Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

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rudeboysaint:

It's "Dead Alive". Great gorefest zombie movie, go rent it. I think it was Peter Jackson's 1st film.

*cough* 4th *cough*. I never saw The Valley, but Meet The Feebles and Bad Taste are both cult classics.

On a side, and completely unrelated note, the militaristic approach to moderation on this site makes me so happy I could weep like a little girl. I love you guys. Seriously.

p0nda:

On a side, and completely unrelated note, the militaristic approach to moderation on this site makes me so happy I could weep like a little girl. I love you guys. Seriously.

That has it's downsides. *see GameFAQs and Gamespot*

this sounds like a fun ffs! I might to go out of my way to have a look at this game. I'm really get annoyed by the fact that ffs games are trying to force a story into their game. Its not that I don't care what the game's objective is, its just that it should be secondary to the fact that I play this game to kill things. Don't get me wrong, I did like the style that half-life took, but when it comes to replay ability, it doesn't have any. Once you figure out the puzzles in the game, I don't want to play that map again.
Wolvenstein 3d, Doom II, Duke Nukem 3d, and Shadow Warrior for the win!

Cool review, can't wait for the next one.

Kyouki1980:

You guys are spoiled ^_^ Whats the point of playing a game that ISNT a challenge? Most games these days are dumbed down for people and made easier cause they keep complaining that its too hard. Pathetic. Grow some balls people and WORK for your acheivements in games ^_^
I'm playing Painkiller on its hardest setting and though its tough as hell I'm really enjoying myself.

Clearly you have never fought Jinapachi in Tekken 5 - there's a difference between "challenge" and "cheap bullshit just so the boss isn't killed on the first try, and instead, on the 1,000th"

Also, Necrogiant killed you unintentionally most of the time, it was so irritating. Although in general, I agree with you.

nilpferdkoenig:

I thought the exact same thing.

Another late "misunderstanding" bird -_- what I want to know is why he read the last page and quoted this guy instead of quoting the other guy on the first page, I suspect he did it to piss me off.

Never played Painkiller, heard of it though. I might try it out. I like to have the weird weapons. Like in Armed and Dangerous :D

Did this work for any IE users? I've been trying since last week but it's still not working. Once I even left it for 40 minutes but still nothing.

ElArabDeMagnifico:

That has it's downsides. *see GameFAQs and Gamespot*

But it also has its upsides, just turn to Sherdog, where the moderation is non-existent, and the idiocy is rife.

Look at the time stamp on the video (not the comment)
same thing as last week DX

is it me or does yahtzee have somethin against timeshift?

I'm interested...but which version of Painkiller should I get? eBay lists the PC version, both standard and "Gold Edition" which comes with an expansion. I assume that is the one in the review, rather than Painkiller: Hell Wars for Xbox. Is the expansion any good?

I played the demo of this game back before the full version was even out and I must say I didn't care for it. I played games like doom and duke nukem 3d to death in there prime and this type of game just doesn't do it for me anymore. The weapons may be as bad ass as yahztee says but the gameplay just takes repetition to the extreme, I felt like I was killing the exact same guy in the exact same way in the exact same room 50 times over most of the time.

Which is weird since 'modern' fps's aren't all that different, I guess I'm just the type that needs a good story(well a half decent one) with mine along with atmosphere and a decent amount of variation in tasks to undertake. Project Origin is the next big fps for me as I'm a huge fan of monoliths games. Hope yahtzee reviews that one.

I Heart Painkiller

Mar 21st, 2008 by jacob.pederson

At first glance, the Painkiller series of first person shooters are a
mindless romp through fluttering bloody giblets garnished with the
occasional demure demonic locale. At second or third glance, you might
be moderately nauseated by a female lead character who dresses herself
in the morning by patiently gluing stands of polygonal hair to her
stone hard nipples. I suggest skipping the cut scenes. In fact, lets
go with deleting the cut scenes, and running them through your basic
freeware bit-shredder. Feels better doesn't it? I'm on my fifth or
sixth glance for the first two games currently, topping off the
experience with the eighty-four minute loading screens of Battle out
of Hell (dun dun dun). This time through, I realized that I've spent
more time with the Painkiller engine than any other first person
shooter. There gotta be something going on here. Doesn't there?

First person shooters are all about the guns. Your gun is your
interface. Your gun is your friend. Nothing is worse than mouse
wheeling out with that same decadently unoriginal assault rifle or the
fabulously infinite but slightly defrosted pea shooter for the
billionth time or so, all while playing as the flirtatious assault
marine of doomcry shooter 4. Ok, maybe there is something worse,
realistic weapons . . . but we won't go there. It's no accident that
Painkiller contains three of my all time favorite fps weapons, it's
devastating helpings of plain ole developer lovin. First, the
pneumatic sling stakegun, aided by one of the first truly great
applications of the still young Havok physics engine. Not only does
the stake gun contain more badass manhood power than the entire
Spartan army, but it requires considerable skill to score a hit on
anything more mobile than the broadside of a barn. I didn't really
begin to get the hang of it until the fourth play through. The six
foot long wooden ballistic is more spear than stake, flying with a
ever-so-subtle arc and bursting into all-fucking-holy-fire if fired
over range. There is nothing more satisfying in PC gaming than letting
fly with the wood rocket at a dead run and nailing a partially
decomposed corpse head to the wall from two hundred yards. Oh, and did
I mention it also lobs grenades?

Additionally, in lieu of your standard issue infinite squashy pea
tosser, Painkiller does not disappoint with its title and default
weapon, the painkiller. Simply holding this weapon is enough to
promote invariable artistic envy, although your first thought is
likely to be what the hell is this thing, mommy? Your primary fire
button starts up the spin attack, which falls somewhere between
chainsaw and airplane propeller. Pressing secondary fire after
achieving spin-up launches off the whole gyroscoping contraption into
a nearby standing crowd of hellspawn, demon children, or mall
shoppers. Dodging meat chunks is optional. But, Tom Waits! that's not
all! Pressing secondary fire by itself, lets loose the deadly tip of
the painkiller, which will pick up your average 350 pound biker dude
and suck his lifeless corpse directly into your face. Miss with this
plan, and the painkiller's tip sticks to a wall or floor. Keeping the
tip aligned with its base produces a beam of true destruction, tearing
through all flesh in its path. If you've been keeping count, that
comes to four strategic options on the pea shooter replacement. One
more thing though. Even if you've picked up the bigger and better
weapons, you may still map the painkiller to any key you wish,
unleashing its holy exotica without even bothering to switch weapons.
And if that doesn't do it for you, you shouldn't be playing FPSes!

My third favorite weapon has more to do with simple design that
strategic options. The electrodriver is just so . . . Steampunk
fucking Ninja. It looks like a cross between a robopeacock, a Japanese
fan, and Philip K. Dick's typewriter. Primary fire turns out a misty
stream of shurikens likely to turn enemy and bystander alike into
artsy pincushions. Secondary fire sends out an arc of chain lighting
sure to bring any dance party crowd into an intimately twitchy
relationship with conductivity. Extremely boss.

Any painkiller treatise would be amiss to go without mentioning the
games outright athleticism requirements (one reason for its appearance
in the Cyberathlete Professional League 2005 tournament). To put it
mildly, pansies need not apply. Painkiller expects you to be able to
double leap from the ground, ricochet off a railing and a moderately
unstable dumpster lid, to reach destinations which might call for say,
a blue key, in other games. I might also mention the requirement of
balancing your collision box on cables 3 pixels wide, stretched out
over thousand foot drops into industrial wastelands. Then there is the
prancing requirement. Constant and perfectly timed leaping is a must
in many combat sequences. Masters of the unholy strafe jumping modus
operandi of Quake 1 will do well here. Rocket jumping comes in handy
also, all while dodging tank projectiles, chunks of zombie limbs,
poison gas clouds, silently screaming disney witches of slow
blindness, and, of course, the endless onslaught of hell's own minions
and dance squads. Keep in mind that that description fits the game's
default difficulty setting. I wouldn't really know about the upper
levels of difficulty. Perhaps impromtu choreography for razor blade
tap shoes while juggling moonbeans enter into it.

Athleticism and suffering is all good thick gravy, but level design is
where you pickup your gameplay protein. Although Painkiller can't
match the beachhead assault on Nova Prospekt, it does contain several
of my all time favorite mashups. For example, we have the Asylum
level, opening with a pivotal scene in which you face off the spooky
haunted structure one on one. You wander the grounds wondering what
possible vile filth might reside within, finally discovering the
inevitable Han Solo door. A standout moment for this level is the
attic scene. It's always been tough to be truly scary in games, and
no, slithering down the narrative sewer pipes into boo-land does not
count, ID. FPS games whose claim to fame is throwing monsters at you
till your blue in the trigger finger have it even worse. Ironically
it's much easier to be silly (Serious Sam) in the mass murder genre,
than truly disturbing. These caveats turn People Can Fly's achievement
in that attic scene into a genre busting consummation of horror. The
keys are scene development, pacing, and character design. In that
bepenticled attack you'll find your self hopping right out of your
squashy chair to escape the leering eyes and lurching attacks of the
asylums undead residents. Trust me.

No mater how much I might want too. I simply can't give away the
premise of Painkiller's last level. It's that good. I simply can't
ruin it. So you better persevere through Painkillers crash-prone
engine and turd cutscenes to make it there yourself. Many put the game
down foolishly. I know I did. Piece of advice though. Don't worry too
much about the end boss, he's a dirty cheater, and he knows it.

Addition:

I gotta disagree with Yahtzee on the soul spawns. The reason that
they take so long to pop out is so you have to think strategically
about crowd control. In order to successfully collect souls from
large groups, you'll need to be able to lead them around in a circle,
so that you may start consuming souls from earlier kills while
continuing your spree. Vicious.

Jacob.pederson:
I Heart Painkiller

Mar 21st, 2008 by jacob.pederson

At first glance, the Painkiller series of first person shooters are a
mindless romp through fluttering bloody giblets garnished with the
occasional demure demonic locale. At second or third glance, you might
be moderately nauseated by a female lead character who dresses herself
in the morning by patiently gluing stands of polygonal hair to her
stone hard nipples. I suggest skipping the cut scenes. In fact, lets
go with deleting the cut scenes, and running them through your basic
freeware bit-shredder. Feels better doesn't it? I'm on my fifth or
sixth glance for the first two games currently, topping off the
experience with the eighty-four minute loading screens of Battle out
of Hell (dun dun dun). This time through, I realized that I've spent
more time with the Painkiller engine than any other first person
shooter. There gotta be something going on here. Doesn't there?

First person shooters are all about the guns. Your gun is your
interface. Your gun is your friend. Nothing is worse than mouse
wheeling out with that same decadently unoriginal assault rifle or the
fabulously infinite but slightly defrosted pea shooter for the
billionth time or so, all while playing as the flirtatious assault
marine of doomcry shooter 4. Ok, maybe there is something worse,
realistic weapons . . . but we won't go there. It's no accident that
Painkiller contains three of my all time favorite fps weapons, it's
devastating helpings of plain ole developer lovin. First, the
pneumatic sling stakegun, aided by one of the first truly great
applications of the still young Havok physics engine. Not only does
the stake gun contain more badass manhood power than the entire
Spartan army, but it requires considerable skill to score a hit on
anything more mobile than the broadside of a barn. I didn't really
begin to get the hang of it until the fourth play through. The six
foot long wooden ballistic is more spear than stake, flying with a
ever-so-subtle arc and bursting into all-fucking-holy-fire if fired
over range. There is nothing more satisfying in PC gaming than letting
fly with the wood rocket at a dead run and nailing a partially
decomposed corpse head to the wall from two hundred yards. Oh, and did
I mention it also lobs grenades?

Additionally, in lieu of your standard issue infinite squashy pea
tosser, Painkiller does not disappoint with its title and default
weapon, the painkiller. Simply holding this weapon is enough to
promote invariable artistic envy, although your first thought is
likely to be what the hell is this thing, mommy? Your primary fire
button starts up the spin attack, which falls somewhere between
chainsaw and airplane propeller. Pressing secondary fire after
achieving spin-up launches off the whole gyroscoping contraption into
a nearby standing crowd of hellspawn, demon children, or mall
shoppers. Dodging meat chunks is optional. But, Tom Waits! that's not
all! Pressing secondary fire by itself, lets loose the deadly tip of
the painkiller, which will pick up your average 350 pound biker dude
and suck his lifeless corpse directly into your face. Miss with this
plan, and the painkiller's tip sticks to a wall or floor. Keeping the
tip aligned with its base produces a beam of true destruction, tearing
through all flesh in its path. If you've been keeping count, that
comes to four strategic options on the pea shooter replacement. One
more thing though. Even if you've picked up the bigger and better
weapons, you may still map the painkiller to any key you wish,
unleashing its holy exotica without even bothering to switch weapons.
And if that doesn't do it for you, you shouldn't be playing FPSes!

My third favorite weapon has more to do with simple design that
strategic options. The electrodriver is just so . . . Steampunk
fucking Ninja. It looks like a cross between a robopeacock, a Japanese
fan, and Philip K. Dick's typewriter. Primary fire turns out a misty
stream of shurikens likely to turn enemy and bystander alike into
artsy pincushions. Secondary fire sends out an arc of chain lighting
sure to bring any dance party crowd into an intimately twitchy
relationship with conductivity. Extremely boss.

Any painkiller treatise would be amiss to go without mentioning the
games outright athleticism requirements (one reason for its appearance
in the Cyberathlete Professional League 2005 tournament). To put it
mildly, pansies need not apply. Painkiller expects you to be able to
double leap from the ground, ricochet off a railing and a moderately
unstable dumpster lid, to reach destinations which might call for say,
a blue key, in other games. I might also mention the requirement of
balancing your collision box on cables 3 pixels wide, stretched out
over thousand foot drops into industrial wastelands. Then there is the
prancing requirement. Constant and perfectly timed leaping is a must
in many combat sequences. Masters of the unholy strafe jumping modus
operandi of Quake 1 will do well here. Rocket jumping comes in handy
also, all while dodging tank projectiles, chunks of zombie limbs,
poison gas clouds, silently screaming disney witches of slow
blindness, and, of course, the endless onslaught of hell's own minions
and dance squads. Keep in mind that that description fits the game's
default difficulty setting. I wouldn't really know about the upper
levels of difficulty. Perhaps impromtu choreography for razor blade
tap shoes while juggling moonbeans enter into it.

Athleticism and suffering is all good thick gravy, but level design is
where you pickup your gameplay protein. Although Painkiller can't
match the beachhead assault on Nova Prospekt, it does contain several
of my all time favorite mashups. For example, we have the Asylum
level, opening with a pivotal scene in which you face off the spooky
haunted structure one on one. You wander the grounds wondering what
possible vile filth might reside within, finally discovering the
inevitable Han Solo door. A standout moment for this level is the
attic scene. It's always been tough to be truly scary in games, and
no, slithering down the narrative sewer pipes into boo-land does not
count, ID. FPS games whose claim to fame is throwing monsters at you
till your blue in the trigger finger have it even worse. Ironically
it's much easier to be silly (Serious Sam) in the mass murder genre,
than truly disturbing. These caveats turn People Can Fly's achievement
in that attic scene into a genre busting consummation of horror. The
keys are scene development, pacing, and character design. In that
bepenticled attack you'll find your self hopping right out of your
squashy chair to escape the leering eyes and lurching attacks of the
asylums undead residents. Trust me.

No mater how much I might want too. I simply can't give away the
premise of Painkiller's last level. It's that good. I simply can't
ruin it. So you better persevere through Painkillers crash-prone
engine and turd cutscenes to make it there yourself. Many put the game
down foolishly. I know I did. Piece of advice though. Don't worry too
much about the end boss, he's a dirty cheater, and he knows it.

Addition:

I gotta disagree with Yahtzee on the soul spawns. The reason that
they take so long to pop out is so you have to think strategically
about crowd control. In order to successfully collect souls from
large groups, you'll need to be able to lead them around in a circle,
so that you may start consuming souls from earlier kills while
continuing your spree. Vicious.

You overgrown prick.
Do you really think that Yahtzee reads our comments or do you just like making yourself seem
important by having to tell everyone you opinion.

WE DONT CARE !!

The day that he actually reads half these forums without jumping down your throats and telling you your stupid
will be the day that this worlds stops and start spinning backwards.

But im also going to add that its about time someone else found this game as interesting as the rest of us lifeless gamers who find the need, if only occasionally, to blow off steam by running around with a bunch of guns and killling everything in sight.
A forgotten theme in recent times. Ok so it revived itself in the original Halo game but apart from that it seems to have disappeared.
KH tries to do it but its still a pretty boy game with no blood and guts which makes a right sight boring.
And before you jump down my throat and tell me that i talk too much ... take a look at hom much i wrote and how much you wrote you stupid twat.

this is prety good review i mean i tried piankiller and i hated it but this is pretty good 4 a painkiller review

FLWD2L8:

Jacob.pederson:
Words

More Words

So if this thread here isn't for our opinions then what I would love to know.

For each and every one of us to slap each other around
Argue over some minute point
Call each other dickheads
And if we get through that
Wait for the next thrilling installment from Yahtzee
And then do it all over again

What dickheads.

FLWD2L8:
[quote=Jacob.pederson]I Heart Painkiller

Mar 21st, 2008 by jacob.pederson

My text removed for space

WE DONT CARE !!

The day that he actually reads half these forums without jumping down your throats and telling you your stupid
will be the day that this worlds stops and start spinning backwards.

But im also going to add that its about time someone else found this game as interesting as the rest of us lifeless gamers who find the need, if only occasionally, to blow off steam by running around with a bunch of guns and killling everything in sight.
A forgotten theme in recent times. Ok so it revived itself in the original Halo game but apart from that it seems to have disappeared.
KH tries to do it but its still a pretty boy game with no blood and guts which makes a right sight boring.
And before you jump down my throat and tell me that i talk too much ... take a look at hom much i wrote and how much you wrote you stupid twat.

FLWD2L8,

I merely found it interesting that Yahtzee and I chose to revisit Painkiller at the same time, and thought I'd throw mine rererereview out there also. Plus, my description of the electrodriver beats Yahtzee's any day ;)

Jacob.pederson:

FLWD2L8:
[quote=Jacob.pederson]I Heart Painkiller

Mar 21st, 2008 by jacob.pederson

My text removed for space

WE DONT CARE !!

The day that he actually reads half these forums without jumping down your throats and telling you your stupid
will be the day that this worlds stops and start spinning backwards.

But im also going to add that its about time someone else found this game as interesting as the rest of us lifeless gamers who find the need, if only occasionally, to blow off steam by running around with a bunch of guns and killling everything in sight.
A forgotten theme in recent times. Ok so it revived itself in the original Halo game but apart from that it seems to have disappeared.
KH tries to do it but its still a pretty boy game with no blood and guts which makes a right sight boring.
And before you jump down my throat and tell me that i talk too much ... take a look at hom much i wrote and how much you wrote you stupid twat.

FLWD2L8,

I merely found it interesting that Yahtzee and I chose to revisit Painkiller at the same time, and thought I'd throw mine rererereview out there also. Plus, my description of the electrodriver beats Yahtzee's any day ;)

Every reviewer in the world thinks they are better then anyone else ...
And as for being better ... if you like reading an essay yeah maybe ...
You like the techinical instead of the spectical ..
A gun is a gun .. No one really cares about strategy so long as you kill anything and everything that moves ...
Why dont you write a gameplay guide??
You gave us the preview .. May as well give us the rest of it ...

i was just on steam, and i noticed that they quoted yahtzee when advertising this game

I'm too lazy to read through all of the posts, but I have to mention that I played Painkiller for about 30 minutes a few months back and quit. Because every time you die it takes about 20 minutes to reload the level, and no I wasn't playing it on a 386.

Painkiller reminds me of how awesome uncomplicated shooting of dudes is.

O.k. Yahtzee, you got me into this, now get me out - how do i get the Swamp thing down past 2/3 health?

Indigo_Dingo:
O.k. Yahtzee, you got me into this, now get me out - how do i get the Swamp thing down past 2/3 health?

Shoot the bubbles in the water and the ones that fly around in the air (eventually) when they get close to him. When there are bubbles in a giant circle around the whole level just shoot them all right away and shoot the flying bubbles when they head towards him.

Also, congratulations Yahtzee for getting Valve to quote you. Heh, I've been playing the Gold Edition, it's addicting, especially with the spinning-blade thingy.

Edit: typo of doomed-ed-ed-ed-ed ness.
Anyone have any information about Overdose? Is it just as awesome or is it a "fail clone"?

Sounds interesting.
But I can't go out of my way to get one of Yahtzee's recommendation's.
Not after he told us to buy No More Heroes.

The horror of that tedium still haunts me.
Six of my friends tried it and only one liked it, though he did say he was glad he only borrowed it.

YES. I fucking LOVE Painkiller. It's the only FPS I've gotten into since Doom 1.

Gonna check it out, even it it requires installation of DirectX 9 on the evil creation that is Vista.

No ass kissing? Cool. I agree with much of your reviews, although how you can heap adoration on the steaming pile of refuse that is Half Life 2 is a mystery.

If you see S.T.A.L.K.E.R. in the bargain bin how 'bout a review. Supposedly an intriging mix of FPS and RPG, although reportedly buggy. Besides, if you buy it and it sucks, it means I don't have to.

Cheers

I just got thsi on eBay, but I should have looked on Amazon 'cause you can get the Painkiller Universe pack which has the game and the 2 expansion packs for like $20.

No you, People Can Fly also did the PC version of Gears of War.

Thank you, Yahtzee, for showing me this game. I haven't played even a decent FPS game for months!

Thats what I'm talking about! I loved Painkiller and to see it with praise from someone so cynical is a bonus!

FUCKING COOL REVIEW!!! I loved the review i've never tried the game but from this review i think i will.

hahaha i wish that gun exsisted in real life man how much fucking fun would you have just shoting at stuff then that!

painkiller good?
no
painkiller average boring mindless shooting, with like 4 weapons.
Its just like blood 2 except the arsenal of weapons, dick shooter is fun to use but its get boring after 15 min. and rest of arsenal is just plain crap... which is ok if there were more of that crap..
and being so excited about shurniken/lighting is pretty strange, what instantly crossed my mind after praised that thing so much, is that fagg must think that straight guys like that gun... but no...

how can u say painkiller is not good? ive played the demo which includes 3 levels and my immediate thought was that this game IS fucking awesome especially the shuriken/lightning gun.

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