masterpdub:
So some chick puts on a hot topic uniform, acts a tad whorish, leads a guy into pulling a knife on her, then kills him? wtf? If we are supposed to identify or sympathize with the character, you would think she wouldn't kill for fun. Well made but the writing could use some work. Also, the intro was a bit long.

Agree I don't know why I should like this...

will there just be 12 episodes of this or will there be a second series?

kk lol.

masterpdub:
So some chick puts on a hot topic uniform, acts a tad whorish, leads a guy into pulling a knife on her, then kills him? wtf? If we are supposed to identify or sympathize with the character, you would think she wouldn't kill for fun. Well made but the writing could use some work. Also, the intro was a bit long.

Haha, Yeah that was pretty much what I was thinking. Honestly though, that guy was actually a pretty good actor, too bad you killed him off right away. I definitely Identified more with his character than hers.

But that brings me to what I actually wanted to post about: So this protagonist you have here, is she supposed to be a hero or a villain? Because it looks like what you have here is the perfect recipe for a good villain, not a particularly good hero. The tragic back-story resulting in a near psychopathic mentality (and lack of redeeming qualities thus far) just seems like the perfect setup for a true super villain. But you really should make a choice here though, because if she really is a "good guy" she needs to start acting like it (aka less pre-meditated murder), or if she's supposed to be a "bad guy" then you don't need to make the audience relate to her. That last part is important too, the audience doesn't need to empathize for the villain, she could just be evil and that's that.

Last thought here: Emily seems a lot like the hulk, a normal guy who can become very powerful. The difference is that the hulk only kills people because he loses control, She kills people because she can.

Color me confused, but do people actually see the manifestation of her abilities? At times it seems no (first episode, father killing scene) but in Episode two he seems like he's seing something... though not necessarily what we're seeing.

To be honest I was expecting her to sword the chick at the very start. Hell, I thought every person she saw she was gunna sword. Still pretty awesome though. Dialogue is well written.

drawnbypain:
GAH I ANSWERED THIS ONE TWICE - I'M LOSIN IT I TELL YA!!!!

-Jes

Haha, well it's pretty awesome to have a the creator replying at all. So I'm double impressed.

Ok, I'm going to attempt to be constructive in my criticism.

First, the pros:

Technical-wise, its well shot, with plenty of dramatic camera pans and stuff like that. Good lighting, good set direction, and the music is nice.

The cons:

Saying "everything else" is really unfairly mean, so let's break it up.

First off, the acting. The acting is ATROCIOUS. The woman's monologues range from being melodramatic to just plain stupid. The random hispanic guy puts a lot of enthusiasm into his role, but he's playing a fucking racial stereotype who basically gets killed for no reason. Worse yet...

The storyline for this episode is fucking idiotic. Let's sum up what happens:

1. A woman stands in a park, watches another woman walk past, sees bruises on her arms. Woman then walks out of park, pausing only to be accosted by some creepy fat man sitting on a bench. She proceeds to be a bitch to his creepiness and walks away.

2. Woman is no inexplicably outside, in the dark, dressed up like a prostitute or a bad anime character, lounging on a bench for no reason.

3. Woman is approached by ugly hispanic man, who spends five minutes repeating various phrases in spanish and basically acting like a racial stereotype. She tells him to fuck off, walks away, he follows her.

4. She stops in an overpass and then, turning a 180, makes it seems as though she is seducing him. The ensuing conversation proceeds to completely ignore section 3, as both players are now equally flirty. Woman smirks a lot, licks her lips, and looks like she's really overacting (See con 1)

5. Woman asks man to whip out his dick. Man complies, woman belittles him.

6. Man becomes angry, launches into a vicious, bi-lingual and unintelligible before randomly pulling out a switchblade, presumably to murder this now seemingly mentally unstable woman, who licks her lips at him and basically looks really turned on by all this sexy violence.

7. Woman turns into a cartoon character.

8. ANIME FIGHT! Except, there's only one anime character, everything else is real, and she has a bigger sword than her opponent, who jerkily has to dodge the cartoon slashes.

9. Cartoon kills man, who dies in cartoon fashion.

10. Woman walks away, little girl comes out of nowhere, also walking away. End.

This storyline is nonsensical, and worse yet, there's no pretense of subtlety. The whole show seems to be about childhood abuse or hatred or something like that, but frankly, I've watched two episodes of this drivel and I'm no less clued in on what's going on. The storylines suffer from terrible pacing, where there's so much drawn out over ten minutes that, by the end of the episode, absolutely nothing is accomplished. Even mediocre stories can be made entertaining with good pacing, but this show NEEDS an editor at the very least. There is no need for half of the build-up, and the first scene, of the woman in the park, has NOTHING to do with the rest of the episode. I know this is part of a continuing storyline, but that is no excuse to forget that episodic content has to resolve itself in an episodic manner, and that episodes should be congruous. You can't have something at the beginning of an episode that in no way, shape or form affects the episode whatsoever. It is jarring to the viewer and uncomfortable, even in the vast scheme of the plot, as most people aren't watching the episodes back to back, and ostenibly, each episode should sell the show by itself, without too much reliance on previous episodes, exceptions to this being final episodes and generally late-season episodes.

My third gripe is the "gimmick": this whole "drawn by pain" thing.I hate to break this to you, but combining cartoons and live footage has been done before numerous times, and it has NEVER worked all that well. CG has come to replace it and has done a better job of it. However, there have been cases (such as Mary Poppins, Bed Knobs and Broomsticks, hell, even Space Jam to a degree) where cartoons and live-action have been mixed with at least DECENT success, but all of these examples have NOT placed the cartoons against a real life backdrop. Cartoons function in a CARTOON WORLD. They make sense there--they can operate there and retain the flexibility that a cartoon has. Placing a cartoon in a life-action world and having it interact with live--action characters just looks and feels terrible--its like placing an elephant in the middle of a packed church. Frankly, it just gets in the way.

Finally, the directing. Technically, yeah, its well shot, but there are some very questionable directatorial choices that seem to exist purely for dragging out the episodes length. Spinning the camera around the main character, having slow motion sequences where she and her inner child walk through different parts of town--these are not engrossing cinematic moments, these are bits of FILLER, and filler is bad, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Frankly, the show is bad. It has some potential, but even the basic premise/story isn't strong enough to overcome the major technical, theatrical, or even superficial faults that drag the show down. At best its nonsensical. At worst, it is pompous, melodramatic, superficial and weak.

EDIT: Reading through your other comments, you mention that your film masters folks said you should make a character sympathetic, and you chose to go against this for...some reason. Being different. I applaud your desire to stand out, but this is NOT a good narrative idea. This is a character drama, and if we, the audience, can't get into the character, we would have absolutely no emotion invested in the story, and thus we won't really care what happens to her. Its not cliche to make a character identifiable--its good storytelling.

drawnbypain:

RentCavalier:

Frankly, the show is bad. It has some potential, but even the basic premise/story isn't strong enough to overcome the major technical, theatrical, or even superficial faults that drag the show down. At best its nonsensical. At worst, it is pompous, melodramatic, superficial and weak.

First understand that I have total respect for your opinion. It was well thought out and as it stands was a constructive point of view. That said - my intention is to create a story that takes 12 episodes to unfold and sometimes I completely understand that the individual episode might be sacrificed to keep the overall character arc intact. As it's not an ongoing series (but a finite one) - I felt it was prudent to craft something that is not self contained, but required (I know scary thing on the attention starved web) that you watch more to understand where she is coming from. So I guess in reply to the show is bad - all I can say is I respect your opinion on the episode - but you haven't seen the show if you judged it by one (or two) pieces. All good though - the web stands for opposing opinions and dialogue and I am all for it.

Thx for the thoughts and time - it took a lot for you to write all that and is much appreciated indeed.

-Jes

Alright. You impressed me with your maturity in dealing with criticism, so I'll watch the entire show and see if this has a sort of revelation after twelve episodes.

Or my head will explode. We'll have to wait and see.

.

Just so you know, I found it a good idea to create a Escapist profile just so I could make a comment saying I adore the music choices in this video. : 3

Also, I am dazzled by your patience in dealing with some of the more rude criticisms. I personally loved the art aspect, and look forward to finishing the series!