Zero Punctuation: Age of Conan

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Don't necisarily agree with your opinion but kudos and you are certainly entitled to it. In your review you mentioned not really having anything to do with the mythos before hand and showed reading comics etc. you may want to try reading the short stories. They are actually quite good and an interesting example of pulp fiction from that period. That being said I will adimitedly state I play the game and enjoy it but I completly see where you are coming from on this one. Until they get the PvP system in place people are going to keep acting like absolute jerks and ganking people. Any how, good work and even though I didn't agree with all the points good job as usual.

I whole-heartedly agree with the issues you pointed out, but there are some things I'd like to add.
Having played the game myself up untill currently level 60 (going at a snails pace of a few hours per week) I can tell you that the reason you most likely got ganked so often is because necromancers are, at the moment, a tad broken at the lower levels. The minions make it insanely easy to level compared to the rogue and soldier classes that spend their time dying while trying to get past the quests, while on the other hand the necromancer himself is an easy target for other players... not to mention a naked one.

The reason I'm playing aoc right now, is not because of what it currently IS, but what it could be if the same effort is put into it as blizzard put into wow (allthough this is very doubtfull). I for one would love to play seige battels over destroyable cities, and have large-scale pvp in a less cartoony outfit.

Either way, my point would be that reviewing a game under development is usually not a complete review, reviewing an mmorpg is really hard and usually a lot more negative seeing as how they aim for higher level content. And aoc seems to be both, a very unfinished mmorpg, which is at the same time the reason why negative reviews should be kept in the context of the time when they were written aswell as being the reason why this game might turn out to be nothing more than a major waste of time for all parties involed.

for Yahtzee to review EVE objectively he would have to play for roughly 6 months and play roughly 2-4 different accounts to fully immerse himself in the primary "paths" you could take.

Alot can be done in EVE, its a very nifty sandbox but to get to the "sweet spot" of the game AND be able to do stuff the right way would take quite some time alot of work, and patience.

I do not think EVE is a good game for Yahtzee to play, he might like it for the sake of griefing newbs, but unless my impression of him is fundamentally wrong based on his reviews I would say he is a much more action oriented/first person shooter kind of gamer, EVE is almost as much a business simulation in an anarchist society as it is a game.

I do not think Yahtzee would like EVE, it would be interesting if he did review it but he shouldn't waste his time on it, its a game you should only play if you know you will be playing it long enough to make a name for yourself. I play it, I like it, and I'm almsot able to fly a carrier and operate in Nullsec but this isn't a game for the faint of heart or the impatient.

On a side note, anyone that hasn't seen it should rent a film about Robert E. Howard called "The Whole Wide World." Great film for anyone that views Howard as just another pulp writer might find a new found respect for him or at least see the man in a different light.

Right, well, since I never say anything on this site I figured I may as well throw in some cake. Well, not cake, but something funny. Is it funny? Nevermind, I'll just say it anyway.

If anyone remembers that old game "The Bards Tale" then they might know of the remake of it that came out back when the X Box and PS2 were still revered as gods or some such. In that game there were these kids who looks almost identical to each other, and all of them said they were "The Chosen One". This review of Conan reminded me of it.

I guess some of them were chosen in a way... Each of the dead ones got a song whenever you passed by their bodies. Others were chosen to be thrown in jail for their own good. I suppose you have to play the game to understand, but youtube or some site should have a few songs up.

Nice review as always yathzee. I never thought paying for a game every month was a good idea so i just played one of those free Korean MMORPG's, Silk Road online to be specific. Argh! When are you gonna review rock band?

Haha, "Thinderella".

I was kind of looking forward to you review Age of Conan. And does any else laugh every time he says "m-morpgrs"? (the pronunciation of MMORPGs out loud typed doesn't look too good..)

I was kinda worried for while if I would continue watching ZP (the Lego Indianna review just wasn't funny for me and last weeks was only chuckle worthy) but I liked this one much more.

Both funny and a pretty good take on the qualities of the game as always.

I have to admire his patience he didn't do the 5 second review on this: "It's a MMORPG. It's not a game so much as a life-sucking tragedy. Goodbye." The elaboration that went into this review is quite on-point.

I was briefly excited about Age of Conan, played it up to level 40, then the whole thing sort of fizzled out. Grind > Gameplay = Game Over.

Ben croshaw the only reason the majority of us come to this site.

WOT A GENIUS, FUCKING LOVED THAT...

Oddly enough this review made me what to try AoC

Zeithri:

Way better?
I bought EQ2 online with all expansions.
I played it for 5min, then I turned that horrible game of.

They probably were the first, but not the best ones. Lineage II being a perfect example of a horrible MMO whereat you cannot even walk up close to a friend because your character will do anything in her power to walk AROUND that person instead.

Cartoony graphics is a crappy argument to use.

Which one of those games has 10 million subscribers?

Both of them had huge fan bases during their glory days.

EQ1 and Lineage 2 set up the majority of the MMORPG standards of today.

WoW is basically a knockoff of already successful MMORPGs of the era designed for children, which is why the difficulty is cranked *way* down and the enviroment is cartoony and childish.

Poor end game, bad interaction, -extremely- dumb/12 year old player base, heh.

As a law student, I Just wanted to say my vocabulary has increased as a result of watching Zero Punctuation. I don't know what to make of it really.

I'm sure Yahtzee remembers talking about oiling up his thighs for Age of Conan in his Haze review. I hope he enjoyed it. And no, I did not read 7 pages of comments to see if anyone else remembered this, so sue me.

P.S.: I hope he reviews Just Cause some time.

Finally an honest review....

Zephirius:
I'm sure Yahtzee remembers talking about oiling up his thighs for Age of Conan in his Haze review. I hope he enjoyed it. And no, I did not read 7 pages of comments to see if anyone else remembered this, so sue me.

P.S.: I hope he reviews Just Cause some time.

fanboy^^

The9mm:
fanboy^^

..How? I mean, I remember him saying that, oh no I've got a good memory. I've never even played Haze or Age of Conan and Just Cause has some fun guerrilla stu-..Oh right, troll. Nevermind.

Zephirius:

The9mm:
fanboy^^

..How? I mean, I remember him saying that, oh no I've got a good memory. I've never even played Haze or Age of Conan and Just Cause has some fun guerrilla stu-..Oh right, troll. Nevermind.

your a yahtzee-fanboy for remembering his exact words
not a game-fanboy
that i dont know about^^
dont take it so seriously :)

Finally! Someone stabbed the very game that stole away an unacceptable number of people off WoW (not that I would care as much now anyway) right where it hurts the most. Where that spot is I'll leave to your imaginations.

The9mm:

your a yahtzee-fanboy for remembering his exact words

How would you know I didn't watch the Haze review for the first time two days ago and watched the AoC one after that? And besides, it's still mainly that I have a good memory, only saw that review twice. (And in case you didn't notice most people that watch his reviews watch them at least twice). If he recommends a game I'll at least check it out because that's so rare and psychonauts did entertain me so I know our tastes are at least somewhat smilar but the negative reviews are purely comedic value. I hate being called a fanboy unless it involves Star Trek or Jim Carrey. >_> Anywho, not going to reply to further bullcrap arguments as to why my good memory = fanboy. Super, take care now, bye bye then.

I think the big question is... since he had to spread oil on his thighs to play Age of Conan... doesn't that mean he was upset the entire time he played the game because he only like marshmallow fluff there?

disposable157:
Can't help but feel Vitalix is right... Yahtzee was never briliant at the whole review thing- usually preferring to skip lightly over most criticisms and focus on one or two. This one felt far more like a blog entry than anything else- a bit like Living in Oblivion. Yes, it was funny but it also felt tired. Maybe he's been having too many late nights.

Thanks. It's very easy to slip in verbal hyperbole and rant that Yahtzee has "sold out" or that he "totally sucks now." That's not true though. He's still witty and insightful. I just don't understand how he can wave the story-flag in his reviews and then bash story in AoC when it appears.

I wonder if Yahtzee's decision to play his character nude is a hint to us that he never really gave this review or this game his full and serious attention.

Hamster at Dawn:
If Gamespot has taught me anything it's that Yahtzee will be fired by the escapist for not licking Age of Conan's balls.

hehehe. The now famous "Jeffgate" episode cost GS alot of readers/forumdwellers/troll/flamers..

GoblinOnFire:

Hamster at Dawn:
If Gamespot has taught me anything it's that Yahtzee will be fired by the escapist for not licking Age of Conan's balls.

hehehe. The now famous "Jeffgate" episode cost GS alot of readers/forumdwellers/troll/flamers..

The Jeffgate incident was deplorable, but most of the time I found myself disagreeing on Gertsmann for the very reasons he roasted a game.
When he reviewed Quake 4 on X360, I felt like he was whining "It's not as pretty as on a PC, ergo it sucks". How much of an argument is that ? aren't you supposed to review a game for a console by the console's standards, and not say that a PC port sucks because it's not playing on a high-end PC ? I felt confused by this.

Same goes for Kane & Lynch. My roommate talked me into buying it because he had a lot of fun with his copy last year before selling with his whole 360 console and collection due to harsh problems with his bank, and after an initial 10 minutes of whining about unintuitive radar, limited on-screen infos, Wolverine syndrome regarding health management and confusing as shit split-screen co-op, I found out I was having fun.
The cover system is maybe a bit too context-sensitive, but once you get it, the game is surprisingly easy to control, except some parts missing clarity (like when you enter the bank, took me some attempts before seeing exactly what I was supposed to do).
Same goes for their abuse of f*ck... when a game is rated M, I can't see any reason not to abuse on swearing, especially when you play insane convicts bent on bloody revenge. But I suppose people will remind me of the children, and I will remind again that when parents let kids play GTA, it's not my fault, since I'm not a shop clerk nor taking part, but just telling them to READ ratings before blindly buying and letting the game babysit the kids...

TL;DR, back to the subject :

I liked the review a lot, it did not made me laugh as hard as Yahtzee did sometimes, but I liked his way of poking the game. The idea of playing naked seems funny too.

I don't play mumorpegers, some friends insisted I joined them on Guild Wars, Anarchy Online or Cabal Online, and while Cabal's beta was cool and now the game offers tailored susbcriptions in addition of a core game now free, I feel that I am already wasting my time enough like that with all my unfinished games and things I like for playing a undending grind-fest and socializing at the same time on top of that...

Maybe I'm pessimistic, but I wonder if you can truly make friends in an MMO... especially if you can't be arsed to play daily, or weekly... I know my roommate met some really great people, and some promiscuous girls who after 5 minutes of questing in your party were a little too eager to show off everything and act explicitly on MSN, but still...

Acne-ridden schoolgirls.

Essex.

Genius.

ElToRo15:
Nice review as always yathzee. I never thought paying for a game every month was a good idea so i just played one of those free Korean MMORPG's, Silk Road online to be specific. Argh! When are you gonna review rock band?

You can't review silkroad online because of the F-n bots. and I wouldn't enjoy a review of free MMORPG's that are online unless it's many reviews in one week. The closest thing I'd tolerate is a runescape review but only because it's basically because it's almost as popular as Halo and sucks ass.

Hey Yahtzee, how about turning "The adventures of Thinderella: The necromantic naturist." into a small show in form of small, 30 seconds long clips after a review? I bet people here would love it and appreciate the additional effort.
Well, just my 3 €-Cents. I think it's a great idea.

I freaking hate MMOs. I admit that I have only played Runescape, EVE Online and Wow. But alas, the smacktards have spoiled things for me. Although in comparison to Runescape, EVE is pretty friendly.

Then again, its a bit wrong for me to refer to Runescape as an actual MMORPG. Its just a sweary little program with bad graphics that slowly melt your brain. If I ever need to be verbally abused I'd rather just go to my local Tescos, thanks.

Okay, I've lost my trail of thought... OKAY! Great review, Yahtzee! :D

HadesWTF:
That one was really funny. I agree with everything that was said.

One thing I firmly believe is the only MMORPG that will ever overthrow WoW will be another MMO made by Blizzard, the company who made WoW. And with 2 MMO's not Warcraft or Diablo related in the works. My money is on World of Starcraft.

A fair point, It's sad that the only MMO to properly 'overthrow' WoW will be one made by the same team of blokes. I'd really like someone to come along and make an MMO that does something really different to shake things up a little but the grind formula is just too addictive. Thats why games like Bejeweled are so popular thats another grind-fest.

Good review though, although I am always afraid to watch Yahtzee's videos for fear I'll wind up hating all the games I play except portal.

Sayvara:
Oh by the way, I must mention one thing Yahtzee did get wrong in the review: that of the big nerd. The big nerd who would complain about Daisy McSword-Boobs's haircolor does not exist around the Conan franchise.

You should drop by the official Robert E. Howard forums, there are TONS of these big nerds who have complained about hair colour and things like that. Such as myself. :)

Conan is a pulp production, nothing else. People are not in it for the fine wristings of a linguist who invents fictional languages to all races in the book; but for the gore, ale and whores, ok? This game is not about pretty re-creations of Rivendell with fine limbed elves gracefully gliding around paradize on Middle-Earth. No, this is about vice, plain and simple.

Conan is a pulp production, certainly, but it has far more depth than many people give it credit for. The gore, ale and whores are the DRESSING, not the meat: that's the philosophical musings of the duality of barbarism vs civilization, the tragic heroism of fighting a battle you cannot win, man and his role as a human and animal, order and chaos, personal freedom and civic responsibility, and all manner of deep philosophical stuff that elevates it above garbage like Thongor or Jarik or whatever. A perusal of http://www.thecimmerian.org will show just how philosophical Conan can get.

This was something which annoyed me in Yahtzee's review: like so many, he dismisses the Conan mythos as being nothing more than adolescent wish-fulfillment about a big oiled-up dunderhead having lots of sex with simpering wenches. Dismissing Howard's Conan like this is the equivalent of ignoring "The Dark Knight Returns" based on the (at the time) far more well known Batman TV show, or Burrough's Tarzan on the Weissmuller movies.

So no... the Big Nerd is not here. /S

Most "Conan" fans couldn't care less about authenticity to Howard, or even the stories, since they are in it for the blood, sex and gore. Fans of Howard's Conan are in it for that, and something more.

man is there anything you can't make funny? ^_^

This one was a bit meh...

I play AoC and I really liked the points he made about blance in the classes, but the reason he wasn't hampered by not wearing armour, is because he took the easy-mode caster class xD

I loved that you named your minions after an obscure 60's Garage Rock band. lol

Just what I hoped to see.. I already pointed out the balancing-issues to my friends.. but no one listens to me.. of course.. -.- They also made the mistake of high hardware requirements (minimum reqs that is)

I really hope my AoC-playing friends watch this.

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