Drawn By Pain: Episode Two

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masterpdub:
So some chick dawns a hot topic uniform, acts a tad whorish, leads a guy into pulling a knife on her, then kills him? wtf? If we are supposed to identify or sympathize with the character, you would think she wouldn't kill for fun. Well made but the writing could use some work. Also, the intro was a bit long.

Thx for the feedback masterpdub. You are not supposed to identify nor sympathize with the main character at this point in the story (more see the world through her eyes). She at this point in time does not like herself much or anyone around her. I choose to go against the grain and start her off unsympathetic as that is where she is in her life after surviving her childhood. The traditional writting route (I got my masters from USC film school btw - which means nothing but formal training) would be to paint a rosy character we all feel bad for - I say fuck it - let the character unfold and the audience with her :)

Thx again for the thoughts,

-Jes

Cheshire_Cat:

Demon4231:
I started to watch the video because it seemed kinda neat with the drawings and stuff then I started to skip along then I got near the end and found some spanish guy following an emo whore? I was like ok thats fine I guess then they started to fight...wtf? I know you probably tried your best but it honestly looked like crap. So I seen there were a few comments and I wanted to see what people had to say and as I started scrolling further and further down the list no one actually said it looks like total piss. So the further I scrolled down I got more and more pissed so I actually made an account and started typing this fun little comment. If your going to make a video and not try then don't put it online, just keep it and show it to your friends cause there won't be people like me to make fun of it. And if you did try your best maybe you should find another hobby. I made a few videos of games and I tried and most of them came out to be very well. Anyways I just wanted to comment and let you know I thought your video was horrible and maybe better luck next time.

I really have trouble with the idea that you can pass judgment on someone else's work without really even watching it. You say you just began to skim through the Episode, and then were confused by the fighting? Well, no kidding. If you don't bother to watch all of an episode or read a full chapter of a book, you won't understand why something happens.. I think the series is very interesting, and though a little dark at times that just makes it more unique.. so many shows and movies constantly put out "..and they lived happily ever after" themes were things just work out in the end, but the world isn't like that. There is pain and darkness and desperation and I like seeing it in this format.

As for the content you have produced - it's all well and good to say that they "came out to be very well" (whatever the hell that sentences means), but did you actually get those videos up on a site like this, or put them up anywhere? Would you have the guts to put your work up for the slaughter of people who don't even give it a chance? ..Probably not.

Also - to the comment regarding 10 mins of Episode and 10 mins of commentary.. you don't have to watch both.. it's just bonus content for folks who dig that kind of thing.

just my 2 cents.

Actually I watched about halfway through then started to skip because it seemed like an emo video. "Pain and darkness" sounds kinda emo, and very gay to me.

Here's my video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZWSa_zXR8o
working on another so I'll post that too and see if you can try to come back with something else to say thats not fully retarded.

masterpdub:
So some chick puts on a hot topic uniform, acts a tad whorish, leads a guy into pulling a knife on her, then kills him? wtf? If we are supposed to identify or sympathize with the character, you would think she wouldn't kill for fun. Well made but the writing could use some work. Also, the intro was a bit long.

Agree I don't know why I should like this...

will there just be 12 episodes of this or will there be a second series?

DGKT93:
will there just be 12 episodes of this or will there be a second series?

Hard to say at this point as I don't want to give away the ending :P

-Jes

kk lol.

masterpdub:
So some chick puts on a hot topic uniform, acts a tad whorish, leads a guy into pulling a knife on her, then kills him? wtf? If we are supposed to identify or sympathize with the character, you would think she wouldn't kill for fun. Well made but the writing could use some work. Also, the intro was a bit long.

Haha, Yeah that was pretty much what I was thinking. Honestly though, that guy was actually a pretty good actor, too bad you killed him off right away. I definitely Identified more with his character than hers.

But that brings me to what I actually wanted to post about: So this protagonist you have here, is she supposed to be a hero or a villain? Because it looks like what you have here is the perfect recipe for a good villain, not a particularly good hero. The tragic back-story resulting in a near psychopathic mentality (and lack of redeeming qualities thus far) just seems like the perfect setup for a true super villain. But you really should make a choice here though, because if she really is a "good guy" she needs to start acting like it (aka less pre-meditated murder), or if she's supposed to be a "bad guy" then you don't need to make the audience relate to her. That last part is important too, the audience doesn't need to empathize for the villain, she could just be evil and that's that.

Last thought here: Emily seems a lot like the hulk, a normal guy who can become very powerful. The difference is that the hulk only kills people because he loses control, She kills people because she can.

CocoDaPuf:

masterpdub:
So some chick puts on a hot topic uniform, acts a tad whorish, leads a guy into pulling a knife on her, then kills him? wtf? If we are supposed to identify or sympathize with the character, you would think she wouldn't kill for fun. Well made but the writing could use some work. Also, the intro was a bit long.

Haha, Yeah that was pretty much what I was thinking. Honestly though, that guy was actually a pretty good actor, too bad you killed him off right away. I definitely Identified more with his character than hers.

But that brings me to what I actually wanted to post about: So this protagonist you have here, is she supposed to be a hero or a villain? Because it looks like what you have here is the perfect recipe for a good villain, not a particularly good hero. The tragic back-story resulting in a near psychopathic mentality (and lack of redeeming qualities thus far) just seems like the perfect setup for a true super villain. But you really should make a choice here though, because if she really is a "good guy" she needs to start acting like it (aka less pre-meditated murder), or if she's supposed to be a "bad guy" then you don't need to make the audience relate to her. That last part is important too, the audience doesn't need to empathize for the villain, she could just be evil and that's that.

Last thought here: Emily seems a lot like the hulk, a normal guy who can become very powerful. The difference is that the hulk only kills people because he loses control, She kills people because she can.

Thx for the thoughts. At this point - she is neither villain nor hero. She is what she is. I understand that cinema makes it clear in most cases, but I chose to go a different route. I hope it becomes a bit more clear in the future episodes :)

-Jes

Color me confused, but do people actually see the manifestation of her abilities? At times it seems no (first episode, father killing scene) but in Episode two he seems like he's seing something... though not necessarily what we're seeing.

To be honest I was expecting her to sword the chick at the very start. Hell, I thought every person she saw she was gunna sword. Still pretty awesome though. Dialogue is well written.

frozenpnx:
Color me confused, but do people actually see the manifestation of her abilities? At times it seems no (first episode, father killing scene) but in Episode two he seems like he's seing something... though not necessarily what we're seeing.

It's all good - you will have to keep watching to figure it out sadly :)

Chickmcjr:
To be honest I was expecting her to sword the chick at the very start. Hell, I thought every person she saw she was gunna sword. Still pretty awesome though. Dialogue is well written.

Thx Chickmcjr!

CocoDaPuf:

But that brings me to what I actually wanted to post about: So this protagonist you have here, is she supposed to be a hero or a villain? Because it looks like what you have here is the perfect recipe for a good villain, not a particularly good hero. The tragic back-story resulting in a near psychopathic mentality (and lack of redeeming qualities thus far) just seems like the perfect setup for a true super villain. But you really should make a choice here though, because if she really is a "good guy" she needs to start acting like it (aka less pre-meditated murder), or if she's supposed to be a "bad guy" then you don't need to make the audience relate to her. That last part is important too, the audience doesn't need to empathize for the villain, she could just be evil and that's that.

Last thought here: Emily seems a lot like the hulk, a normal guy who can become very powerful. The difference is that the hulk only kills people because he loses control, She kills people because she can.

All I can say is that her arc goes over all 12 episodes. It's very common to have clear cut villain and hero - I understand that, but I personally think watching the struggle within is much more interesting (to me) than the struggle that is external. No doubt - I stepped out of convention on this series - I hope you continue to watch and decide for yourself if it works.

GAH I ANSWERED THIS ONE TWICE - I'M LOSIN IT I TELL YA!!!!

-Jes

drawnbypain:
GAH I ANSWERED THIS ONE TWICE - I'M LOSIN IT I TELL YA!!!!

-Jes

Haha, well it's pretty awesome to have a the creator replying at all. So I'm double impressed.

Ok, I'm going to attempt to be constructive in my criticism.

First, the pros:

Technical-wise, its well shot, with plenty of dramatic camera pans and stuff like that. Good lighting, good set direction, and the music is nice.

The cons:

Saying "everything else" is really unfairly mean, so let's break it up.

First off, the acting. The acting is ATROCIOUS. The woman's monologues range from being melodramatic to just plain stupid. The random hispanic guy puts a lot of enthusiasm into his role, but he's playing a fucking racial stereotype who basically gets killed for no reason. Worse yet...

The storyline for this episode is fucking idiotic. Let's sum up what happens:

1. A woman stands in a park, watches another woman walk past, sees bruises on her arms. Woman then walks out of park, pausing only to be accosted by some creepy fat man sitting on a bench. She proceeds to be a bitch to his creepiness and walks away.

2. Woman is no inexplicably outside, in the dark, dressed up like a prostitute or a bad anime character, lounging on a bench for no reason.

3. Woman is approached by ugly hispanic man, who spends five minutes repeating various phrases in spanish and basically acting like a racial stereotype. She tells him to fuck off, walks away, he follows her.

4. She stops in an overpass and then, turning a 180, makes it seems as though she is seducing him. The ensuing conversation proceeds to completely ignore section 3, as both players are now equally flirty. Woman smirks a lot, licks her lips, and looks like she's really overacting (See con 1)

5. Woman asks man to whip out his dick. Man complies, woman belittles him.

6. Man becomes angry, launches into a vicious, bi-lingual and unintelligible before randomly pulling out a switchblade, presumably to murder this now seemingly mentally unstable woman, who licks her lips at him and basically looks really turned on by all this sexy violence.

7. Woman turns into a cartoon character.

8. ANIME FIGHT! Except, there's only one anime character, everything else is real, and she has a bigger sword than her opponent, who jerkily has to dodge the cartoon slashes.

9. Cartoon kills man, who dies in cartoon fashion.

10. Woman walks away, little girl comes out of nowhere, also walking away. End.

This storyline is nonsensical, and worse yet, there's no pretense of subtlety. The whole show seems to be about childhood abuse or hatred or something like that, but frankly, I've watched two episodes of this drivel and I'm no less clued in on what's going on. The storylines suffer from terrible pacing, where there's so much drawn out over ten minutes that, by the end of the episode, absolutely nothing is accomplished. Even mediocre stories can be made entertaining with good pacing, but this show NEEDS an editor at the very least. There is no need for half of the build-up, and the first scene, of the woman in the park, has NOTHING to do with the rest of the episode. I know this is part of a continuing storyline, but that is no excuse to forget that episodic content has to resolve itself in an episodic manner, and that episodes should be congruous. You can't have something at the beginning of an episode that in no way, shape or form affects the episode whatsoever. It is jarring to the viewer and uncomfortable, even in the vast scheme of the plot, as most people aren't watching the episodes back to back, and ostenibly, each episode should sell the show by itself, without too much reliance on previous episodes, exceptions to this being final episodes and generally late-season episodes.

My third gripe is the "gimmick": this whole "drawn by pain" thing.I hate to break this to you, but combining cartoons and live footage has been done before numerous times, and it has NEVER worked all that well. CG has come to replace it and has done a better job of it. However, there have been cases (such as Mary Poppins, Bed Knobs and Broomsticks, hell, even Space Jam to a degree) where cartoons and live-action have been mixed with at least DECENT success, but all of these examples have NOT placed the cartoons against a real life backdrop. Cartoons function in a CARTOON WORLD. They make sense there--they can operate there and retain the flexibility that a cartoon has. Placing a cartoon in a life-action world and having it interact with live--action characters just looks and feels terrible--its like placing an elephant in the middle of a packed church. Frankly, it just gets in the way.

Finally, the directing. Technically, yeah, its well shot, but there are some very questionable directatorial choices that seem to exist purely for dragging out the episodes length. Spinning the camera around the main character, having slow motion sequences where she and her inner child walk through different parts of town--these are not engrossing cinematic moments, these are bits of FILLER, and filler is bad, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Frankly, the show is bad. It has some potential, but even the basic premise/story isn't strong enough to overcome the major technical, theatrical, or even superficial faults that drag the show down. At best its nonsensical. At worst, it is pompous, melodramatic, superficial and weak.

EDIT: Reading through your other comments, you mention that your film masters folks said you should make a character sympathetic, and you chose to go against this for...some reason. Being different. I applaud your desire to stand out, but this is NOT a good narrative idea. This is a character drama, and if we, the audience, can't get into the character, we would have absolutely no emotion invested in the story, and thus we won't really care what happens to her. Its not cliche to make a character identifiable--its good storytelling.

RentCavalier:

Frankly, the show is bad. It has some potential, but even the basic premise/story isn't strong enough to overcome the major technical, theatrical, or even superficial faults that drag the show down. At best its nonsensical. At worst, it is pompous, melodramatic, superficial and weak.

First understand that I have total respect for your opinion. It was well thought out and as it stands was a constructive point of view. That said - my intention is to create a story that takes 12 episodes to unfold and sometimes I completely understand that the individual episode might be sacrificed to keep the overall character arc intact. As it's not an ongoing series (but a finite one) - I felt it was prudent to craft something that is not self contained, but required (I know scary thing on the attention starved web) that you watch more to understand where she is coming from. So I guess in reply to the show is bad - all I can say is I respect your opinion on the episode - but you haven't seen the show if you judged it by one (or two) pieces. All good though - the web stands for opposing opinions and dialogue and I am all for it.

Thx for the thoughts and time - it took a lot for you to write all that and is much appreciated indeed.

-Jes

Chickmcjr:
To be honest I was expecting her to sword the chick at the very start. Hell, I thought every person she saw she was gunna sword. Still pretty awesome though. Dialogue is well written.

Thx much :)

frozenpnx:
Color me confused, but do people actually see the manifestation of her abilities? At times it seems no (first episode, father killing scene) but in Episode two he seems like he's seing something... though not necessarily what we're seeing.

They can see them in my opinion, but the series plays tricks on ya for sure.

drawnbypain:

RentCavalier:

Frankly, the show is bad. It has some potential, but even the basic premise/story isn't strong enough to overcome the major technical, theatrical, or even superficial faults that drag the show down. At best its nonsensical. At worst, it is pompous, melodramatic, superficial and weak.

First understand that I have total respect for your opinion. It was well thought out and as it stands was a constructive point of view. That said - my intention is to create a story that takes 12 episodes to unfold and sometimes I completely understand that the individual episode might be sacrificed to keep the overall character arc intact. As it's not an ongoing series (but a finite one) - I felt it was prudent to craft something that is not self contained, but required (I know scary thing on the attention starved web) that you watch more to understand where she is coming from. So I guess in reply to the show is bad - all I can say is I respect your opinion on the episode - but you haven't seen the show if you judged it by one (or two) pieces. All good though - the web stands for opposing opinions and dialogue and I am all for it.

Thx for the thoughts and time - it took a lot for you to write all that and is much appreciated indeed.

-Jes

Alright. You impressed me with your maturity in dealing with criticism, so I'll watch the entire show and see if this has a sort of revelation after twelve episodes.

Or my head will explode. We'll have to wait and see.

Alright. You impressed me with your maturity in dealing with criticism, so I'll watch the entire show and see if this has a sort of revelation after twelve episodes.

Or my head will explode. We'll have to wait and see.

I used to be a lot more defensive then realized I was being shortsighted. Once you put something out - there is what I intended and what is perceived by the audience individually. Both are valid, but on my side I have to temper the opinion across a large group of people to get a true sense of what is happening on the receiving end. Tis a tough thing to gauge lemme tell ya.

BTW - if your head explodes it will be hard to type so I probably won't hear from ya. Here's hoping the thing makes some sense!

-Jes

.

Just so you know, I found it a good idea to create a Escapist profile just so I could make a comment saying I adore the music choices in this video. : 3

Also, I am dazzled by your patience in dealing with some of the more rude criticisms. I personally loved the art aspect, and look forward to finishing the series!

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