Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto 5

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Grand Theft Auto 5

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Grand Theft Auto 5.

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Despite not saying it's a bad game I'm sure this review will piss off plenty of GTA fanboys.

Oddly enough I was hoping he would do Shadow Warrior this week. Maybe he will use it to cleanse his palate of the 'meh' that is his opinion of gtaV.

Pretty much summarises much of what I think about this game.

And THANK YOU so much for bringing up the damn flying! If we exclude the internet dwellers I am the only person I know who hates the damn planes and the helicopters.

Oh yeah, and let's prepare the flame shield. You may have not given a numerical score but you don't need to in order to fan flames.

One small step for Rockstar, one giant leap into a spike pit for GTA.

And queue people who probably haven't even played the game vehemently defending it.
I found GTA V fun at times, but overall fairly bland. I agree that none of the characters are fleshed out or interesting in any capacity. And for zany fun, I found Saints Row IV much more agreeable.

*Hands Yahtzee a flame shield*

You're going to need this dude. While I thought your review was quite funny GTA V fans might be...less than amicable.

Buccura:
Despite not saying it's a bad game I'm sure this review will piss off plenty of GTA fanboys.

If a 9/10 review including one word they didn't like can do it, I'd bet you're right.

Anyway, nice to see another critic point out that the game is not necessarily the pube igniting masterpiece many claim it to be.

I think comparisons, not just with Saints Row IV, but also Skyrim are in order. Just how does one make games this big both balanced and with tightness and direction?

So you find it average with poor writing, pointless RPG elements, by the nose story missions and no overarching plot.

Not GOTY material then?

That's strange. I guess I don't live in as hip and cool of a city being stuck in the huge Texas bunghole and all that, but I haven't noticed an abundance of ads for this game. Maybe they don't think us Texans are a worthy market to pursue. :(

Incontinent honey badger in a whore house kitchen before...

Yeah, even for Yahtzee that metaphor was a bit long, rambly and weird, I think.

I might buy this game for 20 bucks during a steam sale if it ever gets released for the pc, I didn't like past grand theft auto games enough for me to bother buying this one for 60 bucks.

Hmm okay, he didn't like it that much I guess.

One thing I don't understand though, why is Saints Row considered 'fun' and the later GTA aren't? Because you can run around with a dildo and other wacky stuff? That's wacky. Not necessarily fun. I didn't play GTAV of course (having only a PC and stuff), but I definitely had tons more fun with GTA IV then SR2+3 combined and if GTA had the same stupid wacky humor everywhere, I'd like it less.

Yeah, I have to say that I agree with this review pretty wholly. The writing can be funny and the characters are sometimes clever but that's about it. It's probably the best GTA game so far, but I can only play it for an hour or two before I get bored from driving all the way down town just for a mission to send me all the way back to where I was. It just gets a little tedious and no amount of random "stop/help the stick-up guy" missions will change that.

I really hope no one expected Yahtzee to get on here today and also pay homage to the throbbing mass that is GTA 5's over-inflated genitals. There are quite enough critics gorging themselves upon it, so what's say you guys let this one go and just accept that fact that this game is not for everyone?

Whew! The GTA Zombie Plague has spared Yahtzee so he isn't slobbering all over GTA V's knob in this review. All is right with the world.

I personally feel the game has it's moments, however all of the scripted to death portions of it, are not them.

dint bother to get any of them after SA. plus there is no pc version so i dont even care at all.

Seems about where Greg Tito came out- Mechanically competent but no interesting or likeable characters or developments.

Yeah, I knew you were going to hate it. Further justification for me to not buy it! Plus I still need to get Saints Row 4.

This is how I've felt with any GTA game, not good or bad but fun enough to be passable entertainment.

Barciad:
I think comparisons, not just with Saints Row IV, but also Skyrim are in order. Just how does one make games this big both balanced and with tightness and direction?

You don't. You keep them separate. Consider SR4 for a moment (yeah I know blasphemy favoring SR4 for the "golden child" GTA, but bear with me). The story has no impact on the open world aspect apart from giving you more NPC allies. The sidequests are simply city takeover aspects grouped together and give rewards. The only mixing is that some weapons and most powers come from story progression but your basic sets are given pretty early on and can easily allow you to do what you want without an issue. The story doesn't affect the open world part and vice versa. It's when you try to combine the two that you have problems because they are two opposing playstyles so pushing for one means sacrificing another.

Nice review, agreed that the plot is almost non-existent here. And brace yourself Yahtzee, fanboy rage is coming...

One of the GTAV missions has you mopping the floor. As I started down the third hallway, looking for smudges, I felt the sudden urge to go play SR4. At least SR4 had pancakes.

I knew that Yahtzee would give this game at least some semblance of a paddling, but I am the sort of person that judges a game based on it's lowest scoring review.

Also, no point in giving Yahtzee a flameshield, his apathy towards responses is strong enough to withstand several nuclear warheads' worth of flame.

I shouldn't have laughed at that soldier joke as much as I did...

Sgt. Sykes:
Hmm okay, he didn't like it that much I guess.

One thing I don't understand though, why is Saints Row considered 'fun' and the later GTA aren't? Because you can run around with a dildo and other wacky stuff? That's wacky. Not necessarily fun. I didn't play GTAV of course (having only a PC and stuff), but I definitely had tons more fun with GTA IV then SR2+3 combined and if GTA had the same stupid wacky humor everywhere, I'd like it less.

Because some people think that random= funny. I didn't had so much fun with SR3 that I have with GTA V. SR3 was just random.

Funny how people keep going on about in coming fanboy rage, but it seems like they're all still trying to connect to GTA online.

Akichi Daikashima:
I knew that Yahtzee would give this game at least some semblance of a paddling, but I am the sort of person that judges a game based on it's lowest scoring review.

Also, no point in giving Yahtzee a flameshield, his apathy towards responses is strong enough to withstand several nuclear warheads' worth of flame.

Well, we may get another Mailbag showdown. That would be fun.

DVS BSTrD:
Funny how people keep going on about in coming fanboy rage, but it seems like they're all still trying to connect to GTA online.

Give them time. It took like 3 pages for that one Critical Miss comic to really get going.

I have yet to hear a reasonable response when I ask people why they enjoy the GTA series, the most common thing I hear is "You can steal cars and shoot people." either they're very easily impressed/amused, or they have the mind of a teenager, or both. I'm sorry, but it takes more than that for me to enjoy a game. I don't hate sandbox games, Just Cause 2 kept me entertained for a very long time, and although I didn't like Red Dead Redemption that much, I still find the amount of stuff you can do in that game staggering. GTA V just feels... lacking, it's certainly not as brilliant as many people make it out to be.

I thought GTA V had excellent writing and characterization and voice acting. I thought Los Santos and Blaine County were both fully realized worlds that were massive in scope and had tons of things to do. I thought the story was slick and well paced and it felt like the only GTA story that didn't have any unnecesary padding. I thought that Rockstar finally nailed the driving mechanics, and every hobby/activity was fleshed out. Quite frankly, V is my favorite GTA game, despite it not being totally infallible (Fuck you super cops. Fuck. You.).

There Escapist, is that enough 'fanboy rage' for you?

PunkRex:
I shouldn't have laughed at that soilder joke as much as I did...

Don't feel too bad. I laughed pretty hard at it too. Guess we're both sharing a seat on the bus ride to Hell. ^^;

EDIT: Kinda sucks we have to wait 2 weeks to get our Yahtzee fix. At least we should get some videos on the Expo real soon.

It's interesting how when Yahtzee doesn't want to like a game, he brings up plot points that he doesn't particularly like and focuses on them. He did the same thing with the Last of Us.

Honestly, I miss the days when Zero Punctuation was about criticizing games due to actual issues with the gameplay and mechanics. There was hardly a word here about the gameplay itself. Yeah, the planes handle poorly but that's all that I got from this review. It really just seems lazy to me and an attempt to run against the mainstream. It's like he watched some character footage on YouTube and based the entire video on that.

I mean seriously, let's do a play-by-play. The first 45 seconds is complaining about the advertising. Then he complains about the fact that it's named GTA V even though there are more than 5 games, a joke he's made several times already about the same series. Then he complains about GTA IV. Next he describes the characters, saying they're all poorly written but gives no actual examples of them being poorly written other then that Franklin is whiny and misinterpreting Michael's overall character. After that he brings up the problem of linearity within the mission structure and the poor flight controls which I definitely agree with. The rest of the review he talks about not being able to play online yet and then saying it was ok but not great. That's just simply weak criticism and it's really disappointing.

I would have respected it a lot more if he brought up the fact that the traffic AI is pretty bad and the gunplay feels sticky and weird or maybe the brought up the texture popping and characters and cars randomly disappearing. But as far as I'm concerned there's no actual evidence that he even played the game.

I truly don't have a problem with people disliking what I don't like. Metal Gear Solid is a favorite of mine and I didn't have a problem with his MGS4 review. I also like Dead Space, Gears of War, and Borderlands. My problem is when the criticism isn't well thought out.

ImBigBob:
Yeah, I knew you were going to hate it. Further justification for me to not buy it! Plus I still need to get Saints Row 4.

I can tell you firsthand that Saints Row 4 is absolute garbage and not even accidentally good. It's not even a matter of opinion. It's glitchy, boring, has absolutely no sense of pacing, most of the content is literally copy-pasted from Saints Row 3, the missions are insultingly easy, and the superpowers simply break the game.

ProfessorLayton:
It's interesting how when Yahtzee doesn't want to like a game, he brings up plot points that he doesn't particularly like and focuses on them. He did the same thing with the Last of Us.

Honestly, I miss the days when Zero Punctuation was about criticizing games due to actual issues with the gameplay and mechanics. There was hardly a word here about the gameplay itself. Yeah, the planes handle poorly but that's all that I got from this review. It really just seems lazy to me and an attempt to run against the mainstream. It's like he watched some character footage on YouTube and based the entire video on that.

ImBigBob:
Yeah, I knew you were going to hate it. Further justification for me to not buy it! Plus I still need to get Saints Row 4.

I can tell you firsthand that Saints Row 4 is absolute garbage and not even accidentally good. It's not even a matter of opinion. It's glitchy, boring, has absolutely no sense of pacing, most of the content is literally copy-pasted from Saints Row 3, the missions are insultingly easy, and the superpowers simply break the game.

Still would rather play it than another GTA.

Captcha: save face

*Peeks up from behind Flame Shield*

Phew, maybe it's about expectations, Yahtzee has pulled games in his best of lists to pieces so even the Rage Monsters have no reason to be shocked at this.

Anyway, closer to on topic but not really, I've been playing a lot of Minecraft, you know even in that innocent seeming game my character is not nice, I've single-handedly destroyed populations of animals and plundered a continents worth of precious stones (mostly to lose it all falling in lava anyway!!) all so I can get up and do it some more tomorrow. And have a big house on a hill, with turrets, and a big walled staircase, and a pier... So, Greed.

I'll be giving GTA5 a miss, I like my open worlds more RPG like anywho.

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