Zero Punctuation: Spore

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We knew Spore was a waste of time before Yahtzee came along. Why couldn't he have reviewed Mercs 2 or something instead?

And spore DOES suck! Wake up and smell your own semen stained pants, fanboys! I've been playing Sim games for years, and I've beaten ones I doubt many of you even knew existed. I wouldn't piss on Spore if it was on fire, largely because I'm probably the one with the gasoline and matches.p

...

You can't "beat" sandbox games. The very fact that you say so shows you are doing it wrong...

Totally agree, its like WW wanted to make a 'thing where people make stuff instead of the designers making stuff', cos thats his thing, but had to give it some gameplay...so gave it the least amount of gameplay its possible to actually give something while retaining the label 'game'.

The whole 'emergence' thing is a joke as well. If you fight...they become warlike, its not fucking rocket science. But its all hidden from us behind snazzy smoke and mirrors so we can trick ourselves into thinking the [if they fight then warlike=warlike+1] algorithm is really revolutionary.

At any one stage there are only 3 types of creature that can actually exist ffs..and 3 activities you can actually do!! And we are supposed to believe there's a magical powerhouse of sophistication generating a rich and varied continuum of cultures??? BULLSHIT.

Plus the difference between the 3 types of culture is just aesthetic anyway. You either have to buy a "bomb" or a "happiness bomb".

Nothing can compare to Yahtzee! haha fantastic work!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I laughed the whole time XD

I rarely agree with Yahtzee. The creature creator is not as simple as he says.
http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/716762/+460

You peaked with your digs at Devil May Cry and just got less funny from there. Not only because you wasted weeks complaining at Nintendo but because you didn't bother playing Brawl you review fighting games in general and the box art. Some point after that you said "hey if I can get all those comments not playing a game why don't I just fake it every time?" And here we are watching a review of spore where you shout "NO" for 3 minutes twice and you become a hypocrite making fun of a game for its art when that was the credit of your first good review. Y, your like a child doing book reports without reading the books now. The enter class can tell you we your pants.

The 15 sec NO was a bit long. I think he coulda got the point across in 5.

what? Padme is dead?

DO NOT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT!

Durring those long NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO's I was waiting for graphics of Luke and Vader. :(

what happend whit the kid who got a yahtzee tatoo?

Reading through this thread about people's opinion on the drawn out no's...

Overreact much people?

The first d.o.n. was only 15 seconds long (yes, I timed it)

The second one was only 4, and was cut off at the end of the video.

Not THAT much time, if you ask me.

Oh, and after rewatching...I do get a chuckle out of the Bat-UFO in the end credits.

I kind of feel like he put so much nooo in because there just isn't much to say about Spore. Not nearly good as the Sims, stages are short and jarring, not the elaborate transcendental life simulator as promised. The game's so empty and airy there's nothing else to really add. It can be fun, but it's kind of like the Sims minus humans.

Oh, and the whole "biggest dick wins" thing. That wasn't true until the advent of agriculture which came fairly late in human development. The game skips all that pretty amazingly. Don't be so stupid as to think "biggest dick wins" is human nature. It changed before when people started to get food differently, and it'll change again.

This didn't feel like a review at all.

Sure, Spore has problems, but why compare it to the Sims, when it doesn't actually have much in common with it? Hey, I have an idea, let's compare it to Tetris and complain how much the puzzle aspect sucks and how Spore totally failed to recreate the glorious experience of Tetris. Guess what? It didn't try to.

Yes, it's a designer tool game. And it should bloody be reviewed as such.

I disagree ihave both the sims and spore and spore is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fucking better for a couple of reasons you get to control a entire race it's more interesting than the sims and you didn't mention the omnivore option but i agree that charels dickens would turn in his grave propoley

Well its to bad that the people who were looking foward to spore half to crawl under a rock and die of disapointment.

As long as Saints Row 2, Far Cry 2, and anything eles thats still lasting dosen't fail i'll still be here.

P.S.- No offense to Rockstar but if you come out with something like GTA Tokyo i'll still buy it.

P.P.S.- I fear for half life but it definately lived up to its name in the long run.

Was kindof expecting this one to be on this week, and after playing spore, I'm not surprised yahtzee doesn't like it.

For me, spore was incredibly disappointing. The editors are all awesome, very nice job there. The game just isn't making me want to play it for much longer. There were a few very cute things that I really liked, the impressing creatures/tribes for example, that was somewhat challenging at times.

All in all, my feelings about spore can be summed up as: "I got the the space age, yay for me, now back to Civ IV where religion isn't just an excuse for harp shaped guns."

The thing that shits me off about people here is that no one ever really seems smart enough to accept something for what it is, and instead applies disappointment for it not being what you wanted. Assassin's Creed was the most prevalent game to suffer this petty inanity recently. You all put it on this giant pedestal of the purest shimmering samite and chased silver so when it didn't meet your lofty expectations you suddenly get all butthurt and claim it was crap.

The same goes for Spore. You're all here bitching about how much of a letdown it was, but whose fault is that? Will Wright's fault for not making it as good as you wanted? No, it's YOUR fault for having impossible expectations and then whinging because it's not everything you assumed it would be.

Spore is a GREAT game, technically (if not graphically) brilliant and a whole lot of fun. It's not the super single-cell-to-space-age sim you were expecting, but it's well worth your time and dollar.

And the same goes for Ben's reviews. You're all having a cry because it doesn't cover points of a game, or doesn't address certain things, or doesn't sound like an impartial review. Well here's the thing - he's not here to write unbiased, impartial reviews of the good and bad points of games. His reviews are entertainment, because people like listening to an irate Englishman rip the shit out of games while making dick jokes. Take them for what they are, not what you think they should be.

Mrmandude:
I disagree ihave both the sims and spore and spore is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fucking better for a couple of reasons you get to control a entire race it's more interesting than the sims and you didn't mention the omnivore option but i agree that charels dickens would turn in his grave propoley

Why would Dickens turn in his grave? *snaps his fingers* Clipping right? The ghosts.

Nerdfury:
The thing that shits me off about people here is that no one ever really seems smart enough to accept something for what it is, and instead applies disappointment for it not being what you wanted.

What it is, is five poor rip offs of other games. Now, personally, I kind of find it a little fun. But I'm accepting it for what it is.

Mrmandude:
I disagree ihave both the sims and spore and spore is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fucking better for a couple of reasons you get to control a entire race it's more interesting than the sims and you didn't mention the omnivore option but i agree that charels dickens would turn in his grave propoley

Take your keyboard and throw it away. It's only making you look silly.

Maurog:
Sure, Spore has problems, but why compare it to the Sims, when it doesn't actually have much in common with it?

It's an open ended god game made by Will Wright, impossible to "win" just like all his games. Sim City and the Sims are classics so its natural to expect this one, which seems like the logical next step in what is more or less a series, to be the same. It makes complete sense to compare them.

that is the longest nooooooooooooooo..... i have ever heard lol

Nerdfury:
The thing that shits me off about people here is that no one ever really seems smart enough to accept something for what it is, and instead applies disappointment for it not being what you wanted. Assassin's Creed was the most prevalent game to suffer this petty inanity recently. You all put it on this giant pedestal of the purest shimmering samite and chased silver so when it didn't meet your lofty expectations you suddenly get all butthurt and claim it was crap.

The same goes for Spore. You're all here bitching about how much of a letdown it was, but whose fault is that? Will Wright's fault for not making it as good as you wanted? No, it's YOUR fault for having impossible expectations and then whinging because it's not everything you assumed it would be.

Spore is a GREAT game, technically (if not graphically) brilliant and a whole lot of fun. It's not the super single-cell-to-space-age sim you were expecting, but it's well worth your time and dollar.

And the same goes for Ben's reviews. You're all having a cry because it doesn't cover points of a game, or doesn't address certain things, or doesn't sound like an impartial review. Well here's the thing - he's not here to write unbiased, impartial reviews of the good and bad points of games. His reviews are entertainment, because people like listening to an irate Englishman rip the shit out of games while making dick jokes. Take them for what they are, not what you think they should be.

qft the first three paragraphs

but yahtzee is a dick for putting a 15 sec no in his video and then not getting his shit together
it doesn't have to be unbiased
it just has to be on point
big difference

I knew he would hate it and i figured he would review it. I personaly like Spore but then again i have a better grasp of the social mechanics than Ben seems to. I played an herbivore race that tore the shit out of the other races in the creature stage, lulled them into musical complacency in the tribal stage, and finished with a big heaping helping of aerial bombardments and ICBM launches. Which is far from the way he paints herbivores.

Now i would have liked more in the first few stages and less gameplay piled up in the Space stage, which is also the point the games gets bogged down and tries its best to stop you from expanding beyond a few planets.

The9mm:

it doesn't have to be unbiased
it just has to be on point
big difference

Erm. His review has to be what ever he would want it to be. That's what it would have to be.

I made the unfortunate choice of watching this video in my college's computer lab. By the time little Batman showed up the entire place was looking at me, the crazy girl rolling on the floor.

As always Yahtzee, hilarious.

Yes! I had a feeling you would be doing Spore. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking because of all the wank over the game with it's securom and such. This just wraps it all up for me nicely because no one has really wanked about the game itself that I have seen. Though the fact it has Securom is enough to turn me off of it.

Enjoy your work, you always manage to make me laugh.

i did not think that game was that bad.... but o well ALWAYS FUNNY

I'm playing through Spore right now and while it's pretty simplistic, the creature creation is still fun and it still manages to be satisfying. It's a game that will please a great deal of people and Yahtzee is not at all among them, just like Brawl.

Also, 16 seconds of no is too long for me. Could he not come up with enough material?

As far as expectations go, though, I think I have to agree with Yahtzee. Did anybody watch Spore's original revealing at GDC 2006? It was definitely a different beast back then, more substance, less charm. That's the game the gamers waited for, while during development the game seems to have turned around and become more for casuals.

The Sound Defense:
I'm playing through Spore right now and while it's pretty simplistic, the creature creation is still fun and it still manages to be satisfying. It's a game that will please a great deal of people and Yahtzee is not at all among them, just like Brawl.

Also, 16 seconds of no is too long for me. Could he not come up with enough material?

That's right SD. You show well grounded independent thought who's boss. Remember, it's not if the game is good or bad. It's if it's popular. Baa.

Your my favourite man on the planet at this time.
Are you in need of a snivelling, hetreo, life-partner sycophant?

EDIT: I mean Mr Yaht. And I'm quitely worried about his review on Fable II, lest it ruin the game for me.

Bite me Rag. Yahtzee is not the ultimate standard regarding a game's quality. I have every right to disagree with his opinion and offer my two bits. I said that Spore pleased me, so what I say is based on my open opinion, what the hell do you want?

Yahtzee forgot the funny this week. His Too Human review was classic, but a week later he extends out a "No" for the finale? Actually, I'm really surprised he didn't mention the DRM, as in "..if you're going to make something incredibly good that becomes frighteningly popular, MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T TURN YOUR FANS' COMPUTERS INTO INEFFICIENT REMOTE CONTROL SLAVES."

Nerdfury:
The thing that shits me off about people here is that no one ever really seems smart enough to accept something for what it is, and instead applies disappointment for it not being what you wanted. Assassin's Creed was the most prevalent game to suffer this petty inanity recently. You all put it on this giant pedestal of the purest shimmering samite and chased silver so when it didn't meet your lofty expectations you suddenly get all butthurt and claim it was crap.

The same goes for Spore. You're all here bitching about how much of a letdown it was, but whose fault is that? Will Wright's fault for not making it as good as you wanted? No, it's YOUR fault for having impossible expectations and then whinging because it's not everything you assumed it would be.

Hype hype hype. If this game wasn't hyped, it wouldn't be hated. Simple as that. But we had to hear for MONTHS and MONTHS that this game was going to change the way we thought about gaming, it was the second coming, yadda yadda. This is a problem Spore brought on itself. That's why I have no sympathy.

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