Zero Punctuation: Dark

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So it's a stripped down wannabe VTMB game, should of expected as much.

Thanks for another good laugh Yahtzee.

Hilarious episode this one. I'm gonna try out that gameplay-talk-thingy at the next party...will probably make me seen even more weirder then I already am...

luvd1:
Wow, you are having to sail the waves of shitstorm terribleness of late. Is this your punishment for making a lot of Last of Us fans cry? The gods are a petty and vindictive bunch.

Actually, I think Yahtzee is just trying to make us feel better about his not so very positive review of The Last of Us.

Hell, that's pretty much what he said last time.
"I know you all are sad I didn't like that one game as much as you did. In truth, it wasn't SO very bad.
Come here. :) Help me kill these much worse games."

Yet, as bad as it is, it seems that it will still only be 3rd worst game of the year. Aliens: Colonial Marines and Ride to Hell: Retribution have seen to that. Yet the question remains, who will get the no.1 spot?

I wonder why Yahtzee had Bioshock 2 under the 'B' instead of Bioshock, he's already expressed a strong desire to neglect its existence.

Time to play Bloodlines again....got every class except Nosferatu!
I look forward to sneaking through the sewers drinking rat-blood! x

As for dark..............................at least its not Ride to hell-bad!

Daystar Clarion:

Zeles:
snip

You mean this patch?

Now go forth! Go forth and create Malkavians like everyone else does because they're the most fun to play!

I always prefer the Ventrue myself. They are the right amount of ass kick mixed with pretty boy.

I almost replayed The Masquerade. Then I stopped when I got to the Hotel level. Jezus, that was scarier than Amnesia! And no, I'm not kidding!

masticina:
That this game exists lead me to play VtM:B again, did you know it also has a "final nights" mod where you can play outsider clans. It is a delight!

I very much enjoyed 'The Final Nights' mod and am patiently waiting for its next update before I replay VtM:B again. I may also give the 'Camarilla Edition' mod a go. At this point (via all the mods and fan made patches) I'm pretty sure that the fan base has spent more time working on VtM:B than the original developers did.

This episode is a definite must watch for any fledgling game creator!
That boss fight (for example) is a perfect lesson on "what not to do".

Great damn video, Yahtzee. I laughed my ass off.

Daystar Clarion:
You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

image

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed :D

... god DAMNIT.

where did I leave the disk.

OT: I have to think that the recent influx of shit games is partly due to Microsoft letting the indie developers self publish, not saying that these are indie games, but maybe these shit developers decided that the flood gates were opened and are trying to make a quick cash grab from uninformed parents/grandparents who are buying games for their kids.

Good on them, maybe if a majority of the 12 year olds get Dark or Ride to Hell instead of CoD: DoG, maybe the gaming community in general will improve.

Mr. Omega:
Yes, one could talk like they are going through a dialogue tree. I prefer the Metal Gear method, where one takes up to two words mentioned in the previous sentence and repeats it, but as a question.

"I just bought a new entertainment system for my living room."
"Entertainment system?"

"Whats a Paladin Couch?"

Doom972:
You just took the Deus Ex meme and changed it to Bloodlines. I do agree that there's a certain similarity between them. I love both of them very much.

What? This meme shares it with Deus Ex because a lot of people consider VtmB as the REAL spiritual successor of Deus Ex. Clearly you must be new.

Was that a 50 Shades of Green reference?

Why Yahtzee, I had no idea our taste were so similar. If I'm ever in Australia, I'll be sure to have a few drinks & a chat with you in the Mana Bar

TELL ME MORE ABOUT PALADINS!

Daystar Clarion:
You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

image

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed :D

*sigh* Why can't someone just remake this. I'm not convinced that the MMO will be anything other than a run of the mill grindfest.

..."nice" vampires. Nice in a sense that they wantonly drink blood from living humans, but "we're really thirsty, guys!"

Another comparison to Vampire: tMBL: there is no nice vampires - there's a few that look decent, but eventually it's revealed that everyone is pushing their own agenda one way or another.
Also, "humane" blood-drinking is practiced entirely out of desire to not go insane, which is itself tied up with upholding the secrecy and not because of pity to "blood-bags".

Well done. I enjoyed the song in the trailer but that was about all- the rest sounded rather cliched even by gaming's standards. Eric Bane sounded like he was doing a bad Max Payne impression in the opening narration. I thought at least they might give him the nickname of 'Eric the Red' (because vampire), but no.

You may also be right about this being the end result in the quest for cool one-word names that might make people forgive bad gameplay but end up sounding incredibly general. Upcoming releases to look for:

Final (Fantasy)
Kombat (Mortal)
Duty (Call of)
Elder (Scrolls)

Stick to Perfect Dark instead.

Defeated Detective:

Doom972:
You just took the Deus Ex meme and changed it to Bloodlines. I do agree that there's a certain similarity between them. I love both of them very much.

What? This meme shares it with Deus Ex because a lot of people consider VtmB as the REAL spiritual successor of Deus Ex. Clearly you must be new.

Deus Ex fan since 2002 and of VtMB since release day, so no. I've been an active member of the Planet Deus Ex community until most of the regulars left due to inactivity. I remember many people calling it Deus Ex with vampires, but not a spiritual successor.

It doesn't have that deep level of storytelling or the freedom of choice that Deus Ex provides, so I wouldn't call it a spiritual successor.

Talking to people like a video game character would be funny though.

>Tell me more about the weather.
>Tell me more about your dog.
>Tell me more about what I know what you mean.
>I am done talking about your dog weather.
> >You fight like a cow.

Thanks a ton Yahtzee!

I was happily watching whilst eating a sausage roll, then the words "..BUTTHOLE FULL OF CUM!" made me inhale aforementioned savory snack which nearly caused my untimely demise.

Also that game looked awful.

I liked this review, shame/joy that the game turned out to be crap.

Thankfully I never liked Eclairs, the white mushy cream inside them already put me off with it's cold, dark stickiness anyway.

here's hoping he'll review Shadowrun next week. I'm pretty sure it's the first title in the upcoming tsunami of isometric goodness(Project Eternity, Wasteland 2, Numenara, etc etc) and it's the only game that I've been looking forward to this whole summer.

OT: I literally died when Yahtzee mentioned loud killing with range is the exact definition of guns

Great now i want to play VtMB, where can i find a copy?

OT: It's never fun playing a broken vampire unless it's against other broken vampires in some arena match, but yes this game doesn't sound very fun, what ever happened to vampires that had fun powers that could be used for things other than killing like turning into a bat.

I would love to see Yahtzee review Bloodlines now. Retro reviews are more fun to me. Shitty games come as a close second.

Another fantastic episode, you are at your best when you are reviewing something awful.

aren't most stealth games about trial and error? That or hiding under\behind objects trying to figure out the guards patrol route?

Eomega123:
For anyone who has not yet been convinced to re-download/buy VtM:B, I would just like to remind/inform you that it contains:

A mission in which you fight a ninja stripper vampire hunter.
A boss who fights you by whacking you with his own severed arm.
The Malchavian, whose story is completely incomprehensible if it's your first playthrough, but is the most clever, hilarious, and logical character in the whole game if you already understand the story.

Just, you know, get the patch. Cause you kind of need that.

It seems nice unfortunately I dislike vampires and I dislike stories that use the masquerade trope, and the game has both of these things in its title so it probably isn't for me.

HemalJB:
Hey Yahtzee
If you're reading this, how about you do one of them indie game roundup reviews you occasionally do. Would be a welcome change of pace from all these shitty AAA titles coming out these days.

Dark wasn't AAA.

Neither was Ride to Hell.

Their status as "indie" is determined entirely by whether you think indie games have to be self-published or not.

OT: Yeah, I was intrigued by this in the weeks leading up to its release, and then to no real surprise it ended up being a disappointing, overpriced pile of buggy, boring, nonsensical game mechanics and writing with the one plus (the art style) being let down by boring level and world design.

Or at least, that's what I've gathered from watching and reading everything about it once the reviews and videos started coming out. Definitely doesn't sound worth the price of admission to me.

CyberMachinist:
Great now i want to play VtMB, where can i find a copy?

It's on Steam. Although Steam version have some really crappy textures for some reason :(.

OT: Wow, power upgrade system in this game is incredibly unbalanced. Also, "dessert trolley" metaphor made me lol.

So the game is shit then? Expected as much. I would love to see a new World of Darkness Game (not the MMO.) I love Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines: Hooray for Colons and World of Darkness at large. Even if when I played Bloodlines a few months ago I encountered a game breaking bug and had to stop playing. Oh well, I can play it again in future, hopefully it won't break this time.

Also, Toreador Anarch is where it's at.

Miroluck:

CyberMachinist:
Great now i want to play VtMB, where can i find a copy?

It's on Steam. Although Steam version have some really crappy textures for some reason :(.

That's not just the Steam version. I got a physical disk off Amazon and it was like that. The unoffical patch fixed it though. However I still encountered a game breaking bug later on.

I much prefer games beginning with 'P', they are usually good.

Well that Dark game looks like bollocks but he's sold me on this bloodlines lark. Been going through a bit of a Buffy obsession, so a vampire game, why the hell not?

If Dark is a vampire game, it must be one of those thin-bloods...clearly Gehenna is upon us. And no, I will not stop making VTM references.

Also, this is solely my opinion, but the boss fights in VTM:B weren't that bad. I mean, yeah once I beat the final boss by hitting the bullet time power (Celerity, I think) and unloading an entire clip of Steyr-AUG rounds into it, killing with just that one clip (because Firearms 10 means More Dakka) but I'll admit I had problems with Ming-Xiao and the Blood Man.

the antithesis:
Switches in gaming culture can't get much dimmer, Yahtzee old chap.

Much like gaming culture in general.

(Just to clarify, I'm talking about the overall tendency to aim for the lowest common denominator, not calling everyone idiots.)

everyone who watches this video has no excuse for not playing VTM: Bloodlines within the next week.

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