Zero Punctuation: Lost Planet 3

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Lost Planet 3

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Lost Planet 3.

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Just awesome. I am excited to see this game be reviewed, but am far more excited to see Yahtzee's jokes.

I know doesn't read this, but thanks for making such an excellent series, for such a long time!

Well I was thinking "well I think I might give it a try", but then you brought up the framerate and I just said "fuck it!" aloud.

Oh well, I hope it and Dead Space have a creepy romance that has no children.

"It's Dead Space without horror"

So basically Dead Space 2.

How sad is it that a game set on an ice planet can't even run fully optimized.

unacomn:
"It's Dead Space without horror"

So basically Dead Space.

Fix'd that for you.

Another game with another evil corporation, find it weird that despite living in a capitalist society we always paint corporations as evil in our fiction, are most writers secretly communists?

When Yahtzee said that it was a "Prequel" I immediately sighed, walked over to my bed and face palmed.
I actually had fun with a friend in Lost Planet 2 and I hope that they would make 3 better.

But it seems that making it a prequel ruined it ... well not just that, they fucked it all up.
I don't know but I am really hating that many people make prequels or reboots this day.
It feels like they are trying to recycle ideas or use thing that make people go "OH, I KNOW THAT, THATS FROM- etc, etc" (Im looking at you Prometheus!).

So yeah, recently I just really dislike prequels.
Sure some are damn great, but to me most are damn shite.

I'm glad Yahtzee gave this a Dead Space signature stomp just like TotalBiscuit.

I'm surprised you were so... relatively kind to the first Lost Planet, because I consider it one of the worst shooters I've played. You get knocked around like crazy and it's impossible to see through all the smoke that billows up everywhere. The story was terrible, with boring characters and a plot that made no sense whatsoever. After playing it, I stubbornly refused to play any Lost Planet games ever again.

Though I will admit fighting a giant spider while riding in a giant robot was pretty awesome.

I suppose it's indicative of this series' overall mediocrity that I've never displayed so much as curiosity towards one of these games. I've never moved past reading the synopsis. I can't really explain it, it's just one of those franchises that seems empty even from the outside. Goodness knows what it would feel like to actually play.

If you need Determination to f*ck a couch, then that couch is a terrible lay and youre better off cfinding another.

Weird i just realized paying for a decent hooker costs as much as buying a new couch.

Every new Lost planet games fills me with sadness. I wanted to like the first one, but meh. I wanted the second to be good, but blah. And this doesn't sound any better.

However, the review was funny as hell, so that's something.

Proverbial Jon:
I suppose it's indicative of this series' overall mediocrity that I've never displayed so much as curiosity towards one of these games. I've never moved past reading the synopsis. I can't really explain it, it's just one of those franchises that seems empty even from the outside. Goodness knows what it would feel like to actually play.

It must be selling really well in Japan, that's the only reason I can think of. It's a series whose survival is just bizarre to me because of how fucking mediocre it all is.

carpathic:
Just awesome. I am excited to see this game be reviewed, but am far more excited to see Yahtzee's jokes.

I know doesn't read this, but thanks for making such an excellent series, for such a long time!

You know... watch the video before you comment. It honestly just seems you wanted to be the first commenter this way.

OT: I actually kinda liked the second one, but it was really forgettable. I played through that game twice and I am completely unable to remember anything that happened. There was forest, there were monsters. If it were worth mentioning then I would remember it. I don't think I'll bother with the third one.

Well, if you want mechs you could try Armored Core Verdict Day, it's certainly different from regular AAA games but it'll probably just confuse the hell out of you. Might be worth a try though, maybe it sticks.

Yopaz:

carpathic:
Just awesome. I am excited to see this game be reviewed, but am far more excited to see Yahtzee's jokes.

I know doesn't read this, but thanks for making such an excellent series, for such a long time!

You know... watch the video before you comment. It honestly just seems you wanted to be the first commenter this way.

OT: I actually kinda liked the second one, but it was really forgettable. I played through that game twice and I am completely unable to remember anything that happened. There was forest, there were monsters. If it were worth mentioning then I would remember it. I don't think I'll bother with the third one.

oooookkkaayyy.....apparently you're a forum police officer or something? I was excited to see the review and I did want to say thanks.

somehow this is invalid?

not really understanding, but whatever.

Well. There's a Lost Planet 3, you learn something new everyday!

I kind of liked the first one for doing it's own thing, in a kind of early launch title game kind of way, but the second was absolute dross of the most generic shooter kind.

Ahhh, this is the Yahtzee we all know and love: not trying to nitpick things out of games that were overall decent (The Last Of Us, GTA V) for a few half-cocked and misaimed one-liners, and instead completely and fully rips apart a game nobody expected to be good, and delivers fully on the promise. Tying it all up with a few nods to previous reviews (Dead Space 3, Ride to Hell: Retribution) were just the icing on the cake

I can only hope that the mediocre waste that is the "Lost Planet" series doesn't taint the well for decent games on the "colonial space planet" setting. God knows there doesn't look like a decent sci-fi game on the horizon now that Mass Effect has wrapped up its trilogy (and if they DO somehow make a sequel to it, it'd have one hell of a legacy to live up to lest it get gangbanged by the whole gamer community).

To be fair, if it's such a boring story, he might have thought his granddaughter wouldn't care.

A crotch-mounted ballista would look slightly awkward when it comes to reloading...

It's funny how many games go for the "Our gameplay can't be fun! The shitty story that we made up wouldn't make sense if it was" defense.

I remember when the Xbox 360 was new and shiny (AKA: a loooong time ago), I remember playing a demo stand in a local music store that also happened to sell games and I remember being utterly amazed by Lost Planet's graphics and utterly confused by it's gameplay. I though it was pretty neat for the 10 minutes or so of gameplay, it's a real shame it got massively wasted over the years.

Also, LP3 reminds me more of Red Faction Armageddon, wich is basically Gears of War fused with Dead Space, but without the tight controls of the former and without the "thrills" (for a lack of better term, instead of "horror") of the later.

Also, I want my Shadow Warrior review, goddamit! >.<'

A dull, boring, witless version of Borderlands 2? It'll sell millions!

This review could have been much shorter. In a similar style of how they announce 'great news' about the Dacia Sandero.

Anyway, never bothered to play this game. It's entire premise doesn't feel like a game to me. If it was developed by independent game developers, I would have given it a go. But otherwise, it's just like those horrible television films they show on SyFy.

And Capcom wonders why it's about to run out of money. Keep pumping money into shit like this while canceling countless Mega Man games that would have sold much better than this while having a smaller development cost, you wankers.

carpathic:

Yopaz:

carpathic:
Just awesome. I am excited to see this game be reviewed, but am far more excited to see Yahtzee's jokes.

I know doesn't read this, but thanks for making such an excellent series, for such a long time!

You know... watch the video before you comment. It honestly just seems you wanted to be the first commenter this way.

OT: I actually kinda liked the second one, but it was really forgettable. I played through that game twice and I am completely unable to remember anything that happened. There was forest, there were monsters. If it were worth mentioning then I would remember it. I don't think I'll bother with the third one.

oooookkkaayyy.....apparently you're a forum police officer or something? I was excited to see the review and I did want to say thanks.

somehow this is invalid?

not really understanding, but whatever.

Yeah, just ignore anyone who whines to you about how you should have watched the video first. Speaking of things people should have done instead of what they did do, he should have just reported your post and moved on rather than playing forum police.

God dammit I was expecting Shadow Warrior review, can we expect that any time soon?

Um... You know that if you sloppily make out with someone you don't trade places with them, right? If that was the case, then by the current score I would be an insane bisexual comic-book artist.

P.S. Of course, for all you know I am an insane bisexual comic-book artist, so that probably doesn't say much to you guys. -.-

I still want to know why it's called "Lost Planet." The planet isn't exactly lost, now is it?

canadamus_prime:
I still want to know why it's called "Lost Planet." The planet isn't exactly lost, now is it?

Perhaps it was some form of prediction for the series' appeal on this planet.

carpathic:
Just awesome. I am excited to see this game be reviewed, but am far more excited to see Yahtzee's jokes.

I know doesn't read this, but thanks for making such an excellent series, for such a long time!

I think he reads, just doesn't respond.

Evonisia:

canadamus_prime:
I still want to know why it's called "Lost Planet." The planet isn't exactly lost, now is it?

Perhaps it was some form of prediction for the series' appeal on this planet.

If that's the case then they should've called it "Dead Planet."

themilo504:
Another game with another evil corporation, find it weird that despite living in a capitalist society we always paint corporations as evil in our fiction, are most writers secretly communists?

Could be the writers' sneaky way of saying "I hate my job because my bosses are greedy douchebags." without getting immediately fired.

OT: This must be the first time Yahtzee's reviewed a Lost Planet game. I had to look for his E3 2012 video, and yeah, he was right! At the beginning, he made Lost Planet sound like "the little action sci-fi series that could".

I kind of feel bad for Lost Planet as a series. It can boast some interesting premises, such as the challenges of outdoor survival or the aforementioned giant robot suits, but it's been let down so consistently by such boring execution and such dreary storytelling that it just comes out as an unengaging, soulless blob.

A bit more polish and there could have been a decent game somewhere in there (only one, though, I don't think there's enough material to let it float for three whole games).

I have a feeling that Capcom just doens't know what to do with this series. I do have to applaud Spark Unlimited for their work becuase even though I haven't played Lost Planet 3 yet, it still seems a whole lot better than Legendary.

Played 1 and meh, far from the worst game ive played. The varied weapons both on foot and in a mech made it fun, even if the plot was just terrible.

The WTF co op of number 2 was actually hilariously fun. At one point you just become for no reason a group of metal head mexicans who decide to steal a moving tank the size of a city by chasing it down on their jetcycles. Then you have to defend it from waves of dropships and finally your chased around by a GIANT spider.

Also Lost Planet 2 came out like a year before Borderlands.

I was excited when they announced LP3 but lost interest as fast as details were released.

So fun fact about this game, it was made by Spark Unlimited, who previously made Legendary, Turning Point: Fall of Liberty, and Call of Duty: Finest Hour, three terrible games, and allegedly they only made this game because they were the lowest bidder (they made an offer roughly 40% lower than their competitors).

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