Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty: Ghosts

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Call of Duty: Ghosts

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Call of Duty: Ghosts.

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Huh, I was expecting Battlefield 4 today. Oh well it was pretty entertaining and Ghosts was inevitable anyway.

It's weird that the message is "The only people who can beat America is America" with that laser, they can't be sympathetic when they practically caused their own downfall. The lack of the dog mostly is quite weird too, he was the major selling point. I'm surprised there was no mention of the after credits ending or that awful "Being patriotic means giving your son for your country" line in the hype.

I'm glad to see Black Ops II get some kind of sympathy, if only one line. That 'trailer' of sorts for Jam: The Audiobook was pretty great too.

Brutal, as expected. My brother picked this up a few days ago but I haven't had the chance to give it a try yet.

Also, that ending was possibly creepier than anything even Jim Sterling has done on this site before.

Okay, first off: Yahtzee whispering "JAAAAAAAAAAAM..." into my headphones is something I realized I wasn't prepared for.

Anyway, Yahtzee, did you seriously expected Ghosts to actually feature a weakened US? Everyone pretty much figured from the first trailer that it wasn't going to be any different from the previous one.

What was this review about, again? My memory of it seems to have been replaced by thoughts of strawberries and pectin.

They don't call COD the micheal bay of video games for nothing. Seriousally south america invades the US? I call BS! This is why I play only multiplayer in COD, FYI the guard dog killstreak is OP.

Ah Ghost dog, way of the samurai. Good to see i wasn't the only person who watched that film.

Soooo...ummm, i just sort of, accidentally bought Techno kitten adventure. Not sure how that happened

JoJo:
Brutal, as expected. My brother picked this up a few days ago but I haven't had the chance to give it a try yet.

Also, that ending was possibly creepier than anything even Jim Sterling has done on this site before.

Jim played with a dragon tongue shaped dildo for our amusement.

He also wrote that Miltank poem.

Jim well and truly takes the creepy crown in my book.

But what about the multiplayer, Yahtzee?

Evonisia:
It's weird that the message is "The only people who can beat America is America" with that laser, they can't be sympathetic when they practically caused their own downfall.

Never mind that space-based WMDs are forbidden by treaties that have the implicit threat of global thermonuclear war (because an orbital WMD might kill you before you get to nuke its owner so you better nuke him NOW).

You know I think I might give Jam a try.

Oh, I'm sorry. jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmm...

I think I'd enjoy a military shooter game if the main villain were an ex-spy cod spirit hell-bent on getting revenge on the agency that blacklisted him no matter the cost.

Well give COD Ghost credit, its made millions upon millions on first day, still don't know though how it did that, story was... something. in hind sight the was somehow more interesting, but he only lasted about...a hour or so. everything else it tried to listin to the rest, but all i heard was loud noise, and story that made so predictable yet so vague some point. as for the multiply...well it different from Black ops 2 but not much.

why can't cod games change, my god, the dog would have been better than this.

Great Video. A pity Ghost turned out to be even more insubstantial and pathetic than advertised. It did make me wonder... If a paranoid racist idiot dies would the power of his grudge still cause him to haunt the people who actually had nothing to do with his weird obsessions (at least going by horror movie logic)?

Also, that was a fantastic teaser add at the end... That is how it is done:)

Well, who the hell buys CoD for singleplayer anymore?

Please, stand up and say your name, so that we may oggle at the oddity that is you.

Best review in ages, keep up the good work!

Jam audiobook!
My favourite type of book!

It's like being read a bedtime story in such an adult way! And it's Jam!

SILENTrampancy:
Well, who the hell buys CoD for singleplayer anymore?

Please, stand up and say your name, so that we may oggle at the oddity that is you.

I hated the CoDMW2 single player. Only bit I sincerely enjoyed was the Ice Climbing because I was whitting myself. Shame that only happened once. The rest of it was me trying to murder everything and getting annoyed when the game thought I needed help murdering everything.

I didn't like it when Ghost got killed, because he had a cool balaclava (that's all). I'll miss that cool piece of fashion *sniff*.

I hate to say it.. but, I would play a game called Call of Duty: Narnia... and the multiplayer would have you call out Aslan like he's more OP than you realize...

Also, whenever I do get around to just watching COD:G multiplayer footage, every time someone gets shot, I would whisper the phrase "Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmm"... just to keep the illusion alive and well...

I know Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising was a pretty tedious game but you know what I actually loved? The conflict in it actually makes some sort of sense - America are Assisting Russia (cos...you know...they do actually work alongside NATO) against the Chinese in a conflict that started with a flashpoint engagement over a disputed oil rich island which the Chinese need because their economy collapsed. All this is explained in the opening cinematic and it's not just "dirty (former) commies wanna take over the world so it's up to the 'muricans to save the day" much less "the most powerful country in the world gets invaded by a group of nations that have enough problems sorting out drug cartels and guerilla factions". I mean come on, South America invades the US? If you're going to paint America as the beleaguered heroes at least make the villains a someone who could believably pose a threat, or actually do what you say and make America the actual underdogs rather than just saying it then giving them an inexhaustible well of cutting edge military hardware...and a dog. ORRRR just make it about another country, there are only 195 other ones to choose from.

Does anyone else find that the JAM excerpts were a little slow and, uh, monotone? I'm hoping that the actual audiobook is a little more dramatic.

Evonisia:

It's weird that the message is "The only people who can beat America is America" with that laser, they can't be sympathetic when they practically caused their own downfall.

I think you overestimate the target audience for modern military shooters. Loud white Americans who are probably doubly pissed that not only is America under attack, it's under attack because some brown people stole the toy we were going to use to kill brown people.

I'm not saying you have to be a paranoid racist to like Call of Duty games (BLOPS 2 was quite fun, even), but I do think it's marketed to the 'brown people are scary' crowd. Or, I think that's the subtext to a lot of the jingoism we're getting these days.

In short, I think America is sympathetic to the Americans this game is marketed to, at least in sufficient numbers.

JoJo:
Brutal, as expected. My brother picked this up a few days ago but I haven't had the chance to give it a try yet.

Also, that ending was possibly creepier than anything even Jim Sterling has done on this site before.

I laughed at the bit about dying in a pose that would confuse future archaeologists.

Grach:
Everyone pretty much figured from the first trailer that it wasn't going to be any different from the previous one.

You need to tell that to my friends list.

Pretty much any of them.

Jman1236:
Seriousally south america invades the US? I call BS!

You know how zombies were originally an analogue for black people? Well, maybe you don't, but early zombies, before they were a commentary on commercialism or republicans or whatever else the writer wants to call mindless, they were an analgoe for black people. There was this fear that black people were going to take us by storm in the US, and America would be ruined by having....Slightly higher melanin in the skin? I don't know.

I suspect this plays off the fear that 'Mexicans,' because pretty much anyone to the South of the US is called that it seems, are invading us and destroying America. I mean, you'd have to ignore the numbers, where the number of illegals is no longer increasing (and may actually be decreasing, depending on the source), but people seem happy to do it. If you believe Fox News, it's a miracle they haven't completely overrun the South and Southwest. And, because Fox wouldn't be Fox without race baiting, all those imaginary brown people seem to have some sinister plan to destroy America from within.

Brown people from our south attacking us with our own infrastructure sounds like someone played perfectly into that paranoid mess.

Basically, zombies became a thing in America based on the premise that black people are scary.

MMS would probably be a thing, period, but I'm sure cashing in on the notion that brown people are scary isn't hurting anyone's wallet.

josh4president:
But what about the multiplayer, Yahtzee?

don't be silly. Nobody buys COD for the multiplayer. Nobody.

Is the whole of the audiobook read as a shitty version of the Chris Morris show?

I was wondering when Yahtzee would be reviewing another spunkgargleweewee game. And as expected, he went on about the same points he has in just about every CoD game; not that it's entirely his fault, since from the sound of it each game's plot and gameplay barely differs from the previous installment.

Its not a game I think people go to for any sense of logical story telling, its the foxnews of gaming.

I was wondering when we were going to get the latest entry in the Spunkgargleweewee franchise. The Monty Python reference in the beginning pretty much sums up CoD from the first Modern Warfare game onward. Second verse, same as the first. Makes me wonder, if this game continues, what will be the next implausible enemy to knock on 'Merica's front door. My money is on the Ministry of Silly Walks.

Wow. I think that may be the worst you've ever been on a COD story, Yahtzee.
Probably earned ire though.

Also; D: JAM!

JoJo:
Brutal, as expected. My brother picked this up a few days ago but I haven't had the chance to give it a try yet.

Also, that ending was possibly creepier than anything even Jim Sterling has done on this site before.

I don't know. Have you heard his Willem Dafoe screenplay? <.<

Fucking South America, are you shitting me!? Christ, lets just drop any semblance of reality COD and have the freaking English do it, thats more plausible than FUCKING SOUTH AMERICA!!!

Wait a minute WHAT!? Orbital missile platforms? Did Activision miss the part where those were outlawed by the Geneva Convention? That's a freaking war crime waiting to happen right there! And who exactly is the US going to nuke? This all coming from a freaking American!

Is anyone really surprised that the latest in the Call of Duty milking operation is nothing more than dry powder that puffs from a chaffed tit which dried up years ago? Activision is going to keep milking this sad, pathetic excuse of an "IP" until such time as they cause it to implode; and based on the intellect of the average American -and players of these games-, that won't be happening any time soon.

Yahtzee, I'm sorry that you were put into a position to actually play this dribble just to review it. The only thing I think could have made it moderately tolerable is that it was so bad it was funny, thus you got a very long laugh out of it while doing your job. Still, enjoy your freedom from the hellish nightmare until next year's iteration (probably going to be "Call of Duty: Nuke the Whales" ).

JJJAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM... Best advertisement ever!

If you'll excuse me, I need to make some toast. Will the sequel be called "Marmalade" or are you going to come out of left-field and call it "Branston Pickle"?

Can't say enough to agree with the problems of the premise. I can't shake the feeling that these games, whse crazy, rampant xenophobia seem to be excused as weakly written 'plots', are going to be our generation's blackface minstrel shows.

I loved the stinger, particularly the bit about the most which could be hoped for in death was to be found in a pose which confused archeologists.

Zachary Amaranth:
[quote="Evonisia" post="6.834552.20420333"]You know how zombies were originally an analogue for black people? Well, maybe you don't, but early zombies, before they were a commentary on commercialism or republicans or whatever else the writer wants to call mindless, they were an analgoe for black people. There was this fear that black people were going to take us by storm in the US, and America would be ruined by having....Slightly higher melanin in the skin? I don't know.

Source(s), please? I'm not arguing zombies haven't been a metaphorical stand-in for racial tension from time to time but I am curious what works you're referencing with this timeline.

Nice plug at the end, might look into the audio version. And for the record, I'm pretty sure the one whispering "Jaaaaaaam" was Gabriel.

PunkRex:
Fucking South America, are you shitting me!? Christ, lets just drop any semblance of reality COD and have the freaking English do it, thats more plausible than FUCKING SOUTH AMERICA!!!

Yes!. We will attack with sticks, stones and political corruption. They will never see it coming.

Never mind the fact that getting ALL of South America (or any other continent that has more than 2 countries in it) to agree to do something together it's unlikely, to say the least.

I hope they didn't give all the villians Mexican accents (please, please tell me they didn't).

With the enemy country in question, I'm surprised there wasn't a single reference towards the US acting like a soccer player pretending to be badly injured to get an unfair advantage.

You know what the funniest thing is? I remember IW specifically saying that they wanted to do something different for this game instead of just making another Modern Warfare. Maybe they were talking about the Multiplayer or something...

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