Zero Punctuation: Turok

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u2rocksbaby:
If you like Metroid Prime, perhaps you'd like to review Metroid Prime 3. Though I'm not even sure you read comments this far through. Just asking. And yes, I'm trying to be that guy who asks so flatly and sincerely that it might be surprising.

Try emailing this to him, and see if he mentions you in the next video as a twat.

Thedarkestofsouls:
I was not talking about Halo 3 (Halo 3 was far to overhyped. It didn't make it any less of a great game, but it definatly didn't deliver what it promised).

Yahtzee quite clearly use Halo: CE in his review, a game he is quoted to have never played, and to my knowledge he has not yet. The point of my responce was not to approve Halo, but to voice my complaint that yahtzee told me nothing about the actual gameplay of Turok except it was like have the games I like and half the games I don't. I assume you have played the new Turok, and thus spot-only agree that it sucks, so I will take you at your word. I just wish HE had been more clear on the game, not a weakening Genre.

Edit: Also, I am more then happy if people wish to voice their opinions, but honestly, the first person to use the word "Halo" in this discussion in a way other than "It sucks" was labeled a fan boy, and I would rather not turn this into an argument about what is and isn't fanatasism. If it really is such an interesting debate for people, I would welcome the discussion. However, that is what a PM system is for.

image

I was totally expecting you to say something about the dinosaurs knocking you off your feet repetitively ad nauseam. Ah well.

DrMisanthrope:
Why are all of you dicks trying to sound like Yahtzee? I see it in pretty much everyones writing. Get your own style for fuck sake

Well, to be fair, for some people it's automatic. People tend to assimilate the speech patterns and behaviors of people they like. Some do it faster than others. For example, for the first few weeks of this, I had to consciously force myself NOT to sound like Yahtzee.

I do agree that some people are trying too hard to be like him because they want to be as funny as him. That probably isn't going to happen, as the funniest people are usually at least partly original.

Yahtzee is basing his statements off of halo 3, and it's a wee bit unfair to tar the earlier games with the same brush.

Yeah, that opinion has popped up a lot lately. I just assume that everytime he says Halo, he means the one he played. And when he uses the original's boxart, that's just because it is more recognizable. Still, I would like to start seeing some retro review from Yahtzee, and Halo would make a good one. That is, if playing the third one first didn't ruin it for him.

(I personally don't like Halo, either. But that's because I suck at it.)

Again, its the fact that the third one was given perfect reviews by all the worlds reviewers, simply, it seems, for its name. He feels that that sort of behaviour is crapfuck, as innovation and originality never happens in somethings sequels, save perhaps Grand Theft Auto and Hitman series, and as originality and innovation are the things that will make a game good, giving something a loving review based on it being a sequel to a game that may or may not have been good to begin with is just stupid.

That and he is always suspicious of something that generates more hype over itself than Paris Hilton, as it is then likely to be compensating for something.

I do agree with him on HP bars. Where the hell did they all go?

Plays2:
Nice review indeed.

What I really hated about this game were the controls, they were not unresponsive but I couldn't get a single headshot in the game.

Now the other problems were the shiny graphics, a paper thin and ripped off story, and I agreed that this game wanted to be an average game... like Halo which is a really good example.

ima halo fan, but i play it on pc which is much more organized
i also play halo 1 so free internet gaming!! :)
any way, halo really is an average hearse curtain pewter
EDIT: Now I feel the coming of halo fanboys because of the statements of an average or bad fps...

Hevo:
I do agree with him on HP bars. Where the hell did they all go?

The only Link between them I can see is the fact that games started auto saving and if it auto saved with a health bar at 1% and 50 enemies between you and the next one it was a bad game design. But who knows thats just a guess.

It seems whenever people talk about how much they LOVE X, and you don't particularly like X, you need to state your dislike more in terms of how much you HATE X just to get your point across. Even if you only have minor issues with topic X, many times the extreme opposing view forces you to the opposite extreme...

Though that, of course, does not apply to Yahtzee, who hates his fellow man.

I actually am not much of a fan of health bars. Gears of War like systems are far preferable in my mind. The Halo system with shields even better than that.

On the note of Halo, I thought you hadn't ever played it before?

imPacT31 guess what the best part is we both pay 60 for it, but you have to pay in pounds XD

I loved this review like all your reviews, I also thoroughly enjoyed your Ron Perlman and the City of Lost Children reference, enough to make me wanna see the movie.

O.k., time to start taking votes for this weeks game. I say Lost, not because he wants to, but to piss off everyone who still keeps emailing him telling him to review Brawl, and/or asking for his Wii number so they can add him as a friend and then fight him.

That or Bully, Scholarship edition.

Indigo_Dingo:
Again, its the fact that the third one was given perfect reviews by all the worlds reviewers, simply, it seems, for its name. He feels that that sort of behaviour is crapfuck, as innovation and originality never happens in somethings sequels, save perhaps Grand Theft Auto and Hitman series, and as originality and innovation are the things that will make a game good, giving something a loving review based on it being a sequel to a game that may or may not have been good to begin with is just stupid.

That and he is always suspicious of something that generates more hype over itself than Paris Hilton, as it is then likely to be compensating for something.

I know that, and you know that. Unfortunately, a lot of the people I know that hate Zero Punctuation cite the "Halo" thing as their prime reason. They cite it as proof that the guy is fake, because he assumedly hates a game that he has admitted to never having played. My retro gaming idea was more so I could prove them wrong than anything. Well, that and it would give him a lot more material to rip since he's stuck in stupid six-months-behind Australia.

trlkly:

Indigo_Dingo:
Again, its the fact that the third one was given perfect reviews by all the worlds reviewers, simply, it seems, for its name. He feels that that sort of behaviour is crapfuck, as innovation and originality never happens in somethings sequels, save perhaps Grand Theft Auto and Hitman series, and as originality and innovation are the things that will make a game good, giving something a loving review based on it being a sequel to a game that may or may not have been good to begin with is just stupid.

That and he is always suspicious of something that generates more hype over itself than Paris Hilton, as it is then likely to be compensating for something.

I know that, and you know that. Unfortunately, a lot of the people I know that hate Zero Punctuation cite the "Halo" thing as their prime reason. They cite it as proof that the guy is fake, because he assumedly hates a game that he has admitted to never having played. My retro gaming idea was more so I could prove them wrong than anything. Well, that and it would give him a lot more material to rip since he's stuck in stupid six-months-behind Australia.

I'm also stuck here. Please do not call our country stupid. We may be behind you in media, but we are ahead of you in Government. I'll take Kevin Rudd and a 6 month delay over an electoral system that actually gives John McCain a shot, and instant games.

I doubt he'll retrospective. He made an exception to Psychonauts cause it was a great game (I assume) that was severely underrated. He's not going to review a game that was popular and got more than enough attention (which I'm not saying it didn't deserve, but it did get a lot of attention).

For more info on how John McCain will kill us all, please IM me.

they diddnt make health bars for the people that like to run in suicide style and kill everything and if you live just hide and repeat and also saves time looking around for health packs.

the likliness of you reading this Mr crosshaw is about the same as the prime minister or the president admiting he made the wrong choice but health meters are still around like halflife2, stranglehold, teamfortress2 and rainbow six vages

Maybe this time he'll treat himself and review Condemmed 2 : Bloodshot (delicious title)

sanspec:
they diddnt make health bars for the people that like to run in suicide style and kill everything and if you live just hide and repeat and also saves time looking around for health packs.

the likliness of you reading this Mr crosshaw is about the same as the prime minister or the president admiting he made the wrong choice but health meters are still around like halflife2, stranglehold, teamfortress2 and rainbow six vages

Also the mastergame, Resistance, but I digress. The sort of people who run in suicide style then go cry in a corner really shouldn't be catered too, as it is a stupid style. Its like the people who just run in guns blazing on stealth missions - yeah, it gets the job done, but its also a really lame cop-out, and robs the game of a lot of its value.

Indigo_Dingo:
...We may be behind you in media, but we are ahead of you in Government. I'll take Kevin Rudd and a 6 month delay over an electoral system that actually gives John McCain a shot, and instant games...

When it comes to domestic issues you are generally on par with the USA. Despite the recent apology, your government's and their recent predecessors treatment of indigenous Australians has been and continues to be abhorrent.

Indigo_Dingo:

sanspec:
they diddnt make health bars for the people that like to run in suicide style and kill everything and if you live just hide and repeat and also saves time looking around for health packs.

the likliness of you reading this Mr crosshaw is about the same as the prime minister or the president admiting he made the wrong choice but health meters are still around like halflife2, stranglehold, teamfortress2 and rainbow six vages

Also the mastergame, Resistance, but I digress. The sort of people who run in suicide style then go cry in a corner really shouldn't be catered too, as it is a stupid style. Its like the people who just run in guns blazing on stealth missions - yeah, it gets the job done, but its also a really lame cop-out, and robs the game of a lot of its value.

Games that allow choice of play should be played as the player sees fit. Each person has their own experience of the game.

Indigo_Dingo:

I'm also stuck here. Please do not call our country stupid. We may be behind you in media, but we are ahead of you in Government. I'll take Kevin Rudd and a 6 month delay over an electoral system that actually gives John McCain a shot, and instant games.

...
For more info on how John McCain will kill us all, please IM me.

*shrug*
Here's how the election will play out, from my American, Democrat Party perspective:

1.An unchallenged McCain will continue to lay low and travel abroad to begin building some international support.

2.Hillary and Obama will tear each other to shreds, and people will get sick of it. Americans have an extremely short attention span. They'll get sick of attack adds, but they'll also get sick of hearing about Obama and hearing about Hillary when they've heard it all before.

3. McCain avoids the problem mentioned in point two, because of point 1, and because he has been VERY, very careful to be nothing but respectful thus far.

4. The Democrats still suck gigantic, hairy tea-bags when it comes to the spin game. The Republicans have a large margin of the country convinced that the Democrats will ruin the country. I've entered debates with 20-year-old republicans, who are fond of saying things like, "The Democrats promise everything and deliver nothing," without any sort of previous precedent.

Thus, add 1-4 up, and you will see that McCain will be President. Though I strongly suspect he'll do a much better job than Bush.

Indigo_Dingo:
I doubt he'll retrospective. He made an exception to Psychonauts cause it was a great game (I assume) that was severely underrated. He's not going to review a game that was popular and got more than enough attention (which I'm not saying it didn't deserve, but it did get a lot of attention).

For more info on how John McCain will kill us all, please IM me.

Man, you must be one of the cool kids! You are ridiculing America!

I would ask you to name some of John McCain's policies off the top of your head, but I doubt you even know them. The only association you know of McCain is that

McCain = Republican = Bush

But really, you ask us not to call your country stupid and then make a post like that. What you want to do is make a reasonably intelligent post, rather than a hate-filled ignorant one, like yours is.

But it doesn't matter though, since Obama is going to be the President anyways. :)

Obama = Fail.

Joeshie:

Indigo_Dingo:
I doubt he'll retrospective. He made an exception to Psychonauts cause it was a great game (I assume) that was severely underrated. He's not going to review a game that was popular and got more than enough attention (which I'm not saying it didn't deserve, but it did get a lot of attention).

For more info on how John McCain will kill us all, please IM me.

Man, you must be one of the cool kids! You are ridiculing America!

I would ask you to name some of John McCain's policies off the top of your head, but I doubt you even know them. The only association you know of McCain is that

Actually, its more his favouring the bombing of Iran, despite Iran, well, not doing anything, coupled with his continued statement that peace is impossible. I see 3 things happening.

1. People will see the attack on Iran as being unprovoked, naked empire building.

2. Countries wishing to remain independent, such as China, North Korea, and India, will increase their nuclear arsenal

3. A second Cold War will be created, this time on four fronts. Considering how extremely close you came on one with just Russia, how are you supposed to survive one against four seperate countries?

I wouldn't actually simply state off the bat that I hate McCain simply cause he's a Republicans. Republicans could come up with the better man too. However, what it comes down to is that McCain, to me, represents an oncoming Nuclear War, which scares the shit out of me, as it should really scare the shit out of everyone.

But oh, there can't be good reasons, it must be just cause he's a republican that I hate him, as there can be no other reason.

Awesome review. I also liked the little speech at the end with accompanying music. Additionally, I'm really glad you used Metroid Prime as the example of a good FPS. That series gets dismissed too much as an action/adventure game. I mean, it is, but it's also a first-person shooter, and it had the best single player campaign of any FPS I've ever played. Keep up the good work, Yahtzee.

Pointless to make such a comment now, but I actually enjoy the game despite its flaws. I think the following were sadly missing, though:

1) It's a problem when all of your bad guys sound like John Madden
2) It's also a problem when you get knocked to your feet constantly in the game, and are still susceptible to damage for all five seconds it takes for you to get back up.

Granted I knew Yahtzee was going to hate the game, as I can tell you right now it's not a beacon of light in any way. However, the single player isn't bad, and the co-op is really interesting as they created custom missions for it (that are near impossible with only two people). I haven't gotten to try out the regular multiplayer yet, but I like the idea of a CTF game where the flag carrier could randomly become swallowed up by a T.Rex. Makes things a lot more interesting.

ccesarano:
Pointless to make such a comment now, but I actually enjoy the game despite its flaws. I think the following were sadly missing, though:

1) It's a problem when all of your bad guys sound like John Madden
2) It's also a problem when you get knocked to your feet constantly in the game, and are still susceptible to damage for all five seconds it takes for you to get back up.

Granted I knew Yahtzee was going to hate the game, as I can tell you right now it's not a beacon of light in any way. However, the single player isn't bad, and the co-op is really interesting as they created custom missions for it (that are near impossible with only two people). I haven't gotten to try out the regular multiplayer yet, but I like the idea of a CTF game where the flag carrier could randomly become swallowed up by a T.Rex. Makes things a lot more interesting.

I agree, I really enjoyed Turok. It may not have been anything original but its hardly fair to judge it on the basis that its simular to Halo in some ways. There have been many games that have done the same and have been far worse than Turok and as far as I was concerned the story was a vast improvment over the original Turok.

The main thing I really did feel bad about though was the lack of the more fantasical weapons we saw in Turok originally. Need I mention the cerebral bore. . .

Sniper_Zegai:
The main thing I really did feel bad about though was the lack of the more fantasical weapons we saw in Turok originally. Need I mention the cerebral bore. . .

Pretty much my opinion - Turok 2 had a brilliant weapon selection. Who would not include a gun that sprays out brain matter of your victim?????

Indigo_Dingo:

Joeshie:

Indigo_Dingo:
I doubt he'll retrospective. He made an exception to Psychonauts cause it was a great game (I assume) that was severely underrated. He's not going to review a game that was popular and got more than enough attention (which I'm not saying it didn't deserve, but it did get a lot of attention).

For more info on how John McCain will kill us all, please IM me.

Man, you must be one of the cool kids! You are ridiculing America!

I would ask you to name some of John McCain's policies off the top of your head, but I doubt you even know them. The only association you know of McCain is that

Actually, its more his favouring the bombing of Iran, despite Iran, well, not doing anything, coupled with his continued statement that peace is impossible. I see 3 things happening.

1. People will see the attack on Iran as being unprovoked, naked empire building.

2. Countries wishing to remain independent, such as China, North Korea, and India, will increase their nuclear arsenal

3. A second Cold War will be created, this time on four fronts. Considering how extremely close you came on one with just Russia, how are you supposed to survive one against four seperate countries?

I wouldn't actually simply state off the bat that I hate McCain simply cause he's a Republicans. Republicans could come up with the better man too. However, what it comes down to is that McCain, to me, represents an oncoming Nuclear War, which scares the shit out of me, as it should really scare the shit out of everyone.

But oh, there can't be good reasons, it must be just cause he's a republican that I hate him, as there can be no other reason.

Not fond of mcain because he has sold out to the neo reapers that run the Republican party, sorry a bunch of vile businessmen who use the bible to thump people inline with when they wear their black boots is not a good thing, I don't mind "Republicans" but we have not had any since the early 90s, the neo dims are not much better a bunch of rich kids who know nothing of real life who want to head efforts to save the starving masses and workers of foreign lands...and constantly screw the middle class because in their mind set they do nothing but but for their own and have enough money to get buy, the trouble is everythign revolves around the middle, you ignore them and let gas go to high you'll create mini local depressions because goods and services can not be used because tis costing normal people 1/3rd of their income or more to go to work.....

fck opec and gas prices we need 2.50 per gallon prices to get this economy rolling and they need to lock it for 10-15 years so we can forceably move to compressed hydrogen within 20 years its the only choice we as a nation have.

Indigo_Dingo:

Joeshie:

Indigo_Dingo:
I doubt he'll retrospective. He made an exception to Psychonauts cause it was a great game (I assume) that was severely underrated. He's not going to review a game that was popular and got more than enough attention (which I'm not saying it didn't deserve, but it did get a lot of attention).

For more info on how John McCain will kill us all, please IM me.

Man, you must be one of the cool kids! You are ridiculing America!

I would ask you to name some of John McCain's policies off the top of your head, but I doubt you even know them. The only association you know of McCain is that

Actually, its more his favouring the bombing of Iran, despite Iran, well, not doing anything, coupled with his continued statement that peace is impossible. I see 3 things happening.

1. People will see the attack on Iran as being unprovoked, naked empire building.

2. Countries wishing to remain independent, such as China, North Korea, and India, will increase their nuclear arsenal

3. A second Cold War will be created, this time on four fronts. Considering how extremely close you came on one with just Russia, how are you supposed to survive one against four seperate countries?

I wouldn't actually simply state off the bat that I hate McCain simply cause he's a Republicans. Republicans could come up with the better man too. However, what it comes down to is that McCain, to me, represents an oncoming Nuclear War, which scares the shit out of me, as it should really scare the shit out of everyone.

But oh, there can't be good reasons, it must be just cause he's a republican that I hate him, as there can be no other reason.

I'm waiting.

Time for a translation to spanish:

Australia, como la mayoría de la gente inteligente sabe, esta poblada por los descendientes de convictos condenados al exilio por rajar gargantas y monederos en las calles de Londres. En cuanto a la gente cuyas gargantas y monederos fueron rajados, todos sus descendientes trabajan en la industria del videojuego y conspiran para continuar con el castigo de los australianos retrasando de golpe un numero arbitrario de meses cada puta fecha de lanzamiento. Así que mientras esperamos a que cosas como no more heroes y rock band se dignen a asomar la cara por aquí vamos a descargar nuestras frustraciones en una mierda de juego de dinosaurios.

Estoy bastante contento de que un FPS inequívocamente malo haya sido cagado delante de mi, por que hay un montón de problemas con los juegos de disparos en primera persona hoy en día, y Turok es como una lista de todos ellos. Así que en vez de hacer lo que hago normalmente, crucificar el juego con grandes y punzantes clavos oxidados con forma de pene, voy a usar a Turok como ejemplo para ilustrar unos cuantos fallos que los FPS continúan haciendo. Quizás podría persuadir a los desarrolladores de que dejen de hacerlo, y entonces a lo mejor podría persuadir a la marea para que bajase y volar en un malvavisco con alas al reino sorbete.

1. Usad los controles responsablemente: Cuando estoy apuntando a algo y sacudo un poco el analógico derecho, es normalmente por que quiero apuntar a algo que esta un poco al lado de a lo que apunto en ese momento. No quiere decir que quiera girar mi cuerpo 90 grados, y especialmente no quiero que pase cuando un velociraptor corre hacia mi cara blandiendo un tenedor de postre. Por supuesto, la ausencia de apuntar con el ratón siempre mermaran a los FPS de consola, aunque los buenos FPS de consola normalmente lo compensan con control mas suave o auto-apuntado pero, como hemos dicho antes, el Turok no es un buen FPS y apuntar a las cosas es como jugar a los dardos con los brazos dormidos.

2. Traed de vuelta las barras de salud: No se por que la industria del videojuego ha abandonado los medidores de salud; quizás alguien organizo una macro-fiesta de interfaces de juego y el Sr. Barra de salud se puso pedo y se comporto como un capullo, con lo que todos le rechazan. En fin, que los juegos ya no tienen barra de salud. Cuando te dañan te curas sentado en una esquina, chupándote el dedo por unos segundos lo que hace del resto un simple patrón, pero es muy cómodo para jugadores que al parecer son niños de 3 años hijos de leprosos sifilicos. Que hay de malo en las barras de salud entonces? Vale, no es realista pero juraría que el realismo lo abandonamos cuando los marines espaciales empezaron a acuchillar dinosaurios en el planeta zog

3. Dadle a las granadas un radio de acción decente

4. Parad de plagiar "Aliens": "Aliens" era una buena película, ningún problema con eso, pero parece que no puedas dar 10 pasos en el mercado FPS actual sin tropezarte con militares cachas, peludos e imprudentes de razas varias, que a menudo llevan (o se encuentran en algún lugar dentro) Armaduras potenciadas del tamaño de 4 urinarios portátiles apilados. Turok se pasa 3 pueblos, llegando a plagiar por completo la escena de las vainas criogénicas de "aliens", excepto que en vez de Sigourney Weaver ahora hay un tio con un corte de pelo estúpido. No cambia mucho, la verdad (har har har, risa estridente). Cuando consideras que los antiguos juegos de Turok tratan de un indio apache que viaja en el tiempo te das cuenta de lo duro que han tenido que trabajar en esta entrega para plagiar aliens. Han metido toda la historia en un armario, han hechado la llave y lo han despeñado por un acantilado. Se han dedicado a plagiar a "Aliens" con la misma determinación con la que la mayoría de desarrolladores se dedicarian a hacer un buen juego, cosa admirable, supongo, desde un punto de vista gilipollesco.

5. Parad de acercar la cámara a la nuca de los personajes para mostrar que tomas el control de ellos

6. Dejad de gastaros la pasta en grandes actores de doblaje que luego no dan la talla. Turok tiene a este tío gruñón que parece un cruce entre Gimli, hijo de Gloin, y Popeye el marino, y cuya voz indica que a) es incapaz de emoción alguna y b) ha sido victima de un trepanamiento reciente. Lleno de curiosidad, me fui a IMDB para ver que actor principiante había dado voz a esta mierda y me encontré que no era otro sino el mismísimo jodido Ron Perlman. Un Ron Perlman que, solo puedo asumir, se dio cuenta pronto de en que truño se había metido y juro que su actuación seria de nivel semejante, y si Ron Perlman pensó que el Turok era una mierda ¿Quien eres tu para discutir? ¿Has calentado los helados corazones del publico mundial en "la ciudad de los niños perdidos"? ¿no? Bien, entonces calla.

7. Conclusión: La mayoría de estos problemas con los FPS's modernos se pueden resumir en 4 palabras "seamos como el Halo. Pero yo recuerdo un tiempo en el que los FPS no marchaban detrás de un popular festival de mediocridad; cuando los FPS no eran solo sobre soldados y marines espaciales.; cuando podían tratar de vaqueros no-muertos, o violadores de cerdos, o de gilipollas misóginos chistosos. Recuerdo cuando los FPS tenían sentido del humor y habían otros colores que no fuese gris acero o marrón mierda. Recuerdo títulos como Exhumed, y Chasm, y Witchhaven 2... aunque, por otra parte, preferiría olvidarme de ellos

trlkly:
Well, that and it would give him a lot more material to rip since he's stuck in stupid six-months-behind Australia.

Hey I'm here too. Don't call us stupid, though by all means i really hate the 6-months behind in the gaming industry thing. Oh and Smash bros. Brawl comes out in june for us so Yahtzee might review it by July i would say. Rock band as he said before comes out in may for us and No more Heroes only just came out a week ago. Where not stupid for being a little behind in the gaming industry, we just have a smaller gaming market then America.

I DID NOT THINK THE ONLINE PLAY WAS GOOD AT ALL BUT THE STORY MODE WAS OK? BUT IT WAS TO SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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