Zero Punctuation: Haze

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I was skeptical of this game since day 1 and as time went on I grew less and less interested so I trusted my instincts and decided to avoid it. Boy was I glad(and amused) when every reviewer on the face of the planet chose to rape its drug riddled corpse. No one absolutely no one worth crediting likes this game, what a pos. After all those delays you'd think they would have made a decent game, guess the devs were all off getting high or pissed or both lol.

My old roommate back at school had said to me that this game was going to be the Halo for the PS3...and after i stopped laughing I realized he could be right. The story and game play could be just as annoying and droll as Halo.

Turns out It's far worse.

No 2 min adds for videos linked on this very page already in a 3 min video please.

And no more re-runs!

Had high hopes for this game but having previously owned a 360 and played Halo and then comparing that to the Haze demo, there is no contest. Even though I don't think Halo is amazingly brilliant it's still a good game, better than Haze anyways. At least Uncharted and MGS4 give me faith in the PS3 exclusives.

Great review from Yahtzee, love all his work!

nice one, i haventplayed haze yet but im going to which is good. i think it is better than Halo 3 cause it was realy overhyped

"the maincharacter in haze is not characterized as a BLABLABLA but a naive winding collegeboy soldier" - "I musn't run away! i musn't run away" Neon Genesis Evangelion anyone?

BTW, did anyone else find Yahtzee saying "Cornettos" oddly erotic?

Cornettos?
Those things are called Drumsticks, duh.
What kind of upside down land are you living in, anyway?

He probally looked up that word in a dictionary called Brity-Witty's Terms or something like that.

Edited: I know hes Australlian.

MrSod:
Cornettos?
Those things are called Drumsticks, duh.
What kind of upside down land are you living in, anyway?

Get your eyes checked.

Drumstick: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/04/Ice_cream_in_icebox.jpg
Cornetto: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5a/Cornetto's1112.JPG/605px-Cornetto's1112.JPG

it's all the same :P

I'd like to know what's up with the ads, too... I was expecting some like extra Croshaw time, instead I got all the shitty videos Escapist has.... ZP being the only decent thing on the site, with Drawn by Pain a far-off second...

If the video is 5 minutes long, i want 5 minutes of Yachtzee!!!

Great review, by the way, definately won't get that game :D

excessum ado:
I have to agree with him here. This game gave the PS3 bad rep. He should have done an MGS 4 review. Im curious to observe your disposition.

I think the PS3 had a bad rep before Haze. The only good thing is MGS4 and once you've done it.. it goes back to being an expensive piece of equipment.

i doubt he'll do a AoC review though, it's got 2 things he hates in it, MMO and RPG. Even with the promise of boobs and mature content, it just won't be enough to satisfy him. (especially with all the bugs and beta like quality the game oozes out of it's good looking graphics)

his reviews always crack me up though, especially with the british born-ness of them... sarcasm is good, embrace the dark side !

SatansBestBuddy:
We're already on your website, watching your vids, why do we need to be reminded that there are other vids on this website?

Do you really need too ask that?
Just look at the number of replies in this thread and the post counts for the majority...
The site is just trying to spread the love and I for one hope it works.

The Zero Punctuation schtick won't stay fresh forever after all.

JaguarWong:
The Zero Punctuation schtick won't stay fresh forever after all.

Take that back or die painfully. Ben will live forever for the viewers demand it. :P

Gah, I hope to God^h^h^hBob^h^h^hDawkins that the escapist isn't going to make a habit of surprise sexing ZP. It's getting perilously close to a tossup about whether or not it's worth watching them. Today's huge trailer for an unspeakably lame series was just.. a bit much (polite version).

On the other hand, it's less gratingly egregious than the whiney, dead-eyed colonials honking nasally about some piss-poor film called "Young People F*cking" (Zombie Siskel gives it no thumbs). Plastered on the end of most of the ZPs, it came at just the wrong time. I was catching up on some ZPs that I'd missed- more fool me. In the end, I just plain gave up, as I didn't want the nails-on-blackboard attempts at advert-driven astroturfing. There was enough negative entertainment value there to fully consume the ZP that they glommed onto, like as unto some kind of focus group headcrab.

In essence, just give it a break please. We're on your site, we're going "oo" and "ah" at the massive EvE online ads. Please don't tear the head off the goose that lays the golden egg and then attempt to shit down its neck. Stop fscking up ZP please. That is all.

(Going to see if there are any Cornettos left in the freezer, deep breaths)

I was dissapoined by MGS4 the sneaking is pointless when you can blend with anything,making you undetectable and the guards were sooooo stupid.The story was a great wrapup though.Just another game "dumbed down" for this generation.

I'm gonna get a cornetto.

always good to watch these... they give me a laugh and prevent me from buying games that I can't afford.... though I've gotta admit it's kinda painful seeing one of these on a game you love ripped to shreds (oblivion review). just hope he stays away from eve.

My brother and I thought the game looked quite awesome when we heard about the drug thing, though I assumed the gameplay would change after the defection as well. xD You're right, though, pretty stupid putting the main plot twist right there in the blurb.

Also? Thank god I'm not the only one who's thought that about the "having one's cake and eating it too" saying. :D I thought I was just being needlessly anal about it.

has anyone else been having problems getting the ZP vids to load? For the last week or so I've been just getting a big grey box where they're supposed to be. No software or hardware changes on my end, so I'm confused as hell. And annoyed. I miss the caustic reviews. Yahtzee is the only reviewer I've found any faith in since the multitudes gushed about how awesome Black & White was :P

I'm going to add my voice to those objecting to the after-ZP trailer... it really didn't fit too well.

Enjoyed the review as always, Yahtzee. Thanks.

-- Steve

I looked at the video progress bar at the end of the Yahtzee thing and I figure there was some extra Yathzee content afterwards.... At first I thought it was supposed to be a parody of a movie or something, little Weaboo emo-girl meets the pen and paper matrix. It took me a while to realize it was a commercial.

Now this pissed me off, are always going to be commercials embedded into the videos from now on? At least commercials that reflect the video creator's likes, last time I checked Mr. Croshaw was not a wrist-cutting Japanophile. If you are now, Ben, let me know so I can start ignoring you.

nice one again yahtzee i really can't imagine going to austrailia and finding out that everything is 50% more expensive in your currency. and all of us love cornetos! =D

As to everyone who's asking why no MGS4.. remember He's in Australia, they get games based on a formula involving phases of the moon, relative strength of the dollar and the weight of Ms. Nelson's cat.

Of course he could always try to run off and snag a copy from GAME TRADERS ROBINA.

Heh. I think this might be the first time most of the other reviews of a game I've read seemed harsher than zeropunctuation! It was almost positive in contrast to some. (not that I mind or anything)

spudpuffin:
nice one again yahtzee i really can't imagine going to austrailia and finding out that everything is 50% more expensive in your currency. and all of us love cornetos! =D

Not everything. Just games et al.

Shadrach:
As to everyone who's asking why no MGS4.. remember He's in Australia, they get games based on a formula involving phases of the moon, relative strength of the dollar and the weight of Ms. Nelson's cat.

Of course he could always try to run off and snag a copy from GAME TRADERS ROBINA.

Actually I went to JB Hi Fi yesterday and they have it (I live in Australia).

Bit late in responding but then again who here really cares? :P

I loved it, that was amazing, the funniest since Mail Bag. I loved Oblivion review but this for comedic value outstripped all the rest. Amazing stuff, the 2D scenery joke had me in stitches.
Haze promised way too much, and didnt deliver anything but a bog standard FPs that works, but with a bland over hyped story and boring set pieces and bland levels. the necter system was a joke.

Shadrach:
As to everyone who's asking why no MGS4.. remember He's in Australia, they get games based on a formula involving phases of the moon, relative strength of the dollar and the weight of Ms. Nelson's cat

MGS4 had a simultaneous worldwide release iirc. Actually the Aussies should have got the game a day before the US and a half day before Europe, so thats pretty much a first if you don't count the Harry Potter books (which I don't)

Still, your explanation is pretty much head on for the large majority of games I guess.

I to was hoping For an MGS4 Review, as much as i like the game Yahtzee could pick at so much from it and i think it would make a good argument! Though having Haze myself i do agree with whats said it seems that all free radical did was make a good shooter but forgot about everything else!!

I don't know why everyone complains about the ads. They're at the end. And there is a stop button. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THEM. As long as they don't start putting bonus features at the end, it won't bug me at all.

Ahem. I personally didn't feel anything for this review. I mean, usually I care one way or the other, but for some reason, not for this one. I'm going to watch it again, now...

Nope, couldn't make it through it again. It just didn't make me laugh this time. And as I never intend to buy any of the games Yahtzee reviews, the funny is the only reason I come.

Maybe it's because he didn't hate or love this game enough. Mediocre reviews are almost always mediocre entertainment.

guessing you will see a few people finally registering to post after the crappy ads have finally gotten completely out of control. just want to thank yahtzee for some kickass reviews and wave goodbye. the ads are just to annoying now. hoping wherever he ends up next does this stuff more gracefully.

JOE COOL:
He probally looked up that word in a dictionary called Brity-Witty's Terms or something like that.

Edited: I know hes Australlian.

He isn't Australian he's British! Alot of naive Americans here not knowing what cornetto's are (note: I mean this in jest so don't ban me).

I didn't like this one as much as reviews past.
The cake bit made me laugh though.

Tragic victims of the stupid virus. For crying out loud! I bursted with laughter when I heard the line. Nice review. I also expected MGS 4 but do not worry guys. I bet my D&Ds it will be the next one.

By the way, how much is 110 australian in american dollars? So that I can find out how much is in Euros.

67€

Google has a nice little function for that btw: http://www.google.com/search?q=110+AUD+in+%E2%82%AC

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