No Right Answer: What Should Michael Bay do?

 Pages 1 2 3 NEXT
 

What Should Michael Bay do?

There doesn't have to be a formal debate for there to be no right answer. This week Chris and Kyle try to decide how Michael Bay could make a decent TMNT film.

Watch Video

I was hoping for an episode where you discuss "What Should Michael Bay Do With His Life?". Quit vs take up a drug habit.

What was that thing waving at me the whole time?

Michael Bay should make the Mass Effect 3 movie. (Not the first two, just 3)

It's right up his alley.
There's no deep substance, it's all explosions and shitty romance. He can go nuts with the special effects, and he can ignore all the shitty stuff that happened in the game and spend all his time on Earth jerking off his human military fetish.

It might actually turn out better then what Bioware gave us.

That's what he should work on after he finishes TMNT

didn't TMNT already have frogs in the cast?

TMNT came out when I was in high school. Since I was "too old"* for it, I never really built up much affection for the series. I played the NES game and the arcade game and didn't dislike the series, I just don't hold it in as high regard as people who are a few years younger than I was when they came out.

*"Too old" in the way all high school teenaged boys become "too old" for "kid stuff" because they don't want their friends to think they're weird. ;)

DVS BSTrD:
What was that thing waving at me the whole time?

Solar Cat!

Ok, they can't be extra-terrestrial but let's make one of the four famous brothers female? That would totally sit well with the internet...

I'm glad Kyle said it though: people really need to stop banging on about Michael Bay raping their childhood.

Having said that, I did sigh with discontent when I read Megan Fox was to be cast as April. She's just eye-candy to drag in the " 'Ere I'd well shag 'er" audience.

I'm willing to bet 5$ that April O'Neil will have a romance with Casey Jones and it will be the focus of the story while the Ninja turtle and Shredder are in the background.

Also...

Mikeyfell:
Michael Bay should make the Mass Effect 3 movie. (Not the first two, just 3)

It's right up his alley.
There's no deep substance, it's all explosions and shitty romance. He can go nuts with the special effects, and he can ignore all the shitty stuff that happened in the game and spend all his time on Earth jerking off his human military fetish.

It might actually turn out better then what Bioware gave us.

That's what he should work on after he finishes TMNT

I'm sorry if the next image will be offensive, but...

image

Ok Ok, I realize it's kind of a "douchey" response. However, no deep substance? Did Thane and Mordin died during your suicide mission in Mass effect 2? Did your little brother played the entire Krogan/Geth/Quarian section of the game? Did you missed the entire exposition about earth getting its ass kicked?

Again, I'm sorry if the gif may be offensive, but it was needed.

When I saw the title of this only one answer came to mind.

Fuck right off.

Thats what he should do. At least when doing movies based on stuff. I have been known to enjoy one or two of his movies but the guy cannot do anything without getting on his knees so he can better suck off the US armed forces and when making a movies about alien robots that is not a good thing. So I have to wonder if the TMNT will end up teaming up with a team of US special forces who end up doing all the work.

Plus he really pissed me off with that one line in pearl harbor. 'I think World war 2 just started' He can definitely fuck off for that one.

After somehow Michael Bay watches this he then decides to give fans what they really want.... Teenage Mutant Ninja Ponies.... They all end up being female.... And the furry community collapses in onto itself as it becomes all about TMNT Fans versus Bronies.... By the time it is actually in theaters a chunk of the people that might have paid for this is already deceased....

As for Michael Bay he then has to figure out whether to actually listen to fans or roll around in piles of cash.... As in which case its going to be that latter....

The only positive thing I can think of typing is at least JJ Abrams isn't there.

And now I'm imagining Thane with a Casey Jones mask whispering "goongala" after he headshots some fool. Kind of awesome, kind of silly.

I would love to see Bebop and Rocksteady roll back in as a third faction of mutants, there's your out for bringing Tokka and Razzor back in. Also, '03 Baxter Stockman, he was the best villain in the series.

Spitballin' :

* Splinter doesn't have to be a rat-man. He could be a human who trains his weird mutant adopted kappa sons.

* Shredder could be a woman. Perhaps the daughter or wife of the original... Oroku Saki? (Was that the Shredder's real name?) After her Yakuza husband's or Yakuza father's death at the hands of ... erm... Splinter, she tracks him to America with a core of Foot ninja and spends years building up an army of local ninja to A.) expand her criminal undertaking and B.) get revenge on Splinter.

* Michaelangelo could use primarily a weighted chain and shuriken rather than nunchaku. Donatello could use a naginata instead of just a staff.

--Morology!

As long as we're on the subject of girlturtles, Raphael would be neat.

'cause he mad all da time.

I was kind of confused by this episode because I expected you two to still take two different stances on the matter, but it wasn't so bad in reality.

Also Shredder should be an alien robot who integrated with Oroku Saki DNA. Yeah? That's what I got out of that :P

I think you also forgot the all important eighth member of who has to be there in terms of characters

The Pizza.

Definitely seconding the kibosh on the "YOU'RE RAPING MY CHILDHOOD" outcries. It's getting annoying and it kind of the same mentality that makes the Genwunners annoying.

I have to disagree with the potential Battletoads crossover. That...no. That might be taking it too far. I mean...we can have the Starfox peeps in the same universe as Sonic and company, but there's no real connection between the mutated turtles and the humans turned into frogs via video game malarky.

CAPTCHA: bunny rabbit

Hmmm...that's interesting. How would Usagi Yojimbo fit into the TMNT Bay-verse?

What should Michael Bay do with TMNT? Nothing. Seriously why do people have a problem with this movie? It will probably bomb. Why would a kid want to see this movie when he or she can watch the pretty good Nick version at home everyday? Makes no sense to me as to why the studio would even green light this movie. The Nick version has a new season that will probably be still showing new episodes when the movie comes out.

As a child of the 80s who grew up watching TMNT I agreed with a lot of what you had said it would even be interesting if one of the turtles was a female as long as the gender swap isn't made the defining trait of the character and there are two things about real turtles biology that they could use. First the gender of a turtle is not determined by genetics like it is for a human but by the temperature when the egg hatches. Second for most turtle species the female is larger and stronger than the male. during mating the female will swim around caring the male on her back and needs to keep them both from drowning and it's the female that has to go inland well past the tide line to dig nests and lay the eggs.

In the right hands the two above facts could be used to to tell an interesting story conflicting the gender norms for tow different species....oh wait Bay is doing this and character exploration doesn't explode well.

When I saw the title What Should Michael Bay Do?, my first thought was immediate...

Commit seppuku!

Yup, slit your belly to cleanse Hollywood of the dishonor you have brought upon cinema.

Bay is a hack, imo, who is only good at making trash and NOT HANDLING POPULAR FRANCHISES BELOVED BY FANS YOUNG AND OLD! He's Roger Corman but with less talent and a bigger budget. The only reason he got the job for Transformers and producing TMNT is because Paramount didn't want to lose a cash cow but were too fucking retarded to notice that he doesn't care about these properties at all. He's basically a pricy disinterested whore. He'll do the job but won't put too much of an effort so long as no one notices.

As for the idea of giving Bay anymore properties to butcher... or any work ever again for that matter, here is my short reply to that...

image

It's funny how they put a picture of April O'neil with a costume because I'd much rather watch the porn spoof of TMNT than whatever alien ninjas Bay comes up with.

Way to go with the 'women are weaker' comment, Chris. Really classy.

I think Michael Bay should drop the TMNT and pick up Street Sharks. Same general concept, we fewer people to offend, and quite frankly I think it would be funny.

By the way guys, Michael Bay isn't so terrible, and if you look at his work from a technical perspective it's really good. No, that doesn't make his movies deeper or more enjoyable to the average viewer, but his style is very technically accomplished and I can respect that.

Mr. Q:
When I saw the title What Should Michael Bay Do?, my first thought was immediate...

Commit seppuku!

Yup, slit your belly to cleanse Hollywood of the dishonor you have brought upon cinema.

Bay is a hack, imo, who is only good at making trash and NOT HANDLING POPULAR FRANCHISES BELOVED BY FANS YOUNG AND OLD! He's Roger Corman but with less talent and a bigger budget. The only reason he got the job for Transformers and producing TMNT is because Paramount didn't want to lose a cash cow but were too fucking retarded to notice that he doesn't care about these properties at all. He's basically a pricy disinterested whore. He'll do the job but won't put too much of an effort so long as no one notices.

As for the idea of giving Bay anymore properties to butcher... or any work ever again for that matter, here is my short reply to that...

image

I'm with you. What Michael Bay should do is die. I really don't say that about a lot of people, but Michael Bay is an insult to humanity in general and it's made worse by the fact that there are so many much more talented people who will never get the chance to make their movies because smug jackasses like him are sought after.

Leonardo was always a girl to me, and when we played turtles, I was Leo. Because I liked blue and I was the boss in our group.

So that's canon to my childhood.

Mahoshonen:
Way to go with the 'women are weaker' comment, Chris. Really classy.

Also, aren't female turtles larger than the males?

Way to be mammal-centric, guys.

Riobux:
I was hoping for an episode where you discuss "What Should Michael Bay Do With His Life?". Quit vs take up a drug habit.

I was gonna say die, lol but no i'm not hooked on turtles. So i'm fine with him ruining this one. that and ruining turtles is gonna take some serious work.

It seems like a pretty straight forward formula. Who would be worse? MC what his face (Shamlan?) or bay doing this?

The main thing that those involved with this movie need to do in my opinion is simply remember that it is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. Focus on the Turtles. You can reboot and go younger to match the new cartoon. You can go older and continue the canon of the first 4 movies. Extra Terrestrial elements or characters are fine. They've been in every version of TMNT since the original comics.

What I don't want is a repeat of Transformers where the titular characters, the ones the fans came to see, became minor characters or set dressing. Thus far, a lot of what I have heard and seen has been focused on Megan Fox/April and the cast playing the crew of Channel 6 News. I really have no interest in watching Channel 6 News: The Movie.

Mikeyfell:
Michael Bay should make the Mass Effect 3 movie. (Not the first two, just 3)

It's right up his alley.
There's no deep substance, it's all explosions and shitty romance. He can go nuts with the special effects, and he can ignore all the shitty stuff that happened in the game and spend all his time on Earth jerking off his human military fetish.

It might actually turn out better then what Bioware gave us.

That's what he should work on after he finishes TMNT

Wow....a year and 6 months later and you're STILL pissed off at that game. Pretty firm grip on your hate there, my friend. :P

OT: The very fact aliens are involved with the origins of the turtles in Michael Bay's vision for them proves that he is not qualified to make this movie. What could/should he do to make a good TMNT movie? Let someone else make it. Apparently someone who can read the titles of series.

I'd rather Bay keep the elements from the old series that made it work. I can accept the mutagen having alien origins, but not the turtles or Splinter himself. And why turn one of them into a female? You already have April on the team! As for Shredder, leave him as Oroku Saki (or however it's spelled), Splinter's old nemesis from the old days. i'm still undecided about Shredder's henchmen. But it was funny when you put Ra's al-Ghul's face on that scientist's picture.

Lieju:
Leonardo was always a girl to me, and when we played turtles, I was Leo. Because I liked blue and I was the boss in our group.

So that's canon to my childhood.

Mahoshonen:
Way to go with the 'women are weaker' comment, Chris. Really classy.

Also, aren't female turtles larger than the males?

Way to be mammal-centric, guys.

:D So he's not only being sexist, but racist too. ;p

On a more serious note; I like the idea of making Leo a female in the next interpretation of the show/movie. The turtles don't have THAT much personality, but Leo really is just "the leader", and that doesn't say much. The whole group big sister thing would be kind of neat.

They already had a female turtle, didn't work. Just keep the cannon the same and I'm happy.

Magog1:

Riobux:
I was hoping for an episode where you discuss "What Should Michael Bay Do With His Life?". Quit vs take up a drug habit.

I was gonna say die, lol but no i'm not hooked on turtles. So i'm fine with him ruining this one. that and ruining turtles is gonna take some serious work.

I was going to say it was a three-way, with suicide as an option but figured it might be a bit dark.

Michael Bay isn't making it; he's producing it. Granted, even as a producer he's somewhere between suck and shit. The movie is being directed by Jonathan Liebesman and written byJoshn Applebaum & Andre Nemec. All of which adds up to some serious hit and miss talent.

I liked the different format! I got so wrapped up in the discussion that I didn't even notice the lack of debate and points until where the final word would go. Actually freshens up the series a lot guys. Might be worth thinking alternating. See what the fans think.

Imp Emissary:

Lieju:
Leonardo was always a girl to me, and when we played turtles, I was Leo. Because I liked blue and I was the boss in our group.

So that's canon to my childhood.

Mahoshonen:
Way to go with the 'women are weaker' comment, Chris. Really classy.

Also, aren't female turtles larger than the males?

Way to be mammal-centric, guys.

:D So he's not only being sexist, but racist too. ;p

On a more serious note; I like the idea of making Leo a female in the next interpretation of the show/movie. The turtles don't have THAT much personality, but Leo really is just "the leader", and that doesn't say much. The whole group big sister thing would be kind of neat.

I'm kinda scared for how'd they sexualize her, though. True, they have human DNA, but they still have SHELLS, so there should be no boobs.

But what are the chances of them putting in a girl and not give her cleavage?

Lieju:

Imp Emissary:

Lieju:
Leonardo was always a girl to me, and when we played turtles, I was Leo. Because I liked blue and I was the boss in our group.

So that's canon to my childhood.

Also, aren't female turtles larger than the males?

Way to be mammal-centric, guys.

:D So he's not only being sexist, but racist too. ;p

On a more serious note; I like the idea of making Leo a female in the next interpretation of the show/movie. The turtles don't have THAT much personality, but Leo really is just "the leader", and that doesn't say much. The whole group big sister thing would be kind of neat.

I'm kinda scared for how'd they sexualize her, though. True, they have human DNA, but they still have SHELLS, so there should be no boobs.

But what are the chances of them putting in a girl and not give her cleavage?

Hmm...Well there is that one turtle Venus. How did she look?
*TO GOOGLE!*
..................................................................................................................................
xp Oi. Shell boobs galore. You may have a point there.

Turtles aren't mammals you bunch of racist! ;p

Lieju:
But what are the chances of them putting in a girl and not give her cleavage?

If this was one of the many other directors working on something not targeting young boys or older fans? Slim.

With Michael Bay, though, I'd say that the likelyhood is depressingly lower. Though, he could just ramp up April's cleavage and skimpy clothing to compensate for it and not make a retarded looking, boob-plated turtle.

 Pages 1 2 3 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here