Zero Punctuation: Army of Two

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The_root_of_all_evil:
Is it me or does the hatred of racism whilst repeatedly making gay jokes seem just a tad...well... hypocritical?

Maybe, but it doesn't seem out of place in the context of a demographic where all-purpose term of abuse is some variant of fag/gay. Not that I think it's OK, it's just that--he's different from the rest of the gamer scene how? I think Yahtzee is a lot of things, but role model? No. So if I were going to take issue with Yahtzee, I'd have to take issue with 90% of the people around here, and I just don't have that kind of time.

first song was the best part.

Garfgarog:

Trying to be a tough guy on the internet already makes you more of a loser than anyone could hope to make you seem. Way to go.

Gee, I'm sorry, but to me it looked like somebody else decided to cast the first stone in this whole bit, first off by calling me a noob, (rather they were saying something along the lines of me being afraid of my nubness), which I believe I in turn admitted to being a noob at one point in my life. I am not, however, a stranger to msg boards and even less of a stranger to the ignorance of some individuals. You don't go off immediately insulting somebody unless they either insulted you personally or another person who seems inept at defending themself, that's pretty basic.

I'm not trying to be a tough guy via the internet, I'm simply returning the volley of BS that seemed to have been tossed my way. I never started this bit and I'd prefer it ended here before it starts to get too ugly, so why don't we let it just die and go on watching the genius that is Yahtzee. M'kay? Truce? (sp?)

As soon as the music "Two little boys" came on a wry grin grew across my chops.
I love the way they were riding double-cross space hoppers at one point, clever.
'distracting the enemy' graphic was the funniest ... are you still awake people?

I don't have a reciprocal review of TWO that Yahtzee stole from me six weeks ago, this time, but I would like the bring the perpetrators of the 9/11 demolition to the gallows whoever they may be. In this day and age, I still can't believe they (whoever they were) got away with 'bringing those three buildings down' in the centre of New York on a work day. On a weekend or Bank Holiday maybe...

http://mikephilbin.blogspot.com/2008/03/911-coincidences-and-contradictions.html

Oh, and give yourself a nice saltwater douche because you're officially a cunt.
Classic.

The thing at the end about contemplating swearing off women seems a bit odd, as i always thought the phrase required you to have had experiences with the thing in the first place. Yeah, I went there Yahtzee.

Hilarious! and informative, best one in a while.

Was expecting a whole shit load of gay jokes too, well done for not going there.

Grat review!! Love it.

mshcherbatskaya:

The_root_of_all_evil:
Is it me or does the hatred of racism whilst repeatedly making gay jokes seem just a tad...well... hypocritical?

Maybe, but it doesn't seem out of place in the context of a demographic where all-purpose term of abuse is some variant of fag/gay. Not that I think it's OK, it's just that--he's different from the rest of the gamer scene how? I think Yahtzee is a lot of things, but role model? No. So if I were going to take issue with Yahtzee, I'd have to take issue with 90% of the people around here, and I just don't have that kind of time.

It's not hypocritical, really. Remember the Guitar Hero 3 review? I'd say he's playing with the male stereotype who fears homosexuality above all else, hiding the fear of finding out that they themselves are gay behind derogatives.

I was reading a Spoony Experiment (thanks to yathzee for that too. I had never heard of the guy, but he's awesome!) review where he uses expressions like "bitch" to describe one of the female characters in a movie, yet later discusses the films misogyny. Using a sexist stereotype's expressions to crack jokes doesn't mean you're sexist yourself : P

mshcherbatskaya:
So if I were going to take issue with Yahtzee, I'd have to take issue with 90% of the people around here, and I just don't have that kind of time.

Only 90%? I'm up to 95 already :)

Dectilon:
It's not hypocritical, really. Remember the Guitar Hero 3 review? I'd say he's playing with the male stereotype who fears homosexuality above all else, hiding the fear of finding out that they themselves are gay behind derogatives.

Yeah, I get that; but if he's playing the stereotypes, the kind hearted anti-racist one really doesn't suit him. :)

Indigo Dingo:
People are callling gay the new black.

Ethnics and Gender Orientations have a LONG way to go before they meet the bashing the mentally infirm take every day.

The_root_of_all_evil:

Indigo Dingo:
People are callling gay the new black.

Ethnics and Gender Orientations have a LONG way to go before they meet the bashing the mentally infirm take every day.

I know firsthand the sort of bashing a mentally different person takes day by day, having experienced it all through primary school and half of high school from half my year, and to my graduation from a certain group. But I also know the sort of things gay people can go through (not firsthand, though). I personally think I got off easier.

Anyone know which state Yahtzee lives in? Just curious...

Well, look at the use in vocabulary.

I can't even use the N word without getting banned.(Hint: rhymes with tigger)
I can just get away with Queer or Fairy.
But calling someone crazy, or a cretin? No problem.

And how many people STILL think Schizophrenia is Dual Personality?

Indigo_Dingo:
Anyone know which state Yahtzee lives in? Just curious...

Queensland, apparently.

Kermi:

Indigo_Dingo:
Anyone know which state Yahtzee lives in? Just curious...

Queensland, apparently.

Why would anyone want to live there?

The_root_of_all_evil:
Well, look at the use in vocabulary.

I can't even use the N word without getting banned.(Hint: rhymes with tigger)
I can just get away with Queer or Fairy.
But calling someone crazy, or a cretin? No problem.

And how many people STILL think Schizophrenia is Dual Personality?

I hate it when people have those stupid t-shirts that say 'i used to be schizophrenic but we are ok now' its such a poor understanding of a mental disorder. Most people make the mistake because schizophrenic means splitting of the mind, but doesn't mean into dual personalities it mean the splitting from reality and imagination (or something). O yeah and I'd better comment on the review, he needs more gay jokes.

agerdemon:

The_root_of_all_evil:
Well, look at the use in vocabulary.

I can't even use the N word without getting banned.(Hint: rhymes with tigger)
I can just get away with Queer or Fairy.
But calling someone crazy, or a cretin? No problem.

And how many people STILL think Schizophrenia is Dual Personality?

I hate it when people have those stupid t-shirts that say 'i used to be schizophrenic but we are ok now' its such a poor understanding of a mental disorder. Most people make the mistake because schizophrenic means splitting of the mind, but doesn't mean into dual personalities it mean the splitting from reality and imagination (or something). O yeah and I'd better comment on the review, he needs more gay jokes.

Schizophrenia is one of those diseases that can be attributed based on purely relative criteria by those without a medical knowledge. The thought process can sometimes make connections, bringing thoughts from nowhere. Are these voices in my head? Reality is, at its core, merely a function of our own rationalisation of cause and effect upon the random data given to us by our senses.

But yeah, Disociative identity disorder is something that is incredibly rare, and extremely odd even by itself, as well as raising a whole host of ethical and philosophical issues. We just genuinely don't have enough cases to make any really progressive studies.

I totall knew that Yahtsee wouldn't be able to resist the gay jokes when i saw tht he would review army of two.
So, if you people like gay jokes in reference to that game as much as I like, you should probably check out Tykos' and Gabes' podcast about that game:
http://download.penny-arcade.com/podcast/Our%20Crucial%20Pamphlet.mp3

Whenever somebody types something about Schizophrenia in a not strictly mental disorder-related forum, usually somebody pops up to tell everybody how this is not multible personality.
On the otherhandside - everybody just knows, what exactly one is refering to, when using the word "schizo"

... something I do not feel about this review. So, I just came here to thank again for an entertaining, beautiful review and I hope Yahzee never gives up on women. So, one day, when he loses all hope in the gaming industry, the internet and his fans, there might be a small yahzee who keeps it up.

Had to see it again 3times and look up some words. (my english is not very good) But a script just wouldn't do it and its worth every minute of thinking about it. Like getting a riddle done in a difficult adventure and being rewarded with a nice, funny joke.

Indigo_Dingo:

But yeah, Disociative identity disorder is something that is incredibly rare, and extremely odd even by itself, as well as raising a whole host of ethical and philosophical issues. We just genuinely don't have enough cases to make any really progressive studies.

There have been some studies in S.A.D and Depression, but that's usually the forced change of personality for a period of time, rather than the dual souls.

Blimey, have we got out of the gutter for a whole page now? :)

"It's just a little bit tacky to combine juvenile power-fantasy with real-world politics, but I don't want to beat Army of Two with that when there's perfectly good bad game design I could beat it with."

Epic. Just epic. As always, you made my morning. ^_^

Well, It has been already translated to french language... why don't translating it to spanish?

Soy el primero en admitir que en mis análisis tiendo a ir de cabeza a hacer chistes sobre gays. De algún modo un quemazón se hace el doble de divertido cuando implica que al sujeto le gusta que le den duro hombretones de culo peludo. Honestamente, he intentado dejarlo pero, Jesús, mira con lo que tengo que trabajar. Dos tíos cachas inseparables, uno grande y peludo y otro joven y bravo, corriendo con mascaras de sadomaso, tumbando erecciones a lo enorme misil, desinteresados llanamente de manera sexual en la única mujer de su compañero y, a pesar de obtener visiblemente una enorme cantidad de ingresos por sus contratos, solo se pueden permitir un paracaídas a medias, el cual están muy animados a compartir.

Vale, he prometido no centrarme en esto. A parte, el juego en si es mas parecido a un video de reclutamiento para contratación militar privada que una aprobación al modo de vida descarriado. Muy frecuentemente nos recuerdan que lo militar es una mierda, y también los que participan en ello, mientras que los mercenarios son cabrones inmortales e imparables que ganan toneladas de dinero y les gusta que les den fuerte hombretones de culo peludo. ¡NO! ¡YAHTZEE MALO! Quieria decir "y llevan molonas mascaras de calavera como si todos los días fuesen halloween, excepto que los caramelos los repartes tu y que los caramelos son balas"

Es el argumento estándar de mezcla-y-une de los shooters de hoy en día; empiezas matando a suicidas de Al-Quaeda en el Afganistán post-9/11 (en un realismo chulesco sacado de titulares y que esta al borde del mal gusto) y al poco vas a por los sacos de boxeo favoritos de america: iraquíes, chinos y finalmente los mas odiados por ellos, otros americanos. Si no ves el giro argumental típico de doble encrucijada es que necesitas algo de ayuda para vestirte, pero no vamos a tratar ese tema. No estamos aquí por la historia, gente; hablemos de toda esa atractiva violencia.

El atractivo de venta, ese que esta en el titulo, es que estas apoyado por un compañero NPC. Hay mas, obviamente, por que si no tendría que contarles a EA con el mayor tacto posible que es lo que el resto de shooters han hecho antes que ellos en los últimos putos 5 años. La mayor diferencia es que hay que tirar de las palancas de la cabeza de tu compañero para que mantenga la posición, se reagrupe, avance o lo que sea. Algunas veces mientras tiras de las palancas hay algo que salta en su tarro. En un par de ocasiones se ralló y se quedo de pie mientras el enemigo nos convertía en un bocata de hamburguesa y balas. Otra vez estaba al lado de la puerta mientras que él iba a pulsar un botón a la otra punta de la habitación, y apreté el botón de reagrupar, con lo que acabo corriendo sin parar de aquí a allá como un perro lanudo con un cacho de metralla en la cabeza.

A decir verdad, hay un puñado de cosas que los del GC deberían haber pillado. Después de acabar hasta los huevos de mi compañero apollardado controlado por la IA, intente jugar con un amigo el modo cooperativo a pantalla partida. En una secuencia había una posición elevada a la cual subí a mi compañero dándole un impulso como parte de un astuto plan de ataque desde una posición elevada. Pero al parecer mi amigo tenia un problema para recordar que las balas enemigas eran algo a evitar y lo tumbaron. Cuando esto pasa no te puedes mover hasta que tu compañero llegue y te de una patadas curativa en el culo, pero como no había nadie quien me impulsase a donde él estaba lo único que pude hacer es saltar impotentemente como un conejo con cara de calavera hasta que su grave caso de idiotez quedo terminal.

De modo que es un juego con errores, pero no compensados. Al parecer hay un problema con la curva de dificultad debido a que es inexistente. El juego es una sucesión lineal de escenarios tipo para-dispara y tus personajes pueden aguantar tantos daños que llegas a pensar que han sido creados por Frank Miller. La vida se regenera rápidamente, los enemigos se muestran reacios a avanzar y si palmas estarás bien siempre y cuando tu compañero llegue hasta tu posición en algún momento del año que viene o así, cosa que no esta garantizada pero que me sigue haciendo preguntarme por que pensaron que se necesitaban 2 personas para esto.

No creo que army of two haga honor a el tema de "two". Todo para lo que necesitas al otro es para distraer al enemigo y así correr detrás de el y poder volarle el culo, una tarea que podría hacer un espantapájaros o un ruido fuerte. E incluso eso no es necesario excepto cuando sacan al típico enemigo de la armadura jodidamente impenetrable por todas partes excepto por el ojete, los cuales sospecho que solo fueron creados por darle algún simple motivo al otro compañero para estar ahí, al igual que las cornisas que necesitan de un empujón para ser alcanzadas. Para esto la compañía solo tendría que pegarle unos cohetes a unas escaleras y así se ahorrarían un sueldo.

He sido bastante burlón antes; no veo ningún indicio gay de Sr y Sra. Skeletor. Me recuerdan más a un par de crios corriendo por el patio del colegio y dando patadas a las niñas en las espinillas. Hay una opción para modificarte las armas con pinturas y bling, y si eso te gusta lávate el papo con agua marina por que eres una guarra. Es un tanto hortera el mezclar fantasías juveniles con política del mundo real. Pero no quiero acabar con Army of Two con eso, siendo un juego tan excelentemente mal diseñado: Es repetitivo, imperfecto y no es algo que no hayas visto nunca. Si puedes jugar al Gears of War con una mano y Splinter cell con la otra entonces no tienes por que jugar al Army of Two. Y asegúrate de que lo grabas en video por que pedazo de talento tienes para hacer eso.

Love the gay jokes! I have acctually look threw the episodes to catch all the subtle gay remarks and then show them to people it's rly fun:P

Way to go Yahtzee! As I like to know that my enemy is playing Pokemon Monopoly while waiting for me to kill them!

oh lollerskates.

On the gay Jokes being a hypocrisy.

First, and foremost, I think Yahtzee's primary goal of humor supersedes any goal of communicating his own world view, and thus I wouldn't find it particularly surprising if he changes his opinion between reviews. If it's funny to comment about racial overtones in a game, then he will. If it's funny to do the opposite, he will do that as well.

Second, I don't find it to be a hypocrisy at all, since the gay jokes were of the form, "These two gentlemen seem on first impression to be gay lovers," and NOT of the form, "These guys are stupid and therefore gay." It is politically correct to watch two guys make-out on a bench, then turn to your friend and say, "That is really gay." It is NOT politically correct to see someone dance a jig, and tell that person, "You're dance was gay."

WAAAIT, a maybe a less ambiguous example: If my friend 'Naded his own team mates in any shooter featuring friendly fire, and they complained that such behavior was "Gay," that would be incorrect.

Anyway, my point is, Yahtzee was not mocking the gay community with his gay jokes.

The_root_of_all_evil:
Well, look at the use in vocabulary.

I can't even use the N word without getting banned.(Hint: rhymes with tigger)
I can just get away with Queer or Fairy.
But calling someone crazy, or a cretin? No problem.

And how many people STILL think Schizophrenia is Dual Personality?

I can put up with the gay jokes because I can stick up for myself on the queer front if I choose, and if I can prop up some little shitheel's self-esteem on Xbox Live, well, I'm glad to know I have a purpose in life. I don't have a problem with Yahtzee, if I did, I'd leave. Yahtzee's wit gives him a lot of leeway, and I honestly don't think he's got any issues with gay people. But if you ask me if I think it's OK on the whole, no, I don't really.

The omnipresent "-tard" suffix is what makes me want to go all icepick on somebody's ass. Way to hammer on people who aren't in a position to stick up for themselves and hurt the people who love and care for them, boys. And don't think it doesn't hurt, because it does. Yes, I know that every sign of weakness is completely deserving of a deluge of acidic scorn, and that's why you do it, Griefer. How every l337 of you.

I haven't seen too much hate on the DSM-able mental illness front (though my issues with the Smart Drugs article and the ensuing thread are legion) but I'm more than willing to engage on the subject of public perception of my kecked brain chemistry should the opportunity present.

But again, if I fought every battle that comes across my path, I'd be sitting here typing 24/7 (as opposed to 12/7? shut up) until I was utterly burnt out. Better to pick your battles than lose the will to fight. I've cultivated some knowledge in certain areas, so I stick to where I feel I can be most effective.

Fangface74:
Ao2 has been getting some pretty bad magazine reviews all over!

Whats Ao2?

mshcherbatskaya:

But again, if I fought every battle that comes across my path, I'd be sitting here typing 24/7

"I can't come to bed. Someone on the internet is wrong!" - http://xkcd.com/386/

Glad to know I'm not alone. :)

I love the fact that even at the end he uses Queen, and fades out on the "I really love you" line. One last gay joke, he cant help himself

Well, you have to admit, no-one forced him to restrict the gay jokes, just like no-one forced him to not do breast jokes for Tomb Raider : Annivcersary. wait...

But I digress. If you want to actually try and burn me (And believe me, I encourage it) you can write it on a sheet of 2500 grit sand paper and shove up your ass.

You, sir, take yourself a shade too seriously. Just a shade.

The_root_of_all_evil:

mshcherbatskaya:

But again, if I fought every battle that comes across my path, I'd be sitting here typing 24/7

"I can't come to bed. Someone on the internet is wrong!" - http://xkcd.com/386/

Glad to know I'm not alone. :)

You might be a bit more alone pretty soon. I just got a promotion and will soon be too busy running around with my hair on fire to forum much. :(

mshcherbatskaya:

You might be a bit more alone pretty soon. I just got a promotion and will soon be too busy running around with my hair on fire to forum much. :(

That's good... I think?
Never mind, I'm still waiting for my promotion to come through.
And good luck; I'm sure the forum will be brightened soon by your tales of woe at the rest of the general public. :)

Hmmmmmmmmmm, I think I agree. Then again I agree with whatever he says lately. Excuse me, I have to go cleanse my brain with some Twilight Zone and Battlefield 2142

Anywho, I never planned on getting Army of Two when I can play CoD4 and have an army of 3 gazillion people who are infinitely more competent than any AI on this earth. Army of Two= Exercise in Patience, something I don't exactly have for games like that.

That was probably the funniest Review you have ever done. Well done Yatzee!

FYI: It's now considered bad to even refer to a mentally challenged person as a retard. It's almost as if the definition of retard has changed to simply be a more intense form of stupid. And it is never cool to insult someone's infirmity.

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