Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

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Painkiller

This week, a Painkiller retrospective.

Watch Video

Where can I buy that gun?...

I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

EDIT: I swear this got deleted - and..I wasn't pretending.

While I generally agree this was a good game, and it cuts right to the action.

While this isn't really a complaint, I just have to wonder on some games, just how much crap is this guy carrying behind his back? I mean he'd have to be dragging a Home Depot behind him to supply the ammo and guns. "Whole trees" indeed.

KBKarma:
I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

the massive amount of traffic.

I have to say, this review's done something great: it has encouraged me to seek out, buy and play a lesser-known studio's only release. Yahtzee has brought the work of some little studio - someone's labour of love, someone's real hard work - to a big audience. People will play this game and remember it! And that's wonderful. :)

KBKarma:
I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

Was this a result of the new layout? I also can't get the video to load, and if I refresh, firefox just takes me to the 404 error.

ElArabDeMagnifico:
As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

  • NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
  • No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
  • NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass!
  • SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING!
  • The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!

    Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

    Yeah, because a non-mod posting "What not to do or you'll piss off Yahtzee" isn't kissing any ass at all.

    I believe it was Yahtzee in his Guitar Hero III review where he described the feeling of unease you get when something so familiar, intimate and lovable suddenly gets a face-lift-- as if a man had entered your house thinly disguised as a friend and you're unsure of its intentions. That's how I feel about Yahtzee's new page: I've grown accustomed to the old face and now, I'm unsure and scared.

    ElArabDeMagnifico:

    KBKarma:
    I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

    Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

    Was this a result of the new layout? I also can't get the video to load, and if I refresh, firefox just takes me to the 404 error.

    Dunno. Can't get it to work in IE7 either. I'm downloading the player (it's available here), and will see what I can do later on.

    EDIT: Ummm... just started playing. Might have been traffic. I opened the page, and let it sit for a bit.

    Christ - after all that waiting, Yahtzee blows my head off with shurikens and lightning.

    I remember playing Painkiller some years ago at an internet cafe, and realised almost instantly that I was vastly superior to all the rabid CS cretins sat around me, bitching about Deagle whoring and camping.

    Who needs flashbangs when you're nailing cackling witches to the wall?

    A great review - worth the wait.

    Awsome, yes Yahtzee, thank you for pointing out what happened to Doom 3 and its un-actioness lets hope Doom 4 picks itself up as a better game...

    Unlikely though eh?

    This has got my instrest in playing Painkiller, although I tried playing the demo of the newer one and was stunned at how bad it was..

    KBKarma:
    I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

    Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

    ElArabDeMagnifico:

    KBKarma:
    I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

    Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

    Was this a result of the new layout? I also can't get the video to load, and if I refresh, firefox just takes me to the 404 error.

    I also can't get it to run.

    Since Escapist have decided to host their videos on their own site, which was already shockingly slow at loading even webpages, now that thousands of people are trying to access the Yahtzee video simultaneously it is causing massive slowdown on the site and it is not possible to see the Yahtzee video.

    Why would they host a very popular video on an already slow site? It doesn't make sense.

    haha Painkiller - KILL EVERYTHING - yeah, that's just one relentless gore-piled purgatory of FPS death dealing. I wasn't even gonna drop a link to my gaming blog this week, I was just gonna thank the fedora'd man (suck deep, suck long) for his side-splitting eye-creaming nostalgia-review goodness.

    Last week it was the Euphoria (how not to) synergy, this week it's the FPS synergy and something called MIRROR'S EDGE (apparently, a skeleton under the FPS camera's the new mip-mapping, or something).

    Keep doing what you're doing, Ben, classy shit.

    PS: June Update - there's a suggestion the beloved UFC 2009 trailer everyone's raving about is a blue-screen job. Really. That's what I thought, too. Can't be.

    ElArabDeMagnifico:
    As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

  • NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
  • No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
  • NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass!
  • SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING!
  • The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!

    Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

    I am intrigued by the points you raise here and would like to sign up for your newsletter.

    Huh, and here I was looking forward to a "The World Ends With You" review.

    Eh. In any case, at least we could get to see reviews of games that came to be, before he started reviewing.

    I've never played Painkiller, though from your explanation it sounds a bit simple. I'm left wondering if the main character doesn't at least shoot out one-liners a la Duke Nukem.

    A positive review and still a funny one. Take that anti-Yahtzee's! :)

    i carnt get any vidios on the web at all apparently my Media player carnt connect to the internet ive loaded the vidio a couple of times so it said click here to veiw then it just messes up and doesnt load.

    *video doesn't load*

    His song choices always make me laugh :)

    Spacewolf:
    i carnt get any vidios on the web at all apparently my Media player carnt connect to the internet ive loaded the vidio a couple of times so it said click here to veiw then it just messes up and doesnt load.

    I've had to go back to Exploder to view them....Not liking this new look AT ALL.

    Yay for retrospective reviews!

    Yay for bargain bin games!

    No, it's most like: "Please be civilized when contributing to this thread" IMO. Also, it's better to have that post, instead of having some totally unknown user "screaming"(by that I mean (ab)using the caps lock) "first!" Anyway, I don't want to start a flame war. What I wrote is my own interpretation and you may or may not respect it.

    In my modest opinion, a lightning shouriken is no rival for the Bioshock's magic hand that shoots bees.
    Maybe if you mix both...

    Brilliant review, again masterfully done, and damned funny. Genius stuff, sadly it can only get worse? Or is there something Yahtzee is yet to pull out of this... sleeve? This is truly the epitome of online web reviews. The new layouts okay I suppose. I liked the old one personally. If this is why we had to wait so damned long for the review _

    Brilliant as always. Now, excuse me,I have to continue laughing myself to death.

    X Kin:
    Since Escapist have decided to host their videos on their own site, which was already shockingly slow at loading even webpages, now that thousands of people are trying to access the Yahtzee video simultaneously it is causing massive slowdown on the site and it is not possible to see the Yahtzee video.

    Why would they host a very popular video on an already slow site? It doesn't make sense.

    That is so incredibly ignorant it doesn't even deserve a response.

    ElArabDeMagnifico:
    As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

  • NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
  • No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
  • NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass!
  • SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING!
  • The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!

    Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

    Yes Si... wait, your NOT a mod? STFU!

    Entertaining review, might go buy it just becuase GTA has officially became boring after 60 hours _

    i did not much like the failure to load notices i received today. Painkiller is a game i thought of buying when it came out, but somehow i seemed to forget about. Thanks to you for reminding me this game exists, and i will promptly go find it somewhere. Also, props on the detachable penis song. I figured i would go through my whole life never hearing that song referenced.

    I actually bought Painkiller soon after if came out, and it was pretty fun. (Though yeah. Story = Shit).

    I thought it was a shame that most people probably didn't get to the last level, because IIRC the level design was fucking amazing.

    Must see if I have it at home anywhere still...

    This game seems worth a look, if only for the gameplay elements. Well worth the wait.

    I farted

    ***
    How delightful. However, this is not helpful. Banned.

    Hugs~ Andraste

    X Kin:

    KBKarma:
    I CANNOT, for the life of me, get the video to run. Using Opera 9.50 beta, build 10005.

    Also, why was the Escapist dying every so often?

    Since Escapist have decided to host their videos on their own site, which was already shockingly slow at loading even webpages, now that thousands of people are trying to access the Yahtzee video simultaneously it is causing massive slowdown on the site and it is not possible to see the Yahtzee video.

    Why would they host a very popular video on an already slow site? It doesn't make sense.

    Perhaps to make some money from advertising? It makes perfect sence if you have a brain

    I haven't been able to view the movie... -.- but I know painkiller, and it's sequel: Overdose sucked, and I probarbly agree on whatever Yahtzee says, because he mosty is right about stuff like that :)

    [edit] I saw it.. and YEAH! GO Yahtzee, you found yet another gem in the ocean of brown game #!$% and now I wish you had mentioned that the bosses all have unique ways to be killed and are generally hiooo-mungous :P but I'm a review critique.. And now for the comment critique review my post and correct my horrible spelling on some difficult words...

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