Zero Punctuation: Oblivion

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The crime you did was necrophilia. You find out about it when you speak to a fellow necrophile. She doesn't tell you but the answers you have for her questions make it pretty apparent.

Oblivion is a great game but as posted earlier has many flaws, when I got it and played it it was sort of... meh...
But then a friend showed me some of the MOD's made by community and installed a few ones, like better skins for people, more creatures on the wilds and maybe a few extras and the game mechanics changed a lot for better :)

weakest review ever

Finally theres someone that states the fact that Oblivion does in fact not shit diamonds.

I Think it was okay, but it was far from perfect.

The fighting system was nice, the leveling and stats system was simple enough, and the graphics where pretty as long as they weren't someones face.

Stuff I did not like about it would include: Completely one-dimensional characters, the "radiant" AI of characters making completely nonsensical conversations with each other (that was actually quite entertaining for about a minute and a half), allies that constantly jumped in front of me while fighting and then throwing a fit when my arrows hit them.

And also that no one in the game seemed to ever show any amount of hesitation before charging straight at a pack of enemies no matter how ill equipped or hurt they where.
This got quite annoying when I was supposed to escort someone.

I really wanted to get into this game, but too many things made me say, "What the hell is THAT about?" for me to tolerate playing it for very long. =\

Jesus... Oblivion, no joking, nearly killed me. It drove me insane, to the point where I had to stop playing games at all for almost four months. I had foolishly decided to try maxing out my stats. I couldn't bring myself to play any other way, knowing in the back of my mind that I wasn't leveling up in the most efficient way. It was mindless button pressing and note taking to make sure I optimized each level up.

At some point I hit rock bottom, and in a fit of desperation, I broke the disk and deleted the game. I took up jogging and canceled my WoW account. I had to take a step back and remind myself that there are things worth doing and things not worth doing. Now I cheat at most single player games so I can get Yahtzee-style instant gratification. The way I see it, I got to level 70 in Oblivion, so I've earned every unlockable ever made for the rest of my life.

Edit: I started this off joking, but it's a lot closer to the truth than I want to admit.

I'd have to agree with Yahtzee about Oblivion; I have yet to finish it too, because after a certain point you start to ask yourself "Why bother"? When I played Oblivion, I had decided to go through the guilds before the main quest, so by the time I got to it I was about level 15-20. This meant that all enemies were hulking monstrosities. This was fine because so was I. Unfortunately my allies were not, so the only people who survived each combat besides me were the heroes, who would be 'knocked out' about five times in each battle. Really.

It also meant that combat degraded into me flailing madly with my knife in each combat (I was an assassin), because I knew that it makes almost no difference later in the game. I also turned down the difficulty a notch, because this changed combat from a very dull and samey grind to a dull and samey blur, where I always ended up looking like a deity. The worst part is that when you're an assassin (or other sneaky class), when you sneak attack someone you do 6x damage. Unfortunately, I could do twice that number of hits in under 10 seconds. This is what really got to me. For my class, I either had to spend the game running backwards firing arrows, or change the difficulty and turn into a blur.

Also, the main quest. Being a member of the dark brotherhood was fun. Being an arena fighter was fun (if repetitive). Being a mage was fun, and being a thief was fun (being a guild fighter, less so, whatever). But going through the main quest was dull and had too many recycled elements. I gave up half way through the "Get help from the other cities" quest. Every city has an oblivion gate outside it and I got really bored. I finally gave up after I closed the wrong gate for a city. There were three equidistant oblivion gates AND I CLOSED THE WRONG ONE. After that I have never played the game again.

Ps. Yahtzee was right about immersion, too.

Does anyone else notice the sound at the last line of Yahtzee's review? Kind of like a VCR tape over rewinding itself or a reel of movie film spun way too fast past it's length?

For a laugh, check this out:

Does anyone really do this?

The crime you did was necrophilia. You find out about it when you speak to a fellow necrophile. She doesn't tell you but the answers you have for her questions make it pretty apparent.

Now you mention it, that character always had me go WTF, but this makes complete sense..
Still makes it very vague at the start. The Elder Scrolls series do seem to repeat this little mystery start, maybe so you can paste your own life to the start to enhance immersion? Still failed in the case of Oblivion though, ah well..

whats with the date format?

you gone american on us?


That's just too easy.

I know, hence the "And to be a jerk:". Thought I might as well tip it in since I was already talking about nitpicking anyway.

Has anyone ever tried to create a likeness of them or a celebrity using oblivion?

Also, Chuck Norris has already been done on a youtube video.

The honest to god truth is that to actually get immersed in oblivion u need to play it on a console. Plus Sean Bean KICKS ASS ( he plays martin) I LOVE SEAN BEAN


200 yards x 200 yards =40000 square yards.

Huh? where do you talk to this person?

and are you telling my That the head of the tiefs guild mages guild fighters guild and the Grand Champion of Cyrodill spends her spare time jamming a dead guys rod down her twat?

SERIOUSLY??? thats what they came up with

again where do I find this npc to talk to them?


Huh? where do you talk to this person?

and are you telling my That the head of the tiefs guild mages guild fighters guild and the Grand Champion of Cyrodill spends her spare time jamming a dead guys rod down her twat?

SERIOUSLY??? thats what they came up with

again where do I find this npc to talk to them?

Damned bang on review.

I've always thought of Bethesda (makers of Oblivity) as a bunch of wankers. Partially because they take a great idea like Oblivion and then not only unfulfill it's massive potential but make key areas so bad it's just not any fun to play. Also because when it comes to their fans they are unmitigated gits.

Can you believe that people complained to them about things like fast travel for 6 months before the game was released, asking for something like WOW's fast travel system, and all Beth did was tell them to fuck off. Hell they did the same thing when people asked for something as simple as an option to turn it off. A thing that would have, and did take all of 5 minutes of coding (thanks to a modder). Of course at this suggestion they got insulted that these ungrateful wanks could think differently from them, and subsequently told them to stfu and fork over $50+ for the game anyway.

In terms of public relations with their fans they are the equivalent of Hitler at a Jewish Banking convention.

Good Review, I tried to play Oblivion several times (yes tried and gave up after like 3 hours of boredom) and could never get into it... And considering the hardware requirements it looks a bit crap, Interiors and Buildings look great, but the environments, especially grass look AWFUL

Anyway, thanks again for providing lolworthy material, I think I will play through Condemned again after that cat joke :D


This is the second review in a row where Yahtzee reviews an RPG. And the second where he has something kind to say about World of Warcraft.

Either he needs to spend a weekend marathon playing an FPS, or he is even now developing his own Painkiller and Electrodriver to commence a murderous rampage throughout the entire South Pacific.

The results should be amusing one way or another.

Oh my god that review tickled me something rotten. I am so hungover and have no energy what-so-ever, but still i found myself screaming with laughter at some parts. I literally jumped out of my seat at the cat/piss bit. Spot on Yahtzee.

I actually agree with him on the whole "lack of immersion" the telling moment for me was when I actually got REALLY caught up in the game and came across a group of guards desperately fighting for their lives against a suddenly opened Oblivion Gate, there was only one survivor standing heroicly on the bodies of his fallen comrades, desperately trying to hold back the tide of demonic invasion. So I charge in, kill the demons, then go to talk to the guard and he promptly responds with...

"Good day citizen"

As if nothing had happened... that just broke the immersion factor right then and there.

Thank you! Exactly! 100% agree! etc, etc, etc...

And don't wolves usually hunt in packs?

And what's the point of a bow, or any long-range weapon come to that, if every single thing you meet, no matter whether it's a human bandit or an oversized rat, immediately dashes at you and lunges at your throat? Ever heard of tactics?


(Actually Oblivion is easily my favourite of the five "new" games I've bought recently. And in many ways it's a great game, I just wish that someone somewhere would come up with a realistic way for characters to interact in a game that's, you know, about characters interacting with one another!)

"Try "upgrading" Cyrodiil. Clone lots of silverware (easily gotten from guild halls) and swap it with cheap clay pots, etc, that you find lying about. [...] [Y]ou can brag about how your Waterfront is the best with all the good stuff in it."

What. The. Fuck.

I thought I had problems, but apparently, someone out there is ON A MISSION.

Bang on. Exactly how I feel about the game - although I'm trying to like it more.

There's just so much that screams "You are playing a game!!!" over and over again. I found FFVII's bad translation more immersive than the pathetically small troupe of voice actors.

I am sort of enjoying the current crack at Oblivion more than the two previous tries (which I gave up on). I'm playing with the following rules though:
- Do not play the mini-games especially the "do you like me pie" one.
- Do not use your non-combat related main skills or you will get owned very quickly as everything levels.
- Focus on the quest you're currently doing - if the word's about to end why are you off picking flowers?.
- Don't bother going into any of the random caves and whatnot - it doesn't change anything.
- Do not talk to non-quest related characters if you can avoid it - otherwise you will get reminded that you can count the number of voice actors on your fingers.

Listen, right.

The Kinks are fucking awesome.

After leading off with them, Yahtzee could have took a poo on on my treasured copies of Tetris DX, Advance Wars and Street Fighter 2 Turbo and I'd still be smiling.

I had a lot of fun with Oblivion but Yahtzee pretty much hit the nail on the head with its biggest flaw (the immersion thingy). I was so happy when news of Fallout 3 came out and they said that they were dwindling down the number of NPCs so they could have individual voices and characterization for every NPC you meet. I can only hope they will actually do that, but my cynical nature makes me think it's going to come down with Fable Syndrome: Promise Everything, Deliver Mediocrity.

I'm apparently one of the few people who liked Oblivion, but that's probably because i played it on the 360.

You weren't. I don't know if anybody else remembers the time around when Oblivion came out, but everywhere you turned you would bump up against praise for Oblivion. Basically, a year or two of aging coupled with the need to agree with HM Yahtzee's review in this thread will assure several dozen posts of bile with only a few people left wondering where all the excitement went all of a sudden.

That said, I did start playing it a few weeks ago and I didn't get past the first bridge you cross. I'm not a big RPG fan so this is the first "proper" RPG I have played in ages, and I didn't find it very fun, and I'll take Yahtzee's word as to the uniform look of the game world.

Such a pity he didn't mention the annoyingly shit level-up system. Any game that enforces micromanagement of skill gains through use in order to get maximum stat points isn't one I want to play. And let's not forget the way that everything levels up with you and upgrades their gear as they go, meaning that everything just gets that much harder to kill. It defeats the whole point of levelling up at all.

Basically, to make the game playable at all, you need to install Oscuro's Oblivion Overhaul (Fuck off with your full Daedric, mobs), the Unofficial Oblivion Patch, the Unofficial Shivering Isles Patch, the Unofficial Oblivion Mods Patch (See a pattern here?) and the AF Level Mod (It unfucks the level-up system and allows you to max out your stats, skills and levels *as you play*.

The only thing you'd need to change would be to use the x1 skill increase file rather than the 1/5 one.

And that's just to make the game playable.

I don't want to get picky... well yes I do, so here. The proper code for "if nothing else remember this" should be as follows:


Well, someone already caught that. I missed it when I went through the comments the first time sorry.*/

Well I agree 100% with the review and all the comments here in that in its vanilla state Oblivion is a huge pile of steaming turd. It can, however, be a great game, provided you're willing to spend literally hours installing and configuring a lengthy list of mods, the total filesize of which more than doubles that of the game.

Here are just a few of the more essential ones I have to have:

No Psychic Guards - makes it so guards only notice you commit a crime if you do it in their line of sight, and news of the crime takes time to spread to different parts of the world, and eventually gets forgotten about.

Quarl's texture pack - essential graphics mod that ups the resolution of the textures in the game from their blurry, pretty awful original state.

Unique LAndscapes - A collection of mods that adds a much richer and more diverse feel to some of the areas of the countryside, adding landmarks, new terrain layouts and new textures.

Either Francesco's or Obscuro's Overhaul - totally changes the levelling system of your character and/or places fixed-level monsters and loot in each dungeon, so that you can no longer just go anywhere. With no more scaled levelling, it is entirely possible to enter a dungeon and get your arse kicked, forcing you to come back when you've levelled more.

Etc etc, the list of mods I use is longer than my..... arm, but I did eventually manage to enjoy Oblivion's world a whole lot, if only after totally ripping out the guts of the game design and replacing it with something completely different.

I truly feel sorry for the console owners that forked out cash for this ill-thought out, shitty game and were unable to change its many stupid mistakes using mods.

It's weird that he did this review today since I only recently started playing Oblivion again. This is my third attempt to start and it's going a lot better than the last two. I think it's due to the right combination of mods + a better PC + lack of other games. It's still a fantastic game, just sooo flawed.

i am very saddend to say that i have been playing this game for over 300 hours. im sure yahtzee would have a field day with me

i like to think my character was put in there for numerous murders
i mean
NUMEROUS murders
which carried on through the game :D
and clearly the planet's didn't align enough, i personally think oblivion is (insert rude word beginning with 'f' here) awesome!
but then, as reviews have shown, yahtzee is a pretty big FPS fan, and anyway
oblivion is MUCH better if played on the xbox, although admittedly it was lacking in online multiplayer, i think being able to do quests with friends would have been awesome

Don't agree with him about Oblivion. I loved it. But hey, he loves The Kinks, so how can I hate him?

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