Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

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Anybody else find the video doesn't load at all in Safari 3.1.1? Latest flash player installed etc, but all I get is a grey box where the video player should be. Works fine in Camino, though.

Keep the attention on those unsung games yahtzee. You have quite a bit of leverage in the gaming 'community' now and you could do a lot of help for those unsung gems. I recommend looking into Breakdown for the Xbox if you haven't already - amazing game, but no one knows it exists.

I've played through Painkiller a few times, I bought the Black Pack of Endless Evil or whatever on Steam a while ago. I have yet to play the expansion, but I hear it sucked some epic scrotum. This is from PCG, though, so that might well be entirely false.

It's reviews like this that I like the most. The ones that bring your attention to the game that you may never have even heard of before.

Classic game, a decent video... I had no problems with loading BTW...
This review points out what I have been saying for along time, if forms of entertainment (movies, games, books, etc.) would focus on doing ONE thing really well (in this case killing people) we wold on average get better products. That's not to say I don't like GTA4, for example, in fact I'm playing it right now, but we need less stuff that is supposed to make EVERYBODY happy, and just target one f*cking audience!

Quality Entertainment

Mario Kart Wii sucks and so does Brawl. Nintendo in general sucks huge... detachable penis. ;)

Yea, i thought that was great(if a little short); i personally prefer to be shown something new then to be told that something i all ready new probably wasn't that great isn't. I had massive problems with the new player too - it took me the best part of 4 reboots, as my computer kept crashing while trying 2 load - and this one was only about 3:30-45 long, the longer vids wud prob be worse.

Loved the review, but really hated the new video setup. After 30 mins of waiting on a 4 min review, I went to youtube.

I want this game, theres a gun that shhoots shirakens and lightning! I must buy this game!

Another great review, and like some others i now consider buying a little known game on the recomendations of Yahtzee.

cutekittenkyti:
And also if you aren't a native english speaker yahtzee is impossible to understand and you need a transcript to understand

Seriously? Jeez...you'd be lost on my accent then.

I remember finding this game at a Future Shop and seeing a price tag of only 10 dollars, I decided to purchase my first FPS ever.

Imagine my disappointment when I didn't own a PC that could run it until 4 years later.

Despite that, I must say that everything Yahtzee described is spot-on. Brilliant weapons, simply enjoyable gore-filled levels of non-stop death, and the puzzle-y aspect with the god-damn hardest 'acheivements' to get those bloody cards.

Believe me when I say that having the ability to travel to a monastary, freeze some Satan monks solid and quickly dissecting them with hot lead, then jumping to the evilest military base ever to do battle with GIANT DEMON TANKS (well, I assume demon because everything else in this world is just that) is a little bit of a mindrape. Also, the Opera Hall and Sanitarium levels genuinely scared me a bit.

Oh, and yes, the shuriken/lightning gun [AKA ElectroDriver] is quite possibly on par for awesome with the chainsaw gun from GoW.

If you ever happen to find this game in a bargain bin somewhere, do yourself a favor and pick it up. It probably won't be worth any more than 10 bucks anyway.

EDIT: forgot to say, I have had no issues with this new video setup. I got almost immediate playback. *shrugs* Not sure why they altered it in the first place, to be honest.

wow, this review is SO awesome that I want to go buy painkiller on steam right now, thats how great you are at selling something you ACTUALLY LIKE Yahtzee, 4 minutes watching a completely impersonal video where part of the time you rip on the games bad features and I want to fucking buy it!

Such a fun game.

Oh dear. Please excuse these close posts, but I have just found some disturbing news.

http://www.gamernode.com/News/3486-Painkiller-movie-on-the-way/index.html

I can only hope it never makes it past pre-production.

VMerken:
Ahh, it's reviews like these that remind me that I'm also an old sod wishing games were "90s fun" again, like Doom and Quake and Painkiller where all you do is collect frags and have fun doing so.

People like you and I are going to prove my fiancee wrong when Duke Nukem Forever comes out (in 2017) and EVERYONE buys it. She thinks it'll fail because videogaming is too sophisticated now. I say, "Always bet on Duke!" and vaguely hip-thrust in her direction. Then she pelts me with loose change until I stop.

Anyway, painkiller sounds pretty great - if there's one thing PC gaming has that console gaming doesn't, it's cool shit like dismemberment. I mean, I was able to play a copy of Soldier of Fortune back in High School, and I'd play through entire levels with just the desert eagle because a) it was the best gun in the game, and; b) there was nothing as cool in 1998 as blowing off some guy's leg at the knee and watch him fall to the ground screaming in a pool of what's probably meant to be his own blood except there's waaay too much of it, then dragging himself determinedly towards you leaving a trail of blood behind his mangled, flailing stump until you either put him out of his misery, or walk away knowing he is no longer a threat to you.

*masturbates*

As for somewhat unusual weapons in FPS', I sadly never played a game as ambitious as to have a tree cannon or lightning-shuriken launcher, but I remember the first time I played Shadow Warrior and realised I had a katana as a usable weapon. Was this the first ever sword in an FPS? Who cares man, you could cut enemies in half!

This game passed me by, so after watching this I plan to rummage around in some bins for it.

Alstan:
In my modest opinion, a lightning shouriken is no rival for the Bioshock's magic hand that shoots bees.
Maybe if you mix both...

BioShock already had a magical hand that shoots lightning. No shurikens though...

What a coincidence... earlier in the week I didn't feel like playing GTA, I just wanted something simple and fun (not that GTA isn't fun) - and of all the unfinished games I have this was the exact same game I chose to return to. I remembered I only stopped playing because all my saves got corrupted.

Oh and using the stake-gun in the asylum level with the cheat that makes corpses and decals not disappear is loads of fun.

I LOL'ed and now have a sudden urge to murder tons of dudes...in a game, anyway.

Is anyone else going to try hunting this one down in the bargain bins?

Holy crud! Yahtzee actually reviewed a game I own! That hasn't happened since Orange Box!

Painkiller (and the add-on, Battle Out of Hell) are pretty much a one-trick pony... but it's such a fun trick that you can enjoy it for quite a while. The architecture really is good (I don't know if I'd use the term "stiffy", though) and there really are a ton of enemies (though you won't see more than a few in any given level). The boss fights? Well, they're all much larger than you- one of them is literally skyscraper-sized- and all require a combination of "discover the weakness" and "pour on the firepower" gameplay. It's all a nice retro throwback painted up nice and pretty, with what could laughably be called a "story" slapped on via (thankfully skippable) cutscenes.

However, a friendly warning: DO NOT BOTHER WITH PAINKILLER: OVERDOSE. I've played the demo for that and was revolted. It's as if they took all the fun out of the game, threw in weapons that don't make sense, and replaced Daniel with some half-demon, half-angel character who spouts idiotic one-liners that even Duke Nukem wouldn't touch. I mean... ugh.

cheesemaster:

Alstan:
In my modest opinion, a lightning shouriken is no rival for the Bioshock's magic hand that shoots bees.
Maybe if you mix both...

BioShock already had a magical hand that shoots lightning. No shurikens though...

But what if the magical hand shot lightning bees? And what if the lightning bees had hands that shot magical shurikens?

That'd ROCK.

Somehow, I doubt my computer will run Painkiller...

And beside my shitty computer, I'd like to commend The Escapist on their new design layout (this is the right place, right?).

As always a great review. I'm glad to see Yahtzee giving time to a lesser known title. I'm the sort of gamer who has had a lot of great experiences with lesser known and niche games (Painkiller being one of them) so I hope he reviews some more in the future.

That was fantastic. I enjoyed the review and hope that he goes back to review older titles instead of giving in to the massive outcry of Mario Kart fans and other such popular games...

I think I'll look into painkiller, it looks quite good, I mean, rampant slaughter in a video game hasn't been seen in ages, even in FPS games. Pfeh. Softies.

No key hunting in Doom?

Fail!

That mario kart comment at the end made my day

[quote=Archedgar]That was fantastic. I enjoyed the review and hope that he goes back to review older titles instead of giving in to the massive outcry of Mario Kart fans and other such popular games...

I dont think that Yatzee will review Mario Kart on wii. Why?

1st Because we will have the argument "Nintendo tends to wack their own franchise too much" (Nothing personnal just using deduction).

2nd Just watch the Brawl review and you will have something quite similar for Mario Kart...

3rd When there's a review about a game that fanboys cried about, after the review, we will see the "OMG YOU SUCK, THAT GAME IS SO GOOD YOU HAVE NO TALENT, bla bla bla" argument...oh wait I mean the idiotic ranting.

(Sorry if I made some grammar errors in this)

User requested ban. -mod

I personally like the new lay out, and after playing the demo for Painkiller, I noticed it was a game Yahtzee should review. I played it kinda dazed at two in the morning, and I had fun. Not the chore that most gaming is for me (leveling up and what not) but I was able to pick it up, nail some guys to walls and call it a day.

Only complaint about the review was the store section. My only response is "Wait.... Painkiller had a story?" guess thats what I get for gaming at two in the morning

I will go try to get Painkiller it sounds very funny.

Wow, Ill admit I was a little sceptical about a review reaching back a few years (despite the very good reasoning of the approaching gaming drought), but this review did great on two accounts. It delivered the same good jokes I watch ZP for (eg. only better with tits and on fire) and it also inspired that foaming-at-the-mouth desire for carnage I usually only get with RTS games, but this time to go back and play a mindless FPS killfest. (like, I dunno, maybe painkiller?). Instead of wanting to see two armies crush eachother under waves of weapons fire and explosions, I wanted to crush an army with a gun that fires shurikens and lightning. Curious.

*cough*wahay man utd champions*cough*

Archedgar:
I think I'll look into painkiller, it looks quite good, I mean, rampant slaughter in a video game hasn't been seen in ages, even in FPS games. Pfeh. Softies.

What did we do in Resistance? Seriously, no escort, no key hunting and weapons that would make an arms dealer cream his pants. Stop pretending it didn't happen.

Hopefully they've sorted out the truly egregious bug in Painkiller that meant you couldn't leave the docks area as the exit button wasn't present on the level. I bought the commercial Gold version, played it through to the docks, and got completely stuck. I wandered around for an hour trying to find the way out before going online for a walkthrough to find the only solution was to download a 330MB patch to go from v1.6 to v1.64. On dialup, this took a while...

The rest of it was pretty decent, but after a while I just had to go play Galaxians or something to remind me that video games did once have actual colours in them aside from thirty seven shades of brown and grey.

X Kin:

I also can't get it to run.

Since Escapist have decided to host their videos on their own site, which was already shockingly slow at loading even webpages, now that thousands of people are trying to access the Yahtzee video simultaneously it is causing massive slowdown on the site and it is not possible to see the Yahtzee video.

Why would they host a very popular video on an already slow site? It doesn't make sense.

Perhaps, good fellow, they dont have much of an alternative. I just wait until its been up for several hours, as you can see by my post being on like page five.

Random argument man:
[quote=Archedgar]That was fantastic. I enjoyed the review and hope that he goes back to review older titles instead of giving in to the massive outcry of Mario Kart fans and other such popular games...

I dont think that Yatzee will review Mario Kart on wii. Why?

1st Because we will have the argument "Nintendo tends to wack their own franchise too much" (Nothing personnal just using deduction).

2nd Just watch the Brawl review and you will have something quite similar for Mario Kart...

3rd When there's a review about a game that fanboys cried about, after the review, we will see the "OMG YOU SUCK, THAT GAME IS SO GOOD YOU HAVE NO TALENT, bla bla bla" argument...oh wait I mean the idiotic ranting.

(Sorry if I made some grammar errors in this)

In other words, Team Retard will return.

I WANT A GUN THAT SHOOTS SHURIKEN AND LIGHTNING.

Time to find this game.

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