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Anonymous Source  Posts: 7 Joined: 5 Mar 2008     | |
Beat Writer  Posts: 138 Joined: 17 Sep 2008     | If other RPG's are allowed then I have a story, of my first (and so far only) game of Paranoia. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 4095 Joined: 6 Sep 2008     | My first and only PNP experiance was in highschool with a group of 'kinda' freinds. We were all playing evil monsterous PC's- I was a Gnoll Fighter, another was a Kobold Rogue, and another a Catling bard. The Kobold Rogue, whose name I forget, purchased as his starting gear a large leather sack full of cats. Every so often he would pull one out of his sack, snap it's neck, and eat one (having to roll dex so as not to fumble the cat). About the second or third meeting in we were charged with assaulting an encampment of Paladins dedicated to Bahamut. It promised to be a hard, nigh impossible fight and the DM expected us to sneak in at night and kill the paladins unawares. Instead, the Kobold dowsed his sack in lantern oil, lit it on fire, and threw it at the camp. The cats (now on fire)scattered, setting the tents and the field grass on fire and consuming the inteir camp in a firestorm. This was also my last session with them, as the DM didn't really like me and when I faced off with the paladin leader he summoned an aspect of Bahamut which lifted me high into the air and then dropped me. He then grabbed a fist full of die to roll damage. I Survived. He killed me off anyway and i've played NWN ever since. Hey, I wasn't doing it in fullplate. |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 2 Joined: 21 Nov 2008   | Cant Wait For The Next Episode, i wish you would make this into a real table top game, sell it, you could make money, you already have a pretty big fan base, and all you would have to do is try not to infringe copyright laws, pesky, pesky copyright laws |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 3 Joined: 21 Nov 2008 | I WILL TRY AND MAKE THIS AN INTERESTING READ BUT I PROMISE DIDDLY SQUAT. APART FROM CHANGE AND PULLING TROOPS OUT OF IRAQ AND PLACING THEM IN AFGHANISTAN. I got roped into a game of D&D once when unexpectently calling in at a friend's house. I was bored and red bull was provided free of charge so I figured it was worth it. I dont question my friend's choice in friends but when there was a guy there who at all times carried a portable lightsaber and just sat by himself making zing noises I retracted that rule and questioned. Anyway, my geekness is in videogames and all things GW (Inquisitor is a must for any D&D people who like Games Workshop things also). Suffice to say, I didn't have a monkeys of what you were meant to do in the realm of Gary Gygax (hence refered to as G&G). I picked a dwarf, as with a beard who was going to argue? That's right, no one. This is according to the rule that if it's a fantasy setting and you have a beard you kick ass. Period. (ref. see Gandalf, any martial arts film ever, Sir Schmoopy, the U.S senate *1). That's right *ed - plural, dogs of female persuasion*. Mundane slightly humorous things procceded to happen and I had all that usual bafflement of not knowing what was going that's typical from when a new person plays a complex game. I was getting into the swing of things (and topping up on free drink and food nicely) till it came to climbing a tall rung ladder built into the wall. I was the penulitmate one to start climbing, and midway up the last person still on the ground lightsaberlot the elf (who I'd pissed off MAJORLY by this point) decided he'd had enough of me and tried to kill me off without any of the ingame characters noticing by shooting me with a bow from below. He missed but the DM said that I had to make a dexterity roll to avoid falling off the ladder from [the shock of/dodging] the shot. I screwed up the roll and was about to plummet to my midget doom when an idea struck me. "If I roll a 20 can we say the arrow missed me as I turned aside but pinned my beard to the wall?". Beards rule. FACT. It also meant I could use use both hands to throw my oil down and a match and burn the elf. I had to cut my beard off though to escape and carry on climbing, so in penance I lowered my strength, intelligence, charm and lowered my base fortitude save. Ok this was pretty dull compared to the other peoples' tales here but it comes with a morale that I made sure that kid never forgot *2. *1) No beards. This is because if a beard was allowed into the senate or the E.U it would kick so much ass it'd just win the leadership unopposed. |
Copy Clerk Posts: 79 Joined: 10 Nov 2007  | A two short ones: 2nd Edition DnD The party involves all first level characters. So the party gets jumped by bandits in the woods. They keep cover behind the underbrush and fire bows, crossbows, and one mage flings magic missiles... specifically at me. A few of them go melee against us to keep us cornered. Whilst trying to fight off a bandit one on one the human fighter (me) keeps on getting pelted with a magic missile every turn. Luckily, the fighter has a Con of 18, giving a +4 HP bonus and max HP at first level for 14 HP total. During the first part of the fight this is what the human fighter ends up having to take. I'm saved by low damage rolls and the cleric who heals me up a bit. Of course my char isn't too happy about the damn mage hiding in the woods pelting him with magic missiles. In game and in real life, "If I get hit by one more magic missile-" The fighter leaves the group and charges towards the direction of the magic missile source. In one move, he jumps into the woods and brings down the great sword onto anything in the way. Next turn, he gets pelted with another magic missile point blank from the mage. Next turn. I'm getting low on health and seemingly can't hit with the damn sword. I only get one attack late in the round with it... unless... I make use of my martial arts skill which allows me two attacks each turn with one happening early in the round. The mage gets knocked out with the blow. During this whole spectacle the party has eliminated the other bandits and goes to check on their eccentric (and pyromaniac) fighter. Fighter: "I got one." The bandit mage was suppose to be a throw away NPC. His whole purpose was to get our mage a decent wand to use. The DM now has to not only give this NPC a name, personality, history, but also a great fear of molestation and torment by the fighter. The fighter (I) was not happy at all by the mage. The fighter proceeds to tie him up and sit on his chest, waiting for him to wake... so the first thing he'd see is the fighter that survived 5 magic missiles blasts staring back at him. While the ranger forbids the "enhanced interrogation methods" I was suggesting, I decided I could always get into this guy's head... by excessively manhandling him and spouting off one-liners: "You got a purty mouth boy." "You ever been with a REAL man." "Oh yeah, small and dainty... the way I like 'em." Eventually we did let him go... after raiding his camp and taking everything of value, including his spellbook. Now, we have the added running gag of meeting him in town and watching him tearing off running the opposite direction at the sight the fighter. Another encounter with the same group: After exploring the area and the only exit containing at least one centipede that assaulted the dwarf. The fighter has a plan. Being the tallest and obviously the most off in the head, he was going to try to climb up the hole the party had come through and reattach the rope. The hole is a good distance above normal jumping, but the fighter has a plan. Stripping anything that could weigh him down only carrying the cut rope, lodging his great sword in the rocks in such a way to make a ramp/springboard, and having the spell feather fall cast upon him... he sprung forth in a feat of rare acrobatics to grab onto the edge of the hole in ceiling where the group had come in at. Chimney crawling and shimming up the hole, I finally get to the top and ask the DM... Fighter (me): "What do I see?" Did I mention I'm the only human in the group? And the only one that can't see in the dark? |
Paperboy  Posts: 48 Joined: 10 Jul 2008    | I only played a D&D-ish game once but here was the most memorable part. I was probly the only person there that wasn't taking the game serisouly. I had already tricked a guard into thinking I had a golden spatula with my stack charisma stat. Anyways this all occurred after I left town. DM: You are walking through the woods. The scent of spring rushes into your nose. This relaxing smell is quickly forgotten as you hear growling. You are attacked by a brown bear. Later I found a use for the bear which I set into play when one of the players went to the bathroom. DM: Ok you are in a cave. Dave you are about 15 yards behind the group. It mauled him to death and we just left him there. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1221 Joined: 19 Mar 2008   | The previous series had been getting a bit meh but this episode was just pure awesomeness and it didn't even have schmoopy in! |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 2 Joined: 21 Nov 2008 | Unforgotten Realms is just getting better and better, keep up the good work. For the contest: (DnD 3.5) Starting Party: The party was travelling trough the woods when they got attacked by goblins. Well the battle was quite usual at first. But they ended up in a situation where Juho was attacking a goblin and the attack roll was a massive 1. Well i decided the epic fail to really be one. He swung so frecklesly that he just ended up throwing it in the air. The goblin knocked him down and soon the axe fell on him, separating his right thumb. Well the thumb wasn't completly off, just mostly. But Juho decided to rip it off and play 'pull my finger'. Jonez as a paladin could've healed him- but Juho refused and ate the thumb. This caused some serious minuses into future rolls... They were in the mountains when they got ambushed by a army of gnolls from behind. They of course made a run for it. Except for Juho's character who just picked up some wood, set up a campfire and started grilling sausage. They were then safed by Nico's character making his appereance. He was playing a gnome wizzard as always. He exploded the small mountain path separating the gnolls from the party. Well the adventure continued and they ended up in a tomb deep underground. Well, i decided to take it to the extreme and placed the deck of many things in the game. Well the party didn't wanna use an unidentified deck of cards with clear mischief upon it. (they tooj it with them in the end though.) They also found a coffin, with a corpse inside. Well bright ideas were of course born. Topi wanted to take the corpse away and go to the coffin himself. And Juho wanted to make a club out of the bones. Well the dead man was not pleased with these insults and came back from the dead. He casted the entire party into the depths of the abyss. Well there they were, trapped in the abyss. At this point they decided to chck out the deck of cards. It became the only way out. Topi decided to pull...10 cards. wich lead to many things, i remember that he got the services of a 4th level fighter but was then trapped in a prison, his posessions were removed, he gained the ownership of a fort, he took some permanent drains and minuses. And soon he got wishes. He wished himself back to the world, he also wished for his gear back- and 20 4th level fighters to fight for him... fue more cards followed, cant really remember what they were. Then Jonez lifted some cards- he got out of the abyss, gained a magic sword, got some roll minuses and other crap. Then, was Juho's turn- by this time Topi had been ranting about his fort making everyone pissed off. Juho got lots of usual cards, and then- the wish card. He pointed at Topi "I want his fort!". And so it happened. He also wished for 500 million gold, a packet of poison sausage, curses laid on him off and freedom from the abyss. In the morning we realized a very sad thing. Topi's Fighter was still in the abyss. :( |
Anonymous Source Posts: 1 Joined: 21 Nov 2008 | First of all, the episodes are always great and we need the Urealms peeps to get even more people to watch. Story time... During 2nd edition RPGA event for DnD. We were playing a mod called "The Deluge". We get to the last fight inside a water fall cave that is open on both sides. Dont ask. We have a party filled with characters that were just thrown together with no synergy what so ever. The only magic we have left is a wand of Lightning bolt. Everyone decides we should let the Bard try and use it. I made my roll and killed the mighty Deluge but also killed the whole party. Lighting+water= a whole alot more lightning. After that everyone starts argueing even though it was agreed this was the way to go. In the end I ended up with a black eye from a fist fight that broke out over DnD. |
Paperboy  Posts: 33 Joined: 3 Oct 2008     | Very awesome start to the new season Rob! I love Rob's new look, can't wait to see more of it. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1685 Joined: 13 Jul 2008    | The S.S. Paladon is one grand ol' ship. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 1 Joined: 21 Nov 2008 | We once had in our D&D party: So we're going through the dungeon, we find a pit. It has the fresh body of an elf in it. We continue through the dungeon. We find a gargoyle, but the thing is, we have no one to cast offensive spells at the gargoyle. So we end up making a deal. We feed the gargoyle, it lets us pass. But, it keeps the Halfling as a down payment, which we'll get back if we feed it. So we go get the dead elf's body and give it to the gargoyle. It says it wants fresh meat. Not wanting to sacrifice anybody, we decide to do something incredibly dim-witted, hypnotize it. So, using the Halfling it was holding by the head as a pendulum, we hypnotize it into thinking that it's in a great big field, the sun is shining, and that it should just stretch out it's wings and fly upwards as fast as possible. We're in an underground dungeon. It smashes it's head on the ceiling, giving it a concussion and it DROPS THE HALFLING. The Halfling nearly falls to his doom, but the Monk catches him. In another dungeon we're fighting a big lizard thing, can't remember it's name, but I know it's not a Kobold. The Halfling throws a flask of oil and a torch at it. It burns to death. In yet another dungeon where the Monk had died and the player had rerolled a necromancer, we came face to face with a dragon. It spit fire at us. Me and another of my friends, who was playing a psychic warrior, dodged part of the flame and survived. The Paladin, the Halfling, and the Necromancer all got the full blast. The Halfling and Necromancer died. THE PALADIN FREAKING SURVIVED! We ran off to get healed by an NPC priest in the dungeon, and the three of us remaining finally killed it. It was small for a dragon. Good times. |
Time Lord  Posts: 9760 Joined: 13 Feb 2008     | It's a pity that this is only D&D, I could run quite a few from other games. Back in my Halcyon games; I was running a game for my Brother, who was playing a level 26th ranger with 18/00 Strength and 18 in all his other stats. Anyway, I stick a Demi-Lich waiting in his 20x20 foot chamber (Yeh, I was a newb as well). So he dips into his bag of holding where he keeps his tribe of goblins for trap detection. (Throw goblin, if it screams, there's a trap) The Demi-Lich throws open the door and screams. They win initative. Lightning Bolt, Fireball, Cone of Cold and Dispel Evil slam into it. I roll a lot of dice and work out it's died...25,000 more xp to the party, but then I remember the Demi-Lich's magical items and have an idea... Roll against Magical Fire for the Scrolls, *poof* hehehehe The Rangers +3 sword freezes in mid air...And can only be released by the command word...which was only known by the Demi-Lich... As usual, I then run from the room. |
Time Lord Posts: 9760 Joined: 13 Feb 2008 | Best start to a game ever (I may have mentioned this before) The Party enter a tavern. The music goes silent. All the locals look around and go back to their drinks. A buxom bar maid asks them what they're drinking whilst a hooded figure in the corner of the bar looks their way. They start to walk over towards him when I ask them to roll for initiative. They all get quite high and dive to oneside as a huge Spelljammer ship rips through the pub, slaughtering everyone in the bar. The level 1 characters follow the massive destruction until two Illithids crawl out of the ship, dripping ichor. The party look horrified at me but wade in. The mortally damaged (4hp left) Illithid's go down and they find out that they now have a stolen gnomish ship...and off they go. |
Copy Clerk Posts: 79 Joined: 10 Nov 2007 | In another campaign... Last post I swear! 3.5 DnD. I'm playing a Figher/Rogue/Ghostwalker. Drow are launching an assault on the city and it's pure chaos. The party is trying to escape from the city before anyone too powerful takes an interest in them. It looks like the coast is clear, until a young vampire appears. We try fighting it normally and are not exactly hurting it quickly enough. So I get a random idea... and the creation of a soon to be horribly abused tactic for the rest of the campaign. The ghostwalker class has some innate abilities given to it... Ethereal Jaunt and Shadow Walk. The combination can be VERY USEFUL and they are super-natural abilities... REALLY USEFUL. So my turn comes to me... *POOF* I disappear. The party and vampire are a bit confused by this, especially the vampire. I reappear behind the vampire, toss my cloak into air to create a shadowy area, and grab hold of the vampire. After some rule speculation and calculation... I roll and the DM rolls for the vampire. The vampire natural 1's his will save. The "Shadow Drag" is born. The cloak drops to the ground in front of the party, sans vampire and me. The interesting part of the Shadow Walk spell is that "passengers" must stay in contact with the spell caster... else they get the choice of dropping randomly in either the originating material plane... or the "Plane of Shadow". Guess which one the vampire is currently residing as his mist form in? I tumble back into the material plane around the party. Another time the shadow drag was used from the other side. I peer out from my tent to see what is going on, I know what I must do. A quick few steps of preparation and a shadow walk from the inside of the tent. The target, the dwarf. Using calculations, we determined that someone shadow walking at my level can move about 60mph in relation to the material realm. Not too shabby, well enough to catch up with duder. So I make a dive from the shadow realm into the material. The funny thing about the transition from the border between the material and shadow realms... is that you never can really anticipate where exactly you'll end up. I was hoping to take advantage of the shadow he cast from his backside being towards the moonlight and lunge at him. I ended lunging at him from the shadow beneath his horse. So... I stand up, toss my cloak, and disappear again with a determined look on my face. I make it up to him again, this time I reach my hand out to test the waters first. I get lucky this time. This made for an interesting scene. Imagine being the dwarf, thinking you got away clean. Laughing at the poor saps behind and- HEY?! What's touching my NUTS?! The next thing you know, you feel someone latch onto your belt, get pulled painfully through your own shadow by your belt and somehow end up beneath your own horse tumbling in the sand. Only after stopping, you now have some creepy looking guy with his hand holding your pants next to you. Last one I swear... Sorry this guy was a true survivor and was imported into many campaigns. So he's had a lot moments. The party is fighting a bunch of mages gone nuts. The party is fending them off well enough... until two flying shadow creatures appear. So I get snatched up by one. I try to fight off the thing the best I can, but it's hard to fight something when you can't move. So after being crushed a few rounds, I have to do something. The other party members are too busy fighting the other shadow critter to help out. I pause. Me: "So this is a shadow creature, right?" I roll and it rolls. It fails it's roll against mine. It's coming with me. It only dawns on me that this really serves no great benefit to me, but I now have a chance of breaking away from it without falling to a crater inducing death. It has other plans, too. After a brief moment, I get a glimpse of the plane called "The Abyss" and the critter disappears. Luckily, I saved against getting taken along with a planar shift. Cool. Time to go back to the material realm. Remember that whole unpredictability about where I'd show up? Remember that other shadow creature? *POOF* The party had been tearing this thing a new one. Arrows, bolts, and magic had just about killed this thing. Then the sorceress fired a lone magic missile... The critter no longer flapped, it glided at a growing rate of decent. The party cheered, until the ranger spotted something on the leg of the falling beast... Me. I struggled to try some crazy and vain attempts to control the thing... *WHAM**CRASH* Thankfully, while the critter crashed, I Ethereal Jaunted and was able to slow my rate of decent enough in the ethereal realm to only take a mild tumble, but I was now really near death after all this. The critter crashed right in to the local "Motel 6". So, I opened the door, went down stairs, limped by the bartender, flipped him a gold coin, and just kept walking and cursing the whole way back to the group. Good times I tell yah. Unfortunately, the ghostwalker was banned from future campaigns... but he did outlast 5 separate campaigns worth of characters. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 1 Joined: 21 Nov 2008  | I played in middle school but stopped. When 4th edition came around I picked it up and formed a new group... Of psychotic fuckheads. The first thing they did was name their party "THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY PIMPS" and they were all chaotic or lawful evil. Except for their party leader who was a Lawful good Paladin. I tried to use a preset campaign I bought but they weren't having it. So I gave them a new objective... To find the golden hooker. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 1 Joined: 22 Nov 2008  | All right true story. Me and my friend were playing a two person game of dungeons and dragons where we each controlled a character (like in unforgotten realms). I was the DM so I guess that makes me Mike and my friend Rob. I was playing as a fighter and my friend was a rogue. Anyway, so after being saved from a couple owlbears by a mysterious bowman, my friend decides to try to knock out this mysterious bowman with a rock before he can escape again (the bowman had helped us out before and always ran away before we could reach him). So he threw the rock and sure enough he rolled a natural twenty and the bowman fell on his face unconscious. Turns out the bowman is actually a bowoman and elf because as we know there is no such thing in fantasy as a non elf bowman. So she wakes up and tries to escape again as we wanted to interrogate her. She starts off running again so my friend tried the same rock trick as did before, and sure enough another natural twenty. To grasp the full reality of the situation you should watch episode 3 of unforgotten realms again. He threw two rocks in a row (unfortunately not at the same time so its a little different than what rob did) that scored a natural twenty on a hit, in a two person DnD game. The similarities are uncanny. To finish the story we then tied her up so she couldn't get away this time and found out she just wanted some moon peaches, because elves love moon peaches, and then we let her go. We just wanted to know what she was all about after all was said and natural twentied. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 418 Joined: 22 Nov 2008   | OMG I LOVE UNFORGOTTEN REALMS About two years ago I had to babysit four of my cousins. Anyways I was baby sitting them at Lawrence/Camerons house were they happened to have a game cube. However the house went into partial black out which was kinda wierd. I tried fixing it but I'm not that kind of geek. Then we tried moving the game cube and the tv but we figured we'd get in trouble....and we were to lazy. So instead we decided to play a board game however they were all kinda stupid and boring so we decided to create our own little version of dungeons and dragons. Luckily for us the two little boys had possessed many lego pieces to make the scenery with and many little anime toys to use. (I liked the bleach ones most). Cameron went with the beserker type hero (a gundam with a beam saber and an axe) We only had a six sided die with us and a coin to determine things sooo we decided to make our own dices using lego. After much wasted marker ink and ruined lego blocks WE HAD FINNALY ran out of pen........ Yeah we failed. anyhow we decided to have three stats. str agi and int. After many encounters a boss was met. Me being youngs and stupid decided to make my self the boss calling the boss a giant. So yeah the giant was I dont know 200 times bigger than the heros (figurines well exept the bionicle which was slightly bigger) and well after I managed to kill off two of the heroes with not much hope left they decided to cheat. How? Eventually struggling and yelling the parents eventually came home to find the house a mess of loot, weapons, slayed monsters and lego pieces with permenant marker on them. For some reason they were completly okay with that. I was driven home and as I went inside my house I had one last thought. That was painful.... and fun |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 1 Joined: 22 Nov 2008     | will warhammer 40k be ok it is tabletop and kind of a rip off of DnD |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 5 Joined: 30 Sep 2008  | So Schoompy going to have a new class this season? |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 379 Joined: 26 Aug 2008  | "BY FIRE BE BURNED" |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 5 Joined: 22 Nov 2008  | i was playing d and d as blackout nightshadow when suddenly my charecter dies of cancer and then my friends loot my body and leave me there |
Muckraker  Posts: 349 Joined: 22 Mar 2008    | So awesome! |
Time Lord Posts: 9760 Joined: 13 Feb 2008 |
Two minutes? I had five team assassinations before the game even started. PARANOIA, Keep your Laser Handy. The Root of All Evil - Officially called "The most weaselly player he's ever met" by Greg Costikyan. :) |
Paperboy  Posts: 41 Joined: 21 Nov 2008  | allright, here goes: Bren= DM Bren: You enter a room, in the middle of the room there are 9 purple rocks. Do you go straight, right, or left? Cliffhanger :D I have a question, can we submit more than one story? Because I have a lot of stories to share. |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 1 Joined: 22 Nov 2008 | @spinwhiz: i never really got to play D&D much and only got one story that i thought was funny i was mobbed by a ton of monsters (maybe koboooooooolds) and all i had was my medusa so i ran to the corner of the dungeon and cast stonegaze and although i won the encounter i was stuck forever...goodtimes idk ~_~ |
Paperboy  Posts: 18 Joined: 17 Sep 2008 | That was an awesome episode. Though I liked it better the second time I watched it. Might have been I was too worried about some work I had to do to enjoy it. Keep up the good work, Rob. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1183 Joined: 2 Oct 2008   | That was absolutely histarical...specially when Roman was telling the story... KOBOLD!!! |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 400 Joined: 7 Apr 2008 | Lol i literally laughed out loud at roamin's story XD and at the end of it everyone was staring at him with their mouths open as if considering how retarded he could get |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 10 Joined: 23 Nov 2008  | Haha, it's come to this. I've joined. Episode is great, love the new theme song, not sure what I did with myself before this episode. And now, a quick D&D story. I was playing with a few friends one night, and we were currently walking around in a dungeon. The DM started his narration. "You walk down the dark hallway. The walls are green, and the torch light doesn't reach as far as you think it ought to. You come across a sign that says, 'Monster of Unbelievable Strength, Right Ahead'. Do you keep going?" "Yeah," everyone says. "Same walking order." "You keep walking down the hallway, and the passage starts to open up a little until you can see a large room ahead of you..." "WHUMP!!" Everyone jumped as something very large collided with the window behind us. We turned around slowly and saw a bird fluttering away, and a large, chunky, greenish-brownish splat on the glass. That window knocked the shit out of him. |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 7 Joined: 24 Nov 2008   | loving the series. ok great d&d moments: 1, the very "responsable" bard in our group decided to give some alcohol to a kid in a tavern, the kid then proceeded to go mental and leave us with a 600gold debt with the innkeeper. 2, another quest we had to try and clear our names after being accused of murdering a prince. along the journy we found a shrine of ressurection the DM had put in as we had no healer and were in a very difficult dungeon. unfortunaly for him the wizard(complete with monical) in our group suggested we use it to ressurect the prince. bosh! quest over lol aside from that most of the really funny stuf is like: warrior: dont worry guys i Can take them... #rolls a 1# bugger! or the constant ripping my m8 gets for playing a female character |
Paperboy  Posts: 33 Joined: 11 Sep 2008    | You know that all three of those dwarf/kobold stories is going to turn out to be true in some aspect or another. ^_^ |
Paperboy  Posts: 12 Joined: 29 Oct 2008  | My Story: A few years back, My brother (James), a friend of ours (Johnny), and me (Chewy) were playing D&D 3.5... well, kind of. Johnny was always the DM and liked to "tinker" with the rules a bit to make the games more interesting. To be honest, he was always very fair, making actual rolls in situations where the outcome wouldn't affect the story. Anyway, bearing this in mind, one of Johnny's house rules was "critical misses". A critical miss worked much like a critical hit. On any roll of 1, not only does your character fail, but fails so much that something bad happens. These events occur even if a 1 gives you a roll high enough to succeed after adding all modifiers and bonuses. The character I was playing at this time was a halfling rogue by the name of Erik Thistlesnitch. James had a human barbarian, and Johnny was playing with us and presiding as DM. His character was a comically overconfident half-elven swashbuckler ("Duelist" was the official class title, if I remember correctly). The story was that we were on a quest to redeem a stolen spell book from a vampire who lived in an old tower. I'll make an already long story shorter and move on to the fight with the vampire himself. We enter the room on the top floor. The vampire sits at a desk lit by several candles that illuminate the far end of the room. We begin to think he may not have heard us enter, so I roll my move silently check (success) and begin to creep toward him. "And just what is it you're trying to accomplish, halfling?" the vampire mused aloud. I quickly backpedal to join my companions. "We're here for the book, as I'm sure you're aware", said Johnny's swashbuckler. "Surrender it and we will spare your life. Refuse, and you have the pleasure of facing me in armed combat!" James's barbarian nudged Johnny in the arm. "Oh... and my companions too." The vampire chuckled to himself. He rose from his seat, and without turning to face us, telekinetically activated a torch-switch near where we were standing. The sound of scraping metal eminated from the darkness behind us, followed by a low, threatening growl. "You'll not find the book here, you poor souls. Now, if you'll excuse me, I grow thirsty and must head into town. I'm sure my pets will enjoy your company." And with that, he dove through the window. Our party headed into the light near the desk across the room. Peering into the darkness, we could see two pairs of glowing red eyes slowly growing larger as the growls became more audible. To our horror, two hellhounds emerged from what must have been cages in the shadows. We prepared for the fight. Since James had the most HP and could deal a fair amount of damage with his greataxe, he faced one on his own, while Johnny and I focused on flanking the other to take advantage of my sneak attack damage. After a few good blows against the hellhound, Johnny became pretty enamored with himself. "I'm going to try a power attack, but with flair!" he informed me. "I'll jump off the wall, and the extra momentum will damage this dog enough to finish him!" Johnny rolls. 1. "Oh, dammit," I groaned. "Yikes," Johnny said, though he was clearly intrigued to see where this was going to go. "Okay, I'll roll a d4. 1 or 2, I still hit the hellhound. 3 or 4, I hit you. "Great. Roll." A 3. "Oh man" Johnny said, getting strangely excited. "Roll a reflex save." I roll. I roll a 1. "Oh for f*ck's sake." "Wow," Johnny said, already computing in his head. "Okay, here's how it'll go. I'm obviously going to hit you, but since I'm not aiming for you, I doubt it'll be life-threatening. I'll roll a d10. Only a 10 will cause a potentially fatal wound." Johnny rolls a 9. "Just barely" I sighed. "So what happens?" A smirk crosses Johnny's face. "Well, it's not going to kill you, or even injure you that bad. However, I was also rolling to see how severely this is going to affect you. A 9 is still up there. If it has been a 10, I would have dealt all of my power attack damage to you, and in the shape you're in, you'd be down. But since it's a 9... yeah, it's gonna be pretty bad. I have a few ideas." Johnny rolls some dice in private. "You lost your eye." "WHAT?" "Your eye. I stabbed you in the eye. The left one, to be specific." "Holy crap, Johnny!" He laughs. "So what does that mean for me, less chance to hit?" "Yep. Minus 4 to your attack roll. And you're paralyzed for the next round due to the shock." "Great." So on my next attack, I did the math and realized that it was now impossible for me to hit the hellhound. "Not impossible," Johnny said. "Just unlikely. You still automatically hit with a 20." This gave me an idea. "I wanna grapple him." "Uhhh... okay. Your strength isn't very high, but you've got as much chance to grapple the dog as you do to hit it, I suppose. Roll." Several rounds pass until finally I roll a 20. "That's critical," Johnny says. "How do you want to grapple him? He's a big dog." "I'm on his back with my hands around his throat." "Interesting. What now?" "Okay... what do I have to roll to use my kukri and scoop out this thing's eye?" Johnny laughs. "I knew you were up to something!" After giving it some thought, he looks up at me. "Normal attack roll." "Really?" I was shocked. "Yeah. I mean, you're missing an eye, which would normally hinder something like this, but you're right by his face, you've got him grappled, so he's essentially flat-footed, and depth perception really isn't a big deal. No penalties. Roll." I roll another 20. "YESS!" "Awesome!" Johnny says. I have Erik place the glowing eyeball into a pouch on his belt. So yeah, of course, after the battle, we head into town, and without even rolling Johnny allows there to be a healer who can perform the operation I was wanting. Erik now had a glowing hellhound eye. For the rest of his adventuring days, he gained darkvision - 20ft, and low-light vision - 40 ft. We basically cut the Hellhound's stats in half, since I only had one hellhound eye. However, since it glows, and I'm a rogue, it gave me a -2 penalty to hide. To remedy that, I crafted a black leather eyepatch, and would only uncover it in combat and to use the darkvision. Fun times. That's probably my favorite D&D story. Hope it wasn't too long to enjoy. |
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Best D&D adventure? Why, the infamous Pit Trap, of course!!
We were playing a game of D&D with the Oriental adventures module and had a few NPCs in the party (this is KEY). We had a Samurai (think warrior), Kensai (think ranger), a wujin (think sorcerer), a monk (think thief/acrobat), and two NPCs-- a Druid and a Ranger. Well, I'm playing the kensai, and my character is . . . involved with the NPC Druid-- and she's a FIRECRACKER! (Maybe I should mention that I'm female but was playing a male character-- and my DM was male and playing the female NPC . . . yeah, we're weird like that!) As we're heading through the dungeon, she keeps trying to "take point!" (A truly evil move by my DM) As she has, oh, about 7 hp next to my character's 15 . . . well, my response is to keep trying to outmaneuver her. To make matters worse, the samurai likes to be in front too so as to be able to "tank." So, the DM got a little tired of us fighting over who's gonna be in front.
As we raced up this narrow hallway to get to the dungeon's boss (a tantalizingly epic Dragon with tons of loot!) we were still bickering. In front was my Kensai, the Druid, and the Samurai. As we reach the end of the hallway and reach for the door, my DM looks up with a wicked grin.
"Alright, you three-- make a Dexterity check minus 10!"
We all paled and rolled. Predictably, we all failed.
"Ok," my DM intones. "the floor opens beneath your feet-- you tumble about 20 feet to the bottom of a pit! Druid and Kensai, roll 1 D4 for damage!"
"Hey, what about the samurai!?" I squeaked.
"You're only taking damage because he fell on you." the DM answered smugly.
So, we're in a pit trap. The first trick is to get the heck out. The monk, always resourceful, pulls a rope out of her pack and sets the wujin and the ranger NPC to help her pull out the samurai. Problem being-- the samurai was not only our tank . . . he was also our pack horse! The guy could carry so much he weighed something like 300 pounds. The DM determined that to get him out, each character would have to make 2 strength checks consecutively.
"You're enjoying this, you sick bastard . . ." I mumbled.
Monk made her checks, fine.
Ranger (via the DM) made his checks, fine.
Wujin made one check . . . then failed the second.
"Well, Wujin's grip slips-- make a Dexterity check-- oooh, Sorry Monk . .."
Well, the Monk failed her check, so into the pit with her! All four of us lay there for a moment, seething and calling the Wujin some very nasty names.
A few checks later and they managed to lever the monk of the pit and try again. They even managed to get the Samurai out the next try and the Druid was no problem after that-- only me left! Before leaving, however, I had my character look around for some way of deactivating the trap. The DM announced the presence of a lever which I quickly pulled.
"The trap shuts," My DM said simply.
"I open the door!" The Samurai announced.
*FACEPALM* Yeah, he did say that.
"No you don't--" DM said after a second of disbelief. "You fall back into the pit. Kensai, roll 1 d4 for damage."
"Ouch."
So, long story short, (too late!) we managed to pull the samurai out (AGAIN!) and my character as well. The Monk tied the rope around herself and around the samurai as an anchor then, after about three tries, managed to hop across the pit and open the door . . . which deactivated the trap and left us with only the Dragon to deal with.
So . . . that damn trap ate about an hour of our time, all told, but we never fought over who was going to take point again . . .
After all, the next pit would probably have had spikes!!
--Sailor Senmurv