Zero Punctuation: Dark

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For the record Goth with a personal trainer sounds like an outstanding premise.

Also for the record, Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines is a god amongst games. Literally: it was released around the same time as Half Life 2 and the fan base has been updating the patch ever since. New versions are still periodically released. It's like another Rocky Horror.

238U

I just have to say, this video has some elite class Yahtzeeing on display.

Steve Waltz:
Is this the last Zero Punctuation? I don't see Zero Punctuation under the videos tab anymore.

What are you talking about? Zero Punctuation is still under the Videos section.

Good post Yahtzee, had some great laughs. I wish the game was even half as good as Bloodlines as I might be willing to drag through a bad game for that reason alone. What a bummer that Dark turned out so badly, I *almost* spent time on it but I am glad I skipped it as the forced cover mechanic would be too frustrating.

I keep waiting for Bloodlines to get the gog release but no luck so far... hmm I know I have the disks laying around here somewhere.

Oh for those installers out there, don't forget the cheat code "money" - the developers definitely had a sense of humor that is for sure : )

Adam Jensen:
I would love to see Yahtzee review Bloodlines now. Retro reviews are more fun to me. Shitty games come as a close second.

Oh yeah, Yahtzee could do that to get the bad taste of Dark out of his mouth, since the latter is so obviously trying to ape the former. Also, I never got into the whole vampire craze back when that game first premiered, so I'd like to see what all the fuss was about. But then, next week is officially August, so we might get another XBOX Live Arcade Double feature.

YAHTZEE, TELL US MORE ABOUT VAMPIRE: THE MASQUERADE - BLOODLINES

No seriously, I'd love a retro-review of that game.

Daystar Clarion:
You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

image

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed :D

Unfortunately, every time I install (It's been 4+ times) I'm unable to get it to work. I'm also still using the same crappy PC from ten years ago, that I played through the game with.

It either crashes upon startup, or crashes upon talking to Jack in the tutorial.

Darth_Payn:

Adam Jensen:
I would love to see Yahtzee review Bloodlines now. Retro reviews are more fun to me. Shitty games come as a close second.

Oh yeah, Yahtzee could do that to get the bad taste of Dark out of his mouth, since the latter is so obviously trying to ape the former. Also, I never got into the whole vampire craze back when that game first premiered, so I'd like to see what all the fuss was about. But then, next week is officially August, so we might get another XBOX Live Arcade Double feature.

That or another steam roundup. OT: Am I the only person who thinks "To love a shoggoth" needs to be made into a real novel?

Daystar Clarion:
You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

image

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed :D

Yrp that's my case too. was already installed... When someone will try again to a game like this?

I remeber seeing a gameplay trailer for this game a few months back. A vampire stealth game is actually a pretty cool premise. Too bad that this particular game just seems so dull and lifeless.

Awww, it's truly heartening to see so much love for Bloodlines...

Jburton9:
Good post Yahtzee, had some great laughs. I wish the game was even half as good as Bloodlines as I might be willing to drag through a bad game for that reason alone. What a bummer that Dark turned out so badly, I *almost* spent time on it but I am glad I skipped it as the forced cover mechanic would be too frustrating.

I keep waiting for Bloodlines to get the gog release but no luck so far... hmm I know I have the disks laying around here somewhere.

Oh for those installers out there, don't forget the cheat code "money" - the developers definitely had a sense of humor that is for sure : )

You know Bloodline on steam?

Yahtzee complains about how bad gaming is, conveniently ignoring games like Shin Megami Tensei IV and Fir Emblem: Awakening. Yay, another really dull shooter review. How about you take your own advice and do something different for once?

Raiyan 1.0:
Awww, it's truly heartening to see so much love for Bloodlines...

How can you NOT love it?

Bloodlines is one of those few games where even the stockphrase "Take off your nostalgia googles!" doesn't work. Because Bloodlines is actually one of the few games that people keep returning to. For good reason.

System Shock 2 might be a VERY good game, and is pretty much the standard for games like Bioshock and Dead Space. But Bloodlines has replayability - So many races, and especially the difference between Nosferatu - Tremere - Malkavian - Everyone else means you have a reason to replay the game. Multiple endings is just another good reason to go for it.

It's just a bit sad that the unofficial patch is so mandatory. You CAN play without it, but god damnit, that game is buggy as all hell.

There's nothing more satisfying than watching Yahtzee destroy a game, there's just something therapeutic about it.

So it tries to copy Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines, and fails at it in every respect?

...Welp, glad I didn't pick up Dark during the Steam Sale. Thanks for the heads up Yatzee.

I'm mildly upset, though. Bloodlines was outstanding, and I'd like to have seen another vampire game that nails everything good about the setting like that. That said, the boss fights in Bloodlines were really annoying if you didn't spec your character right. On my first time playing that game I barely managed to survive most of them, being a Nosferatu (stealth brawler) who missed most of the side quests and was too moral to reopen the blood bank. Every other time, though, I demolished them, now knowing what to do to be prepared for them.

Okay, I'm just going to make my entire post in list form to make it a bit easier to follow

1. I have never heard of this game before now.
2. I think this was the funniest episode of Zero Punctuation since SimCity
3. Cajun Cooked Walrus Dribble is one of my new favorite things, and I plan to work it into my normal vocabulary
4. Like many people here, I will never be able to eat an eclair ever again...until the next time I see one and think it looks delicious,
5. I love Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines, and lastly
6. Yahtzee, on the off chance you're reading this, keep up the good work. The fact that you've been consistently funny for like 6 years now with roughly 45-50 episodes a year is something that really is to be applauded.

ImBigBob:
Yahtzee complains about how bad gaming is, conveniently ignoring games like Shin Megami Tensei IV and Fir Emblem: Awakening. Yay, another really dull shooter review. How about you take your own advice and do something different for once?

DARK. IS NOT. A SHOOTER.

And you're asking Yahtzee to review a JRPG, because you think he would have a favourable opinion of it? Heh. Good luck with that.

[REDACTED]:

ImBigBob:
Yahtzee complains about how bad gaming is, conveniently ignoring games like Shin Megami Tensei IV and Fir Emblem: Awakening. Yay, another really dull shooter review. How about you take your own advice and do something different for once?

DARK. IS NOT. A SHOOTER.

And you're asking Yahtzee to review a JRPG, because you think he would have a favourable opinion of it? Heh. Good luck with that.

I'll admit that in my mind, "mediocre action game" and "mediocre shooter" tend to blend together in my head to the point where they're indistinguishable. All I hear is "bad action, bad story, no originality, blargh".

I don't think that Yahtzee would declare SMTIV the greatest game of all; I just think reviewing games outside his comfort zone lead to funny reviews (see: The World Ends With You). There's only so many jokes you can make at the expense of action games that reviewing a JRPG, even if he doesn't like it, would be a nice change of pace.

"isn't that just the same superpower as a man with a gun!?"

hahahahahahha

shrekfan246:

HemalJB:
Hey Yahtzee
If you're reading this, how about you do one of them indie game roundup reviews you occasionally do. Would be a welcome change of pace from all these shitty AAA titles coming out these days.

Dark wasn't AAA.

Neither was Ride to Hell.

Their status as "indie" is determined entirely by whether you think indie games have to be self-published or not.

OT: Yeah, I was intrigued by this in the weeks leading up to its release, and then to no real surprise it ended up being a disappointing, overpriced pile of buggy, boring, nonsensical game mechanics and writing with the one plus (the art style) being let down by boring level and world design.

Or at least, that's what I've gathered from watching and reading everything about it once the reviews and videos started coming out. Definitely doesn't sound worth the price of admission to me.

Sorry, my bad.
Still, I would like if he reviewed a few games like Mark of the Ninja or Bastion, you know, games which are very good but fly under the radar.

Two stinkers in a row. Are we in a dry period with new releases? Wonder if we'll get a retro review down the road. *coughResidentEvil4cough*

Oh man, I saw the title for this one and knew it would be good. I hadn't heard of this game, but I did stumble across it while wandering Gamestop and took a closer look because brooding dudes in hoodies are kind of my weakness as far as game protagonists go. I then proceeded to read the back of the box, laugh, call over my friend, read it out loud to him, laugh some more, set the game down, and walk out of the store laughing. Even the box blurbs are just so hilariously terrible. I knew the game was a train wreck and I'm so glad Yahtzee could confirm it.

Daystar Clarion:
You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

image

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed :D

Well I never did get round to doing a Nosferatu playthrough...

NO! I've already played it 4 times, it buggy as hell and I have a massive backlog of new games. I'm never going to get to them if I just repeatedly play old games.
....
*installs*
Goddamn it!

CyberMachinist:
Great now i want to play VtMB, where can i find a copy?

It's on Steam.

BUT MAKE SURE TO GET THE UNOFFICIAL FAN PATCH. The game is really buggy, and the Patch fixes most of them, and adds back some of the cut content.

Also, I don't reccomend the nosfaratu (stealth class) for your first run. You'll probably miss half the content with that class because you're afraid to be seen by NPCs.

HemalJB:

Sorry, my bad.
Still, I would like if he reviewed a few games like Mark of the Ninja or Bastion, you know, games which are very good but fly under the radar.

Well, he did both of those games, so it's not like he reviews bland action games and shooters all the time. It's just that everything's an action game or a shooter these days.

That's a big surprise that Yahtzee has turned around and now wants cover-based shooting.

"How to love a shoggoth".

I would read it =D

Movitz:
"How to love a shoggoth".

I would read it =D

Reading that, I'd wonder if I was reading instructions for kneading a wad of dough or an actual romance novel.

Seeing as, you know, Shoggoths are basically blobs of flesh with a couple extraneous eyes.

Talvrae:
Yrp that's my case too. was already installed... When someone will try again to a game like this?

Well, Troika Games died, and White Wolf (who own VtM) went mental and decided to pack in all the awesome camptacular vampires-as-goth-superheroes shit in favour of rebooting everything while making it all depressingly trad and Anne Riceish.

So in short no, that particular horse has died and been made into lasagne.

But yes, we live in hope that eventually someone will figure out that basically remaking Deus Ex using an interesting and established roleplaying setting is a good idea, and on that day much happiness will be had by all mankind.

Never played or heard of bloodlines before so I was left wondering whether you thought bloodlines was a good game or a bad game for a while.

Anyway the 'talk like a dialogue tree' gag was really funny and I still snicker thinking about it. I think it's the funniest joke you've had in a while.

evilthecat:

Talvrae:
Yrp that's my case too. was already installed... When someone will try again to a game like this?

Well, Troika Games died, and White Wolf (who own VtM) went mental and decided to pack in all the awesome camptacular vampires-as-goth-superheroes shit in favour of rebooting everything while making it all depressingly trad and Anne Riceish.

So in short no, that particular horse has died and been made into lasagne.

But yes, we live in hope that eventually someone will figure out that basically remaking Deus Ex using an interesting and established roleplaying setting is a good idea, and on that day much happiness will be had by all mankind.

You know they are doing a MMO with Mascarade setting right?

Wow. I wonder at what point in the development cycle the game devs asked themselves "Anyone remember what part of this game was supposed to be fun?"

Ah, VtM - proof that the vampire concept doesn't have to be dripping with tween angst and hormones. And yeah, I think I might reinstall Bloodlines now.

Here's hoping the MMO can be something more like Bloodlines and less like... WoW.

Sadly, I see it turning out little more than, "Kill 10 Random Gangbangers and bring me their armbands!"

Oh, and apparently living under the tyranny of Prince XxAlucard124343xX who can have your character effectively deleted, because apparently giving real power over other people to random assholes on the internet registered as a good idea somewhere.

This was the funniest review Yahtzee has ever done. It had me in stitches especially with the part about vampires not having a society, but there are classes like you can be a 'half vampire' and all lol.

Also oh god... this game just sounds poor but I shall stay optimistic and hope the publishers decide to start releasing really good games for the Xbox 360 (or at least, the other consoles too including PC)

Man, I had quite a laugh during the game-like conversation.

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