Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto IV

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I consider GTA IV to be one of the best games I've ever played - not THE best because of Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion - , but the review was perfect. Congrats, Yahtzee, excellent work.

you didn't mention anything about failing a mission...and how big of a fucking headache that is. you have to start completely over, including the long-ass drive to the mission (or chase or meeting or whatever...). y not have a checkpoint or something in the mission. I don't know about anyone else but driving from the far side of one island across three bridges to the far side of another island four or five times for the same mission blows. To head off the oncoming train of "maybe u just suck at the game" i can say yes, I could probably play it better but I have something called a job and as yahtzee put it so eloquently, this game requires something of a time commitment. love the reviews though, keep up the good work.

One of the best ZP reviews! Great as always and very funny!

GTA Biggleswade???
That would be awesome! Drving down the market place, into choices and making them sell games for good prices would be the first thing i'd do in game... Then i'd probably find me and run me over for saying that last sentance *bloodbath*. Loved the review, please, don't review mario kart wii. I don't even remember any hype toward it, it just sort of stumbled out onto the shelves like a drunken owl.

I was crackin up when you mentioned the trees being stronger than everything else in the game and fell over as soon as the cop said "aw poo." Its all too true (especially the middle finger you gave to the PS3 towards the end). And even though I agree with most of what you're saying, I like the "realism" better than any of the past games and sort of like the minigames included in maintaining friends in the game.

Can't wait for your review of Mario Ca--awwwwwwww ;P.

I think there was a lot more to the game that could have been discussed here but I certainly can't fault the review. GTA is riddled with flaws, and shit that just doesn't make sense. The first ten hours or so are boring and frustrating in places. I do feel engaged with the story and Niko Bellic has the most personality of any GTA protagonist thus far - at where I am in the game which is probably just over halfway the pace is really beginning to pick up and while yes, you do have to constantly keep your friends entertained lest you abruptly get an SMS accompanied by a thumbsdown and lose the ability to buy guns from the trunk of a car conveniently parked in a nearby alley rather than schlepping to the nearest Guns 'n' Ammo squatting on the other side of fifteen minutes of painfully dense traffic... the game really only moves along as fast as you want it to.

This game has racked up more thrown controllers than the final boss in Dead or Alive 4, and there have been three distinct occasions where I have turns off my 360 and informed my fiancee that "I quit video games", but here I am, deciding whether people live or die, stealing police cars in order to hunt down and kill Liberty City's most wanted, working for cops, criminals and the government, and in my down time banging insecure borderline psychotics who see through my cold, hard, murderous exterior to the heart of solid gold within.

mspencer82:

OurGloriousLeader:
Also: A point he missed out was the complete lack of use for money.

Money has a lot of uses in Grand Theft Auto IV! You can buy clothes....and hotdogs...and more clothes...and hey, somebody has to pay for bowling.

Seriously though, you're right. Once you make your first 10 grand you're pretty much set for life in the GTA universe.

While true, the game keeps up the illusion it has value by giving you practically none of it then taking that away in health care if you suck at the game like I do. Of course around the time you do the bank robbery mission the game stops jerking you around, admits this whole money thing is horseshit and just gives you more than you'll ever need to hammer the point painfully home.
It was the kind of swift kick in the nuts I expected from Rockstar, kind of in a good way. The game is filled with little life lessons like that.

I can understand why the 'tards who shout "FIRST!!!!11one!!" get banned but why were the first few banned THIS time around? It's the same mindless quote filled praise, as usual so why did they get banned?

Since I only have a PS3 I will just get this game for that version, but at the cost of sore hands.

P.S: Good thing I play Rock Band, with that game I will never get to mess up with the Sixaxis ever again.

Way to go, Yahtzee. Now, however many emails you previously got asking you to review Mario Kart Wii, you can now multiply that by a factor of 20.

Funny, but I'm afraid you're getting a little too ... "formulaic"? I know that might sound weird for something that seems pretty identical from since you began, but what I means is that it seems like you used to point out the bizarre premises when taken out of context or humorously overlooked or ignored flaws, and now focus much more on the obvious flaws that we all knew you would be obligated to respond to anyway. Easy getaways, physics flaws and training missions are all pretty much given complaints for GTA. But then thats probably just a factor of reviewing such a widely known game anyway. I know people like it when you rip on the familiar, but I think its much funnier when we broaden our scope when laughing at slightly unknowns. So yes, please DON'T review Mario Kart Wii, since all of us will be much richer for it.

Good job, I mean they're always well written and performed, but I hope you hear what I'm saying, too.

My favorite joke was the DMA to Rockstar bit. So after Chains of Olympus, does this make TWO games in a row that Yahtzee liked?! Wow.

It goes without saying, next week it's Mario Kart wii! XD

Andrenavarro:
I consider GTA IV to be one of the best games I've ever played - not THE best because of Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion - , but the review was perfect. Congrats, Yahtzee, excellent work.

Deep breaths, Jim... deeeeep breaths... easy now... count to ten...

As for the review, I wonder if Yahtzee has somehow avoided getting a three star wanted level when a helicopter happens to be nearby, or in heavy traffic. It's not quite as easy as 'driving really fast', because you may just end up driving really fast into a police car, which lets all the cops know just where you are. You need to use your brain at least a little bit to escape with three stars... and a bit more with each additional star. I think it's a substantial improvement over the police in the last few games, who were paradoxically both near-omniscient and borderline retarded (we KNOW where you are, and we'll never stop comin-oh nevermind, we were chasing a BLUE car, so that can't be him).

I am also annoyed by the inconsistencies in what you can knock over by hitting it. If a bus hits a small tree, that tree is not going to stand there without even losing a bit of bark. That fucking plant is going down!

Once more, Yahtzee makes a semi-related statement in his review that addressed an issue I agree with him on; the Sixaxis is trash. Of course, I also thought the Dualshock 2 was trash, because it's not ergonomic for any known form of intelligent life. Sony's had a decade to correct this, but they are apparently too stupid or stubborn to do so.

First time that I cannot really comment - GTA IV is something far away on my backlog of games to play over the coming months. Still, the introductory bits were funny and GTA indeed took a more realistic turn over the past few installments, something I'm not really a fan of but I also think there wasn't much of an alternative if you're intent on reinventing the sandbox time and again. Maybe the surreal will return in a couple of years, for now I wish everyone fun with GTA IV while I still need to plow through Persona 3, Odin Sphere and Metal Gear Solid 4.

well, to make it short; that was fun:)

Yahtzee hit the nail on the head why I've not even completed the 3rd game yet. What was so enjoyable about the first was the sense of urgency, OTT of the violence thanks to no saving in between games.

Now it's become more and more of a simulator and missions (or the game as a whole) just drags out far more than need be.

Once more, Yahtzee makes a semi-related statement in his review that addressed an issue I agree with him on; the Sixaxis is trash. Of course, I also thought the Dualshock 2 was trash, because it's not ergonomic for any known form of intelligent life. Sony's had a decade to correct this, but they are apparently too stupid or stubborn to do so.

I can't understand this. The PS dual shock pad is the only decent pad I've played since the N64. Well, the Gamecube was pretty good, but the Dreamcast and Xbox360 rate as the worst ever IMO. However, I can play with all pads on any system I've ever played.

No offence but I think it's more of a case that you are too stupid and stubborn to use your hands in a more varied selection of ways.

SomeBritishDude:
Great review Yahtzee, the bit about the trees vs lamposts was great.

This is pritty much what I was expecting from the review. I don't have the game yet (ive got my GCSEs right now so I'm waiting until there over) but from what everyone has been saying, and the fact that the vast magority of people on my friends list have gone back to playing CoD4's god dam multiplayer, I had a feeling the game wasn't as good as the last one.

Making friends? Watching TV? Is this GTA or the Sims? If I wanted to watch tv i'd...well...I'd go watch tv.

Im still getting the game at the end of the day. You can't really beat the satisfying, if slightly phycotic feeling of shagging a hooker then stomping on her face and taking your money back. Its all the more satisfying when you've got GTA waiting for you when you get back.

I never understand why mother nature has priority in games, suddenly trees are made of steel or something.

Mr Croshaw! You can share with the rest of the class those things you liked, noone will think any less of you.

Harleycosmo:
GTA Biggleswade???
That would be awesome! Drving down the market place, into choices and making them sell games for good prices would be the first thing i'd do in game... Then i'd probably find me and run me over for saying that last sentance *bloodbath*. Loved the review, please, don't review mario kart wii. I don't even remember any hype toward it, it just sort of stumbled out onto the shelves like a drunken owl.

Another guy from Biggleswade :)

Hmm good review as per usual, hohwever im in disagreement on what was said about the ps3 version- a)the trigger buttons are a massive improvment on the old L2 and R2 buttons, and b) the SIXAXIS system, while being a pain in the ass to get to grips with, is good once you know how, and if you reeeaaaly hate it, can be turned off.
In fact i would be more inclined to buy the Ps3 version of the game over th 360 version as ive been told it supports full HD 1080P resolution (the 360 version only managing a meager 1080i)

I must say, going to the bar and then driving drunk has been one of the more entertaining bits of any game that I've played in the series... Outrunning the police while you're swerving all over the road... hahahaha, what a sense of accomplishment!

Though, I must comment on the police being lazy... one/two stars, yeah they're lazy. 3/4 They dog you pretty darn bad... it's really hard to evade em. 5/6 near impossible and 6 is impossible to dodge, they are insane on those!

For a quick demo, if you've not unlocked the islands yet... go to one where you're not supposed to. Auto 6 star... have fun dodging the rampage of bull**** to come flying your way!

gechusum:
you didn't mention anything about failing a mission...and how big of a fucking headache that is. you have to start completely over, including the long-ass drive to the mission (or chase or meeting or whatever...). y not have a checkpoint or something in the mission. I don't know about anyone else but driving from the far side of one island across three bridges to the far side of another island four or five times for the same mission blows. To head off the oncoming train of "maybe u just suck at the game" i can say yes, I could probably play it better but I have something called a job and as yahtzee put it so eloquently, this game requires something of a time commitment. love the reviews though, keep up the good work.

I guess you've never heard of hailing a cab, or even calling up Roman for a free ride if you're a total cheapskate?

Oh and at least this time if you fail a mission, you can retry it, and be dropped right back at the starting point of the mission.

I'm glad someone else finally called Yahtzee on this. I just went through all of the comments hoping someone else would point out that escaping the cops isn't as easy as he makes it out to be. Also at each star the search radius you must escape from gets bigger. As you mentioned too, even if you get out of the radius and some beat cop spots you, you're thrown right back into the center of the search.

I thought it was kind of strange that Yahtzee pointed out the side missions as slowing the game down, when they are almost all (with the exception of the first few) completely optional!

I just finished both endings last night, and I have to say I was not let down by this game in any way at all. I did notice a few minor glitches and bugs here and there. But nothing severe enough to ruin the game for me.

Now to find all of those damn flying rats and stunt jumps!

ComradeJim270:

Andrenavarro:
I consider GTA IV to be one of the best games I've ever played - not THE best because of Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion - , but the review was perfect. Congrats, Yahtzee, excellent work.

Deep breaths, Jim... deeeeep breaths... easy now... count to ten...

As for the review, I wonder if Yahtzee has somehow avoided getting a three star wanted level when a helicopter happens to be nearby, or in heavy traffic. It's not quite as easy as 'driving really fast', because you may just end up driving really fast into a police car, which lets all the cops know just where you are. You need to use your brain at least a little bit to escape with three stars... and a bit more with each additional star. I think it's a substantial improvement over the police in the last few games, who were paradoxically both near-omniscient and borderline retarded (we KNOW where you are, and we'll never stop comin-oh nevermind, we were chasing a BLUE car, so that can't be him).

I am also annoyed by the inconsistencies in what you can knock over by hitting it. If a bus hits a small tree, that tree is not going to stand there without even losing a bit of bark. That fucking plant is going down!

Once more, Yahtzee makes a semi-related statement in his review that addressed an issue I agree with him on; the Sixaxis is trash. Of course, I also thought the Dualshock 2 was trash, because it's not ergonomic for any known form of intelligent life. Sony's had a decade to correct this, but they are apparently too stupid or stubborn to do so.

Another thing I like about this, is that the game rewards you for being a skilled driver, and not just foot-to-floor driving. It's very realistic in the fact that if you're going 180 and you come to a dead stop, you're flying out of the windshield top speed. I remember in past games, you could fly 30 feet after jumping out of a car and not get damaged.

The handling on the cars is really well done too. Some cars have better handling than others, on certain speeds. I enjoy this game overall, even though some of the missions can get really annoying.

Great finisher line, but not his funniest work.

Good review, makes me acutally consider getting GAT IV.
And the "The Half-Live and Death of Gordon Frohman" reference was just made of win :D

agerdemon:

Why do people keep on banning people who comment first,

I can generally support the "first post" donkeys getting banned, I'm not sure why this bunch got banned. They generally seemed to enjoy the review.

UNLESS, however, they wrote that without having seen the review, which denotes shooting for first comment. :) In which case I support the mods. You'd think that the "first comment" crowd would learn a thing or two; it gets you banned. ^^;

But less on that, and more on the game. :)
I havn't gotten the game yet. I'm crazy busy with collage and work these days, and by the pillow-stuffing suggestion, I will need to commit more time than I have allowable. That's pretty standard for a GTA game, and I saw it comming (which is why I am sans game).

One thing I hope got fixxed was how sign/light posts would dramaticly screw up your driving. In every GTA since san andreas, every high speed chase I was a part of involved me devestating a number of light posts when whipping around corners. They would of course alter my movement, and cause me to run into walls, cars, more cops, or bring me to a full stop. They were one of my higher points of infuriation in the series. (Burnout Paradise does it right, and just lets you bowl over them.)

Can anyone give me some insight to the light pole thing? :)

gechusum:
you didn't mention anything about failing a mission...and how big of a fucking headache that is. you have to start completely over, including the long-ass drive to the mission (or chase or meeting or whatever...). y not have a checkpoint or something in the mission. I don't know about anyone else but driving from the far side of one island across three bridges to the far side of another island four or five times for the same mission blows. To head off the oncoming train of "maybe u just suck at the game" i can say yes, I could probably play it better but I have something called a job and as yahtzee put it so eloquently, this game requires something of a time commitment. love the reviews though, keep up the good work.

Couldn't agree more!

I have played this game on the PS3, why lightly tapping L2 is for free aim, and holding it just a little bit tighter is for shooting is beyond me. Auto aim is cool and needed, but I like to think some of my own shooting skills are to attribute for well done mayhem. Though for that i should stick to FPS with a mouse.

Most light posts you hit take off with you, it's the trees (no matter how toothpick they are) that are immovable. You hit a stick-tree and you can bet you'll be close to a trip to the hospital.

i cant wait for Grand Theft Biggleswade!
That games gonna kick ass

Another great review by Yahtzee (no bad ones tbh). I really liked the one with super-three, I've seen that in other games as well.

Comment on the other posts: why does ZP have so stupid fans that they first/second/third/younameit-post... it annoys me (their bans are well deserved, thank god they practice this on this forum).

Hey, thanks for the awesome review Yahtzee! Any video that combines hitting pedestrians with vehicles and mentions dinosaurs as well gets a tip of the hat from me.

Also, much love for the use of the word masticated. It really needs to be brought into common conversation more often. But on the same literary wanker note, the MS Paint'd "Libety City" made me rewind, pause and laugh for a good whole two minutes.

Pure win sir, looking foreward to next week.

Kermi:

mspencer82:

OurGloriousLeader:
Also: A point he missed out was the complete lack of use for money.

Money has a lot of uses in Grand Theft Auto IV! You can buy clothes....and hotdogs...and more clothes...and hey, somebody has to pay for bowling.

Seriously though, you're right. Once you make your first 10 grand you're pretty much set for life in the GTA universe.

While true, the game keeps up the illusion it has value by giving you practically none of it then taking that away in health care if you suck at the game like I do. Of course around the time you do the bank robbery mission the game stops jerking you around, admits this whole money thing is horseshit and just gives you more than you'll ever need to hammer the point painfully home.
It was the kind of swift kick in the nuts I expected from Rockstar, kind of in a good way. The game is filled with little life lessons like that.

Not really. Once you unlock the RPG that little thing will start bleeding you dry at $5000 a pop. and when its something so very beutiful that you want to use it for everything, including turning on the the T.V. (Suprisingly, this doesn't work), Cash once more becomes a problem.

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