Unskippable: Dark

Dark

Paul and Graham get dark for this very special episode dedicated to those Vampires that we hold dear.

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Wow that is an ancient clan of vampires. They've been around since the ancient time known as the 80's.

That was THE worst cutscene Unskippable has ever done. Good job guys (:

It's rather ironical to see "The Witcher" become vampire. Also does this voice actor own sole rights for characters with memory loss? If so why wasnt he in amnesia :(

I had exactly the reactions you did,

"you dont want to know, I dont know what happens but this is exactly what happens"

also

"there are some vampires who have been in the business for decades"
(snort)

On a side note, I dont play platformers, I dont know anything about rayman.

But the ads that have been on permanent play both before and after every escapist video this month really make we want to try out Rayman legends for some reason, well played marketing firm, well played.

From now on I'm going to refer to roofies as vampire pills.

bor3ds0ul:
That was THE worst cutscene Unskippable has ever done. Good job guys (:

No that title still goes to Zoids Assault.

Incidentally, why did that Rose lady have a string of binary tattooed down her arm?

Holy shit, that's Geralt!

Seriously, that looked like the most dull video game ever...

I think I saw some grammar mistakes in the cutscene, but that might just be me feeling the effects of a long day. However, did the subtitles actually say "Your brain is starts to deteriorate"?

Also this cutscene felt really chopped up even mid conversation. I actually think this is worse than the conversation from Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory.

Wow, the voice acting in that cutscene was bad, especially the girl. She was so bad she makes Kristen Stewart look like an actor.

"Eric Bane, Born of Dickbag" is still better than being a Twilight Spark...Wait, is that where her name comes from?

You guys don't want to know what happens if you don't finish this cutscene....Here's what happens....

40 year old vampires? Who would want to live that long?

GERALT WHY?!

Yopaz:
I think I saw some grammar mistakes in the cutscene, but that might just be me feeling the effects of a long day. However, did the subtitles actually say "Your brain is starts to deteriorate"?

Also this cutscene felt really chopped up even mid conversation. I actually think this is worse than the conversation from Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory.

I think the actors recorded their lines separately. Tom did his in the 90's, and they've been harassing people on the street since then, trying to scrape up enough dialogue to make a cutscene. (Also, I saw the typo too. This game is just atrocious.)

OT: I was waiting for Eric to realize that he's not a vampire, he just got mugged, and he accidentally swallowed some gravel in the process.

I would totally use the code "Hella sickness, brah." Just use it on every vampire I meet, forever.

Dang it... that intro was terrible (and the game, too!), but now I really want a surfing game themed entirely around California vampires. Call it Surf the Moonlight; since the vamps can't surf in daylight, the have to go when the moon is out. Show off some of that sweet GRAPHICAL FIDELITY, aw yeah.

And there could totally be a subplot about Werewolves coming out to surf when the moon is completely full! Then the vamps and wolves totally get into a huge surfing competition because what else you gonna do, right?

Yopaz:
I think I saw some grammar mistakes in the cutscene, but that might just be me feeling the effects of a long day. However, did the subtitles actually say "Your brain is starts to deteriorate"?

Yeah, I saw it too, was just about to ask if anyone else saw it.

OT: damn but those walking animations were funky, and not the good kind. I also laughed so hard at the "in business for decades" part.

Dammit Geralt, what are you doing slumming it in these bad cutscenes?

Is it me or is the plot of this game basically Vampire bloodlines, the masquerade but with a shittier story?

Maybe this game is just a bad story Geralt made up while getting drunk at some Inn with Zoltan and Dandelion

Incomer:
It's rather ironical to see "The Witcher" become vampire. Also does this voice actor own sole rights for characters with memory loss? If so why wasnt he in amnesia :(

Because he forgot to show up for work that day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zXDo4dL7SU

Geez, that was terribad. Not only is Geralt playing "amnesiac antihero #637", the subtitles have typos in them, both "Rose" and "Tom" feel like they've recorded their lines on different planets to "Eric," and it's so incredibly obvious that "Rose" is playing Eric like a ten-cent kazoo. I'm actually morbidly curious if they play Rose's story straight or if she's going to screw you over somehow. I'm actually not sure which would be less disappointing.

Eric Bane. Dark. Dammit, there's a Dark Knight Rises joke in there somewhere, I just know it!

Fuckin Geralt of Rivia yuckin it up as a vampire. Standard.

Hm, a lot of visible tearing in the video this time. :/

If you wanted to know what's worse than Twilight's abstinence vampires, there you have it: exposition vampires.

So wait...you do a video for a game called Dark and not one Mike Patton joke...you guys must be slipping

That was... pretty bad. I do not know who writes this crap, but the game would have to be pretty epic to be worth sitting through it.

Ah, poking fun at shaky mythology is just too easy. And I still have no idea what's happening. First she says she's a vampire, then she says she has no idea of what it's like to become a vampire. I mean, make up your bloody mind! (Pun intended.)

Random Wanderer:
That was... pretty bad. I do not know who writes this crap, but the game would have to be pretty epic to be worth sitting through it.

I think including this as an unskippable cutscene prevents it from ever being epic.

"You don't want to know what happens and I don't even KNOW what happens but here's exactly what happens." best quote ever.

Random Wanderer:
That was... pretty bad. I do not know who writes this crap, but the game would have to be pretty epic to be worth sitting through it.

Well, Yahtzee suffered through it. You decide if he'd think Dark is epic.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/7823-Dark

An epiphany: Thanks squarely to the lifeless open-mouth-close-mouth-rinse-repeat lip syncing in this game, I have realized that criticizing character animation is every bit as justified as criticizing their voice acting (character animation just being another component of a performance, after all).

Congratulations, Dark; you've contributed to a world in which David Cage's inane obsession with polygons contains some small measure of validity after all.

*As a monologue* "My name's Eric Bane. Time to find out who I am." Is it just me, or does this sound super pretentious?

This had me laughing so much I burped.

Awesome job guys thank you! This is now my favorite Unskippable episode : ) So much material to make fun of lol.

Wow I knew and heard that the game Dark was bad but sheesh I had no idea it was this rough. I was well kinda, sorta hoping it would be a more action based Vampire Bloodlines but I guess I will have to wait for a hopefully better game or a long awaited sequel.

I'd like to think that Bane's voice actor recorded all the dialogue in the game with one endless and emotionless monotone take.

 

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