Zero Punctuation: The E3 Trailer Park

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No Silent Hill 5 (or Silent Hill Homecoming rather) mention?

Sadly, that is the ONLY game I'm looking forward to from this E3.

But very funny, and YES THE WATCHMEN TRAILER! Though I think you should put SOME faith in a game or two.

Wait, wait, wait...

I got the impression that Yahtzee has never played the old Fallouts... Seeing that if he had he would have complained about how different FO3 was compared to the older ones...

This bothers me...

Totally agree with him on two points: Pessimism helps, and Prerendered doesn't count (unless, on some occasions, it's used to announce a game. IE, Deus Ex 3 or Wallace and Gromit Grand Adventures)

3 new games I am casually looking forward featured at this E3. None of them are sequels.
1. Mirror's Edge.
2. Dead Space. (Event Horizon the game... :p)
3. Rage (aside from a lackluster name, I am looking forward to this blend of racing and FPS)

ooh, I forgot about Event Horizon! To me, Dead Space reminds me of 'The Thing' sprinkled with a helping of 'Alien'.

Heh, PoP somewhere between FFX and FFXII... maybe THAT's why I can hardly wait! ^^

But yeah with the games industry growing bigger & BIGGEr & BIGGER there's going to be more sequels, less innovation... like hollywood

I'm an optimist myself. If you can't live with disappointments you're weak :p and self-fulfilling prophecies are actually a GOOD thing on this side of life

Without doubt my favorite zero puncuation so far. Excellent job.

What about Starcraft II. Sure, it's a sequel, but as long as it's like the original with pretty graphics, a few different gameplay mechanics, and the removal of the goddamn selection limit, it should be great.

Once they patch up any balance issues there are, and I guarantee there will be some, upon release.

Rundown of E3?

I think our little Brit in Australia curmudgeon is started to slip off his rock a little - the first sign of jumping the shark? He reviews E3 2008 and complains there's nothing new out there, and that everything is one big sequel.

Did he not actually pay attention? I can think of Spore and Mirror's Edge right off the bat without thinking. Did he miss Dead Space or Dragon Age: Origins? Tom Clancy's ENDWAR? I Am Alive? Even just looking at Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network titles like Braid, Castle Crashers, and PixelJunk Eden, how can you not see the originality and creativity?

Ben, E3, even in its shrunken state, is still huge enough that you actually have to do what we like to call "research" before making blanket statements. And don't say they were buried - Electronic Arts and UbiSoft SHOWCASED Will Wright and Mirror's Edge respectively.

^ I think Yahtzee just got his ass handed to him.

Hm.. yeah, Yahtzee mentioned fallout once in his Bioshock review, but besides that I guess if he did play it he didn't find to to be the creme de creme of western rpgs that many, many people have, or he'd bring it up more. Although, he's stated he only plays an rpg when effect by space radiation or something or other.

Fallout 3, having played both games long after they where released and really loving them, I think the sense of humor and xx content along with the killing kids thing could've been kept in had it been isometric. I mean, nobody complained about killing kids in Warcraft 3, cause they looked like deformed hobbits, but turn it into first person, make them realistic, and bingo, you've got something that will land you an OA rating.

So, rather than get creative, Bethsda said, lets just use this as grounds for tweaking the Elder Scrolls engine and do whatever the hell we want. Apparently what they loved about the game was all the violence, so keeping that in and putting that on display prominently was the number one priority, seeing from that's what they talk most about.

Lol "CLAP CLAP OI!" and "Steve Buscemi" references got me.

I thought it was a good video, but I am slightly disappointed in that there was no actual video game review AND BRING BACK THE OLD MUSIC SELECTION.

Still, I enjoyed watching this weeks episode as always.

OMG, i just realized, there was no "first" ban this time around... I am astonished.

Most of these games coming do actually look pretty good, but Yahtzee has a point about creativity

I still don't like the "theme song" it's not relevant to anything.

"The world will look up and shout Save Us, and I will wisper no." that line almost makes me want to see it. Instead, I'll go see Spirit, cause I already read Watchmen.

In toehr news, the main charecter of FF13 is not androgenous, but is actually female. Yes, everyone is just as surprised. Once it was aanounced that she was in fact a woman, most people discredited it as an internet joke, and went right on beleiving it was an androgenous male. Aparently the vast majority of people out there don't get that woman can be main charecters without being sex objects, using emotion powers, or playing dressup. I'm looking at you FFx-2, the only actual sequal ever in the series. Not counting Tactics Advance 2 cause the Advance versions suck, and actually aren't related to the origioanl Tactics game (surprise surprise). Oh, and FFXII is actually a prequal to the origioanl Tactics showing what the world was like before all technology and science was lost, as well as aparently several species that were blow over to the non-sequal world including all non-human playable races, which is why they don't apear later.

I'm a little sad that Fable 2 didn't even get mentioned.

Most of these games coming do actually look pretty good, but Yahtzee has a point about creativity

Spore = uncreative? Only more than 2M creatures created by users by the man who invented "creative" (see: SimCity, etc.)

Mirror's Edge = uncreative? Even if it's an "on rails" shooter, it has style and gameplay coming out the wazoo

Braid and Pixeljunk Eden = uncreative? You must be joking.

It seems to me that Ben got reaaaaaaaaaaal lazy on this one.

I actually jumped 5 feet in the air when he clapped. Unexpected to say the least.
I'm looking forward to seeing your Mirror's Edge review, Yahtzee. ;)

I know Yahtzee is a very angry person who talks at the speed of a humming bird but this time he sounded specially hungry and talked fast enough to get a speeding ticket. Did E3 affect him so much?

Still, this one has to be one of my favorites. The "CLAP CLAP! OI!" has to be one of his most brilliant and fresh moments. Can anyone actually make a sound file out of that?

No one has any faith in Fallout 3, it seems.

Nope, not even me. And I'm a Fallout Fanboy.

That "*clap clap* OI!" thing really took me by surprise. Otherwise, same as usual.

Also, I think Mirror's Edge looks interesting too.

Watchmen does look Awesome.

The lack of creativity within the games industry does annoy me, I barely touch games anymore, infact Mario Karts the only thing I've really enjoyed this year...

hahahaha 'a white woman dipped in tea' couldn't agree more.

:( I miss the hand-picked opening songs, Yahtzee! This opening looks "professional" and all, but it has no soul in it.

I was wondering if you had seen the Mirror's Edge preview. You had complained about the lack of originality and that game seems to be bursting with it. Very funny video by the way...big fan!

Great episode, Yahtzee seemed perhaps a bit more into it than some previous installments? Whatever the reason, it felt like a bit of a return to form to me.

very true and thank you for pointing that out yahtzee... (when he talked of all the games being sequals)... im just wondering... huxley anyone? what happened to that MMOFPS that i heard of so long ago...? i thought i saw it was supposed to come out this year but i have not heard of anything from it... and also i am sad that he did not talk about fable 2... but then again that is in fact a sequal... and would probably get the same schtick as all the other games basically looking fancy but not to live up to the hype... but the fact that everything that has been hyped has been shown to be in the game that in fact is finished but is coming out in october? (lets see july august september october... four months... WHY MUST YOU BE SO CRUEL PETER?) I for one have high hopes of fable 2 and i may just be one of the only ones (yes you can call me a fan boy... what yahtzee is to valve is me as to lionhead studios)

just one touch on PoP... one person alluded to PoP taking from Assassin's Creed... although i havn't seen very much of that i have to say PoP taking on crackdown graphics seems interesting but very gutsy...

No love for Mirror's Edge? Not to say one game completely makes up for these things, but it certainly looks the least bad (or "good" if you prefer). I mean, platformers were great, now we have what looks like a great FPPlatformer.

But what got me the most was the Wii's "re-release", with the REAL Wiimote and that 1:1 sword fighting game that was advertised by a "cool guy" dressed all in white since before the Wii came out. So Nintendo is finally delivering on their launch promises.

At least one company is (how's that for cynical).

Keep your expectations low and you'll never be disapointed.

Oh, Yahtzee. Making the easy Star Wars Episode III dig. I guess that's why we love you. Why did not one but me like Episode III?

I liked episode 3. they did the best they could i feel.

*clap clap*


I was totally the first person to mention this. Yep.

A transcript from me in my groovy pants still looking for my socks

The E3 Trailer Park

A cynic can be described as someone who doesn't hold out hope that anything in the future will be good. And frankly, I find it harder and harder to understand why any gamer wouldn't be a cynic at this point. Film starring Morgan Freeman would have you believe that hope is your magical shield against the tribulations of life. But the games industry has collectively taken that shield and shoved it up our ass so many times, it's probably time we started leaving it at home. To put it in another, less stupid way, if you go by the evidence of the last 10 years and just assume that the new Sonic the Hedgehog is just going to be the usual punnit of snot, then you won't get you're heart rebroken.

So an appropriately mediocre E3 has limped past for this mediocre year in gaming. Nintendo have proudly announced their intention to make the Wii do what it was always supposed to anyway. While Microsoft and Sony busily compete to see who can rip off each others consoles the most. And of course, a gaggle of upcoming game trailers were wheeled out to stir up excitement. But since the eventual quality of most games is going to be essentially determined by spinning a roulette wheel where the numbers one through thirty have all been smeared with puss, I thought I'd better fly in and point out that we're still living in a cruel corporate run society that treats you like a wallet mounted on the back of an entranced magpie. So here's why all ye should abandon hope for the shiny objects being held up for us to gawp at.

First up Prince of Persia, now I thought the sands of time trilogy was the best game series of the last console generation. I'll pause for a moment so you can all go find your socks that just blew off. Ok, so the combat in game one was a basket of farts, and game two stumbled a bit when the prince went off his angst medication. But over all the characters were solid and the time controlling game play worked crazy well with the sudden death platforming, to the point that I now feel my fingers unconsciously groping for the rewind button every time my toast lands butter side down. And it seems the new Prince of Persia is going to take all that and piss boiling oil into its eye sockets. Leaving aside for now that the music in the background sounds like someone teased a cat's bollocks with pliers for a few minutes while throwing ball bearings at a piano keyboard, the setting seems to have shifted from historical Persia to somewhere between Final Fantasy 10 and 12. And by the look of the character design the concept artist has been spending more then a few holidays there himself. Maybe Prince of Persia's appeal lies in the grounding of reality dusted with the fantastic elements of Arabian myth, but Fuck That! The kids are into anime these days and let's all jump around on the ceiling dressed like twats.

Speaking of which, Final Fantasy 13 also has a trailer and it looks good. Of course it looks it always Looks good. But my philosophy with game trailers is that footage of prerendered cinematics doesn't count, so bearing that in mind, the actual length of the FF13 trailer is around point three of a second. The rest consists of androgynous twelve year olds running around being improbably awesome and giving absolutely no hints as to storyline. But as an educated guess I'd say it involves some kind of evil authority, one or more heroes who were once associated with the same, a half baked anti industrial hippy sub text, and all in all will closely resemble what you'd get if George Lucas's brain fell out and he made a new Star Wars movie with everything that was ever good about it replaced with dodgy CG and laughable angst. Oh wait.

The new Resident Evil 5 footage indicates that Capcom are counteracting the accusations of racism by including an African female sidekick resembling a white woman who's been dipped in tea. I'm sure the game play will be fine because Resident Evil 4 was fine, and bugger all seems to have changed except now we've traded up from infected Spanish peasant village to infected African peasant village, and the dialogue is still going to be so bad that every single line hurls you out of the experience like you're on a fucking trebuchet.

Now then, Fallout 3. Those of that are paying attention will no doubt notice that all these games are sequels, and for those of you who aren't paying attention, *clap clap* OI! E3 was very much sequel boulevard this year, which might be partly why it was such a damp squib. What? Is there some kind of virus that attacks creativity going around or something? Twenty years ago, in the eight bit era, games could be about French chefs riding giant stick insects while wielding a gun that shoots velociraptors. These days a game's considered original if the gritty well armored soldier protagonist has a mustache. Anyway, to rope this wild wandering steer back on topic, Fallout 3 is an RPG about a gritty well armored soldier protagonist exploring a ruined city where everyone is either a mutant or a jerk. I'll admit that it looks very pretty, but then so did Rudolph Hess. Also it's by Bethesda developers of Oblivion and patron saints of games that look awesome in screen shots and preview videos but ultimately play like bowls of scummy dish water. Case in point is the demonstrated combat system where the game cuts to a dramatic angle to watch you execute a successful kill, which is groovy pants the first time, but since it seems to happen with every kill, I'm sure repetition will swiftly boil it down to just plain pants.

Finally, a brief mention of Gears of War 2. That was it.

So that concludes this little adventure in sport spoiling. I'd like to clarify that somewhere in the flinty pits of my petrified heart I'm open to the possibility of all these games potentially being fun, except Final Fantasy 13 obviously. But my intention is not to troll for once, but to argue that it makes the most logical sense to be pessimistic. After all if the game's good, great. But if it's bad you've lost nothing. Plus you get the satisfaction of knowing that you're cleverer than fan boys, which is right up there with winning a beauty contest again Steve Buscemi, but still, it's a good overall rule. Never let yourself get excited by trailers, unless it's the new one for the Watchmen movie. Oh yes, I can never get enough big glowing blue men with their celestial lads hanging out.

Watchmen looks pretty awesome

Spore won fucking "Game of Show". Doing a rundown of a convention without even mentioning the supposed best game there doesn't seem like much thought went into the review.
It was more like an argument for pessimism than anything else. Wait the video was about E3?

Things are made in volume only if the demand for them exists, sequels happen generally because people want them to happen. Personally I've been waiting for Fallout 3 since the moment I finished fallout 2, and its been a while

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