Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

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To alleviate confusion

Our video player is a Flash player. It runs on the internet. You do not need to download it. If you download it, it will not help you. Unless you want to install a flash video player on your own website, to serve your own flash videos, there is no reason at all for any normal person to download the files.

Please excuse the server problems - they're unrelated to the videos, but have decided to pop up at pretty much the worst time they could. We're still working out the kinks in the rest of the video system, so expect tweaks over the next week or so.

I love Serious Sam. And the sequel. It's just *fun*. Sounds like I'll love this too. I must go hunting next time I'm in GAME.

-Nick

OK.....to all of those that are flaming this great game

YOU SUCK!! I love this game as it was one of the more difficult yet cruelly funny games Ive played in a long while

Now it's sequel Overdose has much to be desired but it still shares elements of the original like it's UNFUCKINGFAIR difficulty......

I think this game was great due to its random level/shoot anything that moves game style

and when I can ever load this damn vid Ill see what my bro Yahtzee has to say about it

and to the escapist.....please restore the video feeds back to the way they were....cause now I cant look at them at work

Thank You

*waits to be ignored or flamed*

Unfortunatly, the Mod gods decided to delete the steps I posted on ensuring that your player will work...their runnable with the FLA Runtime didn't include a full Installer for the extensions required, or at least it failed 95% of the time. If you download the sample, it includes a sample that always installs correctly.

It's an issue with their FLA Release Extensions that they need to check on.

[Edit: What I mean is, know that there IS an install that runs, however, it is SUPPOSED to install automagically when you run the player, but it is faulty (bad code) in the one that ZP seems to be using. This initiative came by a few years back when you had to install stuff just so you could watch Youtube, so Adobe was gracious enough to provide a way to do what all the other assembly languages to: have an include which installs the required files to display the plug-in. It's not anyone at TE's fault, possibly just a bad sync from the player's source or something. My steps include ways to ensure it works because once you get past that install step, your player has no issues.]

Bob_F_It:
Good review; shame we had to wait nearly 3 extra hours for it. Since I enjoyed Black (another first person shoot-the-hell-out-of-everything-er) I might consider hunting that down.

Nice to see that you can start with being positive games again too.

Can we get a sequel to Black please? That game was sweet

Virgil:
To alleviate confusion
Please excuse the server problems - they're unrelated to the videos, but have decided to pop up at pretty much the worst time they could. We're still working out the kinks in the rest of the video system, so expect tweaks over the next week or so.

I guessed there was some glitches going on Virgil, but it's a little frustrating. Is there any way we can get a clue that it's not our router's going down?

Well, that was a good review for a game I had no clue about. I had wondered about it since the Painkiller theater, but I never got around to looking it up. Also, am I the only one who doesn't like the new video screen and such? Just curious (Only read a few comments, so I don't know if anyone else brought this up).

Bob_F_It:
Good review; shame we had to wait nearly 3 extra hours for it. Since I enjoyed Black (another first person shoot-the-hell-out-of-everything-er) I might consider hunting that down.

Nice to see that you can start with being positive games again too.

Can we get a sequel to Black please? That game was sweet

At the risk of breaking one of those non-moderator rules, I'm gonna wish Yahtzee a happy upcoming birthday or so Wikipedia would have me believe is an upcoming birthday.

Thanks for the reviews dude, I love each and every one especially the last one :D

Tom

The_root_of_all_evil:

Virgil:
To alleviate confusion
Please excuse the server problems - they're unrelated to the videos, but have decided to pop up at pretty much the worst time they could. We're still working out the kinks in the rest of the video system, so expect tweaks over the next week or so.

I guessed there was some glitches going on Virgil, but it's a little frustrating. Is there any way we can get a clue that it's not our router's going down?

We try to do our best to give notices, however some things are a bit unexpected.

The_root_of_all_evil:
I guessed there was some glitches going on Virgil, but it's a little frustrating. Is there any way we can get a clue that it's not our router's going down?

Unfortunately it's difficult to give notices when our site isn't online.

Now I need to find this game if only to re-enact the scene from Dead Alive...

"Detachable peeeenis..." Lovely closer.

When ZP first started, I used to laugh out loud at the jokes. Later on, I becamse more subdued, tittering occasionally.

And then, Yahtzee had to pull out the shurikens and fucking lightning.

To anyone still having problems with the video, try clicking, then leaving it for a bit. If you start hearing Stairway (another great choice there), it's started.

Please review forgotten hits more often. Psychonauts was a blast and I would've never heard of it. I'll pick up Painkiller this weekend.

I seem to remember Yahtzee saying that it's not funny reviewing a game you like, will I must say he was wrong, this is definitely one of his better reviews and a step up from GTA4

Virgil:
To alleviate confusion

Our video player is a Flash player. It runs on the internet. You do not need to download it. If you download it, it will not help you. Unless you want to install a flash video player on your own website, to serve your own flash videos, there is no reason at all for any normal person to download the files.

Please excuse the server problems - they're unrelated to the videos, but have decided to pop up at pretty much the worst time they could. We're still working out the kinks in the rest of the video system, so expect tweaks over the next week or so.

Thanks for the explination. I was finally able to view the video after a few re-freshes.

Good work as usual Yatzee! :)

Takhisis:

Bob_F_It:
Good review; shame we had to wait nearly 3 extra hours for it. Since I enjoyed Black (another first person shoot-the-hell-out-of-everything-er) I might consider hunting that down.

Nice to see that you can start with being positive games again too.

Can we get a sequel to Black please? That game was sweet

As much as we'd all love it and how much it was hinted, no. Said by Criterion, and not even God knows why...

Long time lurker, first time poster just to kiss Yahtzee's backside. A lot of the games reviewed I haven't heard of before (I'm not a "serious" gamer) but I watch every week. Today was torturing me when the site wouldn't load. Yahtzee's reviews are like crack--I have to have my fix.

I enjoyed the review, it was ok just like the others.

I played Painkiller when I was in my younger years and I didn't like it. It was possibly because it was the first game I played on a pc.

I should give it another chance and most likely will.

Painkiller was fun for a while, but it got old quickly. I'd rather play Smash T.V actually ~~

This is why I watch Yahtzee's videos... Yes the humor rocks, and the animations never fail to amuse, and the constant abuse towards stupids is admirable, but what I really like is finding out things about games I HAVEN'T heard every damn detail about. I knew very little of Painkiller before the review, and now know enough about it that I will start looking for a copy.

Oh, and the constant tormenting of the fans by denying them MKWii is a hoot.

What is his obsession with this game?

Although I did think the shuriken-machine-gun was awesome...

Oh, two points I'd like to reply to:

1) Yes, seeing Yahtzee (and I can finally spell it without error! Hoorah!) review The World Ends With You might be an entertainment. He'll probably make a multi-tasking joke.

2) Crikey is used by Brits as well. The people of Australia, as I recall, were convicts shipped there by the Crown. So of course some remnants of their past would remain. And crikey it is. Also, spelling words correctly. Like "colour".

EDIT:

Grampy_bone:
Although I did think the shuriken-machine-gun was awesome...

No no no. It's the gun that shoots shurikens AND LIGHTNING.

An overlong between-mission cinematic transcript:

Now that we've left GTA IV in the dust, and MGS4 is still an overly verbose speck on the horizon, we've entered a time of year known as "The Season of Bugger-All's-Coming-Out," too far from Christmas to be of any interest to publishers, so the flow of big-name titles slows to the point that internet game critics can relax a bit, and indulge themselves with reviews of old games that interest them and no one else, either to bring exposure to an underappreciated gem, or add a few bitchslaps that have managed to escape the first time around, so let's talk about a game I found in a bin.

Painkiller is a first person shooter from 2004, by Polish developer People Can Fly, perhaps best known for their previous title, ET for the Atari 2600. Not really, of course. Painkiller is the only game by People Can Fly, which makes it all the more amazing that Painkiller is fucking awesome, and can kick the ass of most big-name mainstream titles, and have them for breakfast afterwards. Which is a shame, because if the game blew goats, I could have made a funny joke like, "Painkiller: you'll certainly need one." Painkiller is in the same bucket as Serious Sam and the original Dooms, in that it serves as an antidote to fancy-pants complex, modern FPSing. There are no stealth elements, no key-hunting, no escort quests, no dorky support characters dribbling in your earhole, no mission objectives besides "kill everyone"; there's just you, some guns, and the entire population of Murdertown between you and where you need to be. It's pure genocidal fun, which many FPS developers these days seem to think is somehow beneath them.

Some people refer to Painkiller as the unofficial Doom 3, since the actual Doom 3 tripped over something in the dark, banged its head, and forgot that it wasn't System Shock. I'm not about to shake my walking stick and say, "FPSes were a lot better before they started putting on airs," but it is worth remembering that sometimes all we want is the relentless catharsis of old-school action gaming, blended with the immersive greyish-brown of current-generation technology, and that's a niche Painkiller fills beautifully. It hangs out in the rough side of FPStown, where keycard puzzles don't venture for fear of getting curbstomped. That's not to say Painkiller is nothing but murdering tonnes of dudes; there's a series of unlockable bonus cards that make it easier to murder tonnes of dudes, there's a soul-collecting gameplay element that results in a new and interesting way to murder tonnes of dudes...OK, so maybe it is nothing but murdering tonnes of dudes, but it does it so well, what more could you want? You could explore the levels, and hunt for secret rooms and treasures if you really must, but if more than a minute passes without a dude and a murder, you're not playing it right.

It's like after the developers were resigned to making an unsophisticated shooter, they vowed to make it the most stylish unsophisticated shooter ever, and spent all the leftover escort mission and fetch-quest money on tarting it up. Levels range disjointedly from giant cathedrals to military bases, and the level design gives me a big fat architectural stiffy. There are over 50 distinct varieties of dude to murder, all amazingly well-designed (they don't give me any kind of stiffy, though; that would be gay). The weapons are a bold effort to escape the usual line-up of melee, pistol, shotgun, machine gun, rocket launcher, overpowered exotic thing that you never get ammo for and only use in boss fights anyway. The default melee weapon is the titular Painkiller, a rotating blade arrangement perfect for forecasting light showers of body parts and reenacting the lawnmower scene from the movie Braindead (that's Dead Alive, if you're American and fat). As for the guns, I could mention the hugely satisfying penis-extension gun that pins baddies to walls with entire trees but all you really need to know is that there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. I wish I could make something like that up. It shoots shurikens and lightning; it could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire.

Amazingly, there is a story, contained entirely within overlong between-mission cinematics, and which concern a man resembling a shaved bear, whose life is a cavalcade of success and happiness and sunshine and flowers, before he takes one too many lingering looks at his sexy wife and smacks straight into a truck. Wifey goes to heaven, while our hero goes to Purgatory, because God wants him to kill the generals of Satan's army, who are trying to invade through some graves, and blahdy-blahdy-blah. The story is entirely needless and entirely forgotten during the actual gameplay, but you wouldn't think it, the way the cinematics bang on and on, emptying huge dustbins full of half-baked expositional dialogue into our screaming faces because they were determined to crowbar this shit in somewhere.

Now, I'm one of the first advocates of games-as-art, so I like a good narrative, but any game in which you can make all of an enemy's limbs fly off in different directions is already a work of art. There are certainly plenty of criticisms, aside from the fact that the storyline can go fuck itself; the criteria to unlock the bonus cards are obnoxiously difficult in some levels, souls take ages to emerge from the corpses (so if you're trying to collect them, then you have to hang around your conquered foes twiddling your thumbs, which breaks the flow somewhat), the AI is pathetic, with enemies often getting stuck behind scenery while you throw bits of rolled-up newspaper and laugh, but any criticism I find is immediately quashed when I remember that one of the guns shoots shurikens and lightning. So that's Painkiller, more proof that the best way to blow off steam is to blow off someone's nadgers.

If you don't mind me asking, why do you post transcripts?

One of the only times I had a different opinion than Ben but this is based upon likes and dislikes so nothing earth shattering. I'm somebody interested in stealth and tactical play and indeed I'm no fan of mindless slaughtering. So this new games are not crap because they don't do the simplest thing on earth ( NO, not sex :D ) but because they miserably fail at deliver "stealth" and "tactics" ( I'm asking myself if most developers slept in class during the presentation of Deus-Ex or Thief or similar examples of fun stealth and tactics game mechanics as why they suck so hard at reproducing it ) at it. That doesn't mean that I consider this game crap or something like that it's just not my cup of coffee so I'm not trying to judge this title ( judging titles you don't like fair is difficult ).

Another nice review but something has been off with the sound. Microphone fell into a pool beforehand? Or did the Escapist hire a new technician guy ( who doesn't know that IE ass-kissing is poison ;) )? The old player work better. At last it played the video.

"Detachable Penis"... you made me laugh hard. I've heard many strange and obnoxious lyrics in a song but this one is just hilarious. How do you manage to find those gems man? :D

I played the demo on steam and it is bloody difficult. Serious Sam was ten times easier. Still I think that was one of his best reviews of late and his choice of music was brilliant. Stairway to heaven is amazing and I never knew there was actually a song called "Detachable penis".

It's funny to think that when FPS came out, there were almost all mindless violent shoot anything. People were asking for more refine shooters. Now, it's so mindless that it's awesome.... we got full circle.

twilight_dweller:
Huh, and here I was looking forward to a "The World Ends With You" review.

You must be new here.

the reason for transcripts

sometimes yahtzee slurs his words, although he has been getting better and faster over time,
Also sometimes yahtzee british accent obscures words just a lil too much. And also if you aren't a native english speaker yahtzee is impossible to understand and you need a transcript to understand

KBKarma:
If you don't mind me asking, why do you post transcripts?

I dunno; I did it once out of boredom, and people liked it, so I continued. Some of Yahtzee's best lines are spoken so quickly you could miss them.

Awesome review. I understand about the server crashes. still upset because one of them happended RIGHT before I submitted a review...which is gone now.

Killing thousands of dudes FTW!

grrrrr myopiczeal, here i was typing over my laptop, and luckily I remembered to check to see if you posted a transcript. Luckily I did otherwise I would look like a member of team retard. ;p

KBKarma:
Oh, two points I'd like to reply to:

1) Yes, seeing Yahtzee (and I can finally spell it without error! Hoorah!) review The World Ends With You might be an entertainment. He'll probably make a multi-tasking joke.

2) Crikey is used by Brits as well. The people of Australia, as I recall, were convicts shipped there by the Crown. So of course some remnants of their past would remain. And crikey it is. Also, spelling words correctly. Like "colour".

Crikey is british O_O
well i shouldn't be suprised, considering how much of other cultures actually makes it to America I'm suprised I know the little amount I do.

Oh and to the guy who said the gun that shoots shurikens and rockets... and to anyone that gets the shuriken and lightning gun wrong, to quote yahtzee, 4k YOU

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