Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto IV

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 NEXT
 

Great review & thanks for pointing out those useless fucking triggers on the PS3 controller!...

I can't stop laughing with the review.

And my laptop decided to explode twice during the video!

Great review by Yahtzee. I couldn't agree more with most of the points made by the man himself and my fellow forumites (sp?). My overall impression of the game was that while the environment showed fantastic polish, the combat did not. The cover system can be infuriating and has cost me a mission several times, e.g. where I get stuck on the wrong piece of cover with my back to the enemy. I certainly agree with the sentiment that it is not the evolution in gaming most review sites made it out to be. While the environment has been polished enough to use the full capabilities of the next generation consoles, it is essentially the same game of old.

Yes GTA 4 is good and all (even though I do not have the systems to play it on and probably never will), but why are you not reviewing Mario Kart. It seems like an insult when you do not review the favor of the month games. Please review it.

In terms of pure fun, I found III to be the best, not Vice City or San Andreas, and probably not IV which incidentally, I will have to admit not playing yet. My reason for chosing the original Liberty City over all other candidates was the raw simplicity of it all. In was rough round the edges, ridiculous, totally unbelievable, and above all, very simple to understand. You did jobs, you played around, you did another job, you played around some more. You went around seeing just how much carnage you could wreak before the long arm of the law finally brought you down.
Getting onto six stars, then nicking a tank, then driving it through a star-down bonus tag - the world was my oyster. I mean, having FBI cars driving full pelt into and blowing up, again, and again, and again. Priceless.
Vice City and San Andreas just complicated matters. Most likely this will the the same, only more so. Okay, if I do get round to playing it and loving every bloodthirsty minute of it, then I will just have to offer my apologies won't I.

Great review. I like GTA4, but I can't find one thing in that review I didn't agree with. Well, maybe Yahtzee's new title for the game, because I've always preferred "Chauffeur IV".

I loved the comment about the PS3 controls. I was playing God of War 2 the other day and after a couple of years of being spoiled by an Xbox 360 controller, the shoulder buttons on the PS2 (and PS3) controller were infuriating. They're at their worst during - you guessed it - quick time events. The game made me spam the R1 and L1 buttons alternately which for a recovering stroke victim is like doing crochet while wearing oven mits.

Shame on you Yahtzee, trying to ignite fanboy fights. Still, a hilarious review and dead on the money more than any other I have seen or read.

What is it with six-axis controls, my friend with a PS3 told me how even though you can get used to it pretty fast in GTA4, its just easier to use the regular controls.

rumbaler:
Yes GTA 4 is good and all (even though I do not have the systems to play it on and probably never will), but why are you not reviewing Mario Kart. It seems like an insult when you do not review the favor of the month games. Please review it.

Mario Kart.... favour of the month?? As far as I know, GTA4 is the favour of the month, especially when just about everywhere got sold out in the first couple of days.

Brilliant review. I've got to show my roommate this, he's a GTA fanboy.

sirdanrhodes:
Never ever ever going to review mario kart wii, WOOHOO!

I think that was my favorite part of his SSBB review, when he said something about "Mario Kart Eleventy Billion the Next Generation." Sad to say, I've played it...just once and it was in a friend's dorm room, but it's basically just the same recycled tripe we've come to expect from Nintendo recently.

agerdemon:
Why do people keep on banning people who comment first, get a life just let them comment.

What's it matter? They can just make a new account.

Disagreed with the part on realism, primarily because it seems to me that games are getting less and less realistic and more and more dumbed down, not the other way around. But yes, good review.

Take care Yahtzee.

RookieX:

rumbaler:
Yes GTA 4 is good and all (even though I do not have the systems to play it on and probably never will), but why are you not reviewing Mario Kart. It seems like an insult when you do not review the favor of the month games. Please review it.

Mario Kart.... favour of the month?? As far as I know, GTA4 is the favour of the month, especially when just about everywhere got sold out in the first couple of days.

Indeed. Mario Kart adds nothing but a reshining of all the old games. Which is also what GTAIV does, but screw you GTA is better.

spungemonkey:
No Yahtzee posting this time around?

He doesn't actually do any of the gritty, thankless work of posting these things on the site. He just makes the brilliance and then we mere mortals push the bootons. I'm just usually better at hiding that fact. Alas ... The secret is revealed.

haha awesome review yahtzee, and im actually going to cry if theres a 360 vs Ps3 argument. Gta is so fun, im pissed with the driving aspect though, takes a while to get used to the change.

Yeah I was really disappointed that it was really hard to get the cops to notice you at all and when they do notice you it's only a short drive away to loose them completely. Hell you can go right back to the scene of the crime 2 minutes later, in the same car, and nobody notices you or cares. Which of course means that you can go around acting like a total twat (throwing out the window Niko's well written character profile) and do so without repercussions. I guess this was Rockstar's way of allowing people the "freedom" to act like psychopathic douchebags while still be able to complete the missions, etc. Which makes you wonder why they make Niko apologize whenever he accidentally hits a pedestrian.

P.S. When in the strip club, don't wonder onstage. BIIIIG mistake.

Your remark on the ps3 version is rather silly. You say to ''avoid'' the ps3 version because of something extra and 100% optional which can be turned off? ... hm weird

Why WOULD you review mario kart Wii..................

and the sixaxis controls are ''off'' by default

RookieX:
Learn how to drive geese? Shoot from a tyrannosaurus? Classic.

Great points on the crawl to realism, gritty gameplay is what made Grand Theft Auto great.

I think you missed his point.

nice review, anyway i will check the pc when they launch it, mmm i was expecting that he would compare the protagonist with jason staham instead of the HL2 rebel model used for frohman

NEVER review mario kart, theres nothing to review, theres about 20 maps thats it. a pointless waste of 35 for me. God im annoyed with nintendo.

Vyce3:
Your remark on the ps3 version is rather silly. You say to ''avoid'' the ps3 version because of something extra and 100% optional which can be turned off? ... hm weird

Somehow i imagine Yahtzee going "hook, line, and sinker."

As I spit out masticated transcript:

About a million years ago, a company called DMA Design created Grand Theft Auto, and discovered that the combination of controversy, wacky humour, and vehicular homicide was a lucrative one indeed, so they made a whole bunch of sequels, threw some TV's out of some hotel windows, and changed their name to Rockstar, in a slightly overcompensatory effort to make us forget that they made Lemmings. Not that there was anything wrong with Lemmings, at least not until the franchise was rigourously milked to its last sour, lumpy dribbles. Thankfully, GTA's teats seem to be remaining plump and fresh for now, with the fourth installment, or at least the fourth one with a number on the end. Apparently, thematic indulgences like Vice City and San Andreas don't count, indicating that Rockstar subscribes to the "Because I Say So" school of sequel numbering, also known as the Resident Evil method.

This year's morally flexible everyman is Niko Bellic, an Eastern European mercenary who was last seen helping overthrow the Combine in Half-Life 2, and who arrives as a penniless immigrant in Liberty City. As is always the case with this series, Niko must reach the top by climbing up a big pile of stolen cars, bodies, and escort missions. After a couple of jobs in which I drove my friends around, and took one of them bowling, I embraced my new country by buying a baseball cap and some sneakers, deep-throating a hot dog, and slumping in front of some blisteringly awful television for a few in-game hours. It was at more or less this point that I thought to myself, "Hang on, am I playing Grand Theft Auto, or Grand Theft Normal Boring Life? What's next, the 'write a letter to your Mum' mission?" So I immediately ran outside, jacked a car, and plowed through two mailboxes and an accountant. Instantly, the nearby policeman, who was clearly as impatient for this as I was, spat out masticated donut and gave chase. "Now we're getting back to what GTA is all about," I thought, as I turned into a pedestrian precinct, the background wailing of sirens adding a melodious backing to the rhythmic snaps of pelvises shattering against my radiator.

Unfortunately, while steel lampposts snap off their housing when anything heavier than a kitten leans on them, Mother Nature continues to outdo human technology. My rampage was brought to an abrupt end by the world's toughest poplar tree, causing Niko to go hurtling through the windscreen in a manner as wincingly painful as it was fucking awesome, but I was desperately attempting to restart the twisted metal salad that used to be my car, when I realised I couldn't hear sirens anymore. Yes, it seems now you can shake your wanted level pretty much just by driving away really fast, which you'd think the police would be prepared for. Lose your pursuers, take a few turnings, and bingo - Niko Bellic, Model Citizen. It makes sense in theory, but I felt somehow defeated, as I sulkily went back to my cousin for more escort jobs.

Once you inevitably grow tired of the sandbox mayhem and start on the mission paths, you'll find that GTA IV is initially about as fast-paced as a Jacob Bronowski documentary playing at half speed. The first hundredweight of missions are virtually all tutorials, which highlights the inherent problem with incorporating so many different gameplay elements that you need to spend half the game explaining the bloody things. You have to learn how to drive cars, how to drive trucks, how to drive geese, how to use your phone, TV, internet, how to fist fight, how to gun fight, how to shoot from cover, how to shoot from the back of a giant Tyrannosaurus. The game doesn't really kick in for me until you get to the second safehouse, and that's easily 5 to 10 hours of gameplay (depending on how sandbox-happy you are), so this is a game that requires a time commitment, and I mean a big one. If you have a day job, I recommend sticking a pillow up your jumper and claiming maternity leave.

Once it gets going, though, it's a roller coaster thrill ride - a roller coaster that stops dead every now and again like it's run by British Rail. I'm not sold on the TV channels, because unlike the radio stations, they can't be heard while driving, and hence come across as the game trying to distract you from actually playing it, like it's got confidence issues or something. Then there's the mechanic wherein you keep friendly with characters by taking them out drinking, and to shows and shit. I'm not sure what, if anything, it's all in aid of, but what with most people in the GTA universe committing three murders before breakfast, I've been trying to stay friendly with everyone I can. And what that entails is, between every mission, I have to give someone a call, drive over to their place, pick them up, drive them somewhere else, pretend to enjoy myself for half an hour, then drive them back. It's just an irritating mindless chore; it's like we're getting off the roller coaster every five minutes to touch up the paint work.

GTA I was so wacky, it was practically set in Toon Town, and as recently as Vice City, the feel was still exaggerated and colourful. Since then, though, the series has taken a right turn at the corner of Gritty and Realism, which I'm not convinced is the right direction for it. As seems to be common with the current generation, "realism" means the graphics look like I'm viewing them through a used coffee filter. What isn't brown is grey, and what isn't grey is too dark to make out. I thank Christ for the automatic lock-on in the fire fights, because all the enemies are indistinct dark blobs in an indistinct-dark-blob factory. The driving feels more realistic, but without slower and heavier, with all my attempts at handbrake turns resulting in spinning out like a merry-go-round. And by the way, avoid the PS3 version, because those marshmallow shoulder triggers certainly don't help, and the Sixaxis is, as always, about as much use as smashing your hand between two bricks.

But I think my biggest disappointment is that we're back in dreary old surrogate New York again, because all the way back to the GTA: London expansion pack, a lot of the appeal of the series has been the transplantation of the wacky gun fun into new settings like Vice City and San Andreas. Don't get me wrong; strip away the ancilliary bullshit, and GTA IV is really good. I mean, I'm going to play with it some more after I've finished reviewing, and that's fucking unprecedented, but frankly, I'm going to reserve my enthusiasm for when they announce Grand Theft Biggleswade.

rumbaler:
Yes GTA 4 is good and all (even though I do not have the systems to play it on and probably never will), but why are you not reviewing Mario Kart. It seems like an insult when you do not review the favor of the month games. Please review it.

Why would he bother to review a game that's the same as last time nintendo put out the same game on the last console which had the same game on it!???.... its fucking mario kart u push a button for go another to stop?, if you dont know what Mario Kart is by now, on its billionth version, you probably get feed through a tube & couldn't give a fuck either way....let it go

Biggleswade! That was it!

KiiWii:
I only ever used GTA as a "see how many stars i can get this time" game.

I use it for stunts. And then, yes, to see how far I can go with a 4-star rating. I've managed to get around the entire starting island.

bother this nonesence:
amazing review especially with the T-Rex thing
honestly though i never had a problem with the six axis thing
maybe its just yahtzee

Actually, the guys at Kotaku had similar complaints.

Vyce3:
Your remark on the ps3 version is rather silly. You say to ''avoid'' the ps3 version because of something extra and 100% optional which can be turned off? ... hm weird

You can turn off the marshmallow trigger buttons on the PS3??? Fucking sweet!

I guess a Playstation 3 defender was inevitable.

Nothing he said here wasn't true, he praised it based on his own opinion but slagged it off where needed :)

Happy with that review.

Vyce3:
Your remark on the ps3 version is rather silly. You say to ''avoid'' the ps3 version because of something extra and 100% optional which can be turned off? ... hm weird

Dude, don't get all flustered, I have the PS3 version and I'm not moaning _ He's right, although exaggerating slightly.

You'll get grey hairs if you let stuff like that get to you.

OK, I had to register after watching this review.

I had a double take at the end there when he said Grand Theft Biggleswade. You know why? I only bloody live there!!!

I'm not sure if you read the forums Yahtzee, but do you know Biggleswade at all or is it just some random town you picked from a hat?

agerdemon:
Why do people keep on banning people who comment first, get a life just let them comment.

Because we try to have some level of intelligence around here and the first post want intelligent.

The comment about Niko's previous employment really was on the money, especially since he looks like Gordon Frohman from the Concerned comic.

conqueror Kenny:

agerdemon:
Why do people keep on banning people who comment first, get a life just let them comment.

Because we try to have some level of intelligence around here and the first post want intelligent.

Point made ;)

I think the biggleswhatever is an indication of waiting for the GTA London 2 ;) Alternativly we could just get Getaway 3.

Funnier? The amount of people banned on the first page or Yahtzee's review.

It's a close one, but the review does it. The still of a dinosaur at the start made it.

And Yah Boo Sucks to Realism already!

Hey Yahtzee, you know what you should do? Take a look at the hate-mail you get for your reviews and if those cok knockers really do say fucked up shit that makes absolutely no fuckin sense at all you should make like a side episode to shut the fucktards up and to put a smile on our faces. :D Well if you do read this just an advice if you have time to do so.

thisnameok:

Vyce3:
Your remark on the ps3 version is rather silly. You say to ''avoid'' the ps3 version because of something extra and 100% optional which can be turned off? ... hm weird

Somehow i imagine Yahtzee going "hook, line, and sinker."

he not talking about the motion sensing he's talking about the shitty trigger buttons that hang off the back & feel weird & spoogy,....that's when your fingers aren't slipping off them!.

I've never been a great fan of the Grand Theft Auto series so I was interested to see what Yahtzee had to make of it. An interesting review but Yahtzee seems to be increasing the speed of his voice with each successive review. In 5 months it may become easy to copy the experience of a Yahtzee review by playing a scratchy disk with loud volume and watching a slideshow made entirely out of images from paint.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here