Top 5 with Lisa Foiles: Top 5 Worst Controllers

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Top 5 Worst Controllers

Lisa wades through the plethora of controllers to give us a list of the top five worst controllers.

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Why would we judge you for owning the same shirt for six years? There are so many other things to judge you for.

Respectful disagreement:

The Sega Saturn's 3D pad was poor but not truly terrible. It attracted perhaps more criticism than it outwise would have gotten because it was such a departure from the previous MegaDrive 3 and 6 buttons pads and the Saturns first party pad designs; and as a failure evidently a lot was learned from it that was demonstrated in just how much the Dreamcast could do.

However: the Sega Activator is more worthy of notoriety (Its like if the Kinnect was made 20 years ago, and incredibly poorly).

Some other contenders: The Nokia NGage (that it was a handheld shouldn't get it an exemption for utterly terrible ergonomics) and the Amiga CD 32's mustache shaped joypad and the drums from Guitar Hero 3.

The PS 2 Dragon Warrior Blue Slime controller was my own personal hell. Looked cool, not cool to use. lol

I find it funny that she thinks the problem people had with the 360 d-pad at the beginning of the video was that it was a circle shaped 8-way d-pad. The problem was it was a shitty d-pad in a shitty location.

Ask anyone who's ever used a nice six button Sega pad how bad an 8-way d-pad is. :p

"Do The Math" Are you telling me to do my homework, Atari? WHat do you think I'm getting away from by playing video games?! -Me from the '90's

I forget who made it, but there was this one massive gun-controller with, like, 6 different configurations.
About the Glove: It's so bad... at letting me play games with it.

The funniest episode yet Lisa :D

I'm glad no N64 hate happened.

I adored the original Xbox monster controller. It was the perfect size for my hands and was the most comfortable to hold of all the controllers at that time. I still have one in a box with my original Xbox. It's pretty great.

Gawd I feel like the resident guy who has to rain on everybody else's parade right now. First my attack on "Sim City 3000" and now this.

My choice for the worst controller that I've personally used, would be...

The X-Box 360 Controller for Windows.

Yeah, I'm perfectly serious. Here's why it beats out the C64 "stiff" joystick (and how anybody even asked the shop assistant for that one without bursting into laughter, I'll never know.) It was the one with the giant stiff shaft with the big red sphere at the top, and the two big red round things at the base. Honestly it would've been hilarious if it wasn't so painful to use.

Anyway, moving on... the X-Box 360 Controller for Windows.

First a bit of history though: the last X-Box I actually played on was the original X-Box from I don't even know how long ago. It was very, very odd to someone who was used to a Sega Megadrive (Genesis for you Americans out there) controller, but I mostly liked it. With the exception of the rumblepack of course - thankfully you can turn this off, although it still seems to weigh half a tonne when you're holding it - it felt comfortable enough.

So since I quite liked the original X-Box controller, why do I think the 360's is so bad?

Well, mostly for subjective reasons - and I wouldn't say it was the worst because of that alone. I don't think I ever quite "got" how you're supposed to hold it. Apparently you're supposed to use the thumb on the analogue sticks (I'd never used an analogue stick on anything before then, which probably didn't help) and your fingers on the "shoulder buttons". And with fingers and thumb occupied - how are you supposed to actually HOLD the thing? Just press your palms on the side of it until you get wrist strain? That seemed to be the only practical way.

But as I said, me not "getting" the controller is hardly grounds to say it's the worst of the lot. No, why I make that particular claim is simple: Every Windows game that I have uses it. And ONLY it.

Bioshock: will only use X-Box 360 controller for Windows.
Bastion: will only use X-Box 360 controller for Windows.

And many, many other games that I have in my Steam library have the same problem. Of course, it might be that you can "spoof" the controller with another one that's "compatible", but trying to google this just brings up a list of games that are "compatible with" the X-Box 360 Controller for Windows. Yeah... that's not what I'm after, guys.

See if you don't like the C64's stiff stick, which nobody on earth ever did, you could always swap it out for a Sega Master System controller. (This was my first ever "hack", by the way.) Can't do that with the 360 controller for Windows. Now I'm hoping somebody is going to come along and say "You're an idiot! You can always use controller X and it'll work just fine with all of those games!" And I will thank them because finally, FINALLY, I will have some way to play these games that were clearly designed with a controller in mind rather than a keyboard and mouse, the way they were meant to be played.

(Oh, and one without a rumblepack would be nice as well. I know there are other controllers out there, I'm just not sure what you can actually USE them for. What games do they work with?)

EclipsiumRasa:
Respectful disagreement:

The Sega Saturn's 3D pad was poor but not truly terrible.

Actually the original Japanese Sega Saturn's D pad was one of the best D pad controllers ever conceived and is constantly being copied by almost every 3rd party pad maker ever. I imported several of them to play games like Cyberbots and Groove On Fight.

EclipsiumRasa:
Respectful disagreement:

Some other contenders: The Nokia NGage (that it was a handheld shouldn't get it an exemption for utterly terrible ergonomics)

I had both the N-Gage and the N-Gage QD. I don't understand why they've gotten so much flack over the years because they were surprisingly useful as both a phone and a gaming device. Yeah, the original N Gage design was atrocious (having to hold the thing sideways to use as a phone and having to remove the battery pack just to change games) but the QD was perfectly sized and quite comfortably used. The dpad was responsive and the face buttons worked well enough.

Not only did I play online games like the much underrated Pocket Kingdom, but it was a Symbian 60 phone which meant I could run a host of emulators. It couldn't run SNES emulators but I spent many an hour playing Phantasy Star IV and River City Ransom when I was supposed to be paying attention to my job.

TheMadDoctorsCat:
Gawd I feel like the resident guy who has to rain on everybody else's parade right now. First my attack on "Sim City 3000" and now this.

My choice for the worst controller that I've personally used, would be...

The X-Box 360 Controller for Windows.

Yeah, I'm perfectly serious. Here's why it beats out the C64 "stiff" joystick (and how anybody even asked the shop assistant for that one without bursting into laughter, I'll never know.) It was the one with the giant stiff shaft with the big red sphere at the top, and the two big red round things at the base. Honestly it would've been hilarious if it wasn't so painful to use.

Anyway, moving on... the X-Box 360 Controller for Windows.

First a bit of history though: the last X-Box I actually played on was the original X-Box from I don't even know how long ago. It was very, very odd to someone who was used to a Sega Megadrive (Genesis for you Americans out there) controller, but I mostly liked it. With the exception of the rumblepack of course - thankfully you can turn this off, although it still seems to weigh half a tonne when you're holding it - it felt comfortable enough.

So since I quite liked the original X-Box controller, why do I think the 360's is so bad?

Well, mostly for subjective reasons - and I wouldn't say it was the worst because of that alone. I don't think I ever quite "got" how you're supposed to hold it. Apparently you're supposed to use the thumb on the analogue sticks (I'd never used an analogue stick on anything before then, which probably didn't help) and your fingers on the "shoulder buttons". And with fingers and thumb occupied - how are you supposed to actually HOLD the thing? Just press your palms on the side of it until you get wrist strain? That seemed to be the only practical way.

But as I said, me not "getting" the controller is hardly grounds to say it's the worst of the lot. No, why I make that particular claim is simple: Every Windows game that I have uses it. And ONLY it.

Bioshock: will only use X-Box 360 controller for Windows.
Bastion: will only use X-Box 360 controller for Windows.

And many, many other games that I have in my Steam library have the same problem. Of course, it might be that you can "spoof" the controller with another one that's "compatible", but trying to google this just brings up a list of games that are "compatible with" the X-Box 360 Controller for Windows. Yeah... that's not what I'm after, guys.

See if you don't like the C64's stiff stick, which nobody on earth ever did, you could always swap it out for a Sega Master System controller. (This was my first ever "hack", by the way.) Can't do that with the 360 controller for Windows. Now I'm hoping somebody is going to come along and say "You're an idiot! You can always use controller X and it'll work just fine with all of those games!" And I will thank them because finally, FINALLY, I will have some way to play these games that were clearly designed with a controller in mind rather than a keyboard and mouse, the way they were meant to be played.

(Oh, and one without a rumblepack would be nice as well. I know there are other controllers out there, I'm just not sure what you can actually USE them for. What games do they work with?)

Those games you mentioned will also work with a regular 360 controller. I'd rather use the wired ones though.

vxicepickxv:

TheMadDoctorsCat:
*Snip*

Those games you mentioned will also work with a regular 360 controller. I'd rather use the wired ones though.

To be honest I'm not sure what the difference is... the controller I had WAS wired?

I don't think I would care if the controller is wired OR wireless to be honest, I just don't want to go anywhere near a 360 controller. Is there a third-party controller that will do the job? Especially for "Bastion", it's probably the best game I've had that really needs a controller (it'll work with keyboard and mouse but I find it really fiddly).

Evil Smurf:
The funniest episode yet Lisa :D

I'm glad no N64 hate happened.

<_<

Good use of the effects this episode Lisa!
:D Very effective. =w= b

Lisa...you always had to pay for PS+

I have to disagree with the jaguar controller i thought it was pretty good at least i don't remember hating it.

Shaolen:
The PS 2 Dragon Warrior Blue Slime controller was my own personal hell. Looked cool, not cool to use. lol

Yeah I've got to agree. I've got the Metal Slime one and while it's a cool piece of gaming memorabilia it sucks as a controller.

So has anyone made an mp3 of "shut your whore mouths" yet that can be used as a cell phone notification sound?

Madam, you have clearly never tried to play a game on a Sinclair ZX81: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8a/Sinclair-ZX81.png

It had a membrane keyboard and, unless you bought a peripheral controller, that's what you played your games with.

It was so bad, that the rubber chiclet keyboard that came with the later Spectrum was seen as a massive step up.

That was fun enough that I'll even forgive you for the "aboot" jab. :D

My respectful disagreement - the Sega Saturn 3D controller was pretty good. Granted, my view of that particular controller may be skewed somewhat seeing that I got it in the bundle with NiGHTS, one of my favourite games of all eternity and as such my experiences of using said controller are directly linked to that game.

I'm pretty sure I still have both the game and controller sitting in a cupboard somewhere...

Atari is the alpha and omega of bad controllers, then, huh? Those were before my time, but the Sega Saturn certainly wasn't though, and god do I remember that one...

And really, Sonic Adventure? I mean sure, playing with some chao could be alright and everything I guess... But it totally doesn't beat out Skies of Arcadia's ship mode for the VMU! That was reason numero uno that I got it in the first place for! A bloody shame we never got the Playstation 1's version of a VMU though, as Final Fantasy 8 actually had something quite like the chao game for it... except with delicious giant walking rainbow-colored chickens instead of... those... things...

I'll concur with the Sega Dreamcast controllers as one of the best. Just pure comfort and ease of use. Now the Dreamcast fishing controller? Not so much. That thing as something of a pain.

And now I miss my Jaguar. I had almost every game for the Jag and Jag-CD back in the nineties. Even beat most of them.

Vie:
Madam, you have clearly never tried to play a game on a Sinclair ZX81: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8a/Sinclair-ZX81.png

It had a membrane keyboard and, unless you bought a peripheral controller, that's what you played your games with.

It was so bad, that the rubber chiclet keyboard that came with the later Spectrum was seen as a massive step up.

But let's be honest - almost nobody gamed on a ZX81 (or the ZX80 for that matter). Yeah yeah, 3D Monster Maze and all that, but negligible RAM and no hi-res graphics meant that serious gamers never bothered. And the interface for the peripheral controller always fell out at the wrong moment anyway.

Jacco:
I adored the original Xbox monster controller. It was the perfect size for my hands and was the most comfortable to hold of all the controllers at that time. I still have one in a box with my original Xbox. It's pretty great.

I know a lot of people that liked that controller because of their bigger hands.
But those rounded buttons? You like those too? For me they were terrible and where they then decided to put the black and white buttons I felt was equally bad. Especially as the main buttons were so rounded and bulging that you'd end up pressing Y or B by mistake trying to get to the black and white buttons.

Whist the overall size is good for people with bigger hands, the bottom of that pad is totally not ergonomic and bulges out in a weird way.
The analogue sticks weren't great - especially the right one. Oh and the d-pad on that thing is one of the worst I have ever had the misfortune of using.

My favorite game controller of all time is the gamecube controller, the one I hate the most is the guitar controller from Guitar hero. The reason I liked the GC's is because the buttons were all molded in different sizes and shapes so you could navigate the controller entirely by feel, I hated the guitar because it was basically the exact opposite, all the buttons felt the same so I couldn't be sure what I was hitting unless I was looking at it...but the game it was used for penalized looking away from the screen for even a second...can you see why I hated that thing?

Evil Smurf:
The funniest episode yet Lisa :D

I'm glad no N64 hate happened.

I'm glad too. A lot of people's minds run right there as soon as they hear worst controller ever, but the N64 controller got a lot of unnecessary hate. I mean, the best argument has is that the left side of the controller is barely used. Okay... but it's still got one of the better analog sticks ever made (so long as we don't factor in durability), the thing is comfortable as all hell, and when you actually needed to use the D-pad for a game it was... still comfortable as all hell. Probably the most comfortable controller ever made. Aside from not having a second analog stick there's really not a lot to complain about.

The power glove sensor fits any number of huge 80's TVs... provided that you tape it on. I've heard tell glue works too.

It's still terrible even with the sensor on there properly.

This is easily the best top 5 ever, it's hard to find a gamer who wouldn't agree that all of those are terrible. Although I personally liked the Dreamcast, I found the controller to be somewhat awkward because it was basically square, would have been easier to handle if it was shorter and wider. Oh well, both the new ones seem good.

Did you get your list reversed by mistake?
One may say what they will about your top two but at least they worked.
I guess you where thinking that the other controllers would frustrate you enough to give up before you'd experience shitty games.
So i guess the 5200 controller wasn't so bad after all...

actually, the jaguar controller seems to be an evolution of the more ancient colecovision controller, wich also had those little overlays that you put over the numbers.

http://mo-gagnon.comuv.com/images/historique/coleco.jpg

how i miss that console...

Evil Smurf:
The funniest episode yet Lisa :D

I'm glad no N64 hate happened.

I remember when I first held an N64 controller, I thought I had to spread my hands all away across the controller in order to use it. Didn't agree with my little hands.

Thank goodness I learned how to use it properly. :)

And I completely forgot about that chainsaw controller. Never actually played Resident Evil 4, but I did used to think that controller looked cool.

I liked the Atari Jaguar. It had the most power of that generation and some great games. (Aliens vs. Predator was awesome.) Overlays and a number pad meant you could have a more complicated game. And if you lose parts to your game, you can't blame the controller for that.

TheMadDoctorsCat:
Yeah, I'm perfectly serious. Here's why it beats out the C64 "stiff" joystick (and how anybody even asked the shop assistant for that one without bursting into laughter, I'll never know.) It was the one with the giant stiff shaft with the big red sphere at the top, and the two big red round things at the base. Honestly it would've been hilarious if it wasn't so painful to use.

I remember those things! Ugly as sin! I never used one though. I was too busy breaking Epyx joysticks:

image

That was before I learned the Atari 2600 joystick was the sturdiest C64 compatible thing I owned. Seriously, I destroyed a dozen other joysticks over the 5 years I used that Commodore 128 system, but the 2600 joystick outlived it and its original system.

Finally someone else who loves the Dreamcast controller.

I never used it much, but I have a distinct memory of it feeling just plain.... lovely.

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