Zero Punctuation: Age of Conan

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 NEXT
 

What the hell? Blimey!? Egads!

Great review. kudos.

This review hit home with me. Since I started out as a male necro and found myself quitting the game shortly after lvl 25. He hit on the biggest issue, the game is not finished yet. The developers admitted as much in letters they sent out to the community.

He however did miss out on the horrible chat system they have which is completely backwards, broken guild setup/options, and the non exsistant customer support.

Just waiting for Warhammer Online to come out. Evolving cities, living guild that gains exp/bonues, Realm vs. Realm warfare, and of course the darker more detailed storyline. A game that actually pits you against a realm of other players instead of a mindless AI.

HadesWTF:
That one was really funny. I agree with everything that was said.

One thing I firmly believe is the only MMORPG that will ever overthrow WoW will be another MMO made by Blizzard, the company who made WoW. And with 2 MMO's not Warcraft or Diablo related in the works. My money is on World of Starcraft.

Lucky us... Another horrid game with the graphics equivalent to the n64... So... excited...

Oh by the way, I must mention one thing Yahtzee did get wrong in the review: that of the big nerd. The big nerd who would complain about Daisy McSword-Boobs's haircolor does not exist around the Conan franchise. What Yahtzee is talking about is the Tolkienites.

Let me illustrate by an example: since I like to roleplay in these games, for my stock character Sayvara in Lord of the Rings Online, I made a backstory taking place in a self-madeup military academy in Gondor and posted this on the official LotRO forums. In a response time that proves that information must be able to travel faster than the speed of light in vaccuum, I had a bunch of tolkienites trying to hack my bum off, saying I could not use that story.

"Why not?" I asked. "Is there anything that is not reasonable in this, or that is in direct violation of established lore?"

"Well.. no", came the reply, conceeding my point in that it was in fact a reasonable backstory, and no, there was nothing that expicitly contradicted any of the six main books, including Simarillion even though the game license didn't even cover that. "...but that doesn't matter..." said the head tolkienite, "...because it is still wrong!".

Now I concider myself patient, so instead of telling him to take a stool-pill concisting of a Zweihänder, business end first, I asked why exactly this was wrong. "Well", said the head cenob... tolienite, it was wrong because if I supposedly ordered the book "Letters from Tolkien", a collection of correspondense from John himself, and read between the lines in these letters, I would be able to see that this sort of thing could probably not happen in Gondor because that is just the way everyone is are according to this guy's interpertations of John's long since silenced invisible brainwaves. So because of this, my - as I thought - elaborately crafted backstory, should be scrapped immediately and I stop polluting the forums with such lore-breaking rubbish... spake he.

Now if I lost you up there, don't feel sad, because I was a goner by that time too. This is the kind of person that Yahtzee mentions in this review, and thankfully, the Conan mythos doesn't have these religious zealous fuckwits around it because Robert E. Howard was no J.R.R. Tolkien. Conan is a pulp production, nothing else. People are not in it for the fine wristings of a linguist who invents fictional languages to all races in the book; but for the gore, ale and whores, ok? This game is not about pretty re-creations of Rivendell with fine limbed elves gracefully gliding around paradize on Middle-Earth. No, this is about vice, plain and simple.

So far I have counted the following "sins" in Age of Conan.

- Foul language.
- Gore. Bloodspatter is everywhere.
- More gore. Fataliaties are meticulously modeled variations on how to end someone's life hard, brutally, and - in some cases - extremely messilly.
- Unrination. Yes, NPC's can be seen taking a piss.
- Prostitution, and plenty of it.
- Slavery.
- Alcohol.
- Drug use/drug addiction.
- Human sacrifice.
- Homosexuality, male and female.

So no... the Big Nerd is not here.

/S

star_topology:
From here on, I will be pronouncing "niche" like "quiche" as Yahtzee did in this review.

Just out of interest, where are you from? In my corner of Australia we laugh at those who pronounce it any other way.

something_clevar:
Uh, does anybody mind me asking why the hell there are, like, five overly-harsh bans on the first page? Does this happen very often? I'm new here....

I think they just take a hard line on "first"-style comments, for obvious reasons, and extend this to anything posted before the commenter could possibly have watched the video they're supposed to be commenting on.

Anyway I don't actually have all that much to say about this episode; it was worth watching and didn't anger me in any way, but neither did it leave me in stitches.

hehehe, didnt get to go to E3 eh?

he got the better end of the deal not going to E3

Glad I decided not to waste my time with this game

Ahh played WoW for about a month once, I got to the point in which It took to bloody long to level up and I couldn't be bothered to look for quests... Its the same with them all...

Imagine if he reviewed Runescape haha that would be hillarious XD

something_clevar:
Sorry if this has been posted before, but why does Yahtzee say that he's 'fat' at the end of his review?

His zippers bust
His buckles break
He's too much man
for you to take

The pavement cracks
when he falls down
He's got more chins
than Chinatown

Funcom and Eidos must have thought, 'Let's take WOW, add more boobies and blood and we'll have an awesome game'. Too bad they didn't put in more work.

The irony of Yahtzee bashing a game on a page it has sponsored was pretty sweet though.

Good show once again, sir.

New intro still sucks.

Good review with valid gameplay complaints (gear is pretty pointless and the community is composed entirely of XBox Live man-children). I'm curious to know why the intro/outro changed for Yahtzee's videos though. The custom song clips were a lot better than this one-size-fits-all guitar riff that bludgeons me over the head with the fact that I'm on the Escapist Magazine's website.

, I made a backstory taking place in a self-madeup military academy in Gondor and posted this on the official LotRO forums.

What was the back story? I shall judge.

wow that was quite lame. Not one complaint about about performance crashes or bugs?

Well first 20 levels are pretty good as everyone knows, necromancer is easy mode. If he tried Assassin then he'd see how horrable the game/class can be. Try "Sneaking" around when you get spotted by every mob and its uncle oh wait it works better at night..ill log back in 2 hours while i go bash my head against a brick wall..

Nice how the site that this video is on has huge AoC adverts on it, i mean hes hardly gonna tear it to bits when the site he works for is getting paid to advertise the game. I think thats the worst review ive seen this guy do and normally he is spot on.

Cpt. Eduardo del Mango:
New intro still sucks.

What did you expect? I am sure you have bitched about it already it isn't going to change because you said that. God forbid you make a real comment about the actual video you know things you liked, what you didn't like. No! There was a thirty second change at the start of the video!
(Sorry, this has been annoying me for the last three weeks.)

Its ironic the escapist sponsers the game on the website, but thier reviewer makes fun of it.

What Yaaargh-tzee said is spot on. The game is pure fail on multiple levels and is akin to a roadbump in the MMO world. Once you get over the excitement of that little hump (level 20) it's just boring boring boring on the road to absolutely nowhere.

Not even tits can save a bad MMO...

Also, am I the ONLY one who doesn't mind the new opening/ending?

The new theme song is pretty awesome :D

I am sorry Yahtzee but you havent got any impressions about the real problems this games has.
It's fine that you only did the first 30 levels but dont try to make a review out of it:
real problems are:
1.feat-system totally mysterious and inexplicable
2.questing-content gets real thin after 50
3.communication is difficult, cause the chat has some issues
4.some classes are still totally overpowered and i dont mean just a little better, like the warlock was in WoW, but really just better because they have better spells
5.alot of issues with ping
6.crafting takes up too much time to spend on
7. trevelling takes up an ernormous amount of time

and many more but these are the ones i can think of everyone in my guild complained about at one point

but if you love a fighting game with alot of action and love to kill some fuckers with your friends, then pick a melee class and enjoy aoc
so long
edit:
nice touch with the name of your pets :)
but seriously:
picking on a mmorpg because it tells you your special?
every fucking rpg since the beginning of the genre did that
yes, it's fucking annoying but you cant help it

and seriously if you don't want to get your "tits chopped off" choose a fucking PvE-server
nobody makes you fight...

and also you seem to know the problem that mmorpgs turn your friends into zombies but you seem to have abandoned them cause you found no-one to play with
try the game because it's multiplayer
it is not a sologame and this is why the patching and so on is so much more difficult
i would seriously reccomend you having another attempt at summarising this game

A fantastic video that made me laugh through it all.

oh, and it had some nice game reviewy stuff in there too...

Sayvara:

Let me illustrate by an example: since I like to roleplay in these games, for my stock character Sayvara in Lord of the Rings Online, I made a backstory taking place in a self-madeup military academy in Gondor and posted this on the official LotRO forums. In a response time that proves that information must be able to travel faster than the speed of light in vaccuum, I had a bunch of tolkienites trying to hack my bum off, saying I could not use that story.

That is why you do not post on the forums of an mmo. Also, the best way to deal with those kind of fuckwits is to question their character's backstory too. It'll enrage them as they scramble to "prove their worth" without a signed certificate

Nothing less then what I'd expect from Yahtzee, but I couldn't help but notice that you seem to have gone a little easy on this game, ESPECIALLY when it doesn't deserve mercy, and instead an intellectual tongue lashing. (Wonders if it has anything to do with AoC banners.....)

Good work as always :)

Crazyshrink:
Oh ,oh please Escapist, please ban me next!!!

Nah. You aren't annoying enough. Why don't you read the rules and try violating them? Then you'll get what you want.

smilely47:
yahtzee is great, i love his videos yahtzee yahtzee yahtzee yahtzee woooooooooooooooooo!! lololoolololololololololololololololoololololololololoololololololololoolololololololololololololololllololololololoollololololollololoollolololololololololololoklololololololololoooollololololololololoooooooooooooool!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! i having so much fun riding my lion aroud the candy cane forest woooooooooooooo!! go billy go!

Now this is more like it. This should be bannable.

Tumbler360:
Sigh, please get this thing loaded on another server. Every wednsday I have to load this thing multiple times. It sucks to start watching the video only to have it time out after 30 sec to one minute because the server is overloaded...

Youtube?

Something, either get a better server, or get some partners who want to host the file.

Or, you could just, not be like all the others who have to have the latest ZP ASAP. I never have any lag problems, because I always wait at least till Thursday. If more would wait, there wouldn't be a problem.


Well, that was fun. I got to comment on three posts today. I guess it makes up for me being silent last week. Now on to the stuff about the review:

Funny as usual, and much better than last week's. Now that the songs are gone, the funniest thing for me to do is to try and find the word you intentionally (I hope) mispronounce.

I actualy liked this one, it more (or atleast nearly) an actual review then a rant, and being a AoC player i think Yahtzee was dead on in most of what he said; its true that the game is still unfinished, that its trying its best to be WoW and that the classes are unbalanced due to Funcom going over the top in numbers (though on a side note necros are damn powerful).
Ofcourse there are some things i find abit odd, like him picking a magic class when he obviously didnt want to bother with all the spell managing BS, and him picking a PvP server then being surprised that he was getting PK'ed. I hope the next one is as long and in-depht as this one.
Oh and, alittle nit-pic; Old Snakes Solid-Eye was on the wrong side.

The9mm:

It's fine that you only did the first 30 levels but dont try to make a review out of it

After reading your entire post, it seems as if you're asking him to go through every aspect of AoC before reviewing it. Would you ask someone to go through all 70 levels of every class in World of Warcraft before reviewing it? No. 30 levels takes a considerable amount of time to get to, enough time to put together a pretty good idea of what you think of the game.

I'd say that reviewing an MMORPG is done differently than any other video game genre, due to the massive amount of time that can be put into the game and the fact that a single patch can change everything.

aikoyamamato:

After reading your entire post, it seems as if you're asking him to go through every aspect of AoC before reviewing it. Would you ask someone to go through all 70 levels of every class in World of Warcraft before reviewing it? No. 30 levels takes a considerable amount of time to get to, enough time to put together a pretty good idea of what you think of the game.

first off: dont make your rethorical questions look like real ones
you are putting words in my mouth
i dont say you would have to play every class but develop at least a notion of the needs and strengths and weaknesses of other classes
he did review it as if it was a singleplayer game with some other idiots running around you dont like and vice versa
but that isn't it
it is a multiplayer game
get some online-friends and try it
i am saying however the game has big issues which didnt get touched in the review
normally i agree with yahtzee but this review hasn't touched the really sore spots
i do however agree with you that it is probably impossible to review a mmorpg completely
but you can pick some great issues when you have played a big amount of the content and tried out some different aspects of the game
i am just saying he should do more homework, at least a little more

edit: also i think you should have played a level 70 character in wow just to get feel of the endgame
you should have participated in a raid
and you should have done arena
otherwise you dont have a clue about wow
and if you dont have the time to play all levels in aoc, go ahead and borrow a friends character, that should give you an impression
that is all

I'd be well up for a nude server.

The9mm:
I am sorry Yahtzee but you havent got any impressions about the real problems this games has.
It's fine that you only did the first 30 levels but dont try to make a review out of it:
real problems are:
1.feat-system totally mysterious and inexplicable
2.questing-content gets real thin after 50
3.communication is difficult, cause the chat has some issues
4.some classes are still totally overpowered and i dont mean just a little better, like the warlock was in WoW, but really just better because they have better spells
5.alot of issues with ping
6.crafting takes up too much time to spend on
7. trevelling takes up an ernormous amount of time

and many more but these are the ones i can think of everyone in my guild complained about at one point

but if you love a fighting game with alot of action and love to kill some fuckers with your friends, then pick a melee class and enjoy aoc
so long
edit:
nice touch with the name of your pets :)
but seriously:
picking on a mmorpg because it tells you your special?
every fucking rpg since the beginning of the genre did that
yes, it's fucking annoying but you cant help it

and seriously if you don't want to get your "tits chopped off" choose a fucking PvE-server
nobody makes you fight...

and also you seem to know the problem that mmorpgs turn your friends into zombies but you seem to have abandoned them cause you found no-one to play with
try the game because it's multiplayer
it is not a sologame and this is why the patching and so on is so much more difficult
i would seriously reccomend you having another attempt at summarising this game

QFT a funny review but one flawed by the fact you gave the game little more than a glance. Also, you make a few strange points e.g. wearing armour. You played a cloth wearing class where armour really makes very little difference in terms of protection; the only point in wearing cloth is for the other stat boosts it carries (more mana etc.).

Regarding character customisation it is true that the body sliders are pretty useless. However, the facial ones are much better, it's just a pity AoC excels in one area of customisation but not another.

Last but not least, I don't think everything is trying to be WoW. Good as WoW is it copied what went before as much as AoC. In regard to UIs, quests and the like every MMO tends to be look/operate the same way. Right now WoW happens to do the job best (and rakes in lots of players as a result), but it was never that unique or innovative. In that regard AoC does get some points for making combat a bit more enjoyable, sequential key presses to fire off combos does make combat feel a bit more involving (even if it is just more button mashing).

Gift.

who wouldn't want to live in a boris vallejo painting?

Funny as always, but having played Conan myself I was expecting you to beat the shit out of it, terrible game.

I guess your lenient review had nothing to do with the large Age of Conan adverts all over this site.

*COUGH* SELL OUT *COUGH*

A-D.:

Zeithri:
Which one of those games has 10 million subscribers?

Best Quote ever, seriously. Look at the Box of WoW now please, see the Age Field? Says 12 aint it? Well..at least in the EU it does, now going from that point we know that about 80% of those people are below the big 18.

Actually the average age of WoW players is around 28, with only about a quater of players being under 18.

Wait, I'm confused. At the start of the video he said there are three class choices, but at the end he said there was twelve.

what

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here