Unforgotten Realms: Episode 13: SS Paladon

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Episode 13: SS Paladon

The stunning cliffhanger continues with the new season of Unforgotten Realms!

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Hello UR Faithful!

Since this video is the season two premiere of Unforgotten Realms and UR is based loosely on table-top gaming, I thought we should have a contest. I want to know your best D&D stories. No, this does not mean I want you to DM a game. I want to know your favorite, funniest and most horrid stories from your D&D experiences. The Escapist staff will pick the 3 best stories and grant those people some NEW UR swag that we have coming out soon. The contest will go until November 27th and winners will be announced on November 28th.

It's easy; it's fun...so get to it!

EDIT: Post your story right into this thread.

omg omg omg omg o my effing!!! god!! this is so awesome!!! im glad this is back and better than ever!! thank you Rob!

Welcome back, UR! And wow, things are really kicking off, huh? Schmoopy has a new costume...? Ohoho, I can't wait to see how he develops, Eluamous also.

And Spinwhiz, I'd love to respond, but I've never actually played a tabletop RP game. Sorry!

As Q-bert would say - #($&%!

wow that was cool i like the intro and the assassin creed look

Finally you're back. :) Great episode.

Bets on Sir Schmoopy shotgunning the potion as soon as he gets it?

And Spinwhiz, I have a whole host of stories...will dig out the best soon.

LOL, Tor Anroc!!! Nice, am going to level up some of my T2 characters to T3 in WAR to play Tor Anroc again lol.

Well, since this is the last day for the contest, I figure I shoudl enter XD

Alright. I'm DMing a game of Pathfinder. if you've not heard about it, it's a game that sort of continues D&D 3.5e, instead of re imagining everything into 4e
but anyway

My party...
Groshurgak, the half orc cleric
Coye Bane, the Gnome Sorcerer
Jern Strand, the human monk
Thorif Orchater, the pissed off dwarf... ranger
and Cap'n Dread, the human fighter [pirate]
had found a lost young girl named Jeva, who the half-orc had taken under-wing even though there was speculation that she was a werewolf

They were a great deal into the dungeon when they encountered a group of kobold warriors attacking a young girl, so naturally, they assisted -- defeating the kobolds easily. Proceeding further, the party split in 2. Groshurgak and Jeva walking into what looked like a crypt, and the rest of the party into what most certainly was a butcher room. While jern and te rest of the group dealt with 4 ghouls, Groshurgak had a very carnival game-esque time dispatching skeletons. One hit one kill, with his warhammer -- the rest of the party on the other hand almost died. Jern got paralyzed by one of their bites, and the pirate pretty much used him as a meat shield while he fought off the others.

though the best part came when they reached the elevator room- and were attacked by 5 more kobolds... Kobolds are never particularly dangerous, and the pirate decided to use some showoffy flair while killing one. He tried to jump onto the bar across the pit - which was round, and had a slippery chain wrapped around it - and ended up slipping and falling into the well. Jern, apparently feeling a bit more confident, decided to try the same stunt, but fell in all the same. Both of them tumbled down the well into a cauldron being held up by the chain. it lurched down with their impact, but seemed to hold.

Captain dread stared in awe at the bottom of the cauldron, however, dropping his torch off the side as he saw that his trusty wine bottle had smashed. Without alcohol, he was in a state of shock, even while Jern climbed to safety, and attempted to help him out.
The chain finally gave way, and sent him falling to the bottom. the cauldron smashed, and left him laid out in a shallow pit.

Kobolds riding large slimy toad-like creatures known as Slurks were poised to attack. Their first move? Trample him with their slick slimy bellies. As if this weren't bad enough, the other one (as one of my players described it) Splooged this thick sticky slime all over him, so he couldn't move much.

Hearing their party member in danger, the rest of them (Leaving a critically wounded and poisoned Coye alone with Jeva) slide down the chain to help him. this plan goes down the drain, however, when Groshurgak ends up landing on the Pirate. He was already quite wounded, and the impact didn't help matters... but then the poison kicked in, and he fell unconcious. it's a shame the cleric didn't notice. he could've helped - but he finally succumbed to his wounds... lying in a puddle of toad spooge.

To make matters WORSE, once they finally DO clear out the room below, they hear a bloodcurdling scream from the top of the shaft!

that's my D&D story :3

poor gnome x3

To clear up a couple questions, post your stories right into this thread. It should be fun to read them all!

Background : I's D&D Game. Aeron is a Elf MU/Thief with hideous dexterity(21), a lazy attitude and a rat familiar.

I : O.k., anyone want to do anything before we leave?
M : Just one, any jewellery merchants nearby?
I : Uhm yeah, there's one across the river.
M : Ok, I nip in. Anyone else in there?
I : Just the shopkeeper, looking rather bored.
M : O.K. (Adopts Aeron's Voice) Evening Sir! Rat Inspector."
I : (Adopts Shopkeepers Voice) I'm sorry?
A : Rat inspector sir. I'm here to check for rats.
S : Uhm, this is a jewellery merchants, sir.
A : I know that sir, and I have to check for rats.
S : We don't have any rats in here.... this is a jewellers.
A: Are you sure sir? (flashes parchment) Would you mind if I take a look?
S : Yes I would. Get out!!
A : Attempting to block an officer of the.....state are we sir?
S : No, I'm just trying to get rid of a fool.
A : (desperation kicks in) Look, there's a rat there!
S : What? The one on your shoulder?
A : Precisely sir, this warns me of rats and can sniff them out.
S : Look are you going to buy something or do I have to call the guards?
A : I wouldn't call the guards sir. They might find out you have less rats than are prescribed by Law.
S: WHAT???
A : Well sir, only high rent establishments can have no rats. You'd be putting yourself out of business. Perhaps I could sneak some rats in for you?
S : [Descends into rather unmerchantlike language]

You can post until the 27th btw...sorry about the confusion! :)

i wonder how Schmoopy gets out of this one

I'm so happy, Unforgotten realms is back

Yay for the realms!

oh x3 it was unclear [will have even better stories by then >:3]

We will also take stories from other tabletop games. Regardless of game, the stories themselves are usually MOSTLY interchangeable :)

does magic count

it's a card game, but I have some great stories

Hoorah for Unforgotten Realms! YouTube will wake up soon. They did for Yahtzee, they will if they love you as much as we do, Rob.

Eh, the only tabletop games I played were Warhammer (and 40k) and no great story comes to mind. I never collected quite enough to hold serious battles, only skirmishes with my friends.

WOW i didn't even realize that it was the 20th today. I was home sick because of a bad headach and after 4 hours of napping i went to go watch Zero Puntuation and after i watched it i noticed the UR episode and i was gleeming with joy. The episode was a good opener with it showing the rest of the battle. The whole dwarf-Kobold war was like a 4-5 min joke but was funny. Now i have to wait another 2 weeks for the 2nd episode, WTF is up with that, i'll live though. ^_^

ive been waiting for this episode for a while. its no mystery the cobalts attacked cause they are jerks

Well done! Love the new intro!

All hail the glorious mastermind that is Robert Moran! This episode is epic, and I love the new intro, dont think this seires could ever go downhill, keep up the good work!

I liked the old theme video (Is that what you call it?) better. Just throwing it out there.

Hoorah, well back Rob!

Nice opener and looking forward to more ;)

As for this competition, can I just make one up or does it have to be real D&D?

Hmm, not D&D but this is probably one of the funnier scenes from our old Cyberpunk games:

Arch0n - DM

Landslide - Our driver, better in combat (including shooting) when behind the wheel of anything. The running joke being he'd be more useful in a fight stat-wise if he had a motorized unicycle to follow us around on.

Me - Bodyguard (Solo), high perception, etc. And while I may be a bodyguard, it's for paid clients, not necessarily as a meat shield for the team.


During a pitched battle on a country road on the way to another destination. Landslide is in the car, most other people are outside or around it, fighting.

Me: I hop in the car. (To Landslide) 'Let's go, man, pick up the team and ditch these guys!'

Arch0n: Roll perception. (Landslide and I pass the roll)

Arch0n: You see what appears to be a sniper off in the trees. He's drawing a bead on the car.

Landslide: ...

Landslide: I jump over Kross, out the passenger side of the car. Putting the car between myself and the sniper.


Landslide: Bullets and I have had disagreements in the past, it's best if we don't meet.

Me: Uhh... *checks driving skill* I hop over into the driver's seat and punch it.


Me: *Vroooooom* *Yelling over my shoulder* 'How's your dodge roll now? I bet it would have been better if you were DRIVING THE DAMN CAR!'

And for some reason he was angry with ME over not sitting there and being his bullet sponge.

does magic count

it's a card game, but I have some great stories

Nope, can't really do MTG. While a good game, it's not really a tabletop RPG. BUT, feel free to share you story regardless! And if you roleplay DURING the MTG game, well that is well worth the story anyways isn't it? :)

No, you should have jumped out of the car too, tardhat.

Not nearly as funny as the time I botched several drive rolls in a row (incredibly unlikely). I ended up backing over a human package we were trying to extricate from a hostile area. Then I drove forward over him accidentally, killing him.

Hoorah, well back Rob!

Nice opener and looking forward to more ;)

As for this competition, can I just make one up or does it have to be real D&D?

It should be a real past tabletop situation. I guess it could be a current situation as well...but that would just be strange.

I really missed you UR!

Not one postcard I had off you!...


The best show on the escapist, without a doubt! Amazing episode, what will happen next! The agony!!!!

The season break felt like an eternity but I managed to survive without devouring my arm (well all of my arm).

Hmmm...... Warhammer 40K... [apologies for not knowing the names of units, I have only played once or twice] Bear in mind that the voices are not as pompous on the internet as they were in real life

I had just deployed my 'militia' of borrowed Space Marines on the dining room table. I stared down the Tyranid 'commander' as he placed his first wave on the map.
"War....War is hell." I spoke softly.
"For you maybe" came the reply "For me it's fun."
"We'll see old friend, We'll see"

My First cohort of Space marines charged across the field and due to my noobishness they died almost instantly. I was left with 10 Space marines. All armed with heavy bolters. This was going to be tough. 'Delta' squad blitzed across the field destroying tyranid after tyranid but I knew that it would be over soon.

"Do you wish to give up?" The question hung in the air as I pondered my next move
"Suck my ****" I replied and rolled 2D6. I destroyed the Tyranid waiting to ambush me.

The next 5 minutes was a stalemate so I decided to mess around. I picked up my 'Trebuchet' I had made earlier out of popsicle sticks and flung some dead marines with tomato sauce on them at the Tyranids on the far side of the map.

"What the hell are you doing?"
"Biological Warfare..."
"What the fuck?"
"I have put a secret Tyranid killing disease in my Space marines. You lose all those units."
"No I dont. It's not in the rules."
"Yes it is.."
"no it isn't."
"Go check the rules"

My friend wandered off to get his Space Marines codex. it was going to take him a while so i pulled out a pot of pink washable paint and started painting. He came back 15 minutes later and discovered that his Carnifex was a little Kinky and his Necrons were gay. I had painted a Tutu on his Carnifex and dumped half his necrons in the pot of pink paint and fished them out with a fork.

needless to say a gigantic pillow fight ensued.

I guess it's a you had to be there moment. he is extremely competetive and does not like peole doing anything untoward with his 40K models. I found out that they are his 'babies'

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABIES????" he was a little fruity...He jumped on me and started hitting me over the head with a pillow. I shrugged him off and dumped the soiled pieces in a sink and washed the paint off.

"There... Good as new."
"Your bein the Tyranids next time you bastard"

YES! I am so happy unforgotten realms is back! It felt like forever since the last episode! Love the new opening credits and the last part about Youtube that was hilarious!


Hoorah, well back Rob!

Nice opener and looking forward to more ;)

As for this competition, can I just make one up or does it have to be real D&D?

It should be a real past tabletop situation. I guess it could be a current situation as well...but that would just be strange.

I know I just typed one out but Could I do a Munchkin Scenario as well. I play that mroe often. It is a Role Playing Card game. Well at least the way we play it.

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