thus spot-only agree that it sucks, so I will take you at your word. I just wish HE had been more clear on the game, not a weakening Genre.

Edit: Also, I am more then happy if people wish to voice their opinions, but honestly, the first person to use the word "Halo" in this discussion in a way other than "It sucks" was labeled a fan boy, and I would rather not turn this into an argument about what is and isn't fanatasism. If it really is such an interesting debate for people, I would welcome the discussion. However, that is what a PM system is for.

Indigo_Dingo:

Uszi:
Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!

Wasn't that Killzone?

Pretty much. If you want to talk about an unfun crap-fest, that was it. I could buy the whole "get shot and you're done" philosophy if it applied to the enemies as well, who all could take a magazine worth of rounds to the body and still have the decency to shotgun you in the face.

Kudos to Yahtzee once again for producing a fine review. He writes an insightful analysis of first person shooters. These points are spot on. Let's hope the gaming industry heeds Ben's words.

Ben is at his best when the jokes and irony complement his review and not overwhelm them. Unlike most video drivel on games that lurks the web, Mr. Croshaw need not hide behind pre-teen sexual humor. Shed of his annoying fixations with female body parts and repetitive juvenile commentary (although he just couldn't resist drawing a penis could he?), the review comes to the fore. Games first. When Ben forgets that, he becomes the reviewing eqivalent of Halo 3.

Hasn't happened yet. Let's hope it does not.

Vitalix

Oh man, this weeks' was great :D thanks Yahtzee.

hahah what happened to health bars?? so true. :P

DUKE NUKEM!!!!!! i hope ul review the (finaly) upcoming new one.

Ozz04:
You know, from your videos it seems like you don't really like anything about Australia, yet you still live there, doesn't that seem a tad odd?

He doesn't like anything, he just hates Australia least, cause its got sun and Neighbours.

m_jim:

Indigo_Dingo:

Uszi:
Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!

Wasn't that Killzone?

Pretty much. If you want to talk about an unfun crap-fest, that was it. I could buy the whole "get shot and you're done" philosophy if it applied to the enemies as well, who all could take a magazine worth of rounds to the body and still have the decency to shotgun you in the face.

The concept of an almost realistic shooter was made explorred in Killzone, I think they'll make it more realistic in Killzone 2, and we'll see actual single shot death for all people, as well as less bugs and better controls.

Personally, I think yahtzee would like the original Halo... a bit (if not, maybe Halo PC?). Halos 2 and 3... sucked. Okay Multiplayer was okay if you ignore all the douchebags and crusading homophobics on xbox live.

Also for any games with online multiplayer you might as well thank them for letting us Cheeseburger-inhaling yanks wade through the fecal pool that is debugging before releasing them to the rest of the world's game-addicts.

In the mean time (not Greenwich mean time but oh well) I generally respect Yahtzee's views on games because they seem to be unbiased, meaning they're biased in the same way my opinions are only a lot more funny.

The best console FPS games are actually PC fps games transferred, e.g. Half-Life 2, Team Fortress.

Taull42:
The best console FPS games are actually PC fps games transferred, e.g. Half-Life 2, Team Fortress.

I disagree, once again citing Resistance

WillPG1212:
Oh man, this weeks' was great :D thanks Yahtzee.

hahah what happened to health bars?? so true. :P

DUKE NUKEM!!!!!! i hope ul review the (finaly) upcoming new one.

He'll review it when it (a) gets actually made, and (b) makes its way finally to Australia, presumably on the back of some amnesiac turtle with no sense of direction, to judge from some of the recent gaps in Australia Media delays.

ZP is usually funny, but this review just plain sucked. He basically just said, "Halo 3 sucks," and "Healthbars rule lol!!!"

Torchlyte:
ZP is usually funny, but this review just plain sucked. He basically just said, "Halo 3 sucks," and "Healthbars rule lol!!!"

This is true as far as it goes, but doesn't really accomplish much

Kind of off topic, but...

Did you Americans get the Carlton Draught ad after the video finished?

Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!

I think you're looking for the likes of Operation Flashpoint. So realistic that the USMC, West Point Academy, the UK Ministry of Defence, the Australian Defence Force and the Israeli Defence Force, among others, use a derivative simulator based directly on the engine. If you get shot, and happen to survive, you'd better hope that there's a medic or ambulance nearby. Many times, I've had to complete missions by dragging my useless disabled body over a full kilometre or more, my accuracy betrayed by my character's beating heart.

No sucking my thumb in a corner for me - I'm a Flashpoint player! Military simulators for the win!

(OK, I suck at playing Operation Flashpoint, really. My chances are improved by the "realism mod", Wargames League, which introduces an even more realistic damage model, where injuries are often associated with white-outs and black-outs, the damage done by a bullet is more dependent on the distance it's fired from and, most tellingly, where the AI doesn't have the robotic aim that it has in vanilla OFP.)

Now this is what I call a true blue Yahtzee game review... But it it's not that bad, only that it's too away from true Turok series...

i played the demo i liked it but what really pissed me off was NO BLOOD ON THE ENEMIES i know they have metal suits but show some blood to show that i killed him

I agree with yahtzee, the good and old FPS's where games that consisted entirely by humor and gore(see the examples in the video: Blood and Duke Nukem), were the best ones. Then overpraised monotony-fest (aka Halo) came along to spoil it trying to be serious.
I forgive the original Half-life for that because at least they did a great game that was entertaining. Half-life 2 was monotonous through the first 8 chapters, but then picked up and made itself worthy along with the subsequent episodes.

Besides, Halo is the prime example of uncle Bill's compulsive buying to eliminate the competition (Halo was originally intended to be a Mac game and some kind of successor to Marathon I've been told).

Critics aside, fun video Yahtzee, it was a the perking up of the week and, was better than the Burnout review (seriuosly it wasn't as entertaining as the majority).

Indigo_Dingo:
haha, check out the Yahtzee Kirby form
http://jncarvalho.deviantart.com/art/Kirby-Yahtzee-80613662


At the risk of sounding 13...this makes me want to see a Yahtzee avatar in the next Smash Brothers. Petition, anyone?

m_jim:

Indigo_Dingo:
haha, check out the Yahtzee Kirby form
http://jncarvalho.deviantart.com/art/Kirby-Yahtzee-80613662


At the risk of sounding 13...this makes me want to see a Yahtzee avatar in the next Smash Brothers. Petition, anyone?

Yahtzee. B special, sarcasm. Side B, toilet humour. Up b, quick Time events. Down B, Portal. Final SMash, valid points that nevert get actually considered.

To TheDarkestOfSouls:

I'm not sure I would come to ZP if I was actually looking for a review to base a decision on whether to actually buy or rent a game. I might consider it as a final point, but for the most part I come here to be entertained.

And I think that this is generally true: The people who stick around are the ones entertained, the people who get insulted leave. Hence the general lack of anti-Yahtzee comments after videos, or at least the very one sided ratios.

Yathzee makes life worth living. yay.

Oh, Yahtzee, I want to bear your babies! Or at least try to!

Ron-fuck-mothering-Pearlman HAHAHAHAAHAH hilarious

I found Turok for 6.95 euro it looked crap.

does any one know about the losers on youtube who are trying to be ZP? the american that slurs and goes in so much detail that the reviem gets lots, and the english guy who sounds drunk (sorry just DrMisanthropes comment reminded me of them) is there anything that will be done about these copycats?

mrbearbear83:
I found Turok for 6.95 euro it looked crap.

you know the original turok was quality, especially back in the day.

i'm assuming thats the version you were looking at for that price

I just write in that style for about a half hour after watching a ZP, and then go back to my usual thought provoking style.

i was talking about the reviewed one, i decided not to buy it coz cheap=crap in ireland now a days

O.k., yay or nay time - Despite the fact that its even been out here for a few yonks, how would people react if Yahtzee reviewd Resistance : Fall of Man?

I"d want it, just to see his little rendering of the Chimera. That and his labouring the point of how, in contrast to most handsome rugged american soldiers in fps's, Nathan Hale is butt-ugly.

Thedarkestofsouls:
I was not talking about Halo 3 (Halo 3 was far to overhyped. It didn't make it any less of a great game, but it definatly didn't deliver what it promised).

Yahtzee quite clearly use Halo: CE in his review, a game he is quoted to have never played, and to my knowledge he has not yet. The point of my responce was not to approve Halo, but to voice my complaint that yahtzee told me nothing about the actual gameplay of Turok except it was like have the games I like and half the games I don't. I assume you have played the new Turok, and thus spot-only agree that it sucks, so I will take you at your word. I just wish HE had been more clear on the game, not a weakening Genre.

Edit: Also, I am more then happy if people wish to voice their opinions, but honestly, the first person to use the word "Halo" in this discussion in a way other than "It sucks" was labeled a fan boy, and I would rather not turn this into an argument about what is and isn't fanatasism. If it really is such an interesting debate for people, I would welcome the discussion. However, that is what a PM system is for.

Thats a good point. I liked Halo. I even sort of liked Halo 2, at least the arbiter levels. I loved playing with competent allies, using alien weapons exclusively, going invisible, and being a badass fallen warrior hero with, while not much personality, more personality than the cheif (ie: a personality). Broken-jaw was cool, too.

Yahtzee is basing his statements off of halo 3, and it's a wee bit unfair to tar the earlier games with the same brush.

Mairsil the Pretender:

Thedarkestofsouls:
I was not talking about Halo 3 (Halo 3 was far to overhyped. It didn't make it any less of a great game, but it definatly didn't deliver what it promised).

Yahtzee quite clearly use Halo: CE in his review, a game he is quoted to have never played, and to my knowledge he has not yet. The point of my responce was not to approve Halo, but to voice my complaint that yahtzee told me nothing about the actual gameplay of Turok except it was like have the games I like and half the games I don't. I assume you have played the new Turok, and thus spot-only agree that it sucks, so I will take you at your word. I just wish HE had been more clear on the game, not a weakening Genre.

Edit: Also, I am more then happy if people wish to voice their opinions, but honestly, the first person to use the word "Halo" in this discussion in a way other than "It sucks" was labeled a fan boy, and I would rather not turn this into an argument about what is and isn't fanatasism. If it really is such an interesting debate for people, I would welcome the discussion. However, that is what a PM system is for.

Thats a good point. I liked Halo. I even sort of liked Halo 2, at least the arbiter levels. I loved playing with competent allies, using alien weapons exclusively, going invisible, and being a badass fallen warrior hero with, while not much personality, more personality than the cheif (ie: a personality). Broken-jaw was cool, too.

Yahtzee is basing his statements off of halo 3, and it's a wee bit unfair to tar the earlier games with the same brush.

He did say he had never played a Halo game up to this one, and was more bashing Halo 3 cause of all the reviewers calling it perfect, when it is most evidently not.

If you like Metroid Prime, perhaps you'd like to review Metroid Prime 3. Though I'm not even sure you read comments this far through. Just asking. And yes, I'm trying to be that guy who asks so flatly and sincerely that it might be surprising.

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