Zero Punctuation: Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure

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I made my account just to show how much I like Watching these every week. Always very funny and although I rarely have played the games in question, the ones I have are reviewed damn accurately.

Till next week.

A few of the points he makes for the reasons Adventure games haven't done that well are the same exact reasons why I don't like Sam and Max very much. One of those reasons, every item has ONLY ONE use and after they they are Red Herrings until you lose the item for whatever reason. Hell there are items that you pick up you don't even use and are only Red Herrings. I bet this sort of things happened in many different adventure games I'm not aware of.

So what gay references did you find?

I found the following:

"... frightening large dildo" - Why would he carry a large dildo around? Possibly because he's gay?

In the part where he's talking about weird Wii-mote moves, he wanks his Wii-mote off to use the hammer, and followingly, the hands and Wii-mote looks like a cock which he gnaws on.

"Wank and Sticky" is a pretty obvious one.

And the last was the ending about getting his roommate's ear canal raped by a man with a sandpaper condom, which is a phrase Yahtzee has made himself, and subsequently you see Yahtzee's doing the movement with his Wii-mote.

I laugh really hard at his gay-references, especially the ones about Rock Star.

(this post is meant for humerous purposes only)

"Hints for sale. Ask about our retard discount."

Priceless. :)

FireFox170:
Wii= Fun no matter the age if you find the right games
XBox 360= Pwns the Ps3 in all ways, hell even Wii's sell more than Ps3's
PS3= Build a PC that's better for the same price, Horrible start off with little game support, I have nothing against the ps3 though if you want to waste your money on it, otherwise I'll stick to PC gaming which blows all at out of the water.

Even Wii sells more? Wii sells more than X360 and possibly PS3 together, that's not an argument, that's just an ignorant hate speech.

Yahtzee liked it!

Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YAH!!!

VeryOblivious:
Without trying to sound ungrateful to cutekitten, I'm waiting your transcript. BTW, that translation is pretty bad.

Also not trying to trouble the waters, but here you go:

Long ago, in the mists of time, when main characters didn't need to have biceps bigger than their faces, and when bump mapping was just something cartographers did to their wives, there lived Adventure Games. This shy, thoughtful tribe was known for its great storytelling tradition, and ruled the great PC Gaming Plains for many years, before mysteriously dying out around the onset of the Quake Era. Some blame the aggressive expansion of neighboring first-person shooter tribes, but personally, I think it's more to do with the fact that most of them were shit.

Most of your average adventure game experience was spent carting a truckload of miscellaneous knick-knacks around, patiently rubbing them all one by one against everything else in the hope of hopping on to the train of logic unique to the game's designer. For every decent adventure game, like Monkey Island or Grim Fandango, there were five excess-baggage-fests driven by moon logic, funnily enough all designed by Roberta Williams. So the genre popped its unintuitive clogs. Not that adventure game fans have ever been able to accept that. Attempts are constantly made to revive the genre by jumping on its gas-bloated stomach, but this rarely causes more than a feeble squirt of pungent fluids from one of the less wholesome orifices.

Now it's Capcom's turn to take a wholehearted, two-footed bounce on that poor, defiled body with Zack & Wiki, an adventure game for the Wii featuring Western-style point-and-click controls and adventurey puzzles, but that's where the internationalism ends. If you find the Japanese offensive, then you'll find this game offensively Japanese. The main characters are a brash youth with no voice and stupid hair, and his aggressively cute monkey friend, voiced by some painfully shrill harpie thing. And the antagonist is a hot, angry girl in a miniskirt. Now all it needs to do is dispense used panties and oppress the Chinese.

Another thing this game doesn't have in common with 90's Western adventures is a connecting storyline, or indeed much of a story at all. Wack & Ziki uses a mission-based format, breaking the adventure gameplay into manageable, bite-sized chunks, plonking down a couple of obstacles between you and a treasure chest, and leaning back, folding its arms, waiting to see what you do next. And this is the point where the game shines, because the point where you figure out that you're supposed to put the key in the door, or perturb the angry sloth with the frighteningly large dildo creates the same smugcock, "Ooh, look at me, I didn't have to consult GameFAQs" good feeling that I've always liked about adventure games. And the fact that there are only a handful of inventory items that you use repeatedly, rather than a billion, each with one (Und precisely von!) application, removes one of the major things I don't like about adventure games.

But then of course, Zim & Spacky breaks the cardinal sin by making it possible to die. Not just as a result of insistently clicking on a grizzly bear six times; often without warning, as a consequence of simple curiosity, or in some cases just letting your mind wander for a few seconds too long. And if you do die, you have to go buggering right back to the start of the mission, meaning you'll have to repeat all the spastic Wiimote flailing you've had to do to get to where you were.

Which links me neatly to my next paragraph. Once again the Wii proves itself some kind of patron deity of gimmicky pointless bullshit. Every time you use a tool or item you have to make an equivalent gesture with the Wiimote, but half the time, the movement of the onscreen tool bears only rudimentary similarities to the gesture you're expected to make. The one that sticks out in my mind is when I was expected to turn a big, horizontal wheel, and none of the movements that seemed obvious caused the damn thing to budge an inch, so I ended up randomly waving the Wiimote around like it was an uppity bat, trying to find out through trial and error which of the many possible movements the game was thnking of. I would say that I'd have preferred the game to not showcase the Wii's exotic abilities, but I'm pretty sure that was the whole idea.

Come to think of it, Wank & Sticky is a game with a lot of needless attachments, like the fact you can buy hints, totally useless while the Internet still exists, or the practice of awarding points based on how quickly you solved puzzles, which I frequently took personally. But if you complain about unnecessary additions, you're just being a tosser. It's like complaining about, say, a perfectly good hot dog, because the vendor is the Boston Strangler; you can still enjoy the hot dog, and just try not to make eye contact. And overall, I enjoyed Zack & Wiki; it's fun and original, and has a lot of charm, as long as you can tolerate a slightly childish tone, which on reflection, you probably could if you're an average Wii owner, because statistically you're 8 years old.

Oh yes, and some people might find the characters' pseudo-verbal grunts and squeaks a bit annoying after the first few hundred times. I didn't, but my roommate said it was like having his ear canals raped by a man wearing a sandpaper condom. Not in those exact words, obviously.

Is it just me, or was Yahtzee talking considerably slower than usual?

Thisusernameisjustanotherwasteofspace:
Is it just me, or was Yahtzee talking considerably slower than usual?

indeed. also although the words were there, he didn't really have the same venom that he normally has.

Yahtzee has eaten Awesome Sauce(tm) these past few weeks. This review made me happy inside on various occasions. I miss the days of the old Lucasarts adventures, or the Discworlds. Only one adventure game really drove me into an asylum, nearly: Broken Sword - The Angel of Death. I really enjoyed the previous Broken Swords, but the latest part is just completely off the rocker.

Mr.Dillinger:
There are SO MANY bitches in the gaming world. Most of you all included.

The reason for a game review is to have the person who is reviewing it let us know if it is a worthy game or not. And while Yahtzee has come up with a fantastically (no sucking of arse intended) comical way of doing this, you all seem to have a problem with him doing it with the top selling games of today.

Classic examples are the Halo 3 & Call of Duty 4 installments of Zero Punctuation.

Now forgive me for thinking, because I've discovered that thinking can get you into trouble in todays world...BUT...Have you bitching excuses of game loving human beings ever thought, 'wow...this guy may be right...maybe the game does deserve praise (or rejection)' instead of saying 'I'm disappointed with this, CoD4 is so generic, Halo 3 was amazing, blah, blah, blah, review something l ike 'The Diamondin the Rough that Nobody Cares About'.

If I was Yahtzee, I would throw in the towel because my fan base is 98% made up of fucken retarded piranhas's, but I guess it pays the gas bill, so why not live off your stupidity.

Indigo_Dingo:
I say, if you fuckers can't handle being told something that doesn't fit in to your predisposed and uninformed opinions (like, say, that the Wii actually has good games, while the Xbox 360's supposed core game is overrated), go and shove your head up a martians ass, as thats the only way you're not going to come into contact with any information you don't want to hear. Well, that, or implant yourself in the American Bureaucracy.

Sounds like both of you need a nappy-poo to me. I'm pretty sure that someone is allowed to form an opinion based on any amount of information they feel is necessary, and that the internet gives them a tool to articulate it.

What I'm tired of is people who seem to think that they're better than everyone else on the internet because they use nasty words to form their opinions, while speaking with some sort of air of authority. You have none.

MasterOfHisOwnDomain:
^^

Lol, cannon fodder..
Anyways (another) nice review Yahtzee, but how about tearing into the classics instead of slowly tripping into the main stream games?

lol those latest releases wont be out in australia for months so be patient australia sucks at releasing games

anyways lol at sandpaper comdom

Mr.Dillinger:
First, Love the nickname, the meaning behind 'Indigo' is unreal and 'Dingo' well, thats just true blue aussie now isnt it.

Is there some meaning behind "Indigo" aside from a shade of blue? UrbanDictionary says slang for some types of drugs. "Marijuana_Dingo"? That doesn't really make sense. Or perhaps a reference to "indigo children", thusly named for their auras? Do Dingo's have auras?

What would happen if Yahtzee were to review a game that is as infantile, foul-mouthed, and funny as he is? Say, Big Willy Unleashed.

Geoffrey42:

Mr.Dillinger:
First, Love the nickname, the meaning behind 'Indigo' is unreal and 'Dingo' well, thats just true blue aussie now isnt it.

Is there some meaning behind "Indigo" aside from a shade of blue? UrbanDictionary says slang for some types of drugs. "Marijuana_Dingo"? That doesn't really make sense. Or perhaps a reference to "indigo children", thusly named for their auras? Do Dingo's have auras?

i wouldnt rely on urbandictionary to get true definitions but more like joke ones

i really doubt chilli dog is when a guy shits on a chicks tits and fucks it

Geoffrey42:

Mr.Dillinger:
First, Love the nickname, the meaning behind 'Indigo' is unreal and 'Dingo' well, thats just true blue aussie now isnt it.

Is there some meaning behind "Indigo" aside from a shade of blue? UrbanDictionary says slang for some types of drugs. "Marijuana_Dingo"? That doesn't really make sense. Or perhaps a reference to "indigo children", thusly named for their auras? Do Dingo's have auras?

No, it really does mean what the guy above me said, True Blue Aussie.

randomjoe333333:

Geoffrey42:

Mr.Dillinger:
First, Love the nickname, the meaning behind 'Indigo' is unreal and 'Dingo' well, thats just true blue aussie now isnt it.

Is there some meaning behind "Indigo" aside from a shade of blue? UrbanDictionary says slang for some types of drugs. "Marijuana_Dingo"? That doesn't really make sense. Or perhaps a reference to "indigo children", thusly named for their auras? Do Dingo's have auras?

i wouldnt rely on urbandictionary to get true definitions but more like joke ones

i really doubt chilli dog is when a guy shits on a chicks tits and fucks it

I think I'm going to be sick....

Why has no one mentioned that he consistently spells, including on the title of the review in the video, the game "Zach and Wiki"? It's ZACK and Wiki, he even includes the damn game case in his review, and spells it wrong all the way through. I can't really take a review seriously when you can't even spell the game you're meant to be reviewing. Poor bit of journalism unfortunately...

Oh, and saying Grim Fandango DIDN'T have stupid logic... I'm sorry, it was a great game, but some of the "puzzles" were totally just shot in the dark. Not a fun, "Oh, I get it now..." shot in the dark, more a "Trying to shoot an airbourne pidgeon in a pitch-black warehouse"-style shot in the dark.

randomjoe333333:
i wouldnt rely on urbandictionary to get true definitions but more like joke ones

i really doubt chilli dog is when a guy shits on a chicks tits and fucks it

I tend to use it for non-mainstream definitions of a word. Especially colloquial usages that aren't old enough to have made their way into Merriam-Webster. And honestly, for a variety of colloquial expressions, I've found that the definition I'm thinking of is listed there, even though it may also be defined otherwise in other contexts. Just because that's not what a chili dog is to you, in a certain context, that may actually be what chili dog was intended to mean. Because, in the end, words only mean what we intend them to mean, when we express them.

Indigo_Dingo:
No, it really does mean what the guy above me said, True Blue Aussie.

Thanks, his description of "Indigo" meaning "blue" being "unreal" led me to think maybe he meant something other than what I initially thought it meant. I don't exactly find it "unreal" that "Indigo" means "blue".

Uszi:
Podcasts are fairly useless, IMO.

Und why would that be?
I personally don't find the easiest way to have ZP reviews on your iPod useless, but hey, if you'd care to make some points, I'd be happy to listen.

screw you about the joke of the paper under the door to get a key. I played Scratches and not only did that throw me off, but it pissed me of even more when I realized it wasn't even a puzzle but a damn joke!

Uszi:
Yeah, the Spanish guide looks like it was spit through a translator:

"Long ago in the mists of time, when main characters didn't need to have biceps bigger then their faces, and when bump mapping was just something cartographers did to their wives."

"Desee hace en las nieblas del tiempo, cuando los caracteres principales no necesitaron tener bíceps más grande entonces sus caras, y cuando el traz del topetón era justo algo los cartógrafos hizo a sus esposas."

I'm thinking it would be more along the lines of,

"Hasta mucho tiempo,cuando los protagonistos no necesitaban los biceps mas grande que sus caras, y..."

I don't think there's an accurate translation for "in the mists of time." That sounds like the sort of English only expression that I would need to find an equivalent Spanish saying. And the Bump mapping bit... is probably english dependent too.

Also I'm lazy. So screw it.

But yeah, a worth effort, seeing as how mine didn't get further than the first sentence.

It was spat through a translator O.o Babel fish at altavista

although I did go through to replace grizzly but surpringly not dildo O_____O

the translator did dildo for me....

yes... i'm serious.... and buggering....
although thats not as funny

oh and i wrote my transcript in 15 min :P
so forgive if dere are any errors O_O

I might go transcript the other ones O.o

Or are they online somewhere????

and why is my picture cut off
T^T
*goes to fix*

I completely agree with his final note. Grand Inquisitor was a great game.
"Hmm. A coin. A slot. If only I had my 'Put Coin Into Slot' spell".

ACK
zERO PUNCTUATIONS ARE DISAPEARING
NO MORE
"Heavenly Sword and Other stuff"

I cant remember the titles of any other early ones
D:
*cries*

I always wanted to hear a review of Yahtzee about a point & click game. Next time a JRPG please.

Yes, and he can go into other reasons why he hates Japanese culture, and test if anyone is actually censoring him, as well as seeing what point a tentacle resembles a phallus enough to be censored.

Wank and Stiki! Sandpaper Condoms! Yahtzee, you sir are my reviewer of choice!

cutekittenkyti:
ACK
zERO PUNCTUATIONS ARE DISAPEARING
NO MORE
"Heavenly Sword and Other stuff"

I cant remember the titles of any other early ones
D:
*cries*

They are still there, there isn't a link to the third page though, for some obscure reason. Here's a link to it: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation.3

good review

Hypersapien:
Good review, but Yahtzee's kind kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel now. He's reviewed all the recent well-known games and is starting on the more obscure stuff.

Release more games, dammit! Yahtzee needs cannon fodder!

This isn't scraping the bottom of the barrel. This is applying reviews to games on more than two different platforms.

I miss the old adventure games. I'd love to have some of my old games again - Monkey Island, Day of the Tentacle, Sam and Max.

My oh my, the elusive Yahtzee is making a remark about Broken Sword III? :O

It's true though, that has got to be the greatest adventure game of all times, if you ignore the piss-easy puzzles near the end and constant box pushing. But hell, at least they're trying to use 3D, and doing it better than Monkey Island 4.

Albiet my favourite adventure game is the Discword II, let's face it, you can not be disdainful of any creation that is the spawn-child of the Monty Pythons and Terry Pratchett.

But anyway: you get bonus points for voicing the truth, and bringing the spotlight back momentarely to the adventure game genre. :D

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