Top 5 with Lisa Foiles: Top 5 Unqualified Doctors

Top 5 Unqualified Doctors

Lisa wades into the dark underworld of videogame doctoring. Malpractice lawsuits abound.

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Hmm, this top 5 is actually quite difficult because there are so many good ones. The medic from Team Fortress and Dr. Zed from Borderlands springs to mind here. Still, not bad pick for this list.

While I never played Crash Bandacoot (sp?) but Dr Cortex strikes me as PhD Doctor not a medical doctor, so wouldn't that make him unqualified for the list.

I really do not get how you did not put Dr. Zed from Borderlands on there, even if it's solely from my favorite catchphrase of his "I'm legally obligated to tell you that I ain't a real doctor". Other than that, good list

While I love Dr. Nefarious, lets face it he is not a very good doctor. He was defeted by Captain Quark for gods sake.

Also if we are doing Unqualified Doctors then we must mention The Doctor. Just because he keeps saving the universe in a time traveling police box does not mean we can ignore the fact that he is not a qualified Doctor. Or a qualified police officer now I think about it.

I don't know, I'd go see Dr. Mario.

Dr mario at work
NSFW

Hey Lisa, you big turd! I... completely agree with you! Loboto and Cortex were the first two that came to mind when I saw the title.

Also why am I getting captchas in Dutch? I live in Canada!

Yeah... maybe we're just from different worlds, but I don't rank doctor-patient confidentiality as high as a policy not to literally try and make people asymmetrical. How the hell is Steinman not at the top of this list?! Priorities, Lisa, priorities!

What about The Doctor? He got his own game series, and he doesn't seem like the kind of guy I want working on me. Is Zoidberg a real doctor? What about Doctor Nick?

Gizmo1990:
While I love Dr. Nefarious, lets face it he is not a very good doctor. He was defeted by Captain Quark for gods sake.

Also if we are doing Unqualified Doctors then we must mention The Doctor. Just because he keeps saving the universe in a time traveling police box does not mean we can ignore the fact that he is not a qualified Doctor. Or a qualified police officer now I think about it.

And just what makes you so sure of that? Do you know for sure what he studied at the Academy on Gallifrey? As old as he is, he must have gone over a wide variety of sciences to help solve the problems he finds where (and when) ever the TARDIS takes him.

Lisa, about Dr. Freeman, you know of course he's not a medical doctor. He has a PhD from MIT, which comes in real handy when he has to flip switches, push carts holding test samples into big machines, or plugging in that homemade teleporter in Dr. Kleiner's garage.

I was genuinely blown away when the surgeon from Surgeon Simulator 2013 wasn't on this list. He is, by far, the most incompetent doctor I can think of. The medic from TF2 and Dr. Zed from Borderlands 2 are a close second and third.

Wait, wait. Let me get this straight...you DON'T get your drugs from your plumber?

I'm disappoint. Why no Dr. Zed?
He's an awesome unqualified doctor

and Surgeon Sim-

crowbar520:
I was genuinely blown away when the surgeon from Surgeon Simulator 2013 wasn't on this list.

NINJA'D!

This week's video was quite entertaining.

I suspect they nixed Zed because he "ain't a real doctor".

Gizmo1990:
While I love Dr. Nefarious, lets face it he is not a very good doctor. He was defeted by Captain Quark for gods sake.

Also if we are doing Unqualified Doctors then we must mention The Doctor. Just because he keeps saving the universe in a time traveling police box does not mean we can ignore the fact that he is not a qualified Doctor. Or a qualified police officer now I think about it.

I could be wrong but I believe it was mentioned a few times he has several Doctorates from Gallefrey [SP], just none happen to be in medicine, and he's been known to rant that just because he doesn't know medicine doesn't mean he's not a real Doctor.

I'd imagine at the end of the day he's probably got plenty of paperwork showing expertise in physics, engineering, temporal and quantum mechanics, astrophysics, and numerous other things from before he went rogue. Not to mention his knowledge of earth history, never mind that of a few other planets, seems to be insanely well studied even when he apparently hasn't actually been there before.

That said all my personal selections for this list were already mentioned here. Truthfully it seems video game doctors tend to be competent for the most part, I mean walk up to your average healer, pay your game specific currency, and no matter how injured you are your back to tip top shape in less than a second... I mean geez people, real life doctors should learn from this. :)

Woohoo! Psych reference. You have good taste Lisa :)

OT: What about Dr. Salvador from Resident Evil? If not then that chainsaw has got to be the most ghetto solution to professional surgery i've ever seen.

man steinman, just makes me think back how great and creepy bioshock 1 was. He would be on top of my list.

Dr Cortex seems like more of a Doctor than Gordon Freeman. At least Cortex actually does things related to his doctorate, Freeman just seems to blow stuff up while other people do the science.

vxicepickxv:
Is Zoidberg a real doctor?

There was that epsiode where he successfully grafted Frys head onto Amys shoulders. Can't remember why though.

I do have to agree that we needed more Dr. Ned/Dr. Zed that whole zombie thing is kinda bad for a doctor.

Your love for Psychonauts oozes in almost every single Top 5 you make. You're awesome :D

Dr. Neo Cortex, Steinmann and Loboto were great choices, but I must echo Dr. Ned/Zed, I am dissapoint you didn't even made an honorable mention on them. And you call yourself a Borderlands fan?, for shame.

Otherwise, great list :D

I was almost expecting Dr. Muto to be on this list. Oh well.

Nice list regardless

I dunno, I'd probably put Freeman up there on the unqualified list. Being unable to speak or interact with anyone, not to mention being a floating gun and/or crowbar, aren't exactly the number one qualities I look for in a doctor.

What about Dr. Cranium from Quest for Glory 4? Oh wait he's a perfectly qualified mad scientist. Oh pardon me, not mad, just crazy.

Gizmo1990:
While I love Dr. Nefarious, lets face it he is not a very good doctor. He was defeted by Captain Quark for gods sake.

But let's not forget though, there's a possiblity that he's not even a real doctor! *gasps and dun dun dun music plays* XD
But then again, all we have to go by is Quark's word:

How about doctor Trager from Outlast? Dude stores his medical equipment in dirty urinals and doesn't even wear pants while he's operating. And by operating, I mean hacking off random body parts without anesthetic.

not a video game character, but I keep thinking about Dr. Evil loll

 

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