Zero Punctuation: Rise of the Triad

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Rise of the Triad

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Rise of the Triad.

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An FPS were you play as a dog? Oh great, another COD rip-off :P

DVS BSTrD:
An FPS were you play as a dog? Oh great, another COD rip-off :P

I bet it doesn't even have fish that swim away from you or voice commands.

That seems like a fun game!!
If I remember I might get it some day, the review was good!!
I haven't even heard about the original before today.

About those ending puns, Yahtzee, I believe you should triad a little harder.

So essentially, Yahtzee, Rise of the Triads gave you the worse case of blue balls ever?

See, as some of Yahtzee's reviews go, I can't walk away from this knowing whether that was an overall recommendation, or a "stay away while I kill it with fire". To add to that, isn't one of the biggest sections of RotT the multiplayer? I'd like to know a little more what he thinks of that. Until then, RotT will remain in limbo, neither being bought nor being removed from my Steam wishlist.

Loved the hardcore/casual comparison. Hilariously spot on, especially with the 'fake' hardcore illustration.

Agent357:
See, as some of Yahtzee's reviews go, I can't walk away from this knowing whether that was an overall recommendation, or a "stay away while I kill it with fire". To add to that, isn't one of the biggest sections of RotT the multiplayer? I'd like to know a little more what he thinks of that. Until then, RotT will remain in limbo, neither being bought nor being removed from my Steam wishlist.

Yahtzee doesn't really do multiplayer, except occasionally when it's co-op and he has to (i.e. Borderlands).

Zachary Amaranth:

DVS BSTrD:
An FPS were you play as a dog? Oh great, another COD rip-off :P

I bet it doesn't even have fish that swim away from you or voice commands.

Or proper body hair physics.

I change channels when they advertise Four'n'Twenty on my new large-screen plasma.

I'm intimidated by the size of the pie ads.

MinionJoe:

Zachary Amaranth:

DVS BSTrD:
An FPS were you play as a dog? Oh great, another COD rip-off :P

I bet it doesn't even have fish that swim away from you or voice commands.

Or proper body hair physics.

Or stuff we don't give a shit about.

I hope the paw animation comes in a patch :D. Also maybe a quicksave feature :(.
Still, didnt the developers make a good SDK so that modders can make a whole lot of custom maps and MP arenas? That would aleviate the problems somewhat.

Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I laugh really hard. Regardless, Zero Punctuation is always entertaining. And though I'll probably never play Rise of the Triads, I'd consider this a ringing endorsement. Or I would, if I understood most of Yahtzee's English slang.

Yahtzee, If I get over my American pride one day I will learn proper English, and perhaps we can communicate. If I repeated your reviews to most people they would think I was just quoting the movie "Snatch" and mentally shut down. Until I get my English slang cypher, I'll just laugh ignorantly at your reviews where you can even speak ill of me and I'll just smile like an idiot.

Bubbling gonads as angry witch cauldrons made me spit out my coffee.

I hereby declare this video hilarious.

Mr Croshaw, seems to have a thing about silly hats :P

Hairy witch cauldrons.

Pissed myself. Nearly had a spit my tea moment for real.

It was all about the cartoon too man... Imp stirring bollock shaped cauldrons, little hairs too... Still laughing right now.

Good shit Croshaw. Review was alright and all. Shoutouts to the segway about hardcore and casual gaming too.

Ok, I laughed ad the money Pinhead bit.

the antithesis:
About those ending puns, Yahtzee, I believe you should triad a little harder.

Oh dear.

Agent357:
See, as some of Yahtzee's reviews go, I can't walk away from this knowing whether that was an overall recommendation, or a "stay away while I kill it with fire".

Yeah...I noticed that as well, I kept expecting him to say he was being sarcastic about stuff so it'd be consistently one wa or the other.

If Kickstarter hasn't made "Shut up and take my money!" their official, on-their-business-cards motto, they should. I can't remember much hard-as-balls platform jumping sections from the old, sprite-filled, pre-Quake FPS's, (but I do remember the DOOM's not having a jump button), so I can't relate to that, but this was still a hilarious video. But it did raise one question: what was Shadowrun about, and when did they remake it?

You know what does have Triads in it? Shadow Warrior.

I don't understand the problem people have with first person platforming. Why do you need to see your feet? Your character is a floating blob; all you need to do is look down at wherever you're jumping. I don't even really pay attention to my character's feet in 3rd person platformers. I don't have a problem with the checkpoint system either. First person shooters are getting to a point where they just feel like they've given up on gameplay. Death doesn't even feel like a gameplay element in Bioshock; you just respawn with no consequence. When you fall off the edge of the world in Bioshock Infinite you just instantly reappear right where you fell, so the whole concept of a floating environment that you could fall off of has basically no tangible impact on the gameplay. Having a checkpoint system basically makes death matter because there's some kind of actual consequence and impact to dying.

When something in a game has actual immediate consequences and you can screw up or fail, that leads to excitement. Isn't that kind of nice? Isn't it a good thing to be excited when you barely make it though something in a game? ROTT doesn't have needlessly spaced out environments, nor does it have any irritating scripting where you're forced to stand around in a room and kill waves of enemies for a specific period of time. You just go through levels without any real restrictions or handholding, so I don't get frustrated when I have to re-play something. It doesn't take very long and I'm not being forced to do a pre programed sequence the same way every time.

The real problem with this game is the awful lack of optimization and all the bugs. And for all the things it retains about the original, it doesn't have the non linear level design of early 90s first person shooters. And I would rather they actually made the enemies more aggressive rather than letting them just stand in place like the original game. And most of the secondary fire modes they added are too basic and uninteresting. The alt fire on the flamewall just acts like another redundant machine gun when they could have done something cool with it.

"Hairy witch cauldrons," well, didn't expect to hear that simile today...

Overall I'm surprised it invoked nostalgia the "good" way rather then just profiting from it. Restores a little of my faith in the market.

Having seen gameplay videos of it, I'm definitely giving it a pass. Besides just not seeming like my kind of thing, it's clear that the game needs a lot of patching before it can be remotely playable. A glitch where you can't fire or change your weapon until you die isn't my idea of a fun experience

Oh it's out? Sweet! *proceeds to buy from Steam*

And I keep saying it but it's a sin how you completely ignore multiplayer, Yahtzee. Especially for this game.

The whole faux-hardcore schtick is one the things that have made me laugh the most in newer ZPs. Right on, Yahtzee. Also, it's nice to see a game that sill tries to be fun and random before trying to be "modern". Also, dog in a FPS? Woops CoD: Ghosts, I think someone beat you to the punch....by two decades.

The term "hardcore" used to refer to people who liked PC games, to distinguish them from normal people; PC games are very rough around the edges, and it takes a special kind of person to enjoy them. At some point it switched to people who liked Mature-rated games; maybe this was also meant to distinguish them from normal people? At the same time, everyone else was labelled "casuals," defined as a group that likes easy games, which is just wrong in every possible way. First of all, this includes Nintendo games, which are not easy. Secondly, this includes iPhone and Facebook games, which are not games; they're like weird Pavlovian devices that are designed to hypnotize you, like the "games" in a casino.

Why did Yahtzee need another silly hat in the museum? He was already wearing one.

ROTT had a campaign? I played that game plenty, and have zero recollection of a single-player mode.

I really liked the summary of hardcore vs casual and may be tempted to steal parts of it in the future.

I'll hopefully get around to this soon since I'm having something of an old school FPS trip currently, at this moments onto Shadow Warrior, with unintentionally 90s style racism and all.

That's the main point I'm getting with these games, the lack of subtly and emphasis the ludicrous. Even games like Doom with their fire skies and corpses on spikes had more levity than the modern invisible-corridor shooter.

I was hoping you'd get around to reviewing Pikmin 3 today, but I'm pretty sure you would just whack on its crummy length till the guitars started wailing again , so I'm not too disappointed.

My gaming lifestyle only really kicked into gear around about the early 2000s as opposed to the Nineties, so if this game is an exercise in nostalgia I don't think it will appeal to me.

Cries of the Dryads? Ghehehehehe!!!!

Actually played the demo a lot in 1996, first PC evarrr I just gotten had it installed.
And Windows 95, because that was the SHIT!

What I really missed was: what about the God mode cheat? Does it still make you fly and throw BFG 9000 style lightning?!!!

CAPTCHA: Sticky Wicket. How British of it!

Advancedcaveman:
When something in a game has actual immediate consequences and you can screw up or fail, that leads to excitement. Isn't that kind of nice? Isn't it a good thing to be excited when you barely make it though something in a game?

If I wanted to achieve something, I'd be doing charity, political activism or science. I play games to be entertained. Dying five times in a boring jump'n'run sequence is not fun to me, finally mastering it doesn't feel like an achievement - it feels like I just wasted 10 good minutes.

If you don't want to use the Quick Save function - don't. If you want to get excited, use it badly, save when you just walked onto a grenade and have to take on four enemies with 10 health points left.

Quick saves also give you the option of just trying things. Like: can I jump off here? What happens when I try to attack that Zombie with a bulletpoint pen?
I hate games with vague checkpoints where I can't do that. "Ooh, everything has lasting consequences, isn't that cool?" No, that sounds like real life, the thing I'm trying to escape from.

Sorry. This is a semi-automatic rant. Been doing that since the original Alien vs Predator didn't ship with a quick save. And then I fought through this whole fucking mess, because I'm such a Predator-Nerd, and when I finished, they release a quick save patch. Grrr.

On topic:
ROTT was a weird game. All I remember is the dog thing and that your enemies occasionally begged for mercy when you had almost killed them -- and when you hesitated they attacked, teaching you a valueable lesson about mercy...

So the game was fun? Great. Thanks. ANOTHER FUN GAME. Now I get to enjoy myself instead of laughing at someone's misguided efforts.

Duo Oratar:
Yahtzee doesn't really do multiplayer, except occasionally when it's co-op and he has to (i.e. Borderlands).

That is what makes me interested in IF he plays Payday 2 in two weeks and if so... what he thinks of it.
Well, the alternative is probably Saints Row 4 and knowing him, he's picking that. Or he does both. Or he delays SR4 by a week to spend more time with it...

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