Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto IV

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Do a throw back next week and review Raw Danger!

I had to stop it within the first few minutes, because I was pissing myself laughing at the lamppost vs the tree comment. That was my major area of swearing for the first part of the game, especially when I was trying to run and catch some twerp who was doing godknowswhat.

This was a great review, and it's a great game. I get exactly what he's saying about everything, and it is this reason I will for now, and forever, look forward to my wednesday Yahtzee reviews.

Indigo_Dingo:

eNrique_Ortsa:
WellIWasVeryImpressedFromYourPreviousReviews, ButDefinitelyThisIsTheMostFucktardReviewIEverSeen. FuckYou, HowCanYouLikeAFuckingBrainlessGameLikeThisShit,Fuck,IAmVeryFuckingDissapointed
FuckYou, ThisIsAGameForCocktards.

I don't get it. Whats the joke?

Ignore him.

Let us see if this one makes it to a thousnd posts.

Otherwise, mostly spot on. Good game with a few issues, but overall quite well done.

Having to go on dates with everyone is kind of annoying (especially when you're called while you're busy) but at least they let us be lazy and cab it everywhere.

OurGloriousLeader:
Also: A point he missed out was the complete lack of use for money.

Yeah, it's much more fun to punch people to death and run around wearing the same track suit you start with.

SickImperium:

JakubK666:
Even though he absolutely fucking loved it, we'll still end up with a shitstorm. Most likely a PS3 vs 360 argument.

lol,word.

good review

i'll seconds that rofl.
another great review to the collection

chewbacca1010:
Let us see if this one makes it to a thousnd posts.

Otherwise, mostly spot on. Good game with a few issues, but overall quite well done.

Having to go on dates with everyone is kind of annoying (especially when you're called while you're busy) but at least they let us be lazy and cab it everywhere.

Once again, you aren't meant to go on playdates with everyone - just the guys whose benefits you like. The others can go fuck themselves. Its a guessing game initially, but if you get the guy to tell you what he can do, and you don't like it, you can ignore him forever.

I played GTA 4 for a couple hours on a whim rent. It's certainly a better GTA game although 10/10 only shows how awful IGN and such have made video game jouralism today. There's certainly a lot of junk to do and it seems pretty polished. Anyway, if you enjoy it enjoy it.

One funny thing that I'd like to point out was that for all the exquisite detail they put into the city and general environment... they put the traffic lights on the wrong side of the intersection. In real life they go on the far side so you can see them but in GTA 4 they are on the near side above your head (and out of sight). I tried to drive sensibly in keeping with the feeling of just arriving and not too deep in criminal activity and this was one of the first things I noticed.

OK So I rewatched...and I just noticed...

Entertaining as always, I earnestly await the next.

Holy..
Hey I'd love to know where this convention is in Melbourne you will be at Yahtzee, I seriously want an autograph for my bf (who got me into these reviews).
I can't find any info on "Game on" just some unrelated crud about the Melbourne convention center.

Great review. I pretty much agree on all points, but I strangely didn't find all the relationship building side-quest stuff as tedious as Yahtzee did. I dunno, maybe I'm just a giant loser.

I am kinda surprised the drunk driving physics weren't brought up. If there's anything in GTA4 that seems worth ripping on for its sheer pointlessness, it would be that.

scamps:
Holy..
Hey I'd love to know where this convention is in Melbourne you will be at Yahtzee, I seriously want an autograph for my bf (who got me into these reviews).
I can't find any info on "Game on" just some unrelated crud about the Melbourne convention center.

Game on is at the ACMI Centre in Fed Square: here's the link http://www.acmi.net.au/game_on.aspx

I hope i see him there over the weekend

Wow, this got a truckload of comments in a matter of nanoseconds.

Once again, Yahtzee hits the nail on the head, even though he tends to snag the thumb of good intentions, not to mention that the nail is aimed sqaurely at the kneecap of fanboyisms.

I have to agree on most of the points he brought up - and although I would say that the multiplayer does boost the quality of the game overall, asking Yahtzee to play a game with other people is like trying to store a bull shark and a shoal of tuna in the same tank and expecting them to play a nice game of scrabble.

I only ever actually bought the first GTA (despite being too young to legally do so), and my loyalty remains fixed to this timeless gem of mindless violence. GTA has no flaws, merely quirks that highlight just how tongue-in-cheek the game is. I could probably have stomached the original getting 10/10, but GTA4 is not worthy. None of the sequels are; I'll play them, or watch other people play them, and then I'll get bored and go back to the original.

Anyway, nostalgia over. Top review as always!

Didn't enjoyed at all, boring.. As always, no positives or innovations shown. Lack of overwhelming flame. The weakest one, in my opinion..

dammit, now that this review is over, i have to wait a whole week for the next one
NOOO :(

learn how to drive geese
*chuckle*

fisk:
Didn't enjoyed at all, boring.. As always, no positives or innovations shown. Lack of overwhelming flame. The weakest one, in my opinion..

Are you talking about the game or the ZP?

Excellent review, as always.

However there is one thing I haven't seen mentioned yet.

Immersion, noisy consoles and shitty FPS.

Honestly, I have a really hard time enjoying a conversation in game when my 360 is doing it's normal LOUD-AS-FUCK thing. I fondly remember when consoles didn't sound like badly built PC's by some cheap retard . Or when the games themselves didn't have constant slowdowns (yes yes I know, games back then had slowdowns as well but not to the extent that 360 games does)

Now, I'm an incredibly spoiled PC-gamer tard, so I'm used to high fps, OR (and this is something that I guess console games will never offer) I could lower the settings in any given game, to trade in more fps at the expense of details etc.

Having said that I wish they actually spent a little more time making the game fluid, then... whatever else they were doing. But it's not really isolated to GTA4, it seems like fluid FPS/steady FPS is a criteria extremely low on any developers list of things to optimize for.

Am I the only one on the planet that prefers fluid game play over 1080p content that grinds to a fucking halt every time you hit a trashbin in a park (GTA4 example) or when the game spawns to many enemies (Halo 3, Mass Effect) or just generally gets overwhelmed. A prime example where the game actually looks decent and fps doesn't take a constant hit is DMC4, while not a incredibly good game, it still looked nice and kept a decent frame rate. (And yes, I realize that DMC4 is not even close to as expansive as the GTA4 city is, but still, it shows it can be done)

But meh, seems most console gamers of today are content with 15-20 fps.

I really wasn't expecting Yahtzee to provide the most, um, stable review of GTA IV to date, but I'm glad someone finally reviewed the game without foaming at the mouth like Cujo on ecstasy. Still, a tad mellow for what we've come to expect from our beloved machine gun mouth. Low on caffeine, Y?

One thing that still surprises me is that in all the years that have passed they is still bugger all buildings you can go in. Vice City seems to have more buildings to enter (and rob). It just seems like things haven't moved on since MAFIA in 2002 with shop windows looking like flat sloppy JPGs, i can understand the power of the consoles limits how much you can do but come on. I wanna go in every building!

Edit:

Also i must say this game has some very sloppy performance at times, the fps jumps around like a crazy bastard sometimes. Also you really see how underpowered the consoles are when they have to degrade the visuals in multiplayer slightly and still the framerate jumps up and down more than a rabbit..

Multiplayer is really damn fun sometimes, when i say sometimes i mean it can be really annoying occasionally but its quality shines even when the shoddy combat controls let you down sometimes. The MP browser is also a little sloppy and last minute.

Bring on the PC version with better visuals and combat controls in 6 months.

Look, I can understand both sides of the arguements for a game like GTA IV, I mean, there is gonna be a limit to just how large you can make the sandbox and a limit to all these little sidequests you put in and hidden features (I for one am still trying to find all the oysters on GTA:SA -without!- cheating and using a map or FAQ).

Now I for one enjoy finding out all the little side tidbits for you to do (usually looking at the player stats page will suffice, remember -Seagulls sniped- on Vice City?) but if Rock* aint careful soon they are gonna make a game that is so huge it just aint worth the effort to move off the first street... I mean, at least this time round they had the goddamn decency to give the option to cab it around the city.

Overall I agree with a lot of what Yahtzee said (in between laughing my ass off at it)...

This is a great game... just going to be a little tedious to reach the 100% complete...

Hah. Good points on a great but flawed game.

I'm a little surprised that he didn't lay into the ultra-annoying fail a mission and being sent all the way back to where the briefing ends instead of where the mission actually begins. This necessitates an often long and tedious drive during which you're quite liable to knock a police car and have to take an annoying detour, just to get to the point where you can start the whole cycle over again. Not to mention the complete lack of checkpoints even on the longest multi-stage missions.

I know it's still an improvement on retrying missions from the previous games, but it's as if Rockstar thought 'Well, considering how challenging it is just to persuade a car to do a simple thing like turn a corner at anything above walking speed without toppling a lampost or anything else that has the misfortune to be within a 20 metre radius of where you actually -wanted- to go, it would almost seem like -cheating- to let people skip that bit and get to the point where the mission actually begins.' I don't actually mind the driving, and I appreciate that when I'm with someone in a car, the pre-mission banter changes if I have to repeat it - that's mighty cool. But if I succeeded in driving to the mission area once, I don't see why I should have to go through all that down time again just to get back to the point where I stupidly fell off my motorbike and failed the chase.

The problem is, the game IS really fun, and everyone seems to agree on that, which means that what are actually pretty big flaws end up treated as minor niggles. They're not. They're things which need fixing. They're actually things that make me and other people switch the game off for the night, or get into a really bad mood with it.

eNrique_Ortsa:
WellIWasVeryImpressedFromYourPreviousReviews, ButDefinitelyThisIsTheMostFucktardReviewIEverSeen. FuckYou, HowCanYouLikeAFuckingBrainlessGameLikeThisShit,Fuck,IAmVeryFuckingDissapointed
FuckYou, ThisIsAGameForCocktards.

Now featured on The Escapist, Zero Spaces!

Nice review but I think the comment about the police being too easy was not right. If you only have 1 star wanted level you can lose them easy but you get 3,4 or 5 it becomes much harder.

After playing the game, my only thought was 'meh'. Basically the same game as the past 4 but with new flaws thrown in. Bear in mind that Rockstar is offering free downloads of the 3 original Scottish games (GTA, London & 2).

Yahtzee's right though. What's with the grey and brown these days? Why can't we have red in games. Remember that, Red?

Yahtzee certainly nailed most of the negative features about the game. Darkness looks ok on a computer monitor, but it doesn't look all that great on my 720x480 television. The driving is a bit frustrating because of the sloppy breaking (and spinning out), so I end up taking a cab if I am able to see one. The way cops are easily avoided is to make up for how they're incredibly powerful in this game. You could have 4 stars in Vice City and it would still take a while for them to gun you down. In this, 2 stars means they're shooting shotguns at you, and you go down fast. Still a great game though.

"Yeah, it's much more fun to punch people to death and run around wearing the same track suit you start with."
Replace punch with stab, and that's what I do in this game. I've made more money from stabbing people than I've made from the actual missions, and I'm about 20% done the game!

MattyDienhoff:

eNrique_Ortsa:
WellIWasVeryImpressedFromYourPreviousReviews, ButDefinitelyThisIsTheMostFucktardReviewIEverSeen. FuckYou, HowCanYouLikeAFuckingBrainlessGameLikeThisShit,Fuck,IAmVeryFuckingDissapointed
FuckYou, ThisIsAGameForCocktards.

Now featured on The Escapist, Zero Spaces!

And to complete the trio, Zero Spelling. Laf oashvf oaish f oqheagf z sfvlz asf ohawos fhpz x cnas oufhhazaeot fhzxlkjvn (Wacky Clipart picture)alws faslkszld vgasod kfgvosjsv kaspgvkz aoxsvc cunt!

Someone had to say it, might as well be someone who is hurt just as much as everyone else.

Indigo_Dingo:

Mr. Bubbles:

Indigo_Dingo:

Dorian Cornelius Jasper:
...

I think I'm the only one here who saw Yahtzee's Niko/Resistance Soldier comparison and thought he meant Gordon Frohman.

Resistance soldier (Its Seargent First Class Nathan Hale to you) comparison? When was this?

He means the Half-Life 2 guy. That guy doesn't have a name, unless you count Concerned (which I do).

Then why did he call him Resistance Soldier? Thats like reffering to Odin as God Of War guy. Its technically accurate, but can be confusing.

Well sorry about that. Yeah, I meant the Niko/HL2 comparison--and I did say Gordon Frohman, as opposed to, say, Gordon *Freeman*. Mr. Bubbles mentioned Concerned, and if you didn't quite get the joke, I suppose this is a good a time as any to link to the webcomic it referred to.

http://www.hlcomic.com/ Putting Garry's Mod to good use.

As always, a gloriously objective review.
The only reviewer i've seen so far who can actually see past the good things in a game, no matter how good they may be, to point out the bad bits.
And i regret watching this at uni, beause laughing out loud in a huge quiet room makes you feel somewhat conspicuous xD
Marvelous.

While your review was excellent, probably my favorite part of the video was your choice of end song.

Not a bad review but a bit lacking, a few points Ben misses.

1. The idea of taking your friends out is to keep them happy and this benefits you, for instance Bruice will pick you up in a helicopter once he likes you, Packie will blow things up, roman will get you a cab, little Jacob will sell you weapons on the cheap etc all which will help out later on in the game.

2. Early on in the game there are plenty of side missions, each friend can give you various jobs.

3. Ben adjust your graphics settings, with the default setup on some large screens the contrast and brightness need a bit of massaging (xbox360).

Still I have got to say with such a big game Ben's review seems a bit light , I personally think GTA 4 is the best in the series so far I do though have my own few gripes like the save game format which is still a la ps2 and gets old pretty fast, and the radio stations have to much GTA 4 made music and not enough real world tracks and to much of world gets turned off during certain missions, like during packies bank heist helicopters and boats seem to be absent from the game while the mission is running...all in all I would give the game a 9 out 10.

P/S one small tip the game is designed in 720p native so going 1080i/p will just give you blurry textures.

GTA 4 fun factor = Very high
GTA 4 realism factor = Epic Fail

I'm sorry, but by trying to make the game more realistic, they made it even less so than the first GTA. Not to say that I don't like the game, but I'd rather play multiplayer in GTA 3, and drive the cars in Crackdown... Now that was some crazy driving!

NecoXXX:

But meh, seems most console gamers of today are content with 15-20 fps.

When you're eyes are staring at the pennies you are pinching, you do not notice the difference between 20 and 100 fps.

Gutterpunk:
GTA 4 fun factor = Very high
GTA 4 realism factor = Epic Fail

I'm sorry, but by trying to make the game more realistic, they made it even less so than the first GTA. Not to say that I don't like the game, but I'd rather play multiplayer in GTA 3, and drive the cars in Crackdown... Now that was some crazy driving!

The game developers were shooting for MORE realistic than San Andreas, which was basically a cartoon, but stated that they didn't want GTAIV to be super realistic. Niko Bellic is still supposed to be super man.

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