Zero Punctuation: The Bureau: XCOM Declassified

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A sandwich made of two pizzas...with another NINE in between?
What, the Mega Cheese Crust pizza ain't good enough for you, Yahtzee?

Clint Eastwood and Gordon Freeman together with a stack of 11 pizzas. Now that's a concept I like!

I liked The Bureau, I thought the gameplay was pretty decent and the plot was alright. Granted, the gameplay wasn't as good as X-COM:Enemy Unknown and the plot was quite clique with only one interesting twist to it.

Oops, there it was.

Anywho, my advice is to rent it or wait until it comes down to $20. The game's fine, just not as substantial as the Glorious PC Gaming Master Race deserves.

On a final note:

It's pretty disappointing that everywhere we looked we haven't found monsters.

Try the very bottom of the sea. Once you see your first leftvent you'll know we've a real jackpot of monsters down there.


I have to inform you all: Dominos will not make you 11-high stack of pizzas. The ovens are not tall enough.

Did Dominos or Pizza Hut invent that pizza made of Oreos and ice cream? Yahtzee may have invented the pizza sandwich made of pizza, but the Oreo Pizza is all American!

Yeah I am pleased I didn't buy this, I had heard from other sources (angryjoe) that it was shit always good to get a second opinion though. Plus at least there is an expansion coming out to Xcom: Enemy Unknown now which looks like its shaping up to be good (which Firaxis DLC usually is)

Also you should ask David Bowie about that whole having to follow Freddie Mercury on stage , because he had to at live aid.

David Bowie's such an awesome dude that way. When he went on tour with Nine Inch Nails (or maybe it was just Trent Reznor), he put his own name under NIN's on the posters.

captcha: one hit wonder
I hope that doesn't apply to the revived XCOM series

Yeah Bowie is awesome, but he didn't choose to follow Queen's set, it was organized for them as live aid was a charity gig with multiple artists. The day belonged very much to Queen that day though as their set is known as ''the twenty minutes that changed music'' it even comes up as that on google.

Well, I thought the setting (1960's conspiracy style plus those intriguing polygon-mancer aliens) looked promising... Seems like they didn't take advantadge of it.

Back in 2010, I said that the XCOM shooter looked like a generic cover based shooter set in Norman Rockwellville.
From what I've seen and read, that sentence is more interesting than the actual game.

How ironic that in an industry that acts upon the notion of "people don't know what they want, but we do" manages to constantly get this shit wrong... Even when they get it right.

Like so much mediocre shit before, we can finally flush this turd and move on.

That's pretty scary, being followup to alive Freddie Mercury. Tough act to follow. Yah, I'm a pretty huge Queen fan. :P
Heck, regardless, Freddie Mercury's a tough act to follow. :P

Pretty good analogy, too. I know I infinitely prefer the old style of X-com. Flight of the Valkyries FTW!

Captcha: oh wait
on what? *Waits on Escapist* >.>

I can almost taste the salty tears of the execs that were ballsy and reckless enough to authorize the idea of an FPS reboot...

2K Execs, a few years ago: "Hey, guess what? People like shooters! People liked XCOM! XCOM SHOOTER! MONEY! PRINT! NAO!"

*a few revisions later*

2K Execs: "Print money? Please?" *puppy whine*

*a few more revisions*

2K Execs: "Aw, fuck it. I'll just go and get drunk and mail some ricin-laced letters to Jake Solomon. Asshole KILLED MY IDEA WITH HIS BETTER GAME!" *tortured alcoholic sobs*

Daystar Clarion:
I don't think anyone was expecting this game to not suck.

It would have been fine if they made the game they wanted to make instead of caving to XCOM's fanbase. Ink monsters hiding in the walls of suburban homes and monolothic weapons of mass destruction were far more interesting threats than what we got.

Anyone else see Gordon Freeman?

Yes we did. Because he was in the video. The video that we all watched.

Showing my age but did anyone play XCOM Interceptor?

I'm one of the 5 people who bought and liked that game. I think the base management, mission choice, and research components were really well done. The actual flying was crappy compared to X Wing but then again nothing could ever beat that.

I played that game for about 5 hours. I seem to recall that everything was going good until about the 4 hours and thirty minutes mark, then the difficulty spiked and I simply could not win a mission after that. I really enjoyed Apocalypse though, I beat it four times.



Did they make the sandwich?


Daystar Clarion:
I don't think anyone was expecting this game to not suck.

It would have been fine if they made the game they wanted to make instead of caving to XCOM's fanbase. Ink monsters hiding in the walls of suburban homes and monolothic weapons of mass destruction were far more interesting threats than what we got.

It would have been even better if they hadn't shoved the Xcom name on it so it could have been judged on its own merits you mean.

You have to wonder what the execs were smoking when they came up with that particular idea.

Thunderous Cacophony:
I haven't played Enemy Unknown *dodges thrown boot* but did they characterize the NPCs there? I thought a big part of the game was that faceless government agents were being fed into the alien meat grinder as governments try desperately to stop the invasion.

It was. There were mindless missions that pretended to offer something different, but always degraded to "if it moves and, it is not you, kill it, a lot". It was also far less of a meat grinder, than a kiddie ride (until modded), except for all the magical bugs where enemies appear out of nowhere and kill half the team. I hear they just got that patched, so perhaps I will play it again [snicker]. So really it was just a third person version of this mouthful (tB:XD), though to mod EU we were forced to hack the EXE. If I thought tB was worth the time I would probably find out if it can be fixed (aka modded by those the know what they are doing). Since it is too generically lame and with far too small an audience, I will go back to my mega-mod for Xenonauts (due out sometime in 20<mumble, mumble>).

HalfTangible - No. Fire codes prevented it, unfortunately. Yahtzee will have to wait until he is state-side, where I believe it is called the Pizza Royale. To date it has only claimed 639 lives, so it is still legal in most states.

I'm a tad surprised at Yahtzee for not liking this game, since it had more than just what you'd expect when you think of "shooter", the enemies are aliens and not other humans, and all the characters appear to share his taste in hats.
Now all I can hear is Clint Eastwood doing that video game "Tell me more about..." response to dialogue trees.

I thought Yahtzee didn't like Mass Effect.

So... Did they make the sandwich?

Right! Forget this "another terrible shooter" stuff! Is there, or isn't there a hendeca-pizza sandwich/loaf/melange/mashup/whatever, and in what way did Pizza Hut charge for it?

Can an order like that be re-stated as a femto-(plus one)-vertical integration pizza-pizza deal?

Did they refuse to contemplate the order on the grounds that they only serve sane people?
(And if so, what was the rationale for having Australian branches of the franchise?)

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