Your family can't be that bad, can it?
I know the feeling. My current family (Yes, long story) Spends 90% of holiday get-togethers talking about who's died, who's dying, and who has what disease/deformity/injury/illness. Here I was thinking the holidays were a time to, you know, be happy, and yet I leave every gathering ready to go ask my doctor for anti-depressants.
Funny article at first, though I feel like it went on too long and got boring to read after a while.
My family survival kit consists of the all-encompassing M.A.D.P.
Mutually Assured Drunkenness Punch
It never fails to make us get over our irrational urge to fight about politics, relatives, and the vague desire to kill one another.
ROFL! The imagery in this article is inspiring. I must say, bouncing off of a turkey, landing in a pool of lazy cabbage rolls, and emerging with a 1UP mushroom would certainly make my family feast more entertaining.
Jeffries, you must be lucky enough not to have any beligerent drunks in your family. I know several people who would jump headlong into those same irrational urges after a few ounces of Christmas eggnog.
As unimaginative as it is, my favorite survival tool is a good excuse to miss out on the torture. Levelling your professions counts as having to work late, right?
My Father always had a huge issue with family gatherings, and as i grew so did i. So he showed me a golden technique, called the eternal beer run.
Claim the drinks are running low, whether this is truth or you've put them in a cupboard by the door, and make your great escape.
Two years ago we banned most my dad's side of the family from our server. It's been much more peaceful and had less interruptions as I indoctrinated the younger members of the extended family into the proper applications of violence. It's good to see someone who enjoys jokes about going on a batshit crazy murderous rampage as much as I do. Nobody seems to think it's funny at the dinner table. Then again most people at the dinner table don't know what a lancer is.
i might try to high hiding place one, but im not jumping till i see the puddings, because trifle makes more mess than turkey XD
actually, i am taking rock bands with my on christmas day, but its for me and the only cousin i get along with, when the rest of the family gets hold of it,im gonna hide somewhere upstairs with my DS >_<
this must be the best article i've read on the escapist. granted, i haven't read many, but this is definitely head and shoulders above the mediocrity that i feel otherwise plagues this entire place.
that being said, i've begun to omit family gatherings by "accidentally" jumping down to some hotel in some foreign country and claim it as a business trip. the problem is that they usually follow me there. oh well, at least there's a pool and floor heating.
I LOLd! No, seriously. I was reading the article through the haze of my own tears, violently shaking with laughter until my belly started to hurt. Amazing, funny and captures the hilarious side of the Holidays. I gotta agree with theking, this must be the best and funniest article I read on Escapist for a long time! Well done!
"I have a 8-foot halberd that creates lumpy, human-shaped doormats. Wanna see?" XD
As I said in the forum of the other article, I'm not really connected to my family IRL, but I'm connected to a bunch of other people I didn't even met in person. I'd rather spend my Holidays with them, instead of irritating family members, who don't understand my way of life at all. I rather want to get a present comprised of electrons and vertex-shaded polygons, than "yet another ugly sweater". I'd rather read emails from friends from the other side of the world, then silly, clichéd postcards from relatives who don't want to write me at all.
I want a Christmas that I can finally enjoy!
I agree, and utterly disagree with your hilarious, but serious details.
What's that? You're not one of those psychotically violent videogame vandals? Suit yourself. I was done in eight minutes and put up a YouTube video as proof of my score. But there are other options.
I don't know why you have such a hatred in people having fun with games. Look at human nature for example, Gladiators, fights to the death, Jousting, Wars, death and destruction and World powers like America having more than enough nuclear weapons to blow up the world more than a few times, how could you question the mindless killing that humans have loved for many an age? I understand that it is wrong morally and literally, and sure it can be inspiring to violence, but thats what is in all our minds, no matter how much you try to deny it. I find sensless killing can be stress releaving, who doesn't want to take your anger out by chopping off someones head with a "8-foot halberd?"
So roll with it. Look into the puffy, bloodshot eyes of your alcoholic uncle who works at a paper recycling center. Gaze at the misery and drudgery of the poor bastard's life reflected in them. Now put a plastic guitar in his hands. Show him the crowd.
Sure, it is pathetic, but the people who have the poor miserable "Scratching a living off of a rock" type of life style, it is rewarding to feel like you are accomplishing something, no matter how fake. Speaking of accomplishment:
Be as proud and vaguely snobbish as everyone else is of meaningless accomplishment
Even if it is a false accomplishment, it makes us humans feel good, which increases work output and we are less willing to do something say, commit suicide because of how awful our lives are.
I truly do have a real life, and I enjoy it a lot, but when I have time it helps pass it with some sensless human killing and as you put it "head shots." I understand that there are some people out there that mingle real life with "cyber space" but you are implying that most people who do play videogames are ALL willing to talk to some 25-year-old somewhere down in Florida who enjoys the idea of nothing but games, completely ignoring all family/friends.
A very enjoyable read, although I've never had problems with family gatherings myself. I can imagine that it could be a problem with many extended families, but I often feel that I can talk more freely with the older adults in my family than I can with people of my own age. They're more willing to talk about world affairs and other things that I'm interested in, and when I come out with some random pedantic factoid, they actually listen to me.
If I get bored, I can just read a book. I couldn't do that with a meeting of twenty-year-olds, but in the context of family gatherings, it's considered perfectly reasonable for me to want to do my own thing.
Brilliant read. Thank you =] Not a big post but just wanted to extend my thanks