Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto IV

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Loved GTA, and loved this review. I am -very- shocked you didn't bring up the invunrable car bullshit you get on some car chases, but I am glad you brought up the missions and setting. Neither of which I thought were as good as GTA VC and SA, still loved the game however and it sounds like you did as well.

Obviously trees being invincible is an elaborate metaphor saying that regardless of man's accomplishments in the world, they are entirely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

Heroic One:
Obviously trees being invincible is an elaborate metaphor saying that regardless of man's accomplishments in the world, they are entirely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

Or that Rockstar don't want Save The Earth down on them as well.

Awesome review. GTA IV definitely looks worth trying out, but I really got tired of the franchise after Vice City. I enjoyed the wacky unrealistic game play so much and I hope GTA IV isn't toooo realistic. Also, the relationships seem like they would be annoying... but I guess I can always say fuck em and go play in the sandbox.

ComradeJim270:

Once more, Yahtzee makes a semi-related statement in his review that addressed an issue I agree with him on; the Sixaxis is trash. Of course, I also thought the Dualshock 2 was trash, because it's not ergonomic for any known form of intelligent life. Sony's had a decade to correct this, but they are apparently too stupid or stubborn to do so.

I couldn't agree more, you'd think they'd have tightened things up by now. The PS3 controller is a definate step in the right direction (i.e away from the unresponsive PS2 controller) but those shoulder buttons are still the bane of my existance. They are too spongey for my liking.
Except for that infernal d-pad, the X360 controller is the closest thing I've found to perfection (bar mouse and keyboard); for my hands at least.

I've been avoiding playing GTA4 and saving it for when a time when I:
a) have two weeks off work
b) have no girlfriend
c) have no life
d) all of the above
because Yahtzee's review just confirmed my suspicion that that's what this game requires of you.

Generally agree. I have a big screen, standard-def TV and it's hard to see the cops from down the street unless you're really looking. Shouldn't it be easier to make out the various denizens of streets at night? I wished Niko had a fucking flashlight every time I drive around.

And thank God you aren't going to review Mario Kart Wii. [Probably the same as the last couple Kart games except with the annoying Wii-mote, now go ahead and spam my PM box with your nerd rage. :D ]

Yahtzee in Melbourne this weekend? Might have to pop along.
Went to the Game On exhibition last weekend. Well worth a look.

I think he got a couple of things wrong oin this. I know this will be ignored, but whatever.

The police are criminally understaffed and underpaid. This is the point. Thats why they release you after you've bribed your way out of jail (Which answers how you keep getting away with it), and if you get out of their sight for too long, they just say "fuck it" and go after any of the other criminals in Liberty City who are just as bad as you are. They set priorities, and if you escape you are no longer a priority.

The visuals only become blobs on the brown at night, as a method to force realistic sleep patterns upon you. In the day, they're clear as, well, day.

You are not meant to keep up all your relationships. You can if you are obsessive, but you're only supposed to keep the ones you want. I kept Kiki and Dwayne and kept giving the fuck off button to anyone else who wanted to see me, since i both liked Kiki and Dwayne, and their eventual benefits the best (happy coincidence, really). Whenever I wanted a laugh, I'd go see a show with one of them. Whenever I felt like a minigame, I played Darts. Whenever my health dropped, I went to eat with them. I kept my get the police off my back and get backup cards and didn't have the hassle.

The training missions seemed like just enough time for me to say "Holy shit. this place looks incredible!" and then it threw me into the action. I thought thata lot of the missions - chasing down the Lost, working for the Russians - were quite enjoyable, a step above the previous training levels.

Its called GTA IV because its the next chaper. Vice City, San Andreas, etc are all part of the same story, all of it unrelated to Nikos world. This is why The Russians didn't just hire Claude to find your ass and kill you when you got on their tits.

I think thats all.

Hilarious one... "shooting from the back of a tyrannosaur" :D ... Buy ( steal ) me one too. That said if you could really go rampage with a T-Rex in that game I would shit my pants laughing.

They called it GTA 4 because GTA 3, Vice City, and San Andreas ran on the GTA 3 game engine. GTA 4 runs on an entirely new one; therefore they called it GTA 4.

Loved the review. Here are things I felt you didn't touch on which grind my gears (from an otherwise near perfect game)

- Grand Theft Genocide: The fact that 2/3 of the way in every mission involves picking up X, killing 200 people to get to X, only to have it dissapear in a car which you have to follow (can't destroy) untill it gets to a cutcene.

-Money: After about 3 missions I had enough money for the rest of the game. Whether this was intentional or not it meant just by doing the story I could gear myself up more than Rambo.

-Choices: I thought this would have been touched on since Yahtzee has commented on choice in previous games. I think it was a nice experiment but the fact some choices made fuck all difference and you didn't know what would happen with the choice and considering what can happen with the choices it would have been nice to have had a hint.

-Grenades: This might just be me but I stopped using them after killing 300 people in a mission, threw one to kill an enemy who was hiding only to have it bounce of an invisible pixel and blow my face up.

"How to drive geese". LOL.

Definitely my favorite one in a while.

Programmed_For_Damage:

I couldn't agree more, you'd think they'd have tightened things up by now. The PS3 controller is a definate step in the right direction (i.e away from the unresponsive PS2 controller) but those shoulder buttons are still the bane of my existance. They are too spongey for my liking.

I have to respectfully disagree with you. Especially on the PS2 controller being unresponsive. Would someone like to point out when? I have played the PS2 for years and never had this issue with my controllers. And why would Sony bother changing the controller? People got pissy not only when that prototype boomerang type design was first shown for the PS3 (and rejected thank god) but even more people bitched because it wasn't Dualshock. (And Sixxaxis only sucks when it is the sole use of the game like in Lair. It works rather well in Resistance and Folklore to support the gameplay.)

I despise the X-Box controllers and find the Playstation controllers to be the best ones ot there. And as far as I am concerned, they perfected the controller. To each their own I guess..

As for the review, great as always. Not quite as hilarious as last weeks, but it was still good. Raised the concerns I have about the game. Which is why I probably won't end up getting it. (That and I always end up disappointed with each new GTA game...)

Am I the only one who's currently having trouble with money, actually losing cash on missions to support my RPG habit?

...

I think I'm the only one here who saw Yahtzee's Niko/Resistance Soldier comparison and thought he meant Gordon Frohman.

Dorian Cornelius Jasper:
...

I think I'm the only one here who saw Yahtzee's Niko/Resistance Soldier comparison and thought he meant Gordon Frohman.

Resistance soldier (Its Seargent First Class Nathan Hale to you) comparison? When was this?

Indigo_Dingo:

Dorian Cornelius Jasper:
...

I think I'm the only one here who saw Yahtzee's Niko/Resistance Soldier comparison and thought he meant Gordon Frohman.

Resistance soldier (Its Seargent First Class Nathan Hale to you) comparison? When was this?

He means the Half-Life 2 guy. That guy doesn't have a name, unless you count Concerned (which I do).

Esure:
Loved the review. Here are things I felt you didn't touch on which grind my gears (from an otherwise near perfect game)

- Grand Theft Genocide: The fact that 2/3 of the way in every mission involves picking up X, killing 200 people to get to X, only to have it dissapear in a car which you have to follow (can't destroy) untill it gets to a cutcene.

. Did you expect a man who is wanted dead by the Don of the fucking city to have no protection? Powerful people know they have enemeies, and thus will be paranoid, and hire everyone who realises he has to point the end with a hole in it at the enemy to defend them. Any other way would be stupid. And they will keep the thing that is keeping them alive close to them, and try to escape.

Ensure:

-Choices: I thought this would have been touched on since Yahtzee has commented on choice in previous games. I think it was a nice experiment but the fact some choices made fuck all difference and you didn't know what would happen with the choice and considering what can happen with the choices it would have been nice to have had a hint.

thats the whole point. Each choice is not about what you expect to gain, its about why you are doing this. Are you going to kill a guy to gain respect from a russian gangster, or pretend to kill him and let him get away because he touched your heart. Its choices at a level other yhan baby-killing or mother theresa, where its no longer black and white but all grey.

Thats my two cents.

Mr. Bubbles:

Indigo_Dingo:

Dorian Cornelius Jasper:
...

I think I'm the only one here who saw Yahtzee's Niko/Resistance Soldier comparison and thought he meant Gordon Frohman.

Resistance soldier (Its Seargent First Class Nathan Hale to you) comparison? When was this?

He means the Half-Life 2 guy. That guy doesn't have a name, unless you count Concerned (which I do).

Then why did he call him Resistance Soldier? Thats like reffering to Odin as God Of War guy. Its technically accurate, but can be confusing.

Oh Yahtzee is no game safe? Who cares its fuckin hilarous. The part about the trees vs. lightposts and the whole running away from police...its funny because its true.

Indigo_Dingo:

Ensure:

-Choices: I thought this would have been touched on since Yahtzee has commented on choice in previous games. I think it was a nice experiment but the fact some choices made fuck all difference and you didn't know what would happen with the choice and considering what can happen with the choices it would have been nice to have had a hint.

thats the whole point. Each choice is not about what you expect to gain, its about why you are doing this. Are you going to kill a guy to gain respect from a russian gangster, or pretend to kill him and let him get away because he touched your heart. Its choices at a level other yhan baby-killing or mother theresa, where its no longer black and white but all grey.

Thats my two cents.

Exactly, I couldn't have put it better myself. The game doesn't show you what kind of benefits you get from the choices you make because you're not trying to decide which pair of pants to buy you're deciding what kind of person you are. Are you the type who always follows orders or will you disobey if you don't like your employer? Do you think a bitch that spent a man's money while he was in prison only to date somebody else deserves death or should be given another chance? You're making a decision about what's in your soul, not which benefit you want.

Indigo_Dingo:

Mr. Bubbles:

Indigo_Dingo:

Dorian Cornelius Jasper:
...

I think I'm the only one here who saw Yahtzee's Niko/Resistance Soldier comparison and thought he meant Gordon Frohman.

Resistance soldier (Its Seargent First Class Nathan Hale to you) comparison? When was this?

He means the Half-Life 2 guy. That guy doesn't have a name, unless you count Concerned (which I do).

Then why did he call him Resistance Soldier? Thats like reffering to Odin as God Of War guy. Its technically accurate, but can be confusing.

you know i was expecting him to mentionn jason staham instead

Orga777:

Programmed_For_Damage:

I couldn't agree more, you'd think they'd have tightened things up by now. The PS3 controller is a definate step in the right direction (i.e away from the unresponsive PS2 controller) but those shoulder buttons are still the bane of my existance. They are too spongey for my liking.

I have to respectfully disagree with you. Especially on the PS2 controller being unresponsive. Would someone like to point out when? I have played the PS2 for years and never had this issue with my controllers. And why would Sony bother changing the controller? People got pissy not only when that prototype boomerang type design was first shown for the PS3 (and rejected thank god) but even more people bitched because it wasn't Dualshock. (And Sixxaxis only sucks when it is the sole use of the game like in Lair. It works rather well in Resistance and Folklore to support the gameplay.)

I despise the X-Box controllers and find the Playstation controllers to be the best ones ot there. And as far as I am concerned, they perfected the controller. To each their own I guess..

For me the analogs on the PS2 controller are a bit too slack which makes them less reactive (i.e. more "play" in the mechanism means you have to move it further to get any reaction; same as the steering in a car) and the controller on the whole is too small for my ham-like hands (two hours with the SNES controller absolutely kills my hands). I've used a least six different PS2 controllers and found the exact same thing, so it ain't the individual controllers (unless I have been extremely unlucky).
Sorry to digress; just don't like to put things out there without justification.

Really enjoyed the review (no surprises there!)... Though now I really want to go on a rampage in LC on the back of a T-rex! :)

Eh, the part about the first missions being tutorial missions isn't very true. Only the first couple of missions teach you anything, the rest just give you tips as you do the missions. And of course using the computer requires a tutorial-type mission, along with using the police computer.

He also fails to mention how losing the cops work. You get a circle around where you were last seen, you cannot lose the cops until you leave the circle for about 10 seconds and if you get spotted again the circle moves. The more stars you have, the bigger the circle. It's only easy to lose the cops when you have 1-2 stars, which makes perfect sense.

I don't know if anyone else realizes how difficult it was to lose the cops in the older ones. You had to find the star reduction powerups until you had 2-3 stars minimum before it was even possible.

And just an FYI, if you don't like your friends calling you to play pool and such you can disable it with your cellphone options, I think you turn off the ringer or something.

By the way, try calling 911.

fantastic as allwase :D

i'm afraid to post though, will i get banned?

lindsay40k:
The GTA series to date have not been good crime simulators by any stretch of the imagination.

There goes the player, murdering their way through bystanders, raping* their way through the sex worker population without protection (and coming out of it in better health). Here comes the police. What is the absolute worst that can happen to the player? A ten second timeout, a bit of inventory stripping and teleportation to the front of the nearest police station or hospital?

No bail, no jail, no parole, no curfew, no injury, no illness.

Rockstar could have built on the ideas in Bully, making a virtual university of crime (or to use layman's terms, prison) populated with factions, corrupt guards, possible escape routes etc for players who fall foul of a virtual criminal justice system (which in turn presents the opportunity for some Phoenix Wright-style courtroom drama and tempering with evidence, witnesses and judicial officials).

Additionally, if the player is going to be caught in a hail of bullets then perhaps it might be a thought to implement a concept utterly unknown to the PlayStation generation of spoilt brats who need daddy (by which I mean gamefaqs) to play games for them - GAME OVER. A Police sniper hits you between the eyes, your vehicle explodes and the burning coffin lands in a deep body of water - player death, save file terminated.

Is this supposed to be a crime simulator for a mature audience, or a sandbox full of dolls that bleed and scream when children cut their fingers off?

Hopefully GTA will continue its trend of developing beyond interactive snuff and before long offer a genuinely intelligent and engaging experience.

*Forcing a prostitute to return her pay makes the intercourse a form of rape.

So are you objecting to the game on ethical/moral grounds or because of conceptual/gameplay issues? Your argument seems to take a turn when you mention children cutting off people's fingers. While I won't touch the moral issues, I don't imagine that having to check in with your parole officer between missions would be much fun (i.e. why people play games). Nor do I imagine that people would take kindly to having a 40 hour game save erased because they zigged instead of zagged. As for the coup de grace, I'm fairly certain that you don't have to interact the ladies of the night in this game, much less rape them. So in closing, I'm sorry that you didn't like the game (you have played it, yes?) and that not all media is lollypops and rainbows.

The fat cat sitting on the car and then the car spinning had me in sitches for some reason. Anyway, this review's a good pickup from the last few weeks.

he kepts it real

he keeps it real

WellIWasVeryImpressedFromYourPreviousReviews, ButDefinitelyThisIsTheMostFucktardReviewIEverSeen. FuckYou, HowCanYouLikeAFuckingBrainlessGameLikeThisShit,Fuck,IAmVeryFuckingDissapointed
FuckYou, ThisIsAGameForCocktards.

I didn't agree with him saying avoid the PS3 version, as there is nothing wrong with the game on the system and he just doesn't like the controller, but to each their own. Great review, nailed it on the head, excellent work.

And have fun not playing Mario Kart Wii, Yahtzee, I know you will.

Actually, you DO get email from your mother in which you can reply to, it's just not tied to any mission.

I disagree with the PS3 control rant, though. By the time I got to the next safe house I was pretty much pro at driving or at least used to it enough to be able to drive around and not turn my car into a crushed up wreck of shit. The whole problem with the controls is only worsened with the shitty cars you're presented with at the very beginning of the game. Wait until you get the Infernus (it doesn't spawn, so hold onto it) and drive that fucker around.

It seriously doesn't Respawn? Glad I took good care of it.

eNrique_Ortsa:
WellIWasVeryImpressedFromYourPreviousReviews, ButDefinitelyThisIsTheMostFucktardReviewIEverSeen. FuckYou, HowCanYouLikeAFuckingBrainlessGameLikeThisShit,Fuck,IAmVeryFuckingDissapointed
FuckYou, ThisIsAGameForCocktards.

I don't get it. Whats the joke?

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