Movie Defense Force: Transformers

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Transformers

Michael Bay is the worst human being alive, if you believe some people. Personally, I reckon he's just a guy doing all he knows how to do. Transformers is an example of that.

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Oh, Bob isn't going to like this one bit.

Prepare to do battle, Jim.

Even though I didn't watch Transformers as a kid I still think this movie is a piece of shit. It's not as bad as the second one though.

does killing racist caricatures of black people count as something he knows how to do ?

Ŋ\(°_o)/Ŋ

sometimes you can take defence of the bad too far Jim...even when going for the shock value...

this movie is awful is so many different ways...and i didn't invite it into my home...in fact i once asked my own brother to leave my home because he put it on my dvd player and wouldn't take it back out on demand...

oh and Megan Fox has toes for thumbs.

The movie is junk food film making. Which is fine if that's all your after. I think the backlash at this movie is that Transformers is ripe for some big idea sci-fi stuff.

Also Jim, I'm usually on your side. I prefer to remember the good than harp on about the bad. But Shia Lebooooooof is awful. Always. And there's just no defending that. Unless your his mum.

Challenge: Defend "The Last Airbender"

Golly gosh darn. I do not like that film.

I actually liked it the first time I saw it, but I also saw it in a packed theater on opening night so the energy of the crowed really pulls you in, I got it on bluray when it was released and watched it again, and really didn't like it the second time. I think the big problem with the movie is that we all know what we wanted, we wanted giant robots doing giant robot things. The action scenes in the movie were pretty good for the most part, although all the diving and rolling got pretty silly after awhile. But, we didn't need all the human scenes, the whole thing with the hackers was completely pointless and personally I didn't like the Witwiki (too lazy to look up the spelling) plot at all. If your movie is called 'transformers' you really don't need a ton of buildup to get to the robots, actually if it was called something else and wasn't marketed as a movie about giant robots then it would have been a cool lil mystery and all the buildup would have worked, but its called transformers, the buildup just hurt it.

I admit that the action in the first was interesting and the third was fun to watch (i was studying in Chicago at the time so it was a bit fun to see the landmarks that were around me be set pieces) but as a mecha anime fan and a fan of Transformers Armada, the designs are a bit jagged in a bad way. In addition, the parts with the humans were absolutely boring stuff about "go after her" or "i'll protect you" that got boring even in Gundam and Gundam at least has the dark moments to actually make these lines important; Transformers is far too light hearted for any of it to sink in, even Witwicky's death had no impact behind it

I personally liked the first transformers film, so this episode makes sense.
Now if you defend the next two.....I'll be shocked.

I saw the movie. I have no particular enduring loyalty towards the cartoons, which I saw maybe half a dozen times through stay-at-home-and-watch-tv moments of childhood and friends' rentals of video tapes in college. I don't even have anything in particular against Shia LaBeouf, who I thought was actually pretty good in Holes and The Greatest Game Ever Played.

Transformers is crap. The characters are idiots who act in ridiculous ways to advance the laughably by-the-numbers excuse for a plot. Even the handful on interesting things they did, like Bumblebee having to communicate through his radio, they screwed up by the end, showing that they never understood what worked in the first place. It's plot and action are pretty much all borrowed from the tropes established by other movies, an excuse on which to hang techno- and military- fetishism and lingering shots of Megan Fox in a low-cut tank top.

It's one of a relatively few movies that made me come away from the theater telling others not to waste their time.

I liked the original Transformers, it was big, stupid, loud, and dumb but that is all I ever expected from the movie. The sequels on the otherhand...

To be fair, this is making me want to rewatch the movie... with the Rifftrax commentary of course.

I didn't see this in theaters because I didn't really like the visual design and the reviews were meh
The second one I did see... I never had any desire to watch this after that.

ZZoMBiE13:
The movie is junk food film making. Which is fine if that's all your after. I think the backlash at this movie is that Transformers is ripe for some big idea sci-fi stuff.

Also Jim, I'm usually on your side. I prefer to remember the good than harp on about the bad. But Shia Lebooooooof is awful. Always. And there's just no defending that. Unless your his mum.

He was alright in Holes and Charle's Angels Full throttle.

comadorcrack:
Challenge: Defend "The Last Airbender"

Golly gosh darn. I do not like that film.

He'd need BE on a massive bender to take that turd on.

The first transformers movie never came across as terrible. It's not very good, but it's not terrible. 2 and 3 on the other hand.

You know how the plot goes along so "snappily?" Because there is no plot. Literally. All there is in Transfomers is a series of events.

A glaring moment for me was that kid and the Autobots are trying to find his grandfather's glasses so they can find some McGuffin, and then he and the hot chick get kidnapped by the government agents to the McGuffin, making the search for the glasses completely moot. The whole plot works in this way. It gives the characters a pretense of a goal which manages to fall into their lap without any relation to their efforts to achieve said goal. But the movie glosses this over and moves on to the next bit so swiftly that most people don't notice and everyone does not care.

I only watched the first Transformers movie back when I still had HBO and HBO was running it ad nauseum. I didn't want to see the movie because I had been a fan back in the 80's when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult I realize that Transformers is dog shit. Seriously. The toys were finicky and not much fun to play with except as a kind of Rubic's Cube were you need to figure out how to change them into a robot and back again. The were much too shaky and flimsy as action figures. The cartoon was a glorified toy commercial with the kind of bland characterization, inane plots and juvenile humor you'd expect in a children's show that does not hold up when watching it later in life. There's just nothing good about the franchise. So a movie version was not the sort of thing I wanted to see and neither should anybody else, honestly. It's like if cutting a flap pf skin off your penis was a common practice and no one question the stupidity of letting a sharp knife near your junk. Wake up, people!

That said, the movie is actually a step down from the old cartoons and whatnot. For starters, the Transformers are effectively cameos in their own movie. The cartoon at least focused on the robots as characters with that kid being just a audience surrogate to explain shit. The movie barely covered the robots at all. The were just kind of there. They weren't developed at all as characters.

I could harp on the robot designs, but I think it's sufficient to say they are terrible because every robot looks like every other robot. The only distinctive members were Bumblebee since he had a lot of yellow on him and Optimus Prime because he had red and blue on him. I defy anyone to tell one robot from another. This is not helped at all by the robots not really being introduced to us as character as noted above. I think the movie would have fared better with fans if they'd cut down the number of robots to two, maybe three per side and actually gave them personalities. A distinctive look would have also helped, but if we actually gave a shit when Jazz died... or noticed he was in the movie in the first place... it would have been enough for old school fans to accept this interpretation.

But the real problem is the heavy handed plotting described above. Every plot point happens not organically as part of the story but because some screenwriting formula dictates and plot point needs to happen now. It's effective if you don't think about it, like how it's fucking impossible to learn a language from Ebay as it's not a language translation site. But if you think about it even a little, the plot looks very, very thin. It's not a solid story. We call a story solid if the events are believable and an organic consequence of the action of the characters. It's 'solid' because you can dig into it and illusion of reality, which all stories attempt to achieve, is maintained the deeper you go. Transformers has a very thin story that if you think of it even a little, even while you're watching, the illusion of reality just crumbles into so much smoke and mirrors. the events have less connectivity than paintings in an art gallery. You can go from one painting to the next at the Van Gogh exhibit, but that narrative really isn't there. This is what the narrative of Transformers is like.

So, yeah. I didn't like the movie. Didn't even bother with the sequels, because who cares about them? And don't even like the IP anymore anyway because it was always terrible.

Maybe someday someone will make a Go-Bots movie.

But you couldn't tell what the god damn robots looked like, nor could you make out really wat was going on in the fight scenes.

Strapping a tiny camera on the head of a ferret and feeding it crack before letting it loose around the scene is no way to shoot a movie.

Transformers didnt matter, they didnt mess up the characters. It was a movie. Now the Star Wars prequels, they change what you think of Darth Vader in the original movies. You can not write them off, its to late, you watched them and now Darth Vader is now a whiney kid and a pathetic adult. Great now you fucked up the character.

Transformers begins and ends with the Animated Movie for me.

You got the touch!!

Well, I still like the movie, I REALLY like the score of the movie, all 3 for that matter, except the linkin park song in the 3rd one, bleh. I liked revenge of the fallen, the movie kinda blew but what happened to the guy a few rows over in the theater was priceless. When Optimus died, he screamed, started balling and ran the fuck out. Oh man, so funny.

I don't hate Transformers for 'ruining' the old cartoon, because, although it was a big part of my childhood, it was still kind of shit to begin with. I don't hate Transformers for having helicopters and explosions, although I wish I could have seen more clear shots of them. I don't hate it for having too few robots in it. I don't hate the robot designs.

I hate Transformers because of shit like the stupid parents, who are the cinematic equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. I hate transformers because they made all but two of the robots the same non-color, so you can hardly ever tell who is who (the choppy editing doesn't help).

Seriously, Jim, I usually agree with you about these, but, while the stuff you're talking about is present in the film, and is enjoyable on its own, it's surrounded by so much else that makes the overall viewing experience incredibly unpleasant.

Shia Lebeouf is that bad though. He's completely unlikeable in this movie, which wouldn't be so bad if they didn't decide to make him more important than the titular characters.

Sorry Jim, this is one movie you will probably never get me to watch again and your defense was as bad as the movie was. There was no plot, there were offensive jokes, and all the teenage angst and "coming of age" storyline was wrapped up in tropes so big you couldn't even see the movie anymore. This was the only movie were I thought "I want my two hours back." Only time.

I enjoy the mindless action movie like everyone else (hell, I watch Resident Evil films because of that) but this one...sorry, can't get behind you. Maybe if your points were better than "it did what Michael Bay does" I could have bought it.

When Jim defends movies I've never seen, but heard about, I'm willing to give those a shot. Lord knows I tracked down a copy of Showgirls because of his video on it.

This one, unfortunately, is a lost cause for me. I went to see it in the cinema with friends and walked out about 30 minutes in, because I was bored out of my fucking mind. I didn't care about the money I'd spent or the group of friends I was leaving behind (they all stayed through the end and I went home) enough to sit through this. Not a chance in hell I'm looking it up for another try.

Bayformers 1 wasn't awful. It was pretty bad, but it wasn't awful. Bayformers 2, that's another thing entirely. It's beyond terrible and completely indefensible, the very worst sort of racist, sexist, incoherent dreck. It is to other Michael Bay movies what they are to legit good movies.

Up to about halfway into the movie I didn't mind the first Transformers too much. The intro stuff with Laboef, Bumblebee, and his family is all pretty decent job giving us some weird lighthearted comedy mixed in with action scenes from the military guys. It's when the other Transformers appeared and started talking, especially the black stereotype robot, that it completely lost me.

Keep in mind I have no attachment or even knowledge of the original cartoon.

I never really cared about Transformers and i hated the movie (not as much as the sequel though...). I mostly hate it because itīs boring and feels extremely long, the action scenes are confusing and kinda rubbish and the rest is just bland. I might have been kinder to the movie if it ended after 1― instead of 5+ hours. The worst though, is that i suspect that the movie started a lot of very negative trends that still, to this day, are ruining promising Summer Blockbusters. But there are plenty of action movies out there that are worse than the first Transformers, just take something like Battle: Los Angels for instance... And it would also be very easy to find something that were infinitely worse than Transformers, but i still think itīs a very very boring movie.

I donīt know when blockbuster directors lost their ability to make movies, but somewhere along the lines everyone seemed to forget how to film and edit an action scene in a way so you actually knew what was going on.

daxterx2005:
I personally liked the first transformers film, so this episode makes sense.
Now if you defend the next two.....I'll be shocked.

My problem with the first movie besides it being a thinly veiled military masturbatory exercise (aka. Bay Films) was that they zoom the camera so close in during the robot parts that you can rarely make out more than whirling bits of metal.

Just pull it back a bit.

I'm guessing he had budget constraints and they masked bad work with choppy camera angles.

Nurb:
But you couldn't tell what the god damn robots looked like, nor could you make out really wat was going on in the fight scenes.

Strapping a tiny camera on the head of a ferret and feeding it crack before letting it loose around the scene is no way to shoot a movie.

Ah! Good someone else said it.

It was the main comment of everyone I saw it with and everyone who talked about it after.

"Do you know what happened?" "No. Do you?" "No."

Followed by...

"Did the 'black' robot seem a little bit racist to you?"
"Yeah and he's the only one that dies too."
"...in a fairly horrific way as well."

Jigero:
Jesus and I thought you reached a pathetic and desperate level when you did Phantom Menace, now I'm starting to think your nothing but an attention whore.

I think the point of MDF is that everyone is too hyperbolic and should just relax.

I don't understand why Bob defends 2012 for being stupid fun but not Transformers (1 not 2)

Didn't think this needed defending much, thought it was pretty okay when I saw it. The best of the three by a mile, well, better than the third by a mile for not being pants on head retarded with the ending, and better than the second by... a lot more than a mile.

I had very little experience with the cartoon, and STILL loathed this film. I went and saw it at the local midnight showing with a few friends, and walked out feeling like I had wasted my time and money. I honestly had pretty low expectations going in. I just wanted a big dumb movie with robots fighting each other. It failed to even reach that level. Instead, I got a movie about Shia Lebouf trying to shag Megan Fox while driving around in Herbie. The Transformers were barely in the damn movie, and when they did show up for fights it was often in the background of a shaky cam shot rolling around shooting at random stuff. Oh, and cheap humor. The movie was dragged down by tons on unnecessary characters who served as nothing but comic relief, adding nothing to the plot. The parents were dumb, the hackers were dumb, and even the Transformers seemed mostly there for humor until the final action scene. The overdone humor was even worse given how juvenile it was.

The biggest problem is that the movie can't decide what it wants to be. It has super serious military wank, dumb slapstick and sexual humor, and giants robots in dumb action. It's all so conflicted. It never settles on a tone. It all just clashes horribly, and ruins the pacing. The movie feels quite long, with the cool bits being strung apart by tons of stupid filler comedy. With the movie trying to do so much, all the aspects suffer. The action is limited by trying to crowbar in so much bad comedy, the serious military tone is undermined by the inherent corniness of giant robots stomping around, and the comedy tries to appeal to everyone with slapstick humor for kids and crude humor for young adults, so the humor lacks focus, and is shoved in where it doesn't belong. Combine this with a bad plot, and to me the movie is just nonredeemable.

the antithesis:
Stuff you said

Yeah, the plot is basically a nonfactor and stream of events. This is no more apparent than the setup for the final action scene. The autobots wanted the glasses so they could find Megatron, and the location was etched on them. This ends up being moot as it turns out the government had Megatron, making the entire thrust of the plot and Sam's character importance meaningless. However, despite the glasses saying Megatron wasn't even on this continent, and not knowing he was found here, the robots are STILL meeting the heroes in the desert. WHAT. WHY. WHY ARE THEY DRIVING IN THE DESERT WHEN THEY HAVE NO REASON TO KNOW MEGATRON WAS THERE. THEY HAD NO REASON TO BE THERE TO RUN INTO THE MILITARY GUYS. It's like the entire plot forgot itself because it needed a final action scene in a city. And then after the scene where there is millions of damage to city property with giant robots openly running around, we're supposed to believe that the government covered it up. I felt INSULTED at the end of the movie.

eh ... I don't care about the bayformers movies anymore, used to care they sucked, and they do, but eh, they just aren't worth the effort to actively hate, not when I can just not go see them or buy any of the crap that comes with it.

*Sigh*
The first film and DOTM are, for me (being a transformer fan), great ROTF is crap, but the action scenes are some of the best. It's just another TF continutiy, not the best mind you, but i would take this over the godly amount of animation errors in G1 any day!

Personally i can't wait for TF4...Hound is confirmed!...MOTHERFUKING HOUND!

image

Hound is the big army vehicle, Bumblebee is the black camero (more representing his Prime Beast Hunters self) and apparently the other 2 cars are Blurr (The blue Buggati), and Drift, Prime is obvious...

I liked the first movie.... cue the torches and pitch forks

The fights where hard to watch because there was too much grey, and Megatron's defeat was BS I don't know whether 1 is better than 3 but i'll say i prefer the first because they only got worse as they went on.

I hear Bumblebee's car has changed for a newer model.

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